You Complete Me

HALDIR

SHASHUWAN

WRITTEN BY
LUTHIEN CALCMAMCILS

~PROLOGUE~

Someone once told me if you experience something that has a profound impact in your life. You should tell the world. Well, this is my story.

I lived an ordinary life. A pediatrician by profession, I owned a ranch with two lovely horses. I was engaged but found out he was not faithful to me at all, so I canceled the wedding. But I have also felt that something was missing from my life like there was a part of me that was missing; there should be more to me but could not figure it out. Sometimes it was very frustrating and other times it would not bother me but I have always had that feeling like I was meant to do more.

Something happened six months ago that made me wish more than ever that I was somewhere else. It's one of those events that you always think would never happen to you. My best friend's brother raped me. I have not told his sister, my best friend for life, Katara. I felt like I couldn't. The three of us were like family, until that horrible day. Only one other person knows about that night, that is my colleague and friend, Dr. Julia Kane.

I thought I could handle it in my own way like I have always done with other situations. But unfortunately I was not handling this well at all. Usually when something happens in my life that I cannot deal with I would talk with my parents but I have not had that luxury since they have been dead for over twenty years now. You think I would be over their death by now but I am not, I miss my parents' everyday. It started to affect my work and my personal life, so I decided that I needed sometime to myself. Katara thought that I just needed some downtime to hang out at my cabin in the woods. That was the night that my life changed and everything that I had grown up thinking was the truth was not. I am not the person that I thought I was….

~Chapter 1~

After the rape, even though it was six months ago, I still can't get a decent night sleep. No matter what pills I take or meditations I try, nothing seems to help. Now it has even started to affect my work. In my heart I know that I need to make a change or lose everything.

Since the rape I have felt that strangers have been invading my dreams. Well I don't want to say strangers but sometimes they seem familiar, but I can't figure it out. I know this seems crazy but they seem so real. When I awake I expect to see them in my room but in there is no one there except for me and my foolish dreams. I don't feel like I could take another night of this insanity.

Katara is like a sister to me. She works as my Office Manager and Administrative Assistant and has been there whenever I needed someone or something. We grew up together and very rarely would you see us apart; we even went to the same college. Katara and I could almost past for sisters our height is the same but she is a shade darker than I, her hair is long and straight while mine is long and naturally curly. (I hated it) She has a beautiful smile but when it comes to our eyes she always thought mine were a bit odd. Hers were brown and mine were almost yellow in color even I found it to be uneasy at times. Sometimes I would where contacts that were brown while I was at work or when I went out. Every now and then she would jokingly call me "Countess Vampira" only she could get away with that.

While we are close as sisters, she doesn't know anything about what happened between her brother and I'm afraid that if I did tell her I would lose her friendship forever. I feel increasingly tormented by the memories of that horrible night and by my dreams.

In desperation, I called Katara and left a message that I needed to talk with her right away.

"Shashuwan, what's going on?" Katara asked. "Your message sounded very troubled. Are you ok or are you still having those dreams?"

I thought I would lie my way out of it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "I really don't want to be alone. Could you come out here please?"

Katara was alarmed because she knows me as a strong-minded person. She promised she would be right over. We had an uneventful dinner and sipped our wine afterwards. Once we were both a bit more relaxed, Katara wasted no time asking me what was going on. She could see that something was bothering me. I opened up and told her of the feeling that I have had about something or a part of me is missing like I should be somewhere else and the images of people watching me in my dreams. I hesitated not knowing if I should tell her more of these people.

"Are you sure you're not working too many hours?" Katara asked.

"No," I said. "Katara the strangest part is I feel like I am a part of them or I should know them."

"Shash, please are you serious?"

I sat there looking at her.

"You are serious aren't you? Shash, that is more than a little off beat even for you."

"Katara, maybe your right I've just been working way to many hours."

She looked at me a little shocked. "Shash you have been working eight hours at the office and sometime eight hours in the ER at the Hospital. It was bound to catch up with you sooner than later. You're not super woman you know!"

I smiled at her and shook my head. "Katara you are going to make a wonderful mother one day and I hope to be here to see it. And you are right I have been putting in way too many hours lately."

"Hmm…Maybe you should take some time off for yourself, getaway, relax your mind, get a new perspective on life and love."

A new perspective on life, what I needed was to find peace within myself. And, I always had the hopes and dreams of finding what I am missing in my life, but love is the furthest from my mind right now. How can I love any man now? I can't even stand to have a man touch me. This is hopeless.

"Shashuwan, maybe you should think about entering the dating scene again. You could meet someone new and start to enjoy yourself."

I turned and looked at her with anger in my eyes. "A man, meet a man? Oh no! That is not going to happen, not now!"

I could tell Katara was starting to get frustrated with me when she asked, "What do you mean it's not going to happen? What is going on with you? How can I help you if you don't tell me what is wrong?"

"You can't help. It's my problem. I have to deal with it alone, in my own way. You can't help me. I don't think anyone can."

Katara walked over and held me. "Maybe one day you will tell me, maybe one day."

We sat on the deck looking up at the evening stars, not talking just sipping our wine. Katara finally broke the silence.

