A/N:
Right well I wanted to do a quick one-shot...just because I could and hopefully this will help me write more of the second chapter for Mysterious Circumstances! I unno but lets hope...yah?
Warnings:...Character death and an angst emo boy who wants nothing more than to forget said death!
Pairings: AxelRoxas ! Side: MarluxiaRoxas, DemyxZexion, SeiferHayner Mentioned: RikuSora
So without further Ado I give you...Rejected Denial!
R&R
It happens all the time, every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month and every year. So every one should be used to it right? Everyone see's it everyday. They feel something for it and then move on because it doesn't affect them. But they never really know how bad or how it effects the person when it happens; with death.
Death happens all around us and you see it every where: On TV, in video games, in books, in newspapers...every where. Everyone has different opinions on death and what to do when it happens to them. But they don't know not really. Not until it happens to them, then they feel what it's like to lose someone. The raw hard cruel pain you feel. The numbness, the anger, the withdrawal, the melancholy air that surrounds that said person. But everyone acts different I suppose. I mean no one can not feel sad at the loss of that special some one. Just like me I just lost my father and brother in a horrible car accident. I remember that night...that horrible night.
Flash Back~
Pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pitter-patter
The sound of the heavy rain hit my window. thunder boomed in the dark angry sky and lightened flashed across said sky. It's a really bad thunderstorm. With a heavy sigh I turned from the window and looked away, 'I hope my brother and dad make it home okay.' I thought but then perked up when I saw a car start to pull up in the drive way.
I should have noticed the flashing lights, the most obvious sign of doom, but instead I walked out of my room and headed down stairs. My mom is probably in her study room...doing whatever. I was just about to enter the kitchen, when my brother or father knocked on the door, "...Are they stupid?" I asked with a heavy sigh. But it wouldn't be a surprise if they forgot the keys to the house, they are oblivious sometimes...especially my younger brother. I hurried to the front door and opened it, "You both either left the key here or..." I trailed off when I noticed it wasn't them, "Can I help you, officers?"
"Yes, is this the residence of one Aerith Gainsborough-Strife?" A fat short cop asked, nothing on his face gave away to his thoughts.
"...Yeah that's my mother. Uhm is something the matter?" I asked but they gave no reply.
"Could you please get your mother?" The fat police officer's skinny tall partner asked.
I just nodded my head and hurried into my mothers study, "Mom there is officers on the front porch...they uh want to talk to you." I told her and she slowly nodded her head, not betraying any emotion what so ever. She gracefully stood up from her rolley chair and walked out I fallowed.
She reached the front door, "May I help you?" She asked kindly and softly.
"Yes uh, I'm Officer Brooks and this is my partner, Officer Stabler." The fat cop answered...he had a grieve expression on his face.
Officer Stabler jumped in, "...I'm sorry to say this but your husband Cloud Strife and son Sora Strife...have been in a car accident. I'm afraid their wasn't any survivors ma'am." Stabler said sympathetically. And just like that my world came crashing down and nothing was the same. When I heard the officer's words I felt numb and lost.
End Flash~
I remember the funeral and I remember everyone coming to offer their condolences and I remember everyone coming up to me to try and make me feel better. They said 'I understand what you're going through and in time you'll learn to move on...that it's not the end of the world.' I could have snorted at that but instead I remained quiet and nodded to whatever they said. I don't remember if I cried...but it's alright because I'm doing fine. I'm smiling, laughing, joking, drinking, and having fun. So I should be fine...right?
Right? I should be fine, I'm coping, really I'm okay.
~*p*a~g*e~b*r~e*a~k*~
It's Friday night and I'm out partying with my friends: Axel, Seifer, Hayner, Riku, Kairi, and Demyx. We're wasting the night away with the rave that's going on. The electronic/trance dance music played all around me and I'm filled with excitement, "This is nice!" I shouted over the music, my friends nodded their head-they obviously agree with me.
I remember when my twin brother, Sora, would come with me to the rave and we'd party all night. No one could tell us apart(only because we'd like to have the same hair color every time we go to party's, just because we enjoyed fooling everyone) only because we always wore the same style of clothing, but different colors. I quickly shook my head, getting rid of the memory that was trying to flash across my mind, not wanting to think about him. So I head into the mosh pit, oblivious to every one around me...well except for Seifer and Hayner who were grinding against each other...my other friends were somewhere. I couldn't find Axel, which is weird because since he's so tall and has hedgehog red hair...you'd think you could spot him, but no. I located Demyx, he's dancing with a short sleet hair boy and I shrug; must be his new catch, I see Demyx dancing with that boy all the time. I couldn't be bother to look for Kairi or Riku.
