This is a parody to both Bleach AND World of Bleach- neither of which I own(I also don't own any names that are used in this story except my own, or any games/comics or what have you those names come from.), Bleach being a Manga owned by Tite Kubo, and World of Bleach being an RPG of the Bleach world owned by… Someone- I don't know who, visit the site to find out(Why not play while you're there too, eh?). This DOES have violence and swearing in it- so be forewarned! But also enjoy!
"And that, children, is why we only feed Uncle Dormammu on full moons!" I cheerfully told all the little Arrancars laying in a circle around me as Dormammu came out of his cave to eat the large pile of Hollows stacked before him- at least 5 stories tall. All of the Arrancars were looking on, morbidly fascinated as he devoured all the Hollows in one huge swoop.
"Wh-Where does he put it all?" Oftendistracted(Ironic name for someone always so rapt with attention, I say-) asked me as he cowered on the floor with all the other of his Rank behind him. He was rather short(As was every other Arrancar and Ranked officer-), 4 foot at best, with brown hair that spiked at the end, reaching just at his shoulders. He was wearing fairly standard Arrancar wear- white coat, white hakama pants, and black boots with a black obi holding his pants up.
"The same place I do… Wherever that is-" I muttered as I scratched my chin. Where did I put all those Hollows? Bah- like hell if I care! They were just so scrumptious, how could I not eat a few(hundred) dozen?
It would be blasphemy of the highest calibre if I didn't!
Though that apparently set them off, as they all had wide eyes as they ran and screamed in the other direction. I didn't really care what they were screaming, as it was pretty hilarious just watching them scream and run anyway. Especially Oftendistracted, who had released and was running around in circles like a headless chicken.
Didn't help that there were feathers flying everywhere and he was making sounds that suspiciously sounded like "Bawk".
"Okay, runt, time for you to go back to Zangetsu for training time." I told him as I picked him up by the head and started walking him to Fraccion 6's domain. "But I don't want to- I am already stronger than a lot of the other Rank 5's!" Oftendistracted interrupted my strides by swinging his leg and getting me right in the shin, making me wince and drop him.
That was my punting leg the brat just kicked!
But he apparently wasn't done as he turned around and started to gather an orange energy(Curses! My one(of many-) weaknesses!) orb around his hand. "Chispa Caos!" He shouted as I grabbed his wrist as I tried to stop him. But it had been so long since I was lower Ranked, that I forgot exactly what all these lower kind of moves did, and in that was my mistake as he wanted that. "Gotcha!" He grinned as the orb floated towards my(If I do say so-) well chiseled face.
"... You are getting such a punting when this is done-" Was all I could say before the orb expanded and destroyed the surrounding area in about a 150 feet radius.
The aftermath was there being a 50 foot wide crater right outside my God, damn, lawn!
He knew that wasn't going to do jack diddly squat to me though, so he pressed on after he got out of the dust the crater made. "Forma de aguja Cero!" He yelled as he sent his palm outward, shooting tiny needle-shaped reiatsu blasts into the dust randomly, hoping to hit me.
Now, I could have humored him and let the attack hit me(Would have bounced off anyway, as I have one of the hardest Hierros in all of Hueco Mundo-), but-
"Super Punt Attack!" I yelled as I appeared behind him and kicked him with the leg he kicked before, and sent him flying(Inadvertently sending him flying all the way to Fraccion 6's Barracks) with the powerful kick. "It's super effective!" I muttered as I pushed my Hollow remnant(That looked eerily similar to what those "Hoo-Mahns" called "Glasses"-) back up on my face.
Screw karma- retribution was my bitch!
I sonidoed, however, to Fraccion 6's area. Just to make sure he arrived there and not in the newly decorated Fraccion 4 Barracks- wouldn't want Zangetsu to be killing me now because he had one of his subordinates minds broken after seeing it, now would I? Though he'd have to get in line, as I would have killed myself before I went back to that potato infested hell-hole.
Who strings potatoes around like they were Christmas lights, anyway?
Sandy Klaws would be ashamed.
I should probably introduce myself, shouldn't I? Well too bad, my stories my rules.
