.
The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. / A tear and a smile. - Khalil Gibran.
.
1.
A wise man once said: give he who wishes to move the Earth a lever, and he shall need a place to stand.
Shino lowers his eyes, turning over the card in his hand. They have been coming with increasing regularity now, flown by hawk and fluttering to the ground. A part of him thinks that this will be the time he will contact ANBU, something which he should have done years ago. But he doesn't; he slips the scrap of parchment in his pocket. Kiba turns to him and frowns.
"Oi, Shino. You okay?" Kiba says.
Shino turns quietly. Kiba is dangerous because he is nosy, but also because he is more astute than his teammates would suppose.
"I am fine," Shino says. Kiba's eyes narrow.
"You don't look fine," Kiba says. "You smell like shit."
Shino frowns.
"Er-that's not to say you smell bad. You know, like pheromones and stuff. You smell like you're stressed out or something." Kiba scratches his head, then flashes Shino a grin. "Me and Hinata are going for barbecue. You wanna come?"
"Thank you, but no," Shino says.
"Okay. But remember we invited you, so don't go sulking that we left you out."
"Noted," Shino says. He twists the paper in his hand.
In the safety of his room, Shino sits heavily on the bed, pulling out the piece of parchment and softly tracing the writing with the pads of his fingers. The writing is neat and nondescript, and if anyone were to come across it, its significance would be wholly unknown. Shino knows better, though. Tucked between the words and the simple line strokes is the message, I am alive. I know you are too, and Shino's grip tightens, the paper crinkling under the pressure.
He has a whole box of them, tucked safely beneath a loose floorboard in his room. Most days it is easy to forget that it's there.
xXx
.
"They say Orochimaru is still alive," Ino says. She sets down her chopsticks, frowning. "My dad heard it at the intelligence bureau. You guys think it's true?"
They sit around the camp, Ino and Hinata and Kiba, mulling over rice and pieces of meat. Rumors have spread from as far as Takigakure that Orochimaru is still alive: sightings of Orochimaru dot the countryside-mysterious killings; corpses rising from the dead. "No way," Kiba says. "Sasuke killed him. Naruto said!" Hinata nods and Akamaru whines, softly.
Shino says nothing. He sits just a few feet from the main camp, his hands forming a triangle by his chin. The group doesn't know he can hear.
"Maybe it's that Kabuto freak," Ino says. "I heard he took some of Oro's chakra. That can do it, right?"
"Shit. Let's not talk about this," Kiba says.
"What? Scared or something?" Ino says.
"No, it's just-" Kiba glances back at Shino. "They were friends, once," Kiba says.
"No way! Seriously?" Ino says.
"Yeah," Kiba says. "Even before the chuunin exams."
"Huh," Ino says. She taps her chopsticks against her bowl.
Shino stands, quietly making his exit.
None of them really need to know.
.
2.
If Shino were ever to be asked, he would say he has no idea how it all happened. Lying in the dark of his room, he examines the whole of his memories like photographs, each moment a blink of the shutterbox in his mind. He imagines himself vivisected, instant like the flash mechanism of a camera, his insides sliced thin between the layers of film for everyone to see. He is not sure they would understand, though.
Shino remembers the first day he met him, pale skin and fair hair and arms the size of twigs. He was crouching in the forest, setting rabbit traps in the brush.
"You mustn't bother him," his mother said. She took Shino by the hand, pulling him forward.
There was a sound, a high-pitched squeal, a scattering of leaves in the brush. Shino turned and saw the boy picking up the rabbit by the legs, muscles still twitching and a milky haze forming over its dead dull eyes.
xXx
.
He was healing rabbits. Shino watched, transfixed, as the boy knelt over the stump of an old tree, chakra pouring around the animal like balm.
"Do you like it?"
Shino stopped. The boy's glasses flashed. He smiled. "I can heal lots of things. You want to see?"
Shino stepped forward. His seven year-old self was curious. He nodded, transfixed. The other boy stopped and smiled.
The rock slammed into the rabbit's head. Shino yelped, blood spattering onto the ground.
"It's okay." The boy wiped his hands on his pantleg, the blood staining the cloth, slightly. "I do this all the time."
He placed his hands over the animal's smashed skull, and the soft glow of chakra returned. Shino watched as the shards of bone seemed to knit, bits of brain matter congealing as if in reverse.
The rabbit jerked upright, then struggled under the boy's grip. "See? He's fine." The boy smiled. "What's your name?"
"Shino."
"Kabuto."
They studied each other, quietly. "I'll be ten this winter," Kabuto said.
"I'll be eight," Shino said. He had actually just turned seven just a few weeks ago.
