Title: Quiet Contemplation

Author: Ah Ki

Rating: K

Category: bit angst, bit fluff… full romance

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't sue please

Spoilers: S1E04 – Partners in Crime

A/N: first attempt at Standoff… Please comment…

Emily was quiet.

Not that she was had ever been chatty in a car, but she was more quiet than usual as they sped back home.

Normally, after a case, their ride home would be filled with brief banter to help them relax. Yet this time, no matter how hard he had tried, Emily had only responded to his attempt to start a conversation with monosyllabic tone.

In fact, their whole ride back home felt very much different. To start it off, the Ford felt different to him than his own Mustang, and he grimaced thinking about his pride and joy going up in flame.

Of course, a blown up car in exchange for Emily being safe and sound was worth it – well worth it. If he could get past the dull ache every time he saw a Mustang on the road, he would be good as new.

Never before had he been so scared in his life. It wasn't as if he had never had partners put in danger before. Back in the days when he was on the force on the streets, running in first to clear a room, he and his partners faced a heightened degree of danger every time they put on their badge to work. He had had guys injured in front of his eyes, had squad members taken hostage. He had even lost one of his best friends in a cross-fire once. He should, by all means, be used to and have accepted the danger he and his partner face every time they left headquarters.

But Emily was different.

She wasn't from the streets. That was not to say she was not street-smart, but as she said so in their training exercise, she had a different upbringing, a different experience in life.

She was a princess in his eyes. And she should be treated as such.

Because he loved her so damn much.

Definitely, her time at the CNU had toughened her up, but he still could not stop himself from worrying about her. That time, when she offered herself in exchange for the hostages at Coffee Nation, he was worried, but he knew enough about the unsub to feel that he could mitigate the situation from the outside. His heart was jumping in his throat the whole time she was inside, but he knew what he was dealing with, at the very least.

This time, however, they had no preparation for when she was taken. She was supposed to be helping a pregnant hostage to use the bathroom, and ended up being held at gun point by a still very much mysterious man.

He was still thanking all the powers that be that Emily was not harm – least not physically – during any of the exchange.

The only saving grace that made the day bearable was Emily's broadcasted and indirect admission of her feelings for him. It warmed his heart to hear her yell out to the world that she loved him – of course, it was shielded in the guise of prompting Kari's to respond, but a declaration nonetheless. As Lia had so relentlessly tried to point out, the similarities they shared with Sam Ellis and Kari Nichols were uncanny.

Definitely, he had not envisioned it to be blurted out in such unromantic setting, in front of the many people they work with. He had been waiting, for the perfect date, the perfect evening, before he let her know how much he had fallen for her. He wished they would still have that.

She couldn't separate the job from what really mattered – you. Love was mentioned. He mattered to her. He could tell from her look that she meant for him to take those words as if they were meant for him.

He knew how difficult it must have been for her. She frowned upon mixing personal lives with the job. He could tell how much that admission had cost her.

Finally, their silent ride back to LA ended when they pulled into the garage. Still without saying a world, Emily unhooked her seatbelt and slipped off the Ford. He wanted to reach out to her, to hug her close, to kiss her until she told him what was bothering her, but Duff and Frank had gotten out of their vehicle with the Sam Ellis and Kari Nichols in custody. For now, work came first. Everything else would have to wait.

By the time Matt made it out of the interrogation room, the office was deserted. Emily, in particular, was nowhere to be seen. He had passed by the room she had used to talk to Kari Nichols and was certain that room was not in use.

When they first arrived back in the office, she suggested that they split up to talk to the two arrested to save time. He had thought nothing unusual of it, but now he wondered if there was more to her suggestion.

Slowly, he made his way to his desk, thinking of ways he could get home. He had counted on Emily to drop him off. He was still debating whether to call a cab when he reached their cubicle and noticed the set of keys on his side of the desk.

It was Emily's car key.

Quietly, he cursed. Didn't she know how dangerous it was for a woman like her to be alone on the street without her car so late at night? Granted, the neighbourhood she lived in was one of the safest in the city and that she had a gun, but he still worried about her.

If he were honest with himself, he worried about her whenever she wasn't with him. Many people said that for couples to see each other 24/7 would be a fast-track to end the relationship. He wondered how much these couples loved one another, because frankly, he was so deep in his feelings for Emily that he wanted her by his side all the time, always.

Grabbing her keys, he started for the parking lot, and stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her voice coming from her lecture room.