"Hey, Zangetsu, you seen- oh, I see you have." I muttered at the end as I saw Oftendistracted sitting perfectly still on Zangetsu's head so he wouldn't be stabbed by his horns. Zangestu, being a fellow Legendary Espada(The highest rank a Hollow could be honored with, being the last in our Ranking system-) did not have any set dress code he had to abide by. He had a Hollow mask that covered his entire head, with long orange hair going down his waist, no shoes, and had black hakama pants ripped at their bottom, being held up by a white sash. He wore no shirt, showing his white upper body to the world, with red fur at his wrists and neck(Extremely pale guy with long hair and fluffy fur on his body, reminds me of a bishounen- don't tell him I said that though, or else I'm going to get the ass-beating of a lifetime.).
"Why are you always in your Released form, Zangetsu?" I asked him as I approached. "Scares the crap out of everyone- I remember the first time I released, all those Arancars wet themselves!" He gave out a barking laugh as he started making his way into his Barracks, me following behind him. "Yeah- how could I forget?" I muttered.
Someone had to clean up the puddles.
"Anyway, what brings you here?" He asked as we stepped into his Quarters. "Just making sure Oftendistracted was returned safely." I told him as I looked around the room. "Didn't want my ki- I mean, his attack to have backfired and sent him somewhere he shouldn't be, ri-" I stopped as I finally took notice of his… friend on his bed, apparently still out of it from previous actions. "Oh dear God-" I muttered as I pinched the bridge of my nose in my hand.
"Oh yeah- where is he, anyway? It's almost time for the weekly training session with all the Arrancars and Elite Fraccions!" He said jovially as he went about looking for his sword under all the clothes strown about the room. Apparently, he forgot it when he first went outside. And also apparently, didn't notice the now red-faced Arrancar that was on his head, looking at Julia. Just goes to show- those masks prevent anyone from feeling anything.
Helps when you have a hungry Hollow that is trying to bite your head off, or a pesky Shinigami who wants nothing more than to lob your head in two. Ah, memories-
Or at least I think those were memories- the splitting of your head into two pieces tends to make you forget things.
"Yeah- no clue! I'm gonna head out though, as I have… things to do." Yeah.
Things.
"I like your new hat, though! Real strapping!" I yelled out from over my shoulder as I exited the chamber. I'll let him deal with that one. He was King at one point- I'm sure he could handle it. Probably.
"Guess I'll-" I was interrupted as a small Hollow- a Devouring Beast, if I recall- came up to me after I left Fraccion 6's Barracks. Probably going looking for Zangestu, I mused to myself. "HELP! SHINIGAMI ATTACKING!" Or not, I guess.
"Calm down- what are they attacking? Hollows, our Base, or our Manga?" You'd think that last one would be a joke-
Yeah, you see a lot of shit after a few years.
"... Yes-" I knocked him out right after that comment. Smart-ass.
"Guess I really DO have something to do today." I spoke to myself as I went off towards Kyoto City. Normally, I wouldn't do anything about this, and let the other, stronger, Hollows deal with it, but recently, I've had more, ah, motivation to be more active in our… rights?
Do Hollows have rights? Hell- do the dead even NEED rights?
Whatever- anyway, as of recently, I had attained a very prestigious position. So prestigious, none of the Espada had even been granted the right(Of course, there were people in the position who had taken control of the seats- but that was beside the point.), which said something of the rarity of the situation. I- was a Peacekeeper. Pathetic sounding name(Especially for a Hollow-), eh? But it was still a very high position.
After so long, both sides- Shinigami and Hollow- began to have issues. With each other? No- but amongst their own race. High ranking Hollows attacking poor, innocent ones- it was sickening. I'm sure it was happening on the other side, as well, as both sides decided to make this position. The Race Genocide-it was called. Many good Hollows- and Shinigami, as well- had died during those times, killed by their own race.
Despicable.
Both sides were hit hard- had to resort to actually KILLING humans to recruit more soldiers before the other side could, and in turn gain more forces than the opposition and completely outmatch them. I would know, as I am one of said humans.
One of the last, actually, as almost all the ones turned from my time either died, or…
Gave up.
The last one I don't like to think about.
Anyway, the position was made to stop those killers and any future ones like them. We were tasked with… cleansing those trouble makers. Only if they resisted, however. Those that didn't were spared.
Almost no survivors made it.
