The book "Dreamland" is completely Sarah Dessen's

It's been five years now, my twenty-first birthday past two weeks ago

It's been five years now, my twenty-first birthday past two weeks ago. I'm married. I have been for over two years now. I married Matthew, actually, even though there was a slight age difference. We're happy and have one child who is just one year old.

When I started my senior year just after getting out of rehab, I joined yearbook and took a photography class my school had to offer. I didn't rejoin cheerleading, and Rina didn't even ask me to. I did, however, start talking with some of the cheerleaders I had been somewhat close to again.

Instead of taking Matthew's class again, I began to help him teach the class. Around the beginning of January, Matthew asked me out, saying that he knew I was just seventeen, but he'd love to take me out for dinner. My parents approved very happily, having already become really close with Matthew.

A year later, when I was acceptable and during my first year of the photography collage I was attending, he proposed. We got married during the summer, months shy of my nineteenth birthday. It wasn't grand, but it wasn't exactly a small wedding either. Of course, his family had come along with numerous friends of his. Most of the old cheerleading squad and football team had made it. And, naturally, my parents, Boo, Stewart, Cass, Adam, and Rina and Jeff, who I am still trying out figure out how they've made it this far, had been there. Corinna made it all the way from California, much to my delight. She'd hugged me for a full ten minutes telling me how much she missed me, how sorry she was for leaving me like that and how she should of known, along with a lot of the normal stuff I'd been hearing for the last couple of years, and how happy she was for me. She'd also seen with delight that I wore her silver bangles, which I still wear even to this day.

I, now, had two photography exhibits open in two different cities, neither of which were anywhere close to me. Cass ran on in New York and the other was ran by Corinna in California. Both of which did very nicely.

Rogerson. I hadn't seen him since that night. Which is odd considering our town isn't terribly huge. I guess, it's not so much I haven't seen him. I just haven't been face to face with him. I've passed a black BMW on the road, caught what looked like his long dreadlocks in front of me at the mall, or thought I caught a glimpse of him at a party. But, there hasn't been a face to face with him since then, which I never decided was a good thing or bad.

I found his pictures that had been taken out of my dream journal. They had been stuck in a shoebox and up in a back corner of my closest. My mother explained that she'd leave it up to me to get rid of them when I was ready. They still sat up in the attic my house, something that Matthew never questions after I filled him in on my half of the story that he already knew. I'd also worn Rogerson's necklace until a month after Matthew and I began dating. I finally took it off after seeing him glance down at it time and time again when we were together. It was my final symbol that I was ready to move on. And, that I was finally ready to let him go. It didn't, however, symbolize me not loving him anymore. As much as I criticized myself for it, I knew a small part of my heart was always going to belong to him.

And, so today, it was time to pick of Braden, name complimentary of Rina, from his day care. I was running up the stairs, running slightly behind because the class on photography I now teach at the local collage ran over. I was about for steps from the top and the door leading inside when I stopped, staring at the figure that had just exited the building with a small, dark haired two year old held in one arm, her small arms wrapped around his neck.

It was he. There was no mistaking it. He looked exactly the same. His hair was a little bit shorter, but not by much. He looked surprisingly clean cut in a pair of blue jeans and a button down blue shirt. He recognized me too. I haven't changed much. My hair was a bit long and my face a bit more matured. Other than that, I was still the same looking Caitlin I had been five years ago.

The girl in his arms stared at me with the same intense eyes as his. And, there was mistaking the fact that this was his daughter either. Her hair was thick like his had been, though it more resembled his mothers than his. She was dressing in a light green sundress that only made her eyes all that much more intense.

A small smile crossed her lips and she raised one hand, waving, "Hello."

I forced a small smile at the young girl before I switched my eyesight to her father, who was staring at me like I was a ghost from some horror movie. He finally swallowed hard, "Caitlin."

The small girl looked between the two of us, obviously catching that we knew each other. He gaze landed back on me, like she, too, was waiting for me to respond. I breathed deeply a few times, "R-Rogerson."

And, we were silent again. I raised my hands together and began to fiddle with my rings. It was a nervous habit that I usually didn't even realize that I did. He, however, did. "So, you're married."

"Y-yeah," I looked down at my left hand, and then glanced over at his. "I see you are too."

He made no automatic response, just watched me. And, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of husband he was or father. I stared at his hand for a while and continued to wonder if he treated her like he had treated me.

"I've never touched her. Either of them," he told me in a gruff voice like he'd read my mind. My eyes snapped back to his face and watched his expression. It stayed almost stoic, "I went to counseling. I told her everything about you and my father. And, we set up boundaries. I'm not allowed to punish Katie, all discipline is left up to Maria."

I glanced at the small girl in his arm again, presumably Katie, who was still watching me with immense interest. She didn't seem to hold any fear of the man that held her in his arms. And, she wore that cute little sundress, showing that she had nothing to hide. I smiled at the girl again and she immediately smiled back, "So, her names Katie?"

I glanced at Rogerson who looked uncomfortable for a fraction of a second before he recovered himself and mumbled, "Yeah."

"Well, I have to get Braden. So, I guess, goodbye," I nodded my head sharply with a smile.

"Yeah," he mumbled again, before walking past me. "Goodbye."

"You know," I turned towards him and he turned back to look at me. "You don't really strike me as the father type."

He smiled and lifted his chin lightly, "It's the hair."

And, then, he turned and continued down the stairs and I turned and continued up the steps and into the daycare. I, once again, had a secret that had to do with Rogerson. I saw him today. But, not only that, I forgave him today, as well. As twisted as it may seem, I fully forgave Rogerson for what he had done to me. Which was something I didn't expect anyone to understand.

And, it wasn't the last time that I ran into him, either. We met outside of the daycare every once in a while. Usually, it was only a mumbled 'hi' in passing. But, once, he'd actually mumbled a sorry. I'd simply smiled, raised my chin like he'd do, and told him it was already forgiven.

Once, I'd caught a picture of him and Katie together when he wasn't paying attention. It had him looking at her, eyes full of complete adoration. It was stuck in my shoebox as my last memory of Rogerson Biscoe.

I know some of you are probably sitting there saying "Forgive? WTF?" Well, I could have seen her doing it so I wrote it.