MistressOfTime1218: I don't know what it is that's making my life suck so bad. Maybe I'm just unlucky, maybe I'm supposed to learn something from all of this, but whatever it is it sucks!
StormBlitz: I'm guessing this piece of writing is something to help let out your frustration?
MistressOfTime1218: Damn straight. And since every adult in my life seems to think I'm acting like a child, then I'll write something in the POV of a child. If they choose not to read this then it's their problem. Can't say I never pointed them in the right direction.
"What'cha writing there squirt?" Kevin did not so much as wait for an answer before he ripped the paper from the hands of 10 year old Ben Tennyson. "Didn't even know you could read, let alone write."
"I didn't even know the word read was in your vocabulary." Still, Ben made no move to snatch the paper back. He simply chose to sit at the table with his arms folded across his chest in an indifferent manner. If Kevin wanted to be an idiot and read something he should stay away from, then fine. Ben would be more than happy to oblige his idiocy. If he didn't like what he read, it was his problem.
Seeing that his inconspicuous attempts at getting Ben riled up failed to do their job, Kevin thought he'd at least embarrass the younger boy. "You say don't sweat the small stuff," He began reading out loud. "But you have no idea what those words mean to me."
Kevin frowned. He got the feeling he would not like what he was about to get himself into.
"You get mad because I left a bowl on the kitchen counter in the morning. You yell at me for the leaving the once spotless and utterly perfect kitchen in shambles because of my one bowl. You ground me because I argue that it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't so small to you."
Kevin recalled Max yelling at Ben the other day for doing just that. The ebony haired child had not understood why it had been Ben who got punished for leaving his dirty dish on the table, when he and Gwen had not even cleaned the dishes the night before.
"I write something hurtful that was made for my eyes alone. I never meant what I wrote down. I was angry and wanted to let it out. It was better than punching someone. I never meant a word I put down. I try to explain that to you when you find it. You won't even listen to me. You think I'm lying. I tell you it was something stupid that I wrote down in anger. You say it wasn't so stupid to you. You say I hurt you."
Kevin could not continue reading aloud. His joke wasn't funny anymore.
"Gwen makes a big mistake. She runs off and when I try to bring her back she slaps me around. It hurts, but I don't hit back. You tell her it's ok that she's upset. And you let her off easy. I make a smaller mistake. I get mad at you and we start to argue. You turn your back on me and you say you're done. You tell me you're through with me and you don't care anymore. You don't want to deal with it. You turn your back on me. Turning your back on a child who can't care for himself on his own, a child who is not old enough to understand what happened. Do you not realize that that's like cutting the rope to a lifesaver because the person at the other end says something you don't like? Of course you don't. Because you're the one with the knife, thinking all you have done is just, and I'm the one floating off to sea, mouth full of water desperately trying to get back home."
Kevin looked over to Ben. Emerald eyes stared back at him, devoid of embarrassment, devoid of panic, devoid of depression. Kevin could not stand to look at those eyes. So he continued reading silently.
"You never listen to the things I say. If I'm sad about something, if I'm mad at someone, you just brush it off as if it's nothing. Is it because I'm a child? Is it because you're oh so wise? You think you know everything, but you don't know the first thing about your own grandson. You can't understand why I take things so lightly or why I blow things out of proportion. The truth is you just don't care. And it's a wonder why I don't just leave and find someone who does."
Kevin knew Ben was still looking at him. Waiting patiently for his piece of paper to be returned to him.
"I don't know who made up the rules of the world. I don't know who said don't sweat the small stuff, because nothing is small to everyone. My small things are your big things, and my big things are your little ones. Maybe if you tried to understand that better maybe we'd get along. Maybe if you tried letting my big problems be your big problems, even for just a little while, maybe you could see the things I see. Maybe you and I could be friends. Maybe I would let you into my world. But the truth is, that's too much work. It's too hard to keep someone afloat than it is to turn your back and forget someone exists. I shouldn't have to understand that better than you. I'm only a kid, and treating me like I'm anything but a kid is your mistake to deal with and my burden to bear."
Kevin had to force the tears threatening to fall to stay put. He may have felt horrible but he was not about to relinquish his pride so that his tears could go free.
"I won't force you to try and I won't say sorry again. Just know that when I finally am old enough to understand and when I am old enough to stand and walk away, don't be one bit surprised when I don't even glance back. When that day comes remember, you didn't lose me, you let me go."
Kevin was glad the note ended there. He didn't have the guts to read anymore. "Something for your grandpa?"
Ben stood up from his spot at the table and took the piece of paper from Kevin's limp hands. "No, if I really thought about I could name about seven people off the top of my head who it could apply to. His name was just the first one to come to me."
The boy was calm throughout his entire explanation. He was not sad when he made his way to some secret compartment under the table. He was not ashamed when he opened said compartment with a silver key and revealed boxes of unseen writings and journals, to which his latest note was added to. And he was most certainly not bothered when he closed the compartment and made his way back to his room with Kevin watching his every move.
"Why?" The boy's voice was almost inaudible, but it was able to stop Ben from entering the doorway of his bedroom. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"
They turned to face each other once more, confused ebony eyes searching battered and broken emeralds for some kind of answer. "No one ever cared to ask."
That was all Ben had said before leaving the other to deal with his thoughts.