I start to dance to the beat swinging/rolling my hips, putting my hands in the air, and closing my eyes...to get a real feel of the music; bodies pressed against me; sweaty bodies. Suddenly, someone put their hands on my hips and started grinding against me. I looked over my shoulder to see who it is. A tallish male with striking blue eyes and...pink hair is the one grinding up against me. I briefly shot him a smirk before turning back around to continue my dancing; moving in time with him.
I don't know how long we were dancing but he finally stopped us. He grabbed my hand started leading me out of the mosh pit and I fallowed freely, even if I didn't really have a choice. I tried to look around for my friends but I couldn't find them...so I shrugged it off. I'm going against one of my rules: (1) Never go with a complete stranger, unless you're with someone. But honestly I couldn't be bother to give a fuck.
Once the male and I were away from the music, he turned around, "I'm Marluxia." He introduced himself winking, then handed me a Mike's Hard I took it.
"I'm Roxas." I replied and he nodded in acknowledgement with a smirk adorning his face.
"Well Roxas, shall we get shit-faced now?" He asks purring out my name and I smirked.
"You read my mind, Marluxia." I flirted back because obviously he's flirting with me. We took our drinks, popped off the cap, and started chugging down said drinks. After I finished my drink he handed me another one and I popped off the cap and started drinking again.
"Say, Roxas, want to take something with me?" Marluxia asked pulling out two pills from his pocket.
"...What is it?" I asked slightly interested.
"It's the happy pill; ecstasy." He replied and once again I'm breaking another rule of mine: (2) Never take any drug, when you are at a rave. But I don't care no one can stop me.
I smirked and stuck out my hand, "Sure why the fuck not." He gave me said pill and a bottle of water, "Why the water?"
"It's better to drink water then alcohol, when doing the drug." He responded taken out his own bottle of water, opened said bottle, took a drink, popped in the pill, and swallowed. I watched him wearily but then did the same copying him with a shrug.
"How long until it works?" I asked softly.
"Oh you'll know you'll know." He took my hand and lead me back to the mosh pit. We carefully maneuvered our way to the middle. He placed his hands once again on my hips and started to grind on me. I fallowed his lead and we continued dancing, getting lost in the music.
Thirty minutes later and we were still dancing nothing changed and I let out an annoyed sigh opening my eyes to look around. Suddenly as if a light was switched on everything started changing around me. The lights everything became more vibrant and the music sounded fucking amazing, "Oh shit!" I gasped feeling like a million bucks. I let out a groan when I felt Marluxia's hands on me, I mean they were there before but...but for someone reason his touching felt so good, I craved more of his sinful touch. I quickly turned around to face him, "Let me touch you." I said smiling.
He slowly nodded his head and he started to well more less feel me up. I started exploring him my hands wondering here and there. I placed my hands on his soft face and ran my fingers over his pretty lips, his cheeks, his eyelids, his noise, anything that I could get my fingers on. I started running my hand up and down his chest and I swear that I could practically hear him moaning...maybe. We pressed our bodies so very close to each other and I craved his touch wanted more of him. I wanted him to, I don't know sex me, maybe.
I started biting my lip for some reason I really wanted to suck on something anything to get that feeling to go away, Lollipop?" I asked and he nodded his head and handed me a sea-salt ice-cream flavor and I quickly took off the wrapper and put it in my mouth; sucking on it.
"Lets go!" Marluxia says and let my waist go to instead grab my hand, that sent shivers up my spine. He started pulling me away from the dancing and every time someone rubbed up against me I gasped and maybe let out a moan. Fuck if I know. Finally we reached our destination and he pressed me against the wall, taking the lollipop out of my mouth and discarding it onto the ground.
He quickly pressed his lips to mine and started kissing me. I kissed back just as eagerly and placed my arms around his neck pressing my body close him. Marluxia trails his hands down my back and my breath catches in my throat, that felt fucking amazing. Then he uses his left hand to place it on my manhood; he grabs it through the thin fabric and I arch my hips, gasping. I scratch my nails down his back and he moans loudly and for some reason that turns me on, "Touch me for real, please!" I beg, which I usually don't do but hey, this feels amazingly blissful.
"Oh god." Marluxia replies and slips his hand down my shorts to actually grab my member and I moan loudly. He uses his right hand to push up my t-shirt and touch my already sensitive nipples. He latches his mouth onto my neck and starts to suck on it, marking me. I slid my hand up his t-shirt and started raking my nails down his back and he groaned, I felt the vibrations on my neck.
