Hi! Remember me? I've been rereading lots of my favorite stories lately and managed to dig up some inspiration for this little thing here. I'm calling it a snap shot of a moment I envisioned after "Bon Voyage." In full disclosure, it's a little open ended. Or a lot rather. As a reader, sometimes I get frustrated at open-ended stories because I just want more, so I felt the need to forewarn. That being said, this is another that I may or may not continue. I really wanted to write this scene and I kind of like how it turned out so I wanted to share. Blah, blah, author's note etc. On with it! :)
She'd never felt such a pull to be near someone. To touch them on the hand or back or grab their waist and hold on to them forever. It's all she can think about. Touching him. Just holding onto something that's connected to him. Sliding her finger through his jean belt loops and grasping on as he delivers coffee. He was always so good at holding her up, and today, how she wishes she could walk around the counter and have him wrap his arms around her. She just needs the closeness of him right now. Desperate for his physical touch. They're getting back on track, she guesses. Hopes. She knows it's cliche, but she feels so close and yet, so far away from him now.
In terms of football fields, she's not far at all. She's here again. She's back at the diner and he's seems as nervous as her.
Neither of them know where to put these feelings it seems. He had smiled when she had approached the door but it was an odd moment. He had stopped what he was doing and watched every step she took to the door, almost entranced. Almost as if he was worried that if he looked away for a second, she would turn around. And when she had entered, it was like the spell had broken and he had nodded curtly, a tight smile, a small trace of worry lining his eyes. Caesar had announced that an order was up and he turned a couple of times not sure whether to stay or go.
He went.
He bounces now from table to table and she has seated herself at the counter. Though he's currently out of sight, she can feel every movement he makes.
She just wants to make contact with him. Touch him. Hold his hand. Feel the beats of his heart, even if it's his wrist she attaches to. It's magnetic. This feeling makes her anxious and crazy and she realizes that it's causing her to shake her leg frantically on the stool. Joe beside her probably is going to tell her to stop soon. She looks over to Joe, and he smiles nicely but glances at her leg just long enough for her to know that he is annoyed. Good old Joe though, he was trying to overlook it. He frowns. Tried and failed, she amends in her head. She stops her legs.
It has moved to her hands now. They shake a little as she adjusts her purse and fights back the emotions of the day. She needs coffee stat and she can hear Luke telling Reverend Skinner that his food will be out in a minute and she hopes he's coming back to her now. She hopes that when he hands her a cup of coffee that his hand will graze hers, but then, she's not sure she'd ever want to let go. Such a pathetic feeling this is. This need to feel him. She feels vulnerable and weak, but can't think too much about it because her eyes catch him coming around the counter again and grabbing a pot of coffee she's sure is for her.
Usually this would be her cue, but she can't seem to form words so she prepares a smile on her face as he approaches. He takes a deep breath as he grabs a mug, his eyes flitting to hers a few times before he starts the pour.
"She gone?"
"Yep."
"You okay?"
Besides the need to jump across the counter and wrap her hands around his back and bury her head in his neck, she's handling things well. Considering. She knows Rory's leaving hasn't sunk in just yet, but she's a little weak so it may be starting to. She kind of feels like she's floating in the ocean and waves just keep breaking across her body and she can't seem to get a good breath in before the next one comes.
But overall, she's here and he's here and she can hear the coffee pouring into her cup and knows he's about to slide it over to her, so she says, "Yeah."
He nods, like he's not sure what to say next. Maybe like he knows it's not entirely true. She can't read him the way she used to. He's more reserved. More tentative. Like he's not sure she's really here. Like he thinks she may say it was a mistake. Like maybe he thinks it was.
She keeps fingering the necklace around her neck and he can't really look at her for too long she realizes. No buffer. No words. Only feelings and questions and needs. That's all there really is right now.
"Good," he says and slides her the cup. She doesn't reach for it until he's pulled his hand away.
It's the quietest exchange they may have ever had and it's just not enough for her. But she fears that when she opens her mouth to order chocolate chip pancakes and bacon and syrup, it will come out as please just take me home.
It's too late to ask for a to-go cup, but the grounding disappointment in not being able to just ask for a second of his time, strains every muscle in her body with dullness and want, that she's not sure how much longer she can sit here. Looking at him not really looking at her. All nerves. All questions and unspoken doubts. When all she really wants is a hug. She wants him to wrap her in his arms like he used to. Whisper things in her ear. Run his hands down her back soothingly.
