My eyes flickered open as I awoke in the dead of the night, my breath caught in my throat as my heart pounded in my chest. Red flashed like electricity in my mind and eyes. The dream was so vivid. It had been six years and even thought Naomi had dated and loved others, she still dreamed of Emily Fitch. I sat up in my bed, and rubbed my eyes, I knew from experience that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep again. Red filling my thoughts and plaguing my conscious, I thought about the last time I saw Emily. It was the night of the party in Freddie's shed; I had choked out the words I had tried so hard for months to find, tears falling down my cheeks, as I never broke eye contact with Emily.

"I have loved from the first time I saw you, I think I was twelve. It took me three years to plucked up the courage to speak to you. And I was so scared of the way I felt, you know loving a girl. I learned to become a sarcastic bitch to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away, I made you think things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl, Sophia to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I'm a total fucking coward because I got these. These tickets to Goa for us, three months ago, but I couldn't stand. I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you, can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible, it's so horrible because really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much that it's killing me"

I spluttered the last words and looked up, hope shimmering in my eyes as I looked at the one person I had ever truly loved. I waited. But Emily didn't move, she stood stuck to the spot, staring at me. Tears overflowed falling down her perfect cheeks. I waited for her to say something, but nothing came. The only sound came from the gentle padding of the rain on the tin room of the shed. She did nothing. My chest ached, it burned, it shattered. I felt my heartbeat pounding through my ears and felt my heart break. I tore my eyes from Emily and stared around the shed. JJ. Cook. Effy. Panda. Thomas. Katie. They all stared at me. There eyes hollow. They knew. They saw it before I did. No matter what, Emily would never want me again. I was fucked. I was stupid. I was worthless. I was weak. I took one final look at Emily, tears cascading down my cheeks. Her mouth was slightly open but no sound came out.

"Emily", I whispered the word out, with a sense of finality and knowing.

With that I ran from the shed into the rain and into the darkening night. The rain was icy on my body but I was numb. My blood rushed in my ears as I ran as fast as I could through the stone streets of Bristol. Thoughts flew into the air as I ran, tears running down my face, becoming one with the rain, and bile pooled in the back of my throat. I had no direction, my feet pounding on the pavement, it felt like hours but in reality it was hardly half an hour.

I felt the vomit slide up my stomach and I spotted, vomiting into the guts on my knees. Emotional pain swelled in my guts as I struggled to breath. I felt as if my existence was meaningless. I was crashing. I was shaking. Everything was blurry. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I couldn't. I collapsed onto the ground. I was numb to the rain, to the cold. Gentle hands touched my airs as the world went black and my head crashed into the tar road.

I awoke in an unfamiliar room, tucked into a warm bed. My head ached and when I gingerly touched it, I had a large bruise on my forehead.

"You hit the road pretty hard"

I looked up to Effy sitting calmly on a stool near the foot of the bed. She wore a large t-shirt and tight ripped up jeans. I knew straight away the shirt was Freddie's. I realised in that moment, we were more similar than we let on. Both broken. Both of us ran away from love and in the end lost it.

"You're clothes are still drying", she spoke softly, and nodded to the nightstand. Two panedol and a glass of water sat with a clock. Six. It was evening. I had slept for nearly twenty-four hours. I nodded thanks, and gulped down the pills and water greedily.

"You're phone has been going off non-stop", Effy spoke to me, gently. No expectations of an answer hung in her voice, just a statement.

Emily. I flinched at the very thought of her. And shook my head. It was too painful. If I had a heart left, it clenched at the thought of the redhead. I fell back into the pillows, running my fingers through my hair. My soul ached. She didn't want me. The only person to breach the fucking Naomi Campbell fortress and I had driven her away. I was scum. I was worthless. I had fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me. I began to sob. Every single moment with Emily played in my head. Her smile. Her voice. Her kisses. Her touches. It tormented me. I could hear her laugh and I became hysterical. Effy slipped onto the bed and held me close. Rocking me delicately. No words passed between us. I felt wetness fall on my hair and when I looked up I realised she was crying too.

I don't know how long passed while we stayed like that, quietly grieving our losses. Comforting each other. Slowly the tears subsided and Effy gently let me go.

"I can't stay here"

My voice was raw and hoarse from lack of use and dryness, and I looked at Effy as I said them.

"I can't fucking stay"

Her eyes were unreadable as she stared at my fierce raw expression and my bloodshot eyes.

"Okay"

I left my mobile on Effy's nightstand, unable to touch it and read the messages from Emily. It was too much. I was too raw. Too broken. Effy had silently packed a shoulder bag full of clothes and pulled me down stairs.

Throwing me spare clothes to wear, by silently agreement, we didn't bother going to my house in Emily was there (she had her own key). Effy wrote her Mum a note. It apologised and told her she would be in touch and that she was fine but she couldn't stay and be reminded of the her broken heart.

It was eleven o'clock as we boarded the last bus. We didn't know where we were going; we just had to get out.

We travelled around for a few weeks, getting fucked up. Waking up with no memories. Again a silent agreement never to fuck or kiss played between us. We were broken; we were grieving, fucking someone else would only fuck us up more. We had both played that card and it had been our death card.

Finally I remembered Goldsmith University and we went to London. I did a degree in Writing and Politics while Effy with her fake A levels got her own place and took a degree in Photography.

It was now six years since we had run away. We shared a small flat on the outside of London; we had travelled all over the world. Effy was a work photographer with a small gallery in London and I wrote for a small London paper on politics or whatever took my fancy. Looking back on it in bed now, I can't help but feel pride at our achievements. My mum came to visit once a month and Effy's mum was the same. We had agreed never to speak of Emily and Freddie, but the dreams persisted.

Some philosophers believe dreams can be prophetic to the future, I wish I had listened to them. Cause my dreams were about to crash course with the reality fucking train.