"J-just sex me already!" I demanded wanted to feel his cock inside of me. Fuck I wanted him to pound me till I couldn't walk. But all of a sudden he was gone as in he wasn't on me- touching me anymore. The amazing feeling was gone and I felt pissed at the loss of contact, "Hey! What the hell!" I shouted when I saw Axel standing over Marluxia; my other friends are standing behind him.
"What did you give Roxas?" Axel demanded, his green toxic eyes narrowed, he sounded pissed.
Marluxia got up, apparently he wasn't amused either, "Just a little happy pill, " He answered, "Why does it matter? We were busy so get lost!"
Before I could even blink, Axel punched Marluxia in the face, "You gave him ecstasy? Get the fuck out of my sight before I beat you black and blue, you piece of shit!"
"Fine. What the hell does a guy have to do to get laid around here?" He demanded while storming off.
I turned to Axel, my blue eyes narrowed, "What the hell is your problem?" I demanded angrily. I wasn't happy any more and that was pissing me off as well.
"Are you seriously asking me that?" He demanded then waved our friends off, they left.
"Obviously I am!"
"You're on ecstasy and you were about to let that pig have his way with you." He spat while also making it seem like the most obvious answer in the world.
"So what? I'm allowed to do whatever the hell I want! You're not brother or my mother! So fuck off!"
"Roxas, your brother wouldn't like what your doing to yourself. You're going down the wrong path."
"My brother is dead! His opinions don't matter anymore he's six-feet-underground!" I shouted, "Besides fuck the right or wrong path! I can do whatever I want!"
"Your really going to dismiss him so easily?"
"I'm not dismissing him! He's...uh..." I groaned and before I knew it all I see is blackness.
~*p*a~g*e~b*r~e*a~k*~
I snapped open my eyes groggily and turned to the right, trying to see what time it is. But for some strange reason, my alarm clock wasn't on the nightstand. So instead I look to the left, because maybe I put it over there instead, but to my astonishment it wasn't there either, "...The hell..." I mumbled and slowly sat wincing ever so slightly-my back hurt, "Ow." I whispered. Finally I focused my tired eyes on the room...and well it wasn't my room. My room doesn't have the deep crimson walls and a weird smoky smell to it, "...Did I actually have sex with him?" I asked myself with small confusing. I mean all I remembered from last night is going to the rave and getting it on with...Marluxia then everything else is a black hole. I slowly got out of the comfortable bed my feet touched the cold wooden floor. I looked myself over, relieved to find that in fact I am still dressed...so maybe I didn't?
"So your awake." A voice said nonchalantly and I looked up, surprised to see Axel standing in the-er his doorway. Well I'm assuming it is his doorway...because this has to be his room. Only someone like him can deal with the crimson walls.
"Um what am I doing here?" I finally asked, softly rubbing the back of my neck.
"You don't remember?" Axel asked with a raised brow.
"Well obviously or I wouldn't be asking you. "I pointed out.
"Smart ass." He sighs, "Well do you at least remember something anything?"
"Yeah. I remember going to the rave with you guys. I started dancing with someone, Marluxia I believe, we took something, and the very last thing I remember is getting it on with him."
"Great." He sighed running a hand threw his gravity defying hair.
"Uhm did something happen? Did I have sex with Marluxia?" I asked a tad bit curiously and also a little afraid...maybe.
"No I got there before it could happen."
"Wait what? Why? I fuckin' wanted to!" I asked getting mad.
"Why? Because you were on ecstasy! That shit changes you completely! It makes you want stuff-do stuff you normally don't do!" He exploded, "Are you fucking retarded? Do you want to fuck up your life that badly?"
"I'm not fucking up my life! I enjoy doing what I do in my life!" I shot back hands curling in fists.
"Jesus christ. Ever since your brother and father were killed-"
"Don't say it! Don't say it! It has nothing to do with them! They're dead so don't blame my actions on their deaths!" I shouted angrily.
"Y'know Roxas, I'm sure Sora and Cloud would hate seeing you like this. So anger, so bitter, so lonely, and so scared." He says softly and what he says hurts my heart.
"Just shut up! You don't know anything!" I shouted, "Why can't people leave me alone? I'm fine I'm perfectly fine. So what if their gone? Crying isn't going to bring them back."
"Roxas, it's okay if you cry for them. It's okay to feel the way you do. You just lost them a year ago." Axel says softly.
"I-I don't ne-need to cry! It's never bringing them back never. Their gone forever. I don't need to cry." I say softly trying to convince myself.