"What is that?" Kabuto said, and Shino showed him his hand.
"These are my friends," Shino said, and the bugs swarmed over his skin.
"Cool," Kabuto said. He smiled again, his eyes two half-moons creased closed.
Aburame Shino did not have many friends.
It was uncommon for people outside their clan to bond with them, and there was no one else Shino's age. "Do not worry, Shino," Shino's mother said. She sat Shino on her lap, stroking his hair. "They fear what they don't understand. But you are an Aburame, and you must be proud."
Shino nodded, then kissed his mother on the cheek.
Even back then, he knew he was an outsider.
xXx
.
"Ew, what is that? Bugs?"
His classmates stared at him, goggle-eyed, as a swarm of aphids crawled up his arm. He walked down the hallway, sullen and quiet as the other students warned each other not to stand too close, they might get lice.
"They're stupid," Kabuto said. Shino watched as his senpai swung on the wooden swing, digging his toe into the dirt. "You wouldn't give them lice unless you wanted to, right?"
Thoughts of taking revenge on his less tolerant peers were at once thrilling and depressing.
"It would just prove them right," Shino said. Kabuto grinned.
"Yeah, but I bet it'd be worth it," Kabuto said.
Shino tried not to smile.
.
3.
Sometimes, Shino would get scrolls of parchment marked from within the Fire Country, and that in itself would give Shino pause. A part of him would wonder just how close is he, how much of a threat does he pose. Those scrolls leave Shino agonized. Each time, he imagines Kabuto laughing, a sharp, mean laugh, as if daring him to be done with it and call ANBU in after all.
Still, the scrolls come. Always the same bland, nondescript script, never angry or threatening. Sometimes it's a simple message-the mountains are cold here, or It is starting to snow-and to the untrained eye, appears to be a simple correspondence, possibly from a friend or relative. Something almost benign.
Shino knows the purpose of these scrolls. To force him to think about him. To shove his presence back into Shino's life, forcefully, purposely. It is a matter of control, but Shino knows the reverse is also true, because if Kabuto is writing these letters, Kabuto is thinking about him, too.
xXx
.
There was a knock at Shino's window.
Shino woke, then rubbed his eyes. The wind whistled. Another rock hit the window, then bounced onto the floor.
Kabuto was standing in the courtyard. He was nearly twelve, but he looked smaller and younger than Shino remembered. Shino threw on a cloak and motioned outside for Kabuto to wait. Then he crept down the stairs, softly opening then closing the door.
"What is it?" It was cold and Shino's teeth chattered. Kabuto's eyes were red.
"Hey," Kabuto said suddenly. "Let's hunt some rabbits. Okay?"
"What's wrong?" Shino said. Kabuto moved in short, choppy movements. His mouth tugged. He looked like he was going to cry.
"Kabuto-nii?"
Kabuto didn't answer and Shino didn't like it. They walked into the forest, feet tramping through the tall grass.
"Want to see something?" Shino said, and he held his hand out. A silver moth flickered along his fingertips, its large wings fluttering with the breeze.
Kabuto's eyes hardened. He snatched the moth in his hand and crushed it in his fist.
"O-oi!" Shino jerked back. "Why'd you do that for?"
"Because it's stupid," Kabuto said. "It's stupid and they'll die anyway! What's the point?" Kabuto's face was pinched. "They all die and there's nothing we can do..."
Shino watched, helpless, as Kabuto struggled not to cry. Finally Kabuto yanked off his glasses and swiped his hand across his eyes angrily. Shino didn't understand. He was only nine, still somewhat sheltered by the rest of his clan.
"They took him on the battlefield," his mother said the next day. "They said he's a genius. That he could help. But what is a boy supposed to do in the middle of a war?"
Shino would later come to find out that Kabuto had single-handedly saved his adoptive mother from dying. Saved - only to get killed by a landmine just moments later.
.
4.
They've forgotten him again. Naruto and Kiba and Hinata, together for another ham-fisted attempt at capturing Sasuke. Shino broods in the shadows, fireflies dancing over his skin.
Shino knows he will always be different. Sometimes he wonders how the Aburame even reproduce at all, given the visceral reaction to his clan's techniques. Hushed whispers of incest and inbreeding fill the streets of Konoha, but wasn't that the case with other clans?
The loneliness at times is suffocating.
"Oi, we're missing someone!" Naruto shouts through the treetops, causing the rest of the group to stop.
Shino's heart beats. He waits and listens.
"Where's Kiba?" Naruto says.
"Dammit, Naruto, I'm right behind you!" Kiba says.