Looking in through the blinds, he could see her pacing the length of the room. Her heels and jacket lay aside at the far corner, her hair ruffled by her hand. She was talking to herself, her gestures wild and jittery, betraying how upset she was.

Matt pressed his ears to the door. Her voice was soft, and he had to strain to hear her.

"Great, now what are you gonna say to him?" she was mumbling as she rubbed her eyes tiredly. "You told him you loved him with the entire world around him. He had said that he wanted to take things slow. He had said that he didn't think he was ready for a very serious relationship. Heck, all he probably wanted was nights in the sack and the occasionally dates to keep you from biting his head off. What were you thinking telling him you love him, Emily Lynn? What were you thinking?"

He watched fascinated as she continued her tirade, half amused and half annoyed. Couldn't she tell what he felt for her? Heck, she stood in that very same room and told her that he couldn't think straight, couldn't see straight, when Kari had her. Wasn't that declaration enough? What about at the marina, when he said that he was crazy about her? Did those not count?

His thoughts came to an end when Emily opened the door and walked straight into his chest, heels and jacket in hand. Quickly, he put his arms around her and pushed her back into the lecture room and locked the door behind him. She dropped her stuff onto the floor beside them.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, her voice slight muffled by his chest.

"Long enough to be debating whether I should kiss you or smack you on the head," he responded gruffly. Just as she tilted her head up to look at his, he dipped his head to kiss her on the mouth, soundly.

The need to breathe made him tear his mouth away from hers reluctantly. Her eyes bore into his, but he held them steady, looking into her brown orbs trying to understand the different emotions he saw flashing in them.

"You shouldn't have eavesdropped," she didn't sound upset, but her eyes evaded his once again.

"Talk to me, Emily," he requested softly.

Slowly, her eyes moved back to look at his. She let out a sad chuckle and stepped away from him.

"Em?"

"What do you want me to say, Matt? What more do you need? I told the entire world that I love you," her voice started to shake as it increased in volume. "Now everybody knows that I can't separate the job from you, that you are the most important thing to me. I told the whole freaking team!"

"As did I,' he countered as she stopped to take a breath. He tried to reach out to hold her, to mold her into himself. She stepped out of his touch.

Tiredly, he ran a hand through his hair, "Emily, you know how I feel. I told everyone that I am crazy about you too. Heck, I lost it at the scene today with Kari took you."

She finally turned to look at him, and he could still see the uncertainty from her eyes.

"What is it?"

"You don't understand, Matt," she shook her head. "I know you care about me a lot, I know you are crazy about me, but I love you. Heck, I don't even know why you are not running out the door screaming now. You've made it perfectly clear that you are not ready to take this next step, and I just blurted it out to the whole world."

Matt wanted to say something – he felt that he needed to reassure Emily, but he froze.

"I love you, Matt," he was too late. Emily had picked up again, "I don't want to push you into anything you don't want, I don't want to make this uncomfortable," she took a deep breath. "But more importantly, I love you, Matt, and I've said it out loud, said it to the whole world, and I can't go back now. I can't deny that."

She looked frail standing there in front of him, pouring her heart out. This time, Matt didn't care if she would shy away. He didn't giver her enough time to step away either. He pulled her to him and held her as close and possible.

"It's getting too difficult for me to keep thinking that I am happy with this, that I am perfectly happy to love you and have you with me even though you don't feel the same way," she said against his chest, and he felt his heart swell with her words.

"Who said anything about my not feeling the same?" his planted a kiss on the top of her head, his arms running up and down on her back. "You're smart, Emily. Can't you guess what I feel for you?"

He felt she froze in his arms and he tensed, thinking if he had once again said something he wasn't supposed to. To his relief, she let out a sigh and relaxed.

"You never said it," she protested softly, and he could hear a hint of smile in her voice.

"Women and your obsession with those three little words," he grumbled with a smile as he stepped away to look at her face. He could make out the tear streak on her cheeks now and gently wiped them away.

They paused, then Emily started again, "Look, Matt, you don't have to –"

"I love you," he cut her off. "I am a guy, Emily. I am not made to be sentimental and romantic. I'd probably piss you off because I forget our three-month anniversary or something, but hell, I love you."

He watched her as she took in his words, then crashed his mouth on hers, drowning her words.

When, eventually, they broke apart to breath, she rested her forehead on his, "I love you too."