Another reason why I was going was because I had just recently changed fraccions(Again-) to my old Fraccion where I had started out as nothing more than a wee-Huge Hollow.
… That came out wrong-
But the Fraccion members(Both old and new.) don't exactly… trust(Read: Like) me, so to get their "trust", I am going to try and protect our home!
Or the more likely option- Die trying.
Again? I'm not sure how that works-
I made it to Kyoto finally, however, so those thoughts would have to wait. Glancing around showed me most of the Espada were already there- fighting the few Captains that Soul Society could spare for this endeavor. Looked like they were going to be fended off, however, so I don't think I would have to get involved.
"Die Hollow!" I just love it when I'm wrong. I sighed as I jumped forward, right off the building I was crouching on, and stood in mid-air like it was nothing new. Just like that pig I saw awhile back-
Like I said- I've seen it all.
"Who decided to attack me this time?" I asked as I saw the crouched form of the one who tried to slash at me like I was a ham at the deli aisle. "Hmmm- Cextra was it?" I muttered as I saw the Veteran Shinigami. He, like most other Veteran Shinigami and Privaron Espadas, chose to differentiate as far from the Elite Shinigami and Elite Fraccions uniforms as he could(Because honestly- those things were God awful. Nothing but White and Black with the allowed colored shirt or scarf or what have you here or there.) He had blue-black hair, tied in a ponytail behind his back, reaching his shoulder blades. He wore a green t-shirt with a pendant around his neck that looked like a pedestal of some sort with a sword stuck in it. As far as pants went, he still seemed to wear standard Shinigami wear- but with green stripes running down the sides, as well as green ninja sandals(He really likes green, doesn't he?). He appeared to be around 5'6 with some form of ranked officer's badge on his arm as well.
"Not here for friendly tea and chill, I suppose?" I asked rhetorically as he grabbed his blade and dashed towards me. "Of course not- no one ever wants to tea and chill." I sighed as I dodged his first slash and tried to backhand him, but he shoved his blade in front of my hand at the last second, and sparks went flying. Can't seem to pierce me with his blade unless he puts force into an attack it would seem. He continued on as he retracted his blade and tried to pierce me in the left lung.
My favorite lung! How dare he?!
"My FFL!" I yelled as I stopped his blade with my hand and punched him in the face, sending him flying. It's what he deserves for threatening my favorite fucking lung. Though he didn't seem to like that as he stopped his free fall and took aim with his hand.
"Hado Number 33: Sokatsui!" He yelled as a red orb was sent flying at me. "Ah man- red is my 3rd favorite color! I can't destroy something so great a color!" I whined as the orb just hit me and exploded. He apparently expected me to dodge, block, or counter, as he had shunpoed behind me to catch me off-guard at any turn, but seeing as how I was veiled in smoke, he didn't know where I was exactly.
Flame on I suppose, then.
"Salvo la Llama!" I muttered as I swiped my hand across the air, scattering the rest of the smoke and revealing ten orbs a quarter the size of the Kido he just used floating in front of me. "Before I do this, I would just like to say-" I appeared behind him and pointed under him with the tip of my finger.
"Pozo de Gravedad."
And then all hell broke loose as a black beam screeched to a halt beneath his feet, causing a distortion before a black construct that tried to suck him in manifested, causing his movements to cease as he struggled to escape the vacuum-like monstrosity as my orbs came zooming in on our area, about to explode.
"It's times like these that I'm glad our own attacks don't hurt us." I mused to myself as the orbs expanded to twice their size before exploding into pillars of flame that anyone with even the tiniest of spiritual sense felt.
"Hm. That can't have beaten him- so where could he be?" The mixture of the flaming heat and the vortex(Which strangely never suck up these flames- or anything, now that I think about it. They just seem to slow other's movements.) shouldn't have knocked him out- he was the second highest Rank someone could get, of course he shouldn't have been beaten by this! But the Vortex was still in play so he can't have escaped out of the flames, which I'm sure are currently ebbing away what little stamina he could have at this point, so he can't waste anymore time, which meant-
"O Lord, mask of flesh and bone, all creation, flutter of wings-" He would be attacking now. Though why he would use the same Kido that didn't work before did not add up, which also probably meant-
"-The tone of the spear striking fills the lone castle!" Niju Eisho. How I do very much hate it. "Hado Number 63: Raikouhou!" My flames weakened the attack, however, so it wasn't able to get all the way through with its intended effect, and just ended up making me grunt and pushing me away from my flames, leaving a scorch mark on my hand that I used to block. It did, however, break my concentration enough on the vortex for him to escape both it and the flames that were left after his attack.
