This isn't going to be regular Hinata. Also this is going to be drama filled. If you don't like this, move on, but this is my disclaimer.

Prologue
1/13/2015
Summary: Hinata introduces herself briefly.

There was no poetic beginning to my troubles, no mother concerned about my mental health over my excessive book reading. I only realized the amount of trouble I was in once the water had come to a boil, and I was burning in it.

I was always an independent nerd type, and I always felt better than my peers. I have an ego trip you see, and it kills me now because no one, not even myself can stand my heavy judgment. Ironically enough though, I'm both self-obsessed in a positive and negative way. When I'm interacting at school, I think everyone is better than me and I feel so out of place. When I'm alone with my mind, I feel so rude and critical in my thoughts about others that I am ashamed. And I have the audacity to criticize others but also hate myself for not living up to my unrealistic standards.

I am obsessed with a perfection that I cannot achieve, and so hung up on things I can never do.

My family has done a pretty damn good job at taking things I could like and destroying my emotions towards it.

At eleven before I could even figure out my sexuality, my mom shamed the idea of being gay. And yeah, I was nine when I had my first crush on a girl, and she was so sweet and older and I never saw her again after a week of basketball summer camp. It was a cute, sweet crush and a lot of it was maybe admiration. I had a second, a friend's older sister, also hidden and secret because I would never be able to be in love with a girl. I "grew out of it" or perhaps just shunned the idea from existence.

Wanted to be an artist, but it wouldn't have been enough money to impress my parents.

Wanted to find love, but I can't seem to unconditionally be with someone.

I crave that feeling of love and happiness, crave it so hard. Crave the innocence that I once had and the optimism I no longer have. No one notices it because I was always shy and never had close friends, but I died inside a long time ago.

I have bounced through many boyfriends, all been terrible matches.

Shino was my first boyfriend. He was quiet, he was subtly sweet and he was so very weird. He was very good looking, although he had taken a liking to wearing clothing that hid his appearance because of his obsession with carrying bugs. As I said, very weird. I hated dating him, but I wanted him so badly that I followed him around like a fool and let him treat me as terribly as he wanted. He was my first boyfriend and I foolishly put all my effort into a relationship that had no hope. He was a grade above me, and when he went off to college he told me we would make it work, but we ended up breaking up a week later.

Then there was Sasuke. Dating him was having espresso for the first time, he was so bitter and off putting but I found myself always coming back to him. He was my first true love and my first real taste of betrayal. When I went to college, he lost interest in me. I tried to make it work, but I was only killing myself by pretending something was still there to fix.

Kiba was another mistake. He was such a sweet boy but we had nothing in common. I was depressed severely the whole time we were together due to my grades, family, and how hung up I was still over Sasuke, and it turned abusive on both ends. What I needed was to be alone, but I met an amazing both shortly after Kiba and I broke up and he was almost too good to be true.

When this boy asked me out, the only answer I had was yes, because I was afraid that if I told him to wait for me to be ready, he would leave. His name is Naruto.

Naruto…this boy embodies everything I probably would have wanted for my first boyfriend, and if he had been my first boyfriend, he probably would have been my last. He is tall, gorgeous, and social enough. He comes from a loving family, with a father who looks like him and a mother who is strikingly beautiful. He wasn't too enthusiastic about me at first, but I am now his number one priority. But the opposite has happened to me. I liked him a lot at first, and while I love him now, it's a different kind of love. He jokes about marriage, and we've been dating for almost a year, but I'm twenty and afraid of it.

He's overbearing and taught me what having commitment issues feels like.

I haven't mentioned much else about my family, but the situation is terrible. I'm sure I'll cave and talk about it soon, but for now I want to save some dignity. I also don't want to talk about some other aspects, but I'm sure I'll bring it up sooner or later. I do crave the idea of spilling my secrets.

At this point, I want to be alone. But I can't face the mere thought of being alone, it kills me inside. I just really want to be understood and accepted and feel alright inside. I want to love Naruto entirely, and marry him and have beautiful children that I can be proud of.

Most of all, I just want to be good enough for myself.