She would laugh if it didn't seem so ridiculous. Such a simple thing she no longer has the words to ask for.
He smiles at her then. And it's warm and friendly and he opens his mouth and she thinks she knows he's about to say something familiar. It's this moment her phone nearly jumps off the counter vibrating. They both look at it, and then she, back at him. He points to the "No Cell Phones" sign with a frown that she is familiar with, and it dampens the empty feeling a little and warms her insides.
Wordless, she tilts her head towards the door as she grabs her phone with a smile.
Flipping it open, she steps outside.
"Hey Sook."
"Don't be mad."
"Oh, I love it when conversations start that way." Lorelai prepares herself. "What is it, Sookie?"
Sookie anxiously giggling on the other end of the phone does nothing to calm her nerves. She glances back at Luke and he bows his head, suddenly finding a receipt lying on the counter far too interesting. Lorelai takes a few steps away from the diner.
"Out with it. You're killing me here."
Sookie takes a deep breath. "Remember the other day when I was in the kitchen and I was worried about the Sardino's soufflé and Julio was running around fixing the salads for the Morrison's so he wasn't able to help me take them out of the oven and you walked in and I was all panicked and you said, 'Sookie, you need a vacation!', and I tripped on the non-slip floor mat, which is really quite ironic if you think about it-"
Lorelai cuts her off. "Sookie. Abridged version please. I'm kinda in the middle of something and this is inching towards 'War and Peace' territory."
"In the middle of something? Where are you?"
Lorelai sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Outside of the diner."
At the squee that fills the line, Lorelai rolls her eyes glancing back to the diner again. This time Luke doesn't pretend to not be paying attention. He nods at her with his brows furrowed. He's asking if she's okay. She smiles at him assuredly and then turns back around trying to ignore the butterflies taking flight in her belly from the familiarity of it all. She hears Sookie's far off rambling and turns her attention back to the situation at hand.
"What am I going to be mad about, Sook?"
"Me and Jackson are taking a vacation. This weekend."
Lorelai smiles, relieved. "I'm not mad! I think it's gr-"
"You're coming too."
"Excuse me? Come again?"
"It was planned a long time ago and I never got to bring it up because, well, you and Chris started having trouble and it was all like, are they, aren't they ... It was going to be a surprise. You know, and then there was the ... the ..."
"Divorce. You can say it. Divorce. I got a divorce."
"Yeah, that." Sookie sighs. "Honey, I forgot. I forgot to cancel and it was going to be a couples thing. Jackson was really trying with Christopher, and we thought...you know. That it might be good to get out of Star's Hollow this summer."
Lorelai frowns. "I guess I'm missing something. Can't we just cancel? Or you can find someone else? Another couple?"
"Well..."
The hesitation makes her nervous and she sits down on the stairs of the gazebo. "Sookie?"
"It's too late to cancel. It's this weekend. It was Chris' idea. If I did all the planning and arranging, he'd pay for the whole thing. I, of course, objected, but it was going to be a late birthday present for you. He wanted the four of us to go away somewhere. So I found this beautiful little cottage and he called with his credit card and made the arrangements for this weekend. This was December. Those places fill up fast for the summer." She laughs nervously and Lorelai drops her head in understanding. Sookie finishes. "He paid. For the whole thing. We tried to object but ..."
"Sook-"
"He called me. They called him to remind him of his upcoming reservation and he called me and told me to go anyway. To maybe take you and get you out of here, I mean if you want. With Rory leaving, he thought it was a good idea. I still hate him a little, but it was nice. It's nice."
Lorelai smiles a little. "He's a putz but has his moments I suppose."
"We don't have to, just, back when we thought it was happening, Jackson called his mother to come stay with the kids that weekend. And she's coming, apparently whether we're here or not. And I'd rather it be not."
"Why don't you and Jackson just go and enjoy the weekend? It's fine. You have my blessing."
"Well, I knew you were going to say that but Jackson and I talked it over and we would feel more, you know, comfortable if you came along. With the whole money situation and everything. It's for your birthday afterall. It just feels like we're hijacking your vacation."
"There's no hijacking. I promise."
"We want you to come, Lorelai. It could be good for you to get out of here for a weekend. It's just two nights."
"I'm okay, I promise. I just don't want to be a third wheel on your vacation."
"No wheels! No wheels, I promise! Just beach and house and mocking of other vacationers guest book entries!"