He looked like shit though, as his shirt was burnt black, his hair looked like it was singed at the ends, and he had second degree burns almost over his entire arms and a third degree one right above his eyes on his scowling forehead. Huh. He didn't seem very amused by that.
I mean, I was- but that didn't matter at this point I suppose.
"Why don't we do this like men, eh? Mono-e-Mono! No fancy spells or elegant swings of a blade! Just our dukes! What do you say-" That was interrupted by a punch to the face that caused my lip to bleed. Guess that was a yes, then-
I countered by going out with a kick that he jumped over and then tried to hit me with a haymaker, which I side-stepped as I spun and sent out my other leg that hit him right in the cheek and sent him flying. "Never really have been a Melee fighter, though I guess there is a time for anything-" I muttered as I sonidoed right above his flying form and tried to clothesline his body. Sadly(For me-) He saw my outstretched arm and took the opportunity to spin around in mid-air and tried to break my arm with a kick, using the momentum I gave him to do so.
"Shit on toast!" I yelled as his leg nearly ripped my arm off my shoulder as he back-springed off my now very broken arm to get in front of me, a smirk now on his face in place of the scowl that was marring his face before.
Don't worry folks- it will be back on there only momentarily!
I roared as I ripped my arm off from my shoulder. He knew almost immediately what was going to happen the second I touched my arm, but he apparently still wasn't used to it yet, as he winced a little before schooling his features. It was all I needed. I appeared in front of him when he started to wince and punched him with my right arm(Damn it, he broke my favorite fucking arm, too! Bitch!), the one still attached, in his stomach, right as he recovered from he wince, which made his eyes widen as he wheezed up spittle(Not to be mistaken with its brethren, Skittles-) and crouched down from the force of the blow. I then proceeded to elbow his head, further causing him to bend down more as I then tried to knee his face with my knee-
-Which would have happened had he not sliced my left leg off at the thigh(Son of a bitch! There goes my favorite fucking leg, too!) though. "Bitch!" I yelled as blood started flowing everywhere. Bifurcated right in the middle of the femur- that was gonna hurt in the morning. At least it was a clean cut, I thought to myself. Those don't hurt nearly as much as some of the other cuts I've seen(Or felt-) before.
Remember kids- it hurts when it's cut in two, but it kill's when you are, too.
That had no relevance to the current plot whatsoever, but it's still fun to say.
I winced as I kneeled on my one good leg, having to use my arm to steady myself on the… Sky. Glancing up, I saw Cextra use shunpo to come close and stab his Zanpakuto into my neck. So much for Hand-to-Hand, then. Just goes to show you, not even for a minute can you trust a-
SQUELCH
-Hollow. "You know, you'd think after all this time that you would know better."I told him as my left arm pulled back, taking my sword with it, straight out of his left lung. 'Is he still on about that?' You ponder? Yes.
I am.
"It was a good fight anyway, Shinigami." I told him as he started to drop to the ground hundreds of feet below us. If I hadn't grabbed him, that is. "Maybe next time, Cextra. " I said to him as he grunted and vanished into thin air.
That's the way things work, around here.
You see, our world is governed by three separate bodies, entities, if you will, that say who will win, who will die, who get's the last cookie from Dark's Bake Sale-
Etc, etc.
Without their consent, no major events can take place. No deaths(By another's hand, I should add, as it is still possible to kill oneself.), no permanent hostile takeovers(there can, still, be invasions that last an hour or two if our "Bases" are broken, allowing the opposing side to enter and start attacking anyone they see fit, even our Race's last line of defense(Which- might I add- also can't be destroyed) and in doing so, drop the morale of the attacked side, allowing soldiers from the other side to get their own morale boost, and in turn allowing the attacking side to gain more strength in the long haul through better training-), no murderous rampage(Hey! That's where I come in-), no nothing.