"Shashuwan, you should go and take some time off. I'm not being funny or anything like that, but you have not taken a vacation in over a year. Please, take the two weeks, ok?

"You think I should?"

"Yes. You have no surgeries coming up. I could move some appointments around on your calendar. Plus Dr. Landon head of ER is concerned that you are not taking care of yourself and wants you to take sometime off. So you have no excuses, how about it?"

"I'll take it. Maybe I need to get away for a while, think and try to clear my mind"

We turned in for the night. I imagine Katara slept well, but for me it was another restless night, full of foggy images and voices.

Sunday morning we started packing for my two-week vacation and hike up to the cabin. I gathered a week's worth of clothing, personal items and a sleeping bag. My cell phone was charged, CD player and flashlight. For food I carried bottled water, granola bars and fruit. And of course I was determined to take my laptop and a couple files to work on while I was gone and two extra batteries for the laptop.

"Shash, you're not taking your tent?"

"No, I think I will let the stars be my tent tonight."

Katara finally finished. She helped me with the backpack. "Is it too heavy?"

"No not at all, you know better than to ask that."

Katara started to leave but turned to impart some encouraging words, "Shash, I hope you can find some peace of mind and then maybe you can tell me what is going on inside of you, ok?"

"Yes, maybe I will find peace and the strength to tell you what I need to. Thank you Katara for being my sister."

We locked up the house, hugged and said our goodbyes.

Katara stood, watching me leave. I left hiking off into the woods hoping and wishing I could find some peace within my soul.

After I had been walking for a while, I started feeling a little better. I started singing along with the Alicia Keys' song that was playing on my CD player stopping often to just enjoy the scenery and relax.

When I am out here alone I often think of my parents especially my Father, when we went camping I was a child he knew everything about being in the woods. He knew how to read the stars, the different smells in the air, building fires and how to track animals, he was amazing at everything he did, I miss my father we had a bond like no other. He was always pushing me to do more and to learn everything. My father started teaching me to ride horses when I was 6 years old. when I was 10 he taught me archery. That I could never figure out at all, well if you think about it a lot of things my Father taught me made no sense to me but I did not mind because I loved spending time with him, he was my protector I was never afraid when he was around. I miss my father, don't get me wrong I love my mother and missed her just as much but my father there is was something about our relationship that was just special.

Before I knew it I had lost all track of time it was getting late. I decided to stop for the evening and get some rest. I came upon a clearing set up my camp before I went to sleep I called Katara to let her know I was ok and would be at that cabin by noon. As my eyes were getting tired I prayed for peace in my dreams. The voices were stronger tonight as if they were with me at my campsite the wind began to pick up. There was lighting and clashes of thunder. A voice was speaking to me in my sleep.

"Wake up it is time."

I sat up and screamed, "WHO ARE YOU! I don't know who you are but you need to leave me the hell alone!" I stood up trying to focus to see if anyone was out there after awhile I noticed the air smelled different. Even the lightening was different it seemed brighter.

"Where are you? I know you're out here show yourself now or…."

Lightening struck a near-by tree branch, it fell and hit me in the head. Just before I passed into unconsciousness, I could have sworn I saw someone reaching for me.

When I came to, I was laying on my sleeping bag. The last thing I remembered was lightening. There was a cloth on my forehead I heard voices. I had no idea how long I laid there, unconscious. I blinked a few times to clear my mind and my sight. I slowly sat up. I felt a little dizzy after standing, but I was all right. I had to find out who was talking or if anyone was really there. I could not believe my eyes they had pointed ears and…..

They were walking towards me. I stepped back trying to get away from them. I began to shake with fear as everything started spinning and going black around the edges.

One of them caught me right before I hit the ground. I let out a groan. I reached up and touched my head blood was streaming down my face. The one with the long silver-blonde hair and blue eyes seemed very concerned and gently cleaned the cut. He told the other two to pack my things.

"We must get her to Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn now."

I faded in and out of consciousness and heard bits and pieces of their conversation. I felt him staring at me. From the foggy glimpse of these men that I remember, I know I looked very different to them because I have never seen anyone like them before. I could tell from the almost soothing rocking motion that we were riding on a horse. The one with the beautiful blue eyes cradled me in his arms while we rode. I managed to open my eyes just to see him and ask;

"Who are you?" And I was out again.

While I was riding with him I managed to open eyes but everything seemed blurry, I looked up at him and asked, "May I have some water please?"

He looked down at me. "Orophin, Rumil stop, bring me water quickly."

They brought him what looked like a flask. He put it up to my lips and I drank. "Drink slowly, just sip." I did as he asked the water felt cool and refreshing.

"How do you feel, my lady?"

"My head hurts horribly. Can't you give me something to help with the pain?"

"I am sorry. I am not a healer, but I can help you rest. Close your eyes and concentrate on my voice. Be at peace and rest. I promise no one will harm you, sleep peacefully my lady."

Then he said something that I did not understand and I felt a veil of warmth surround me. I laid my head upon his chest and had a peaceful, undisturbed sleep for the first time in 6 months. It was wonderful! I thought it was all a dream but I was very wrong.