"So, Miss Mason, how long did you know him before you actually talked to him?" said the doctor in slow monotone voice.

"Five years. Well I don't count the times he talked to me on accident. Say in a corridor or in the library." She said just barely above a whisper. Her hands were shaking badly so she placed them between her knees.

"That's a long time, and you never once had a conversation with him or either of his friends?" the doctor asked raising one of his eyebrows.

"No." she said as though she was ashamed.

"Well I hate to end this now, Miss Mason, but our hour is up. I shall see you next Tuesday same time same place. Oh and here is that prescription for your new medication." He said as they stood.

"Thank you Doctor."

Whensdai walked down the street of modern day London. Slipping the prescription into her purse she headed to her car. Yes it would be easier to apparate, but anything that connected her to the wizarding world made her think of him. She sighed and sat in her car quietly, thinking and remembering. How long ago was it that she breathed for the moments he spoke to her? Sadness and regret made her arms feel heavy. She started the car suddenly and headed directly for the pharmacy. Maybe this was the one, the one drug that would fill his void. It was unlikely but at least it would give her a good enough high to not think about him.

She stood in the kitchen of her small flat in uptown London. A pill bottle sat on the counter next to an empty coffee mug. Vodka made it easier for her to take the pills. How many different prescriptions did she take now? Whensdai sat on her sofa and stared into the fire that was roaring softly in her living room.

"I need closure." The heavily medicated Whensdai said to the very empty room.

-

Anytime she went somewhere she looked for those whom she didn't want to see, especially him. She pushed her shopping cart slowly down the isles, picking out each and every item on her list. How boring her life was, but that's the way she liked it. Complicated and interesting lives reminded her of him. She sighed and continued her stopping in peace.

Whensdai turned on her radio as she was putting her groceries away. She hummed softly to the song that was currently playing. Today had been an overall good day. Not only did she get all her shopping done, but her new medication was working like a dream. Whensdai changed into some more comfortable clothes and sat down on the couch with her package of cookies and a book she had intended on finishing tonight. Before she knew it, she was sleeping soundly, her cookies uneaten and her book unread.

Everyday was the same. Always the same meals always the same work. But she liked living this way. Her job was easy and riskless. Acting that she was happy and normal turned out to be surprisingly easy. Her coworkers never seemed to notice that she was dying inside. Whensdai ignored the fact that she needed him, desperately. She only thought that he was out of her mind, when really he was in all she knew.

One evening as she was sorting through the days mail she came across a letter that was addressed to her. Her heart began to race as she opened the letter. Whensdai recognized the perfect handwriting immediately. "Hermione" she whispered as she read the letter quickly. So they were finally going to be married. Ron and Hermione, she always knew they would end up together. She smiled as she thought of the first time she spoke to Hermione. It was on the Hogwarts express at the beginning of their sixth year. She had always watched and envied the Gryffindor trio. Hoping and whishing one day she would have people who cared about her as they cared about each other.

Whensdai was raised in an orphanage. Having no family or friends she always depended upon herself for everything and anything. She can remember the day that Dumbledore had come calling for her, telling her she was a witch and that she belonged at Hogwarts as if it were yesterday. He was so interesting that she couldn't stop staring at him. Then that fateful day came, her first day at Hogwarts. She noticed him immediately, not for the rumors or that whispers, but by his aura. Whensdai felt it when she was near him. She always knew when he was around. Through her years at Hogwarts she watched him and loved him from a distance, never allowing herself to be close to him. Whensdai feared for her heart and she feared rejection.

As the years passed her love grew for him, yet she remained invisible to him. Whensdai was a very talented witch, having only Hermione Granger exceed her in their classes and examinations. She remained focused on her studies, and having no friends proved this to be rather easy.

Whensdai left Hogwarts with sadness in her heart the summer following her first year. The orphanage was so lonely for her. She hated that she had to be there, she hated that everyone else had a nice family to go home to. Most of all she missed him. She missed the laughter that caused his face to light up and she missed his eyes. She missed the way they would shine so brightly when he thought no one was watching.

"You haven't had contact with him since you left this school, correct?" asked the doctor.

"Yes, that's correct." She replied softly, her mind drifting to other lands.

"Why haven't you tired to contact him, Miss Mason?" The doctor asked in an almost accusing tone.

"I…I don't…I don't know." She said distractedly.

Whensdai could not have been happier as September first came around. Finally being back at Hogwarts felt so good to her that she could rarely be found in a bad mood. The feeling didn't last long though. Whensdai longed for friends. She felt so invisible all the time that she seemed to really not exist. The only people who seemed to register that she was alive were the professors.

The year was quickly slipping away from her. The more she hung on to the year, the quicker it ended. Whensdai was devastated at the thought of going back to the orphanage. No sooner than the night she returned, she had already planned her escape. The police caught her not but a half hour after she ran away.