Fantasies
L sat at his desk, staring blankly at the new information occasionally popping up on the computer screen. He would quickly analyze it, but leave his eyes locked on the sequence of numbers and words. L would take a bite of his cake, but his eyes would remain on the computer screen. At whatever costs, he had to keep his eyes on the monitor to avoid looking at… him.
Even just saying his name sent a shiver up L's spine. Half of disgust, the other half of pleasure.
Yes, the boy on the other end of the chain caused L to feel many emotions—some positive, some negative. The boy made him feel everything. Made him feel human. This was a weakness for L. He considered himself more than the average person—blocking out emotions was easy. But Light… Light made him feel so vulnerable, so mortal. It was painful.
"Ryuuzaki," Light called. Even hearing Light say his alias made his stomach tighten.
"Yes?" L responded, not looking away from the computer display.
Light hesitated before saying, "I've found some new clue-"
"Just email them to me," L interrupted him, as the feeling in the pit of his stomach was becoming more and more unbearable.
"O-okay," Light stuttered, turning back to his own work.
Why did I do that? L thought angrily. He was more than embarrassed for interrupting Light—he was mortified. To show such disrespect—he had a lot of nerve. But that's how Light made him feel, every single time he said something. Made him feel stupid, and childish. Made him feel wrong. Which he wasn't.
L longed to feel the younger man's body against his own, his lips against his own. But he knew his fantasies would never become reality.