My heart hurts so much and I feel so numb and lost. I'm right though, why should I cry? When all it's going to do is turn my eyes red and wet my clothes. My tear's can't bring them back, so why does it feel like such a wonderful good idea? To open all my walls and let my tears fall? But I couldn't let Axel see me like that-but I'm slowly losing control of my raging emotions. I need to leave need to leave right now. I carefully look around for my shoes but I can't seem to see them anywhere, there gone. It's too suffocating in here, it's as if the walls are closing in all around me, 'Fuck it's too suffocating...I need to leave.' I thought desperately, "Can I have something to drink?" I asked quietly a plan already forming my mind.
"Sure, fallow me. I'll get you some juice." He replies and turns his back to me and I fallow behind him. We walk down his long creamy pale walls-random pictures of him and his family decorate the walls, down the old creaky stairs, and into the nice motherly-like kitchen. Instead though, I make my way into his living room, admiring the wooden walls. The floor is a nice dark brown color, his seating arrangements; consist of a three-person leather comfortable couch, one matching love seat on it's right, and a one-man matching chair on his left. A simple glass coffee table resides in the middle of the couches, while the nice looking flat-screen TV is sitting on a glass TV stand. All in all I like his living room...it seems more usable and roomy maybe.
"Do you want Apple Juice or Minute Made: Fruit Punch?" Axel's deep but nice sounding voice asked, reaching to my ears.
"Fruit Punch." I respond running a hand threw my bed-head.
"Ice cubes?" He adds.
"Does it matter?" I ask sighing.
"Guess that's a no then." I hear him snort as he got on getting the drinks ready. I flicked my eyes around his living room to find the front door and when I found said door I quickly and quietly make my way to his oak door. I slip on my shoes when I found them. Just as I managed to unlocked the door I hear Axel behind me; I threw open said door and bolted out running as if my life depended on it. It's then that I noticed-it's pouring outside completely drenching me. But I couldn't care not as long as I continue to run and run, faster and faster. Memories' of my lovable brother and kind father slam into my mind like a semi-truck, "No. Please don't make me remember." I pleaded desperately shaking my head back and fourth, to force the memories away. My now flattened blond hair wiped at my face and stuck to me.
I'm fine I know I am, it's just a temporary set back on my part. Once I find a place to sit down and breath calmly, the memories will go away for a long time again. My breathing is rabid and hard; my legs burn and scream in agony but I ignore them. I have to continue running and running. The rain pelts down onto my face like bullets blurring my vision temporarily, I blink the rain away. My heart contracts severely and a few tears slip into the corners of my eyes. If I let them fall, then everything I worked so hard on, will be lost.
Thunder sounds above, lighting flashes above me, and I take it in. The rain falls faster and harder stinging my sensitive skin-with it's harshness. I finally spot a nice willow tree and I quickly take cover under said tree. I collapsed onto my knees and hold myself tightly together, "B-breath in and out." I stammered and did just that, 'In and out in and out. Breath, breath.' I thought closing my eyes rocking back and fourth. My clothes stuck to me like another skin and my hair is plastered to my face; water droplets drip down my back continually.
Finally my aching abused heart starts to return to normal, my memories fade away, and I feel less numb. The breakdown as finally passed but still I keep my eyes closed. See I told you I'm fine perfectly fine. Every thing is normal again. I lean back against the tree, knee's to my chest, arms sitting atop my knees with my head buried in said arms-still my eyes remained closed. With out realizing it...I fell asleep again.
"Roxas? Roxas?" A voice shouted and started shaking my repeatedly. I lifted my groggy head and slowly opened my eyes tiredly.
"Whaaat?" I asked slurring my words together, "Am' sleeping."
"You are out in the middle of a thunder and lighting storm!" It snapped and I felt the person lift me easily off the ground and onto it's back, "God damn. You are more trouble then your worth. First the horny pig-bastard at the rave and now a thunder-lighting storm. Jesus man."
"Thenleaveme." I replied all in one jumbled mess.
"Oh shut up, Roxas." The person sighed.
I bite my lip everything is all dizzy-making and foggy-looking, "Who...are...you?" I asked my words slurring and sounding heavy rolling off my tongue.
"Axel, you idiot." He replied and I nodded my head to tired and fuzzy to care at the moment, "Don't fall asleep Roxas."
I feel a sense of déjà vu when I wake up again, "Seriously, again?" I groaned and looked around, yep I'm in Axel's crimson, smoky-smelling, relaxing room again. I sit up but then force myself to lay back down, when his room starts to spin. I wait for the dizzy spell to past. The door opens and I don't need to look up to know who it is. Even in my foggy state I remember the fight we had and how he was this close to watching my walls crumble and fall. But I'm fine now I patched them up as best I could.