Shino sags. There is a reason why he does not get close to the others. In the dark, fireflies flicker across his body, and Shino curls his arms, helping the fireflies dance and letting his chakra pour out in waves.
xXx
.
"I hate my family," Kabuto said, and Shino was surprised at the venom in his voice. Kabuto turned, glasses obscuring his eyes. "They said what I'm doing is wrong. That it's a violation of nature."
Shino was quiet. Kabuto was still young; his face was still round with baby fat, but his eyes were hard and cold. "Come on," Kabuto said, and he stood. "I want to show you something."
Shino followed him, ducking under large branches and overturned pieces of wood, until they reached the mouth of a large cave. Kabuto struck a match, motioning for Shino to follow.
"What is this?" Shino asked. Kabuto raised the torch above him, torchlight bouncing off the dark cave walls.
"This used to be Orochimaru's laboratory," Kabuto said.
"What?" Shino said.
"Orochimaru," Kabuto said. "He was a scientist, like what I want to be."
Shino shivered, hugging himself. Insects crawled on his skin, embracing him.
Kabuto kneeled, holding the torch in front of him. Shino could see the rolls and rolls of parchment shredded and destroyed; overturned beakers, specimens of snakeskin and turtle shells; spider webs clinging to the wall.
"Orochimaru wanted to find a way to live forever," Kabuto said. He flashed the torch forward, his glasses lit with orange light. "Imagine. That would make all our healing jutsus obsolete. We'd just get ourselves new bodies."
Shino was quiet, but he knew Kabuto could read between the lines. It was wrong. It was forbidden. Kabuto's eyes narrowed.
"It's not like you can judge," Kabuto said.
.
5.
Word comes back that Sasuke nearly killed Naruto. "He's gone fucking bonkers!" Ino says. Her eyes are wide and she throws her arms out, gesturing wildly. "He even stabbed his own teammate! How fucked up is that?"
"That's pretty fucked up," Kiba says. Shino watches as Ino sags, running a hand through her hair.
"It's hard," Ino says. "Sasuke-kun was our friend. I get that. But sometimes it's just too late." Her face darkens. "Naruto needs to figure that out, though," Ino says.
Shino says nothing. He thinks he understands the bond the two shared: Sasuke was like a brother to Naruto; he knows how hard that is to give up. Slowly he rises, quietly leaving the circle before anyone can see.
Kabuto had witnessed his birth parents getting killed, and later his adoptive mother slaughtered. The trauma of that would warp anybody's mind. Shino understood that. He understood that need to try to bring his parents back. He told Kabuto this once, but Kabuto rolled his eyes.
"Don't be stupid. I don't even remember them," Kabuto said.
But Shino knew. Kinship was important for the citizens of Konoha, for any hidden village. Shino was an outsider, but within his clan, he had a home. Kabuto had no one. Even his so-called family, the medic-nin who found him, face dirty and smudged with blood, had started to grow distant. "He probably wishes they left me there," Kabuto said.
That's not true, Shino thought. But he looked at Kabuto's eyes and said nothing at all.
.
6.
Shino is thirteen when his friendship with Kabuto suddenly ends.
Shino doesn't understand. He sits at the window, waiting in the pale moonlight for him to come standing in the courtyard.
Shino says nothing, but behind his dark glasses, Shino starts to cry.
.
7.
They don't talk again after that. Not when they pass each other in the streets; not when Shino enters the chuunin exams.
Outside the valley of the forest of death, Shino overhears Kabuto speaking politely to Naruto. Shino approaches, wanting to speak, but Kabuto turns. He watches as Kabuto claps Naruto on the shoulder, suddenly aware of how much Kabuto has changed. The sickly, thin boy from his youth has lengthened and filled. Only his glasses remain unchanged.
Orochimaru strikes. Around him, Konoha crumbles and falls, and Shino is powerless to stop them.
xXx
.
He could see Kabuto flash-stepping through the tree tops above him, and Shino leapt forward, giving chase. Kabuto turned, snake-like, a muscled ribbon, and Shino was slammed to the ground.
"I could kill you," Kabuto said. He pressed the kunai to Shino's neck. "But we both know that's not in my nature."
"Tch," Shino said. Kabuto's eyes narrowed. His grip on Shino's throat loosened, but only minimally. His knee was on Shino's chest. He could feel Kabuto's weight pushing him to the ground.
"Do you know why I'm letting you live?" Kabuto asked. He dragged the edge of the kunai against the collar of Shino's cloak, slowly plucking down the edge of fabric. "It's not out of friendship or obligation. Can you guess why?"
Shino wheezed. "K-kabuto."
"Because." Kabuto's voice was soft. "Because you are useless, Aburame Shino. You know that as well as I."