Extortion? Nope. Blackmail? You wish. Gambling circuits? One of the first things to go. Unfair and unjust attacking of lower Ranks? Fat chance. Spamming on the various global networks(Yeah- we have those here.) through which we contact friends and even enemy's asking if they want to do battle? Well, that's where the peacemakers come in.
We have a bigger job than to just prevent others from killing unjustly- we prevent all sorts of actions not allowed by the three entities(Named Hitori, "King of the North",Warusaki, "Senpai"... Don't ask, and LsmJudoka, "OSkomodo", not uh, sure what that last one means, but, it's there-), such as spamming the different social networks available to both Shinigami and Hollow, making sure no one cheats in battles(Ever see someone pelt rotten eggs at a person in Bankai so that they couldn't hide from them because they smelt like rotten eggs? I know I have-), killing hoomahns to make them into soldiers(Doing that with Shinigami is easy- making a Plus a Hollow? Well- let's just say I have never seen such fat Devouring Beasts before.), and a plethora of other acts.
Of course, these entities are new to here(Obviously, as if they were here before, The Race Killings would not have happened.), coming not too long ago, around the same time I was killed and made a Hollow. Sucks they didn't come earlier- but what can you do?
Turn yourself into a Shinigami and be cleansed, only to become a Shinigami in the process?
I think I'll stick with being the 'Monster' thank you.
Well, looks like we were able to push he Shinigami back anyway- for now. They always came back within hours of failing, anyway, so they would be coming back when everyone was sleeping, more than likely.
Bastards.
Now what to do- the Shinigami were gone, the Hollows had went back inside, and I hadn't tea nor people to be able to tea and chill, so that option was out. Shrugging, I brought out my phone(Looks like those "Apple" products those "Hoo-Mahns" have- stupid name, really. Named after a fruit- or maybe named after the forbidden fruit, instead, because you could see those kinds of things on the device(It's amazing what women can do with their legs-), not sure which, really.) and activated it, going on 'Hollow Hook-Up'.
'Zero Friends!'
Aw, crippling loneliness. My old friend.
I went through all the Hollows that were online at the moment, seeing if any of them were up to talk or not(Of course they weren't- this is me we're talking about!), seeing if any wanted to fight(Loathe I am to admit it, especially as a Hollow, I hated fighting with a passion(A passion so strong, if shown to a woman, they would be without a doubt, in need of a towel.).) , or to see if I could watch a battle(Which I am curiously indifferent about. Meh.) , and to my surprise(And relief, as it meant I didn't have to go out and… Make friends- I shudder at the thought.) I found one I could spectate.
Andreza Oltorain VS Yuji
Oh? A fight between a Legendary Shinigami and a Legendary Espada? Better than anything I could have hoped for! Time to mindlessly watch two people beat the crap out of each other for my amusement! Were they really fighting just for my amusement? No, they weren't.
But I like to think they were!
Clicking the link, my phone was transformed into a Television like object about the size of my waist, that was able to sit on the air like I was. Weird? Yeah- damn useful though. It looked like a regular Television those hoomahns used, except instead of a black frame almost all Televisions had, ours was covered in white bones, with a pitch black screen, making it seem as if the object was…
Hollow.
And I wonder why I don't have any friends- anyway, soon after it had transformed, the screen came to life, showing the battle had already gotten pretty far in. It appeared Andreza had released and was forcing Yuji back constantly, not allowing anytime for a counter attack.
Andreza was a fairly tall man, 5'11, and has midnight blue hair, perfectly framing his pale form, and going with his black and blue outfit. He wore an equally midnight blue shirt under a blue trench coat with a high collar that was pushed down, just reaching his lower chin. He also wore midnight blue pants, with a dark gold ring around each thigh, held up by a white piece of clothe. For footwear, he wore a pair of black boots with blue trimming. His released sword, now released swords, were not very long, a foot and a half blade with a six inch handle and black fur in place of where the guard should be. He held all three of them in the same hand, his right, while in his left, he held all three of their sheathes, which probably meant he used them as wea-
"Kneel, Santo Divina!" Oh, it looks like Yuji had released while I was in the middle of speaking to myself and my audience.
Bitch.
