Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Saurus Rock
in 7 minutes or less
Spoilers!
(duh)
Grandpa: Since the very beginning of our world...
Ah, so you think having Grandpa narrate is going to make it less redundant. (ding)
Grandpa: No one knows, Littlefoot. That is one of the great mysteries of life.
Littlefoot: Yeah, but...
Cera: Sshh! Littlefoot.
Ducky: Please do not interrupt.
This always drove me bonkers as a kid. Littlefoot didn't interrupt. Grandpa was done with his sentence when Littlefoot was going to ask further questions. (ding)
Why do these two infant triceratops have growing brow horns, but Cera doesn't? (ding)
Cera: Hush, you two. Or Auntie Cera's going to be upset.
Ducky: Ooh. Auntie Cera.
Auntie Cera? That would mean she has a brother. As far as I know, it's just her and her dad. Did her mother have another nest of eggs before her. It'd be nice if they elaborated. (ding)
Grandpa: Life in the Great Valley was good. Until one day, the sharptooth came.
We interrupt this prehistoric kids move to bring you the Rite of Spring segment of Fantasia. (ding)
Grandpa: And not just any sharptooth, but the biggest, meanest, most ferocious sharptooth ever.
Not just any whatever, but the blah blah blah-est cliche. (ding)
Also, I saw meaner and more ferocious in the first movie. (ding)
A claw at the neck doesn't bring an entire animal down, especially if it's just going to get back up again. (ding)
Earthquake in a Land Before Time movie cliche. (ding)
(Saurus Rock rises out of the ground)
What's with the lightning around this rock formation? (ding)
Grandpa: So they called it Saurus Rock.
So dinosaurs know the suffix of their scientific species names? (ding)
Grandpa: The story goes that they come from the very sharptooth *The Lone Dinosaur* defeated.
Grandpa puts emphasis on The Lone Dinosaur every time he says it. (ding)
Cera: Ow! Don't yank my horns.
Horns plural? I know you should if they have, but you haven't grown the other two yet. (ding)
Cera: Then who's the sharptooth?
Littlefoot: Well, it should be somebody who's pretty big, and kinda, pretty mean.
(everyone looks at her)
Cera: Me? How come I have to be the bad guy?
I don't know, Cera. You tell us. (ding)
(Littlefoot stands on a log sticking off the top of a low cliff)
Littlefoot: Stand back, big bad sharptooth.
Where's he going to go now? (ding)
Doc Ex Machina. (ding)
Cera's dad: I say send him on his way.
Cera's dad is still a brat. (ding)
Grandpa: He's a good sort, once you get to know him.
He's nice once you get to know him cliche. (ding)
Littlefoot: Where did you get that scar?
That was rude. (ding)
Cera: What's the big mystery? He's a skinny-eyed, old longneck with no friends.
Cera is still a brat. (ding)
Littlefoot: Long ago on a mountaintop/a mighty egg was laid/warmed by the light of the circle bright/and cooled by the forest shade
So let me get this straight. An egg is laid at the top of a mountain AND is cooled by the forest shade. (ding)
Ducky: Well, The Lone Dinosaur.
Petrie: Right here.
We established that. (ding)
Littlefoot: I think it really happened.
Cera: Even if it did, it couldn't have been Doc. That was a long, long, long time ago.
When did Grandpa say it was that long ago? (ding)
Littlefoot: You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who are you talkin' to?
Yeah, kids will get that reference. (ding)
Did Cera really go to sleep the night before without making sure the twins were still around? Or did she spend the entire night looking for them and never asked for anyone's help until morning? (ding)
Cera: Have you seen them? Are they here? Please say they're here.
Cera plays the pronoun game so that Littlefoot can ask "Who?" (ding)
Also, I think it's pretty plain to see that they are, in fact, not there. (ding)
(Ducky searches underneath a mother Maiasaura on her eggs)
I know they should probably look in every nook and cranny, but why would the twins hide underneath a mother dinosaur on her eggs? (ding)
Cera: Then you showed up and started talking about Doc and The Lone Dinosaur and what Saurus Rock must look like and...
All: Saurus Rock!
That doesn't necessarily mean anything. (ding)
Cera: I remember when Dinah said her first words.
Come on, this is stuff you'd say when someone died. (ding)
Ducky: It means the bright circle is shining in my eyes and it hurts.
Cera: How did you know that?
Ducky: I am also a twin. Thirteen of us hatched at the same time.
This one line requires its own mini bonus round. Number One, what, is this some sort of linguistic that only twins know? What sense does that make? (ding)
Number Two, there were far fewer of Ducky's siblings than thirteen in that nest. (ding)
Number Three, you didn't hatch at exactly the same time. (ding)
Number Four, wouldn't Cera have this linguistic of whatever it is? She hatched alongside several other sisters. (ding)
Cera: They're out there somewhere. So little, so tired, so scared.
Well, obviously not scared, otherwise they would have come back by now. How do you know they're tired anyway? (ding)
(Spike jumps from pillar to pillar and makes it to the other side of the gorge)
(the pillars all collapse from his weight)
Ah, Spike. Can't live with you, can't live without you. (ding)
Cera: That sure didn't feel like a tree trunk.
