Mom once said, "Laugh and the world laughs with you." You know how the rest of it goes and most days it just takes too much effort to cry. Besides, people see you grinning like a maniac and they think you're easy going, perhaps even a little slow witted - in short, a mark just waiting for someone to put the touch on you. Their mistake… my mother did not raise a fool…
And then you see some people smile and you get nervous. A little tick starts in the back of your mind and slowly consumes it until all you want to do is to run screaming from the room. That would be my partner.
People call him serious, dour, dangerous, an unpredictable mass of brains and sly intent, but it's when he smiles that the trouble is usually about to start. It took me a long time to put together a concordance of his smiles and what they all mean, but once you have it down, he reads like a book. A prickly, 'tell anyone and I'll hurt you,' book, but a book nonetheless.
There's his 'I know something you don't and I'm really sorry about it' smile. This is usually found hanging about Waverly's desk when we're being briefed or debriefed. He doesn't withhold facts from me, he just travels in different intellectual circles than I do and his brain sucks up facts the way a Hoover sucks up Cheerios.
That can often be found traveling hand-in-hand with his 'I know something you don't, ha, ha, ha' smile. This usually comes on the heels of my trying to assert my authority over him. He doesn't always take it well, but there are times when I feel the need to remind him of who's really in charge here. Keeping me humble, just one more service he offers…
His 'Aren't you nice, but I'm not interested' smile is one he primarily reserves for innocents. He attracts them like jelly attracts flies. He's funny, my partner; he prefers to be in the background, watching and waiting. When someone draws him out, that's usually when everything goes south.
That often leads to his 'Oh boy, I'm going to blow something up, hit somebody, total a car, etc.' smile. This is the one I see the most often. The man lives for mayhem, and he doesn't care if it's small or large, he just smiles. The bigger the explosion, the tougher the fight, I watch him drag himself up off the floor, and smiling, throw himself back into it.
Now to the uninitiated, these all pretty much look the same, but when you've had as much time to study them as I've had, you can pick up the subtle nuances.
But, for true glory, you need to see my partner actually grin. He doesn't do it very often and never gives them away. You need to steal them from him, but it's so worth the effort. Most people don't realize the depth of his sense of humor. Just because he chooses to ignore the more sophomoric attempts, people think he's this grim, perpetually serious guy, when, in fact, his humor is very much intact and tends to peek out just when you least expect it… and it's usually at my expense, but so worth the price.
But the grins will escape at other times, like when he sees me either attempting to rescue him or him attempting at rescuing me. The relief just bubbles up and comes out in a genuine grin. It usually lasts only a second or two and often is gone almost as soon as it appears, but it's there.
There's the grin I attribute to the contentment of his soul, if you argue that even he must have a soul, hidden somewhere in there. After a good meal or while listening to a favorite piece of music, his eyes will close, his face will relax and he will grin, unconsciously, almost in spite of himself, just content for the moment in his little corner of the universe.
Then there's my favorite time, like now.
"What are you thinking about?" He looks over his shoulder at me as we're lying in bed and I'm pursuing one of my favorite pastimes, playing with his hair. It's damp with sweat from our love making and he has a soft look in his eyes. He'll be asleep soon.
"What makes you think I'm thinking?"
"You've got a goofy expression on your face."
"Then I must be thinking about you," I admit, offering him up a smile of my own and his eyes drop and a smile sneaks out, at first shy and ready to flee at a moment's notice, then growing in both strength and confidence until it's almost blinding. A man could get lost in that smile. What am I talking about? This man already has…