When those words were uttered, a bright light erupted around Yuji, blinding Andreza. Luckily, I had the forethought to put on sunglasses when I realized who was fighting(Yuji really loves those flashy(Literally-) techniques.).
When it died down, Yuji was now about 5'5, decked in a swiss maiden's outfit, complete with a white shirt, half covered under a brown brassiere, which flowed into an orange skirt. On the legs were grey pinstriped stockings, which went down into brown boots. Yuji also had long, flowing yellow hair tied in twin pigtails by two white hairpins, the Hollow remnant of Yuji(It's what all Hollows have, it's just that most remnants are not visible until the Hollow releases their sword, thus allowing the remnant to grow with their host.), also, a barre was on Yuji's head, covering a part of the skull. To top it all off, was an orange bow-tie around the neck. The resurreccion changed the sword Yuji was using before into a large, dual scythe. All in all, it made Yuji look like a pretty girl who didn't have a clue on how to even swing the large thing.
Yeah. Definitely a Trap.
Seeing the injuries the previous fight had given, Yuji raised the scythe into the air. "Luz Divina!" With that, all the injuries were healed, including the particularly nasty cut right above where Yuji's left... breast, was.
Andreza gritted his teeth as he charged at Yuji, raising his three swords in hand, as Yuji quickly raised the scythe to block, and then spun, causing the swords to be knocked off balance and had the scythe swipe in the opposite direction the blades were coming from. Luckily for Andreza, he used his sheathes to block at the last second, but it caused him to be thrown back.
Man! That attack was killer! I could almost hear it directly from the battlefield! In fact, it felt like I could feel Andreza flying past me as well!
… Oh.
"What up, Yuji?" I asked as said person appeared next to me in a flit of buzzing that always indicated when sonido was used. "Not much- except this guy decided to snipe me after my previous battle with Archer." Yuji grunted. Despite looking like such an innocent little woman, Yuji's voice sounded... androgynous, almost. "Ah, low on on energy?" I asked, getting a nod in return. "Anyway I can get you to help?" Yuji batted eyelashes in my direction, causing me to shutter. That was Kayo's trick- not mine! Yuyo, I think the name was called. Not sure about ship pairings, really. I'm more into selfcest, anyway. MooMoo I call it, taken after my first name, Mu.
I ship it- don't judge.
"As long as you never do that again- sure." I said as I held out a fist right when Andreza came shunpoing in front of us, causing him to rocket into my fist. Fast little trick, he was, but handling and steering were never his forte. Subsequently, he didn't need steering to slice my arm into three and then bat those pieces away in the same motion.
At least it wasn't favorite fucking arm, this time.
"Bakudo Number 63: Sajo Sabaku!" Andreza shot out thin ropes of reishi that then veered toward me, and proceeded to hold my newly regenerated arm, and the other one too, to my torso. "Ah, god, dang it- I hate Bakudo." I whined as Yuji went to confront Andreza.
The Way of Binding- such a fickle art. Not many Shinigami dabble in it, choosing instead to go with Hado, Kaido, or Chiryoyo Kido- and if they didn't choose any of those, they tended to lean more towards Hakuda and Zanjutsu. Me? I hated it for one reason-
"I can't cross my arms, damn it!" Let it be known, I always have to do something with my arms. Just a habit I picked up from before I died, I suppose. Or, from having to constantly be on the move when I was a younger Hollow so that I didn't get eaten-
Take your pick.
It was easy enough to break, though, so I was never in them for long. All I had to do was flare my rather large Reiatsu(Having one of the hardest Hierro's means a lot of Reiatsu, and also dense reservoirs too, which sucked when I was a just a small Arancar, as it meant my control sucked all the wee-wees. Luckily, as time went on, I increased my control, and am now very proficient in controlling my energy- to the point of being able to even turn off my Hierro for set periods of time… As you no doubt saw when Cextra cut off FFLL(Favorite Fucking Left Leg-) and Andreza easily slicing my arm to bits.) and the spell would either be completely destroyed, or would erode enough to the point I could physically break it. In this case, it was the latter.
"Grah!" I roared as I broke the spell by pushing my arms outward. "Pantano Mortal!" I yelled as I back-flipped onto all fours, and opened my mouth as wide as I could.