Does everyone not see that the "tree trunk" doesn't go that high? (ding)
Also, wouldn't the allosaurus be moving its foot around when trying to get its head loose? (ding)
Littlefoot: It is *not* a tree trunk.
You don't say! (ding)
(the twins are on top of Saurus Rock and begin rolling toward the edge)
Cera: Look out!
Littlefoot: Hold on, we're coming!
How can they see what they're doing so well? (ding)
(the allosaurus is behind Cera, growling)
(the others, who see the allosaurus, just stare in fear)
Cera: Okay, Ducky, nice try. You almost sound like a sharptooth.
How can you mistake that for coming from in front of you then behind you? (ding)
Anyway, you guys should really be trying harder to get her moving. (ding)
On second thought, just let her get eaten. She doesn't have any reason to think that you're trying to fool her. So just leave her. (ding)
Petrie: No problem. You guys can walk right 'cross big ditch.
Wait, what did he say?
Petrie: You guys can walk right 'cross big ditch.
(It sounds like he's saying big b*tch)
Okay, Petrie, I knew your speech impediment was severe, but I think some censorship should have taken place on this one. (ding)
(After everyone is out of log except for Spike, the allosaurus approaches again)
What took the allosaurus so long? (ding)
Cera's dad: Loosing the twins! I never heard of such a thing.
Well, it's like this. It's when you have these twins, and they disappear on you. It ain't rocket science. (ding)
Littlefoot: (sounding worried) What if something happened to Saurus Rock, like it broke, or somebody broke it or something?
Grandpa: As I told you, the legend says bad luck would descend upon the Great Valley. (he chuckles)
Could Grandpa not tell that Littlefoot wanted a serious answer? He's getting old. (ding)
Littlefoot: When a big wind comes and blows and blows
Petrie: And drops a rock right on your toes
(upon the line, Petrie drops a rock on Littlefoot's foot)
Petrie is a dick to Littlefoot. (ding)
(a sharptooth-shaped shadow appears)
Cera: When a sharptooth finds you all alone, that's bad luck
(we see that Petrie was forming the shadow with his hands)
Petrie's skinny fingers couldn't have formed that shadow. (ding)
Adults: Our luck has turned. It's the stranger's fault. He bad luck.
Grandpa: Please, everyone. You're being unfair.
I'm with him there. Doesn't anyone else find this below the belt? You assume that a curse happens because one average Joe appears in the neighborhood? That doesn't at all seem like anything more than a coincidence. (ding)
Ducky: If it is bad luck. Littlefoot is right. We did cause it. Yep, yep, yep.
Cera: Well then, we'll just have to fix it.
Ducky and Petrie: We?
Why does this come as a shock to them? They all agreed that they were at fault. (ding)
Dark clouds make Littlefoot reevaluate. (ding)
This should be a deja vu moment for Littlefoot. In the first movie, a sharptooth falls into an abyss and wakes up a few days later. Well, it's been a few days since this one fell to its supposed death. (ding)
Cera: You mean you don't know the way to Saurus Rock?
Grandpa: To tell you the truth, I've never been there.
How can any Great Valley resident not know the way to Saurus Rock? It can be seen from inside the Great Valley. Just face the rock formation, and then straight on 'til morning. (ding)
(Littlefoot escapes from the allosaurus, but then happens to run into a t-rex)
And just like in the first movie, COINCIDENTAL INCONVENIENCE! (ding)
(the t-rex kicks Grandpa in the side and he flies to out of frame)
I wish I could kick something twice my weight away from me. (ding)
Doc Ex Machina again. (ding)
(Grandpa whacks the t-rex with his neck, the way he might with his tail)
So they can use their necks too, eh? (ding)
(it takes several seconds for a tooth to land in the ground after the pillar falls on the sharpteeth)
What took the tooth so long to land? Did one of the sharpteeth swallow one of its own teeth, and then a rock fell on him and he barfed it up into the air? (ding)
Okay Littlefoot, just because you sound like a girl doesn't mean you should smile like one. (ding)
Both tears drip off at the same time. (ding)
(the tooth from the sharptooth is placed on the ring of teeth on Saurus Rock)
How did they get the tooth to stick on? (ding)
Littlefoot: Grandpa, thanks for being my hero.
It's touching that Littlefoot recognizes Grandpa as his hero, but it would have been nice if he had also acknowledged that his mother is also his hero. Hell, she sacrificed her life for him. That makes her more so a hero than Grandpa and Doc. (ding)
Littlefoot: (telling a story) And there stood, The Great Dinosaur.
How original. (ding)
Grandpa: And even now, who knows where this one will end?
Seven movies and 26 episodes from now. That's when. (ding)
Movie Sin Tally: 64
Bonus Round:
SCREAMS, SCREAMS AND MORE SCREAMS
+1
+4
+4
+4
+4
+1
+3
+1
+6
+1
+1
+2
Movie Sin Tally: 96
Sentence: BAD LUCK (I don't know...something)