"Going on a vacation with you and your husband will inevitably make me miss ... having someone to bicker with about the temperature of the room and who stole who's covers."
"Bring Luke!"
As if he could possibly hear from the diner, she bolts from her sitting position and walks a few steps further away from the man in question. "Absolutely not! We are so, oh, oh, not there yet. Hell, I don't even know if that's the destination both of us are going for at the moment."
"There was a kiss! That's something."
"That something is definitely not definitive enough for a vacation away to ... " She pauses, unsure.
"Martha's Vineyard." Sookie fills in with a grimace.
Lorelai's jaw drops. "Yeah. Not in a million years will that invite be sent."
"It could be so roman-"
"Absolutely not. Out of the question. He'd literally think I'd gone crazy. You remember the last time we went there."
"This will be nothing like Valentine's Day! Just a bunch of old buddies hanging out, playing cards."
"Playing cards?"
"It seemed beachy at the moment." Redirecting, Sookie plows on. "Maybe it's what you two need. Step away from the town and get back on track."
Lorelai laughs. "I can see his face now. Martha's Vineyard has far too heavy of a stigma attached to our relationship. There will be a Luke shaped hole in the wall and I'll be left alone. Again."
Sookie gives in. "Okay no Luke. I get it. Bad idea. But you? Will you come? I'm not above begging. Jackson won't go unless you do and I'm afraid a weekend with his mother may result in divorce."
"Sook-"
"For the sake of my marriage, just please think about it. It will be nice. And I'll owe you one. No two. I'll owe you two ... hundred favors."
Lorelai sighs. "I'll think about it."
Sookie's squeal at the other end prompts Lorelai to close her phone in defeat. It certainly wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go to the beach for a weekend. She could write out a check to Christopher for the place and take a break from the craziness of the inn for a couple of days. And she likes Sookie and Jackson. The absence of their fourth may make her heart ache and it certainly wouldn't be easy, but maybe, just maybe, it may help her clear her head. Figure out what's been on her mind since the party last night: Does she really even want to get involved with Luke again?
The highs are so high, but the lows ... she's not sure she's ever felt such hurt in her life.
She thinks back to their first trip to Martha's Vineyard. He had been so hell bent on having a miserable time at first. While, she loved Luke for everything he was, grump included, that weekend he was in rare form. Surpassing the norm, it was the first time she resented the way he could so easily bring her good mood down. How his yin could make her yang so out of whack. How miserable those months were. How much pain he had caused her. How quickly he could send her world crashing down. How much power love gave to the lover. It's not an easy pill to swallow.
But those arms. That strength he gives her. The way she can almost always make him laugh. How he makes her feel so good about herself and her life. How much she loves him. How much he loves her. How much he worries -
"Lorelai?"
His voice startles her and she turns around with her hand over her heart.
"Everything okay? Rory, she's okay?"
She melts a little. Smiles. "Everything's good. It was Sookie."
He smiles, relieved. "Coffee's getting cold." He gestures back to the diner.
She nods. "Can't have that now, can we?"
"Heaven forbid." He tries to be grumpy but his smile gives him away. He is just so Luke.
They smile at each other for a few moments and Lorelai blushes. She laughs a little and Luke's smile gets wider. It all feels so familiar. It takes Lorelai back to a place where she was knocking things off tables and bumping into doors.
"Shall we?" she asks.
"After you," Luke returns.
It's funny how love is so similar to childbirth. Like nature makes you forget the pain it causes and you find yourself diving in all over again.
She watches Luke as he jots down things on the notepad and passes it to Caesar. The touch he has left on her heart is unmistakable. The feeling that consumes her now, this need to be close to him, it seems to overpower it all. All those feelings of hurt and resentment, all just seem to fade away when she's with him like this. Watching him work. The smiles he gives her when they meet eyes. The need for his touch comes back full force with each passing second. She just can't imagine her life without that touch.
"What did Sookie want? You looked a little concerned. Is it the inn?"
"Oh no. The inn is fine. I just think I'm somehow being roped into a vacation with her and Jackson this weekend."
"Oh?" It seems to peak his interest more than she would have liked. Disappointed almost.
It hits her then that he may have been anticipating them spending the weekend together. Or maybe taking her on a real date. Or setting aside time for a much needed talk. The words start flowing out in an attempt to salve his disappointed features.