Normally, this wouldn't be how I used the attack, as I would usually place my hands on the ground and flood it with my Reiatsu, causing the ground around me to transmorph into a viscous like substance, highly toxic to anything not me. However, two things were different this time- biggest being we were all suspended in mid-air, and there was no ground what to speak of. The other, less significant part, was that I couldn't exactly use it for fear of friendly fire.
Call of Duty had an off switch for that kind of stuff- why couldn't we?!
I took aim where at where they were fighting, and slowly built up reishi in my mouth. The way I would do it was through my saliva(Gross, yah?)which I would transmogrify into the same base compound the ground in Hueco Mundo was made of, allowing me to-
Ah, screw it! All you need to know is it won't harm Yuji!
"Fire!" I(Somehow-) yelled with a mouthful of venom that I then spewed out of my mouth towards the two. The effects were almost immediate, as Andreza's eyes widened and he started to cough when he inhaled some of it. Yuji, well...
It didn't hurt too much.
I appeared in front of Andreza, kicked him, which in turn threw him out of my smog, grabbed Yuji, and hijacked it out of there. Might as well not let him die too, while I'm at it. "You good to go?" I asked as Yuji nodded, making sure nothing got into orifices by covering them all. "Good, so you won't mind if I do this-" I said as I picked Yuji up and started spinning in circles. "Wait, what are you-" Yuji's eyes widened as realization hit. "Técnica secreta : Lanza odf los Muertos!" I yelled as I threw Yuji at the still recovering Andreza, causing them to bowl into each other and sending them out into the distance.
Like I said- I hate fighting(Seriously- if the other Hollows knew, I'd be fired!).
"BOOM!" Speak of the devil, and she shall make my life hell. I looked over to my left to see a massive fire obstructing the view of what used to be the biggest skyscraper in Kyoto. Used to being the keyword here.
A shame. I really liked coming here at night and standing on that High-Rise while pretending I was Batman, with the city not deserving the hero, me.
Hearing wind whistle, however, broke me of my thoughts and made me look up to the noise, finally seeing the one who caused the fire falling in my direction, a grin on their face.
Now- I had one of two options.
Either get out of the way of the obviously psychotic lady who was about to drop right on my face and more than likely cause bodily harm to me in the process from the seven hundred or so feet we were above the ground, or not side-step her, and get the only possible female contact I would get in this century.
The choice was obvious.
"Thanks for breaking my fall!" She giggled crazily as she got off my chest and dusted herself off inside the 20 foot deep crater the impact had made. She had medium length blue hair that reached the middle of her back, with some framing her face, and the rest covered by the elk skull that was her Hollow remnant on the top of her was about 5'7, and wore what appeared to be a private school uniform, decked out in a fancy, dark blue upper body suit that flowed into a similarly colored skirt that barely reached mid-thigh, with pale small, blue roses acting like the buttons, holding the suit closed. Under she appeared to have a white button-up dress shirt with a yellow tie around the neck, barely visible at the top of the suit. Right where the tie ended, the collar ended, and to the side of the collar, she had what appeared to be a silver badge, but of what, I had no clue On her legs, she had the same colored leggings, with yellow bands around the lower thigh, and around the upper shin, she wore a silver leg bracelets, which were right where her boots ended as well. Right in the place of her lumbar, she had a sheath attached for her sword. The sheath itself looked as if it was made of blue yarn- with pieces of it cascading down to her feet- two pieces in particular went to just above her knees and held onto what appeared to be a 3D orange diamond inside a white, spherical cage. The sword itself, seemed to be lodged inside my gullet. But still...
I, for the life of me, couldn't get the shit eating grin off my face from the view I had just been given. Screw if I was stabbed in the kidney by her katana- it was worth it!
"So- what brings you into the neighborhood?" I asked as I stood and ripped her sword out of me. Did I mention the end was serrated? Probably not- as I just figured out myself when my kidney went with the sword because it got caught on the serrated edges. Man, I'd be down so many organs if I didn't have these amazing regenerative powers.
A lung, two kidneys, my frontal lobe, pituitary gland, esophagus, small intestine, BIG intestine, anus(Cue shudder-), thyroid gland(Strangely, same time I would have lost my anus… don't ask-), my cerebral cortex, inner chamber of the heart, left testicle