The Echo
Summary: River felt like she had been left behind. Playing her part in one of the Doctor's most difficult journeys was just what she needed to find closure. (Starts from Forest of the Dead and ends at The Name of the Doctor)
Author's Notes
I am a huge fan of the relationship between the Doctor and River. It is so beautiful and illustrates how love transcends time. After watching the season 7 finale this just came pouring out of me! Hopefully it is coherent enough for you to enjoy!
Obviously, in River spirit, I must warn you of spoilers! If you haven't seen the second half of season 7, particularly the final episode then don't read! (Definitely head over to iplayer and get watching though!)
River didn't sleep in this form. This was an inconvenient fact bearing in mind the mundane life the Doctor had left her in. Her colleagues had all settled in here, especially Miss Evangelista, who had found this life far more savoury than her previous existence. She excelled here; she had a well-paid job, a husband and children. The staff of the library kept the system well and upgraded it often. For any other person this life would have offered anything they could have dreamed of. Just not the Doctor. Not the adventures on other worlds, not the days she had spent lounging in the sun with her parents, not the promise of at least one more kiss.
She had known time was running out for them. She knew that one day he would turn up and look at her with not even the faintest glimpse of recognition in his eyes. She had known a long time ago that it would kill her.
When he had turned up at the library looking so very different, she had known pretty quickly that this was the time she had been dreading for years. That look in his eyes as she had recounted the events from her diary, no matter how much she had expected it, had shattered her into millions of tiny shards which fell to the ground, glistening like tears. The fact that she stood there, feet planted firmly on the floor, seemed like an impossibility. The love that was her blood, seemed to freeze, suddenly unsure of its purpose, whether it was right to keep pumping through her body to keep her alive. Melody Song had lost her parents and now she had lost her husband too.
In typical fashion, she had carried on. Breaking down in front of a stranger, really a room full of strangers, was definitely not her style. Obviously it had helped that, like normal, they had landed themselves in another life or death situation. When she had sent the note for the psychic paper she had wanted him by her side, just in case. As it turned out it was a good move. If it hadn't been for the Doctor not only would they have all died but there would be thousands of people still trapped in the data core, if it had even survived.
She told herself that there was no way that she couldn't be grateful for this. Once again the Doctor had swooped in and saved so many lives. He had saved her life. The opportunity to visit the library was now open to the universe once more. Great. Fabulous…
Really, she couldn't stop herself being angry. For the first time, she realised the cost of wanting to keep the one you love alive no matter what it took. She understood the hypocrisy of what she was feeling as she had so easily wrecked time to save the life of the Doctor. The important thing to note with that particular situation however, was that the universe needs the Doctor. It will always need the Doctor…. and at least the world that she had left them all in was kind of fun.
Not much time had passed in this simulated world before she was going stir-crazy. She found herself cursing the air, hoping that he could hear her. How dare he decide that she should live when she already knew she was going to die! How dare he make her live on without him! Her feelings raged inside her, bubbling like lava, constantly threatening to erupt. She had been told off no less than seven times for crashing the library systems with her temper. The first couple of times she had been apologetic but by now she was just so sick of being contained that she didn't care.
It had been Madame Vastra who had finally given her a way out. Through her encounters with the Doctor she had somehow discovered River's existence. She had taught River a way to project herself to other places. This had been fun initially as she was able to assist on several key cases with Vastra, Jenny and Strax. Eventually she had sent the tendrils of deep concentration from her mind out into the universe to find the TARDIS.
Her sister, that wonderful blue box, had accepted her with open arms. When River had located her, the bonding with her systems had been effortless. She finally felt at home again; closer to her parents and, of course, to the Doctor. She felt the TARDIS embrace her, taking away her tears and calming her anger. After this, she had encouraged River to see the Doctor, to try and communicate. She warned River about Clara, giving her a chance to steel herself against the cold, creeping jealousy of seeing the Doctor open his deeply caring heart to someone else.
It had been harder than she realised to step forward and let his name tumble from her lips, only to receive no reply. She almost marched her consciousness back to the Library, there and then. It was the TARDIS that refused to let her go. For weeks after that she crept around, like a shadow, watching the Doctor tinker with the console (she tried to give him advice on the systems but to no avail) and fume about the mystery of the impossible girl. Sometimes, she would reach her hand out to smooth the creases in his brow but the sharp stab of pain she felt in her chest reminded her that he couldn't see her.
Some days she felt like a pure echo and she was certain that she would fade away any second leaving a last, aching gasp of a broken heart behind. Most days she wished that this would happen as she couldn't bear this half-existence any longer. What else did she possibly have to give this universe?
As it turned out, the Doctor's name is a real commodity. A link with Clara's mind had allowed her to leave the TARDIS and have one more adventure. When she uttered this single word to open the Doctor's tomb she knew it could be the end of them all. She already had her suspicions about Clara though. These suspicions were only made stronger by the mention of Trinzalor. When she saw the contents of the Doctor's tomb everything clicked into place. Like a fixed point in time it seemed that the events were going to unravel almost effortlessly.
The part that she hadn't expected was the Doctor's fingers clasping her wrist and his eyes falling on her like meteors impacting the earth. She thought that she was going to be disintegrated purely by the power of his gaze.
"How are you even doing that? I'm not really here…" a rush of pure emotion rippled through her from the point of contact. She could feel his slender fingers, the warmth that radiated from them… She could swear that she felt his dual heartbeat, pulsing slightly faster in her presence.
"You're always here to me. I always listen and I can always see you." She could see the pain in his eyes. She knew the answer and yet she needed to ask -
"Then why didn't you speak to me?" Her voice was small, cracking slightly from the shock. It felt as if blood was forcing its way through her form so forcibly that she wouldn't manage to stay standing here, her eyes locked into his. She knew she didn't even have blood in this form but that seemed irrelevant in this situation.
"Because I thought it would hurt too much." The world had fallen away for them now. The faint whispers of his time stream had dissipated. The fact that there was any urgency in this situation was an absurd concept.
"I believe I could have coped-" She struggled to allow the statement to escape from her mouth. It was riddled with uncertainty.
"No. I thought it would hurt me... and I was right." A fist enclosed her heart and crushed it slowly, leaving a desperate ache to engulf her. She saw hundreds of years of guilt cloud the Doctor's eyes. They shared pain here. They had always shared pain. That and a life littered across time and space.
The pain, the guilt and the love suddenly reached a crescendo. The Doctor reached for her and their lips collided like the crashing of cymbals. The sound, the deepest feelings, reverberated across their symphony, laced in the movement of their lips against each other, so natural, so perfect. They made the most beautiful music together; gentle and passionate and echoing across the fabric of the universe.
After this, the rest of the conversation didn't seem real. Nevertheless, she retained her focus enough to seize her chance for a real goodbye. When he left her in that machine he didn't have a clue who or what he was leaving behind. This Doctor knew her inside and out. He was the same Doctor who had cried when he knew it was time.
That last flirtatious smirk she wove into her memory even though she felt herself slipping away. She knew it was time to release her link on Clara and leave the young, impossible girl the duty of looking after her erratic, mischievous, meddler. She consoled herself by allowing his sweet voice, his gentle words, to wrap themselves around her.
"Goodbye… Sweetie." She unclasped herself from the anchor that held her here and let her particles separate. She had no idea if this was it or whether there was another existence waiting for her. Either way, she hoped there would be some running to do.
Let's hope this isn't the end of River!
If you can spare a moment reviews are very much appreciated