"It's not something I am jumping up and down about, believe me. Her and Christopher had planned it for my birthday and now it's too late to back out. She's in a bit of an in-law pickle so she needs to make it happen. Jackson's mother is coming into town and I'm apparently the driver in the escape route. I mean, I love the two of them and everything, just, you know. A weekend. The three of us."
He smiles understandingly. "Third wheel?"
She nods. "Third wheel."
"So where's the tricycle headed?"
She suddenly lifts her cup to delay the answer. She brings the cup down with her eyes following. "Um, Martha's Vineyard, I think. Something like that," she rushes. She braves a glance back to his face and she can't quite read his expression.
"Be sure to warn them about the spermaceti." He jokes and smiles at her.
Relieved, she laughs. And glows. "I'll be sure to do that."
"I still got the freeze-dried spaghetti if you'd like to take it along, just in case."
"You're such a great ... " she pauses, panicked, unsure at how to finish. She tries to hide it with an only slightly delayed, "Man."
Luke is undeterred and that smile of his doesn't seem to be going any where, she notes with a smile of her own. "I do what I can."
She blushes again then, and she's glad she's sitting because all this smiling is really doing a number of her knees.
With the pretense of wiping the counter in front of her, he continues on. "It could be nice. Getting away from this town. Help you, you know, not think about things."
She looks at him surprised, and his warm smile makes her realize he's talking about Rory. She's nervous then, and the words just spill out without abandon. "You could come if you want."
Her filter is obviously severely broken and every nerve ending on her body stands up in panic when the words are left floating in the air. She's about to ask for a size nine shoe sandwich when he casually responds.
"Be your fourth, huh?"
She nods, unsure. She thinks those are the words that she had stupidly spit out.
"Sounds nice, Lorelai. If you're sure that is. I don't want to intrude."
Him saying her name that way and the general warmness of his voice chokes her up. His response has so surprised her, she thinks long before she speaks. Composing her words carefully.
"That would be nice. The four of us." She worries again that this is something he may feel roped into, so she gives him another out with a nervous laugh. "I mean, if you can get away from the diner for a whole weekend. It's such short notice-"
He cuts her off. "Not a problem."
"Well then. This will be ..." She searches for the appropriate word. She anxiously settles on, "Fun."
She knows that he knows she's nervous. And it almost annoys her that he isn't. Not at all.
He touches her then, causing a warmth to carry through every muscle in her body. His hand on hers. His voice low. "You sure?"
She smiles because she thinks she is. "Yeah. Just a bunch of friends hanging out, playing cards. Away from the town."
He can't seem to stop smiling. "Sounds nice."
"Nice." She has turned into a parrot. It's far too soon, but something about it feels right. The nervous energy spreads through her body like lightning and she reaches for the necklace with the hand the he's not covering.
"Even teams," he smiles.
She shakes her head trying to figure out what he's referring to. "Huh?"
He bows his head and laughs a little at her confusion. Looking up, he watches her play with the necklace. "For cards. Hard to play with three people." He meets her eyes again and pats her hand a couple of times, before removing it completely.
She smiles and wants to ask him why he's so sure about all this. How he's agreeing to this so easily.
"Even teams," she repeats with a smile. She realizes she now officially sounds like a love-struck fool.
Joe clears his throat and Luke realizes they have an audience and stands up straight, his face returning to his diner mask. It's Lorelai's turn to laugh now.
"You, um, ready for your check, Joe?"
Lorelai bows her head with a smile and clutches her phone anxiously. She needs perspective on the situation. She reaches in her purse and pulls out a five dollar bill, setting it on the counter.
Before Luke can protest, she says, "I'll call you tonight."
He nods, watching her go. "Have a good day, Lorelai."
She turns at the door. "You too, Luke." She says his name because she can. She walks backwards to the door, unwilling to be the first to look away.
They smile at each other for the millionth time that day and finally, Lorelai turns to go, walking directly into the door Kirk is opening at the precise moment.
"Lorelai!" Luke tries to warn.
She hits the door with a thud and puts her hand over her face, laughing. Not this again.
She turns back to Luke, who is looking on concerned. At her laugh, he smiles widely, again dropping his diner mask. She looks at him with pink cheeks and an embarrassed smile. "I'm good." And she motions to the door with her head.
He nods, still unable to wipe the smile from his face. She knows it's taking him back to a familiar time as well.
"Be careful!" She hears him yell playfully, and she thinks she may smile for the rest of her life.