"How do you feel?" He asks and I sigh.
"How do you think I feel?" I responded to his question with a question, "I feel heavy and stuff are foggy."
"You were out running around in the middle of a fucking storm, of course you're going to get sick." He pointed out and I rolled my eyes.
"Way to point out the obvious, Mr. Obvious king." I mumbled and finally sat up, my dizzy spell finally passed and then well I gasped. I forgot to call my mom and she doesn't bide well with me not checking up with her, "Where's my cell? I need to call my mom, she'll be worried!" I asked frantically.
"Calm down I already called her, she knows where you are." He replied and I let out a relieved sigh, "Were you trying to get your self killed, Roxas?"
I looked down, "Please can we not do this? I-I don't want to argue anymore. It's a waist of time." I whispered softly.
"It's not a waist of time!" He snaps, "You're eating yourself up! You're throwing everything you and your brother agreed on out the fucking window!" He muttered, "And you know what, you're not the only one that's hurt! Did you forget that Riku was dating and fucking in love with Sora? "
I drew back as if I'm been slap, "Well it's not my fault Riku can't get over Sora!" I snapped, "And beside he is dead! The rules we made together don't apply anymore! Why do you insist on dragging this on?" I asked shouting, "Why can't you leave it alone like everyone else dose? I'm fine-I'm perfectly fine!"
Axel's eyes narrowed and his fists clenched, "So you're dismissing him and everyone else feelings as if they don't matter?" He demanded and I looked stubbornly away, "So your claiming that your fine? Even when you almost had a breakdown on Friday?" He asked and I decided on ignoring him, "Why are you trying to pretend that everything is okay?"
I bit my lips and curled my hands in his black blanket, "Why? Because if I pretend that everything is fine...then I can stay in this illusion just a while longer." I finally answered.
"You're pathetic. I bet Sora and your father would think the same thing as I." Says Axel and his words hit my heart like bullets, "I bet their ashamed to be related to you and think that your a fucking coward. Especially Sora."
Anger swells up inside of me and I quickly get out of his bed glaring dangerously, "Take it back! Take it back now!" I demanded angrily.
"I would...but then I'd be lying to you. You're pathetic and Sora thinks the same away." Axel says cruelly and I gasp at the cruel and harsh words. Something breaks inside me and I want to scream at him, hurt him as much as I hurt, make him cry so I don't have to, and just make him feel every single emotion I feel-just so I don't have to.
"Your such a horrible person saying those things! I-I'm not pathetic and my brother wouldn't th-think like that! Never!" I shouted hands shaking uncontrollably.
"Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought." Axel replied calmly.
"I did! I knew everything about him! He was my other half, my best friend, my brother!" I shouted nearing hysteria, "Now he's gone gone forever! I'll never see him again so I shouldn't need to cry! Crying wont bring him back, ever!" Finally just like that; everything I worked so hard on to lock away and to begin my facade of happiness-broke. The walls surrounding my caged heart started to crumble and fall. I desperately tried to patch them up but it's futile to attempt such a thing. Tears swam in my heartbroken eyes and the salty tears started falling and falling; trickling down my face like a never-ending waterfall.
First I started to cry quietly and silently; my shoulders shaking, but then I started sobbing uncontrollably. I sank to my knee's and covered my eyes with my hands; they continued to fall and fall-they wouldn't stop, no matter how much I begged them to stop, they wouldn't. I felt strong arms wrap around my pathetic crying form and hold me; shushing and cooing at me-as if I was a baby. It calmed me a little I suppose, but still my heart hurt and I felt so bitter, "W-Why...d-did...th-they ha-have to di-die?" I asked gasping for air-holding tightly onto Axel, as if he was my life line. That was my million dollar question, why did they have to die? 'Sora was only fifteen! We were only fifteen! He had so much to live for! And then a stupid storm broke out and killed my brother and father instantly-all because a flash of lightning blinded my fathers vision!' I thought angrily...then much to my dismay I myself started to feel angry. Sure I was so very sad and hurt. But I was angry so very fucking angry; the tears still fell but somehow I managed to rip myself from Axel's grasp and stand myself up, "J-just do-don't touch me. I-I want t-to hurt someone so ba-bad right now." I stammered out balling my hands into tight fists; my nails dug painfully into my skin but I kind of welcomed it.
