"If you could go back in time, would you fuck with Hitler?" Lance suddenly said to Hunk, the two are lounging on the couch after their rigorous training session.
"Lance, what do you mean fuck with him?" Hunk inquires after putting his arm over his eyes.
"Like fuck with him. It's that simple." Lance exhales to see if he can make one of his forehead locks move, they are getting a little long in his opinion.
Hunk moves his arm to reveal only one eye to stare at Lance. "There are two definitions of fuck. One is to have sex, and the other to mess with."
"That's basically what I'm saying Hunk. Would you fuck with him?" He alludes, not giving his friend a proper answer.
"If you mean mess with him, then yes I would fuck with him." He says as he puts his arm down.
"Okay." Lance says, and the conversation ended for now. He waits for Hunk's brain to process what he just said.
"…Wait a minute. Mess with him can pertain to either doing the horizontal, fighting him, or plain old tomfoolery." Hunk said and Lance snorts.
Who even says tomfoolery these days?
He tries to act annoyed, "Hunk, we already answered that question. Correction, you did. It's a simple thing bro."
"But three different ways." Hunk echoes.
"I'm done." He huffs.
"I would strife him." Hunk finitely said, a smirk appearing as Lance raises his eyebrow.
"Okay then. Wait a minute! You didn't." Lance eyes his friend with suspicion, seeing the look on his face.
"I guess Strider is fucking with Hitler and brought Egbert along."
Lance took a deep breath, cursing inwardly, he could have made the joke. "Usually I come up with this. Man, Hunk, you're throwing off my groove. God, I can just feel your happy rays from right over here."
Hunk snorts, "I would be a stoic badass with my shades on as I strife it up with a genocidal asshole who could possibly be wearing green, and ruining the fun for everyone. Employing an AWOL subordinate who is hella strong."
"That can either be Caliborn or Hussie Hunk. I don't like where this is going." Lance says, and avoids making a connection with their resident universe problem. He just got Hunk to cheer up a bit, and not break down from the massive stress everyone is under.
"Well now you know how I feel when you get off on one of your tangents."
"Hey! You like it when I do that."
"True, but I digress."
"Nope! Ain't happening, you love me."
To make his point, Lance moves from his side of the couch to poke his friend, and Hunk forces a frown. His lips twitches before he scoops up Lance in a crushing hug. "Yeah, that's true."
"I know it buddy. Now, can you put me down now? Kind of crushing my ribs here." Lance teases as he hugs his friend.
"Oops. Sorry sorry, don't know my own strength half the time." Hunk eases his hold before setting him down. "Thanks Lance."
"What are you talking about?" Lance turns around, giving Hunk a perplexed look. He chews the inside of his cheek, and tries to not make it look obvious.
Hunk raises his eyebrow and warningly says, "Lance."
"What? I didn't do anything." He turns on his heel and whistles.
"You're doing the guilty whistle thing again."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are. You did it at the Garrison when Iverson gave that assemble about how 'new cadets should respect the facilities, and the equipment inside of it. Not to leave wrappers in the simulators from outside the canteen, which is forbidden. If I catch one of you cadets even close to the entrance you're cleaning the toilets!' sort of thing." Hunk lowers his right eyebrow and deepens his voice.
Despite how spot on Hunk's impression of their killjoy instructor, he looked absolutely ridiculous. Lance snorts out before chortling. Hunk gives a theatrical bow before clapping his hand on Lance's shoulder. "Tell me I'm right because I know I'm right."
Immediately Lance's mirth died. His plan to get Hunk distracted from their most recent fight with the Galra fleet was a success. His best friend's anxiety levels lowered, and he thought he was in the clear. He can be like a sniper, taking out his mark—this case Hunk in a better mood without him realizing what's going on—but it looked like he missed.
Lance feels a slight squeeze from Hunk's hand, and he reminds himself that he isn't alone right now.
"Hehe," Lance nervously chuckles before giving his friend a grin, "you got me."
"Dude, you have to stop denying these things." Hunk gives him a pointed look, which Lance shrugged.
It's not his fault that he wants to fly under the radar of cheering his friend up. He kind of hoped that the conversation could flow naturally, and Hunk would realize what he did after he made his escape to his room.
"What can I say? I'm an unsung hero." He winks for good measure before finger gunning Hunk.
The Yellow Paladin laughs, "Right. Come on buddy, I need someone to taste test my concoction."
"It doesn't have any of that weird purple slime like before right? I mean, you said it was good, but that thing was way too sour." He shivers just from the mention of it.
"Hey, I did not say it was finished. You just had to dip your finger in the bowl, and you had the audacity to not eat it for dinner. Do you know how long it took to make that?"
Lance rolls his eyes as he walks side-by-side with Hunk to the kitchen.
I mainly wrote this fic based off a conversation in my head when I was eating broccoli a few weeks back. Everything is tweeked, and I wanted more interactions between the original bros. You got to admit, it fits these two. Planning on making a few other short fics based off some instances about the people around me in this fandom. Right now typing up something humorous involving Keith, Hunk, and Lance.
I have a headcannon that Hunk reads comics on his downtime. I might write something about it with my favorite character Coran once I have a ending planned out.