He felt Kabuto's hand dig into the skin of his bicep. Shino struggled, but he couldn't see.
And Kabuto knelt forward, laying the barest brush of lips on Shino's forehead.
"Farewell, old friend," Kabuto said.
"Kabuto-nii..."
But Kabuto disappeared, a whirlwind of dust and smoke.
.
8.
Eyes reach up toward the gray slate of the sky, and tall grasses tremble with the threat of rain.
Shino walks alongside the river's edge, turning over the newest piece of parchment in his hand. There is no writing on this, only a half-scrawled curve of an inky mountainside, an amateur's haphazard attempt at art.
Behind him, the grasses rustle, and Shino turns. Kabuto is standing in front of him, eyes hooded with a thick black cloak.
"Do not come any closer," Shino says. Already he can feel the chakra in his veins pulse; the aphids in his skin stir. "You have no right, showing your face here."
"Don't I?" Kabuto says, and he removes his cloak. Shino's eyes widen.
His features have changed. Scales where skin should have been, eyes a pair of yellow slits.
Shino grips the handle of his sword.
"Can't we stop the pretense, Shino?" Kabuto sounds tired. Slowly Shino's stance lowers. "You know why I've come."
"And why is that?" Shino's voice is hard. For once he's glad for the heavy cloak, the dark glasses obscuring his features.
"I don't have to explain it to you," Kabuto says. "You know what it's like to be alone."
"You are manipulating me," Shino says.
"Is that what you believe?"
"Lies!" Shino pulls out his sword. Around him, insects swarm, a pulsing black cloud around the blade.
And Kabuto slices through, flash-steps in a blink. Shino doubles back. His sword sings. Kabuto's caught off guard and Shino grips him by the arm.
"Why?" Shino says. He's shouting. "Why? Why?"
The sword plunges through Kabuto's gut. His snake's face contorts. He coughs and spits up blood.
He is seven and Kabuto is nine. They sit skipping stones at the riverbank, Shino manipulating the dragonflies and Kabuto healing the mosquito bites on his skin.
Shino smiles. Kabuto's chakra is warm.
The sword is buried to the hilt; Shino is stricken. Kabuto's blood trickles out around the handle. It feels sticky and warm.
Shino searches Kabuto's face, but there's nothing, just dull dead eyes and a milky haze, blood dripping down the corner of his mouth.
"Remember the rabbits?" Kabuto says. His voice is hoarse. "Remember what we've done?"
"Shut up," Shino says. His voice is a whisper. Kabuto leers into a smile.
"I've missed you," Kabuto says. "Shino-san."
And Kabuto's body begins to dissolve, liquid embers through Shino's hands.
Kabuto's escaped. And Shino's left with nothing but a dull ache behind his eyes, and the remains of Kabuto's second skin.
.
9.
The scrolls Shino gets are rather bland. "It is warm here," or, "We are closer to the end." Kabuto's form of mind-fuckery, malicious in its seemingly benign content.
The first scroll, though, said something entirely different.
Shino was in the courtyard when the messenger held out his family's mail. Alongside the scrolls and loose-leaf parchments, orderly documents pertaining to council invites and the like, a small, half-torn slip of paper fluttered to the ground.
Shino bent over, frowning, and picked up the paper. His breath caught in his chest as he read the writing scrawled across the page.
Come with me.
There was no signature and no return address. But Shino quietly folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket. Even now, years later, he keeps the paper at the top of his box of things, as a reminder of what he once had. Even though he hates himself thoroughly after.
.
10.
When the ANBU team comes, Shino doesn't say much. Just that he engaged the enemy, but then he failed.
At the camp grounds, Naruto weeps inconsolably. Sasuke is dead to the Konoha council, and there's nothing left saving. "What kind of Hokage would I be?" Naruto wails, "if I can't even save my best friend? Tell me!"
Shino watches quietly, before placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder.
"He can still be saved," Shino says. Naruto sniffles and looks up, wide blue eyes desperately searching his.
"Y-you think so?"
"Yes," Shino says. Naruto grips his arm.
"Thank you." Naruto sniffs loudly, tears rolling down his face. "Thank you, Shino!"
He hugs Shino like a swimmer drowning, sobbing and blubbering into Shino's shirtfront.
But Shino doesn't mind. He pats Naruto awkwardly on the head, the scrap of parchment fluttering to the ground.
A/N: I ship them, even though it's the weirdest freaking pairing ever D: seriously, trying to write believable kabu/shino is really really HARD. So then I made it gen. lol :) Also: I know Kabuto is much older in canon, but I adjusted their ages in this so they could relate to each other a little better. AU, blah blah blah.