Axel stood up but didn't come toward me, "Roxas, it's okay if you want to hurt someone." He cooed, "After all you lost your brother and father all in the same day." He is gently trying to coax me down from my anger. For some reason I grabbed something and held it out in front of me as a weapon-to protect me maybe. He looked at me in shock and I was confused as to why he did. I looked down at my hand and almost dropped my choice of weapon. It's a knife but not just any knife, a long sharp blade-with a crimson handle at it's end.
The blade gleamed dangerously in the dim light and amid my overflow of emotions I asked a question: "W-what are you doing with a k-knife in your room?" I stammered throwing the knife away as if it burned me.
"It's hardly the time to ask me that." Axel sighed, his toxic green eyes icing over with sympathy and pity, "Roxas, come over here, please.
I was going to stay right where I was but when I looked over at him-he looked so inviting and warm. Despite my better judgment my body moved on it's own accord and I found myself walking slowly over to him. When I was close enough for him to reach-he wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. I buried my head in his chest, fisted my hands into his t-shirt, and finally I let my emotions take over for once.
Hours and hours passed of me crying my heart out. Every time I though I was finished another round of tears came pouring down my face wetting Axel's already wet t-shirt. Finally though, I felt my heart start to slow down and my tears gradually lessened. All that was left of me was the gasping in air, hiccups, and sad sighs. Axel had, after a half hour passed, gently set us on the ground-with his legs sprawled out around me, I sat on my legs, my face still buried into his chest and hands still holding onto his t-shirt-my life line maybe.
I sniffed a tiny bit before I slowly brought my head up-not to look at Axel, because I felt embarrassed for some reason. I gazed at his dark navy-blue t-shirt and frowned, a giant wet-spot is on the front of said t-shirt, "...I-I'm sorry..." I whispered my voice horse and scratchy sounding, "I got your t-shirt a-all wet..." I breathed out loosening my hands-but still I didn't let go.
"It's fine Roxas, I can wash it." He lifted one arm off of me and used his thumb and forefinger to grasp my chin gently, and make me look up at him, "How are you feeling?" He asked softly.
I bit my lip trying to think of how to respond to that, "...I feel a little lighter." I answered truthfully and it was the actual truth. For some reason my shoulder's weren't as heavy as they used to be, they still felt heavy mind you, but not as much as they used to feel.
Axel smiled a true sincere smile, "That's good, that means were getting somewhere, no?"
I slowly nodded my head agreeing with him. Suddenly a wave of exhaustion hit and I almost passed out then and there, "...Gawd...I'm so...tired..." I murmured words slurring together and overlapping one another.
"Emotional and mental exhaustion, Roxy." Axel murmured and much to my dismay he scooped me up in his arms, stood up, walked over to his bed, and laid me down, "Get some sleep."
"...Could have done it...myself..." I breathed out, eyes forcing themselves to shut. With the last of my strength I pulled the covers over my tiered and exhausted body and curled into a half ball and instantly fell asleep. That night I dreamt of memories of my brother and father.
Oddly, when I woke up I didn't feel as...not sad but burdened maybe. Fuck if I know. All I know is that I was lighter and that felt pretty good I suppose. I sat up and rubbed my sleepy eyes yawning as well. I wasn't really surprised to not find Axel in his room-I mean I woke up her three times and he wasn't in here.
When I got out of his bed a smell of bacon assaulted my noise and my stomach growled in hunger. I quietly walked out of his room, down his pale hallway, down his creaky stairs, and into the kitchen. He's standing over the stove frying up some bacon and eggs. I tip-toed over to him and touched his arm, "Axel...?" I asked biting my lip.
He covered the pan and turned to me, "Yeah what is it, Roxy?"
Annoyance shot threw me, how I hate it when he calls me that, "It's Roxas not Roxy." I said taking back my hand,
"Oh, is it? Well Roxy I'll keep that in mind." He smirked and I let out an annoyed sigh.
"Well if your going to be an ass I wont say thank you!" I declared putting my hands on my hips-no it's not a famine move, I've seen other muscley guys do it.
Axel shrugs, "Doesn't matter Roxy." He says but he says it in a way...that kind of makes me feel bad.
I bite my lip again, "..Ah-uhm I really want to ah-thank you." I mumbled.
"Thought you said you wouldn't be thanking me?" He teased smirking at me.
I huffed, "Well I am thanking you Axel!" I replied, "I mean you can act all jerkish if you wish-but I am still very thankful to you..." My voice went softer and quieter by the time I finished.
Axel-much to my surprise-cupped my cheek, "You don't need to be thankful to me Roxy." He paused and my heart thumped into my chest, "Besides I was the only one that would go up to you and talk to you about it. The rest of the friends didn't want to. I mean you were one mean bitchy little brat." He let my cheek go and any feelings that I had for him quickly melted away.
"Ug! Well if I'm such a pity case why the fuck did you even bother?" I demanded angrily, "I mean if I was such a mean bitchy little brat why the fuck did you even bother?" I repeated.
Axel didn't seem fazed by my outburst kind of just sighed actually-that made me a bit more peeved, "Geeze Roxy calm down will ya? I didn't mean it-well actually I did mean it like that." He paused, "I bothered because who else was going to try to break threw your facade? Kairi was to busy in her own sorrows to talk about it, Demyx couldn't even say Sora's name without breaking down in tears, Hayner-well Hayner wouldn't hang around us anymore, Seifer was to busy trying to get Hayner to open up, to go talk to you, and Riku-he was just a total mess wouldn't eat or talk to any of us for a month-he is just now starting to move on. So really they were too involved in their own emotional pain to wonder how you were doing." He sighed and at that very moment-I felt well I felt really bad. I was too engrossed into trying to forget him-forget everything he was we did together, to check on my friends-who were his friends as well.
"H-how are they doing now?" I asked because in all honesty I never really talked to them about the Sora subject, I was to busy being in denial to care.
Axel runs a hand threw his red hair, "Kairi is doing much better, Demyx smiles more now, Hayner's back to his usual self, Seifer is fine, and just like I said, Riku is now starting to move on without him." He smiles, "And actually now there just waiting for you."
I slowly locked our gazes together, "Then if that's the case. Axel, what happened to you?" I asked, "You've talked 'bout their feelings yet you haven't talked about yours."
A sad smile played on his lips and my heart lurched at the sight, "I started to distant myself from them. Wouldn't take their calls wouldn't talk to them. I was slowly falling into a depressed state...but what made me stop myself from falling into said-state. Was watching my friends fall into their own depressed state. I was slowly watching us break apart as a group and that made me hurt more-I suppose." He paused, "Yes I was sad at the loss of Sora but I new that he was in his happy place he liked, along with your father. So I started to slowly watch over Kairi, Seifer, Hayner, Riku, and Demyx and started helping them little by little. They slowly started to come around but when I was faced with you-that was the hardest. I mean from the very day Sora passed away, I saw you start to crumble inside. You weren't you anymore I mean you smiled and continued joking around but it didn't reach your eyes-they dimmed considerably.
I mean even from what I've said earlier- after they start to come around, they did try to reach out to you but it was hopeless and they well more or less gave up. Not because you weren't worth it because you weren't trying hard enough for them. You kind of were slowly being eaten up inside and all they could do was watch. That was ate at them inside watching you slowly crumble away. So I started to leave clues here and their but you didn't catch onto them-you were sort of to far gone into your own delusion to realize them. So it was hard but eventually you started to come around. I mean we're here now aren't we?" He asked but I remained speechless.
What was I suppose to say to that? What could I say to that? I mean why would someone go threw that much trouble for someone like me? Why would they do that? Why couldn't he just leave it alone. I mean just why for everything. That was a when a thought struck me and I almost gasped, 'He doesn't...does he?' I thought, 'He can't...I mean why would he?' I thought, "...Axel why would you go threw all that trouble...for someone like me?" I asked carefully.
"Isn't it obvious? " Came his reply, "I mean I know Sora was the oblivious one-but come on. Even someone like you should have picked up on it."
I raised my brow, "...What's that suppose to mean?" I ask in one of my calm-but-deadly-tones.
"Nothing Roxy. Shall I spell it out for you?" He asks and I looked at him pointedly. I want him to say it to me-I don't want to have to say it, "Well Roxas." He purred out and bent to place his lips close to my ear, "I. Love. You."
Those three words made my mouth fell open in shock and I stumbled backwards. I just got done crying over my brothers death and father's and now I have to deal with a-a confession? My mouth couldn't form words-it sounded like gibberish and that they were tripping over each other.
I Love You.
His words repeated itself in my head and I'm aware that I'm still quiet and that my mouth is still open. I quickly shut it and look away. What could I say to that? How could I reply to that? My heart is beating fast and I'm confused no not confused-bewildered, shocked, surprise, and well I guess confused. I mean why would someone want to love me?
I Love You.
"Why would you say that to me?" I blurted out, "Why would you want to love me?"
Axel sighs and grabs my arm, "There's a lot of reason's why I'd want to love you and I wont go into them because quite frankly there'd be more then twenty reasons." He assured and that stopped my confused and muddled thoughts in their tracks. I looked at him with disbelieve.
"I don't believe you." I answered firmly.
"You don't believe that I love you or that I have more then twenty reasons as to why I love you?" He asks.
"Both. I don't know why anyone would want to fall in love with me, let alone have more then twenty reasons. Because quite frankly I find that kind of creepy if not more so." I mumbled half-truthfully.
Axel shrugged, "It may be creepy but that doesn't change my mind, Roxy." He says softly then turns back to his food, "Eggs and bacon are finished. I'll dish it up."
I nodded my head briefly but I felt my heart clench again, 'Why would he want to love me?' I asked myself. I couldn't really fathom as to why he would. I'm an emotional wreck who dismissed his brothers death and ignored his friends feelings. I'm an egotistical bastard who is much to stubborn for his own good. I'm not truthful I-I'm not innocent and I'm most certainly not a-a happy person. So why would someone like Axel-a nice, selfless, kind-hearted person(who's a bit of an ass) like some one like me. I run a hand threw my deflated blond-hair and gazed at Axel as he worked. 'What is he feeling-thinking now?' I wondered. Does he feel hurt because didn't I just well more or less diss his feelings? That's another thing that's bad about me...I crush people's feelings and hearts. A harsh sense of guilt washed over me and I flinched because of it. Axel just confessed to me and I all but crushed them down.
I felt horrible and before I could stop myself I pressed my chest to his lean back and wrapped my arms around his stomach, "I-I'm sorry Axel." I apologized, "I know it possible can't do anything for you. B-but I'm really sorry." I got the sense that he knew what I was talking about-it's like I didn't need to explain anymore than that.
"It's fine Rox." He replied and that made me feel even worse.
I shook my head harshly, "No it's not! You just fucking confessed to me! And because of how fucked up and mean I am...I completely smashed them down a-as if they didn't mean anything!" I loudly said stubbornly, "I-it's just...give me time." I mumbled softly and he unhooked my arms and turned around to face me but didn't say anything so I continued, "I know that all you've seen from me is an egotistical, stubborn, selfish, angry, bitter, rude-" I stopped there because really I could go on forever then continued, "But please give me time. I-I don't think I'm ready y'know?" I asked but it's a rhetorical question.
Axel smirked, "Don't worry Roxas, my love for you isn't going anywhere any time soon." And that made me feel better for some reason and my heart soared at the thought, "Just remember I'm insanely good looking and there's a lot of fish out in the sea." I rolled my eyes because he ruined the moment.
"Way to ruin the moment." I mumbled but looked up to meet his playful toxic green eyes.
"My pleasure." He smirked and to my astonishment he bent down and gentle kissed my lips. Now it would seem random and I suppose the kiss could be random-but at that moment it fitted perfectly and again to my astonishment I didn't pull away, smack him, and tell him to fuck off. I actually liked it. It wasn't one of those sweaty-gonna-get-sex-time kisses but those sweet chaste kiss.
Maybe I was starting to like him back? Who knows. But all I know is that I'm sure Sora is looking down at me and smiling. So with that thought in mind I kiss Axel back just as sweetly.
A/N:
Jesus Christ man. That took forever to write! I mean sure it probably isn't one of the bestest fics in the whole entire world-but it'll do.
Yes I know it has grammar errors and punctuation errors in it. But I did try my hardest to make it not so horrible, alright? And I do have a beta...but for some reason I only want her to beta Mysterious Circumstances for me. I unno why but I do.
Anyways I'm probably sure you're all confused as fuck right? I mean if your not then, whu that's exciting because it wasn't meant to be confusion. I mean I'm sure you're all wondering why he suddenly changed for an over-emotional hysterical teenage horny boy to a calm relaxing with his own little annoyance teenager. It's only because once he started excepting that fact and once his breakdown past baggage was lifted off his shoulders-relieving him of his over-flowing emotions.
Also I'm terribly sorry for the fucking corny sappiness...that was hard for me to write. It made me shudder- I swear to god it did. But I had to make Axel like that for him to fit into this story. Cuz if you're trying to help someone with his emotion's you can't have him act how he normally does-well I suppose. Hell if I know.
Anyways thanks for reading! Please R&R I'd really appreciate it 'kay?
~Lovely
ps: Yeah sorry for the MarluxiaRoxas pairing I couldn't really think of any one else-besides Sephiroth and I didn't want to use him. He's more pervy-teacher then horny-rave person...well okay I can see him as that! But that's besides the point!
pps: Oh yeah. Anyone who's reading my Mysterious Circumstances fic. It'll be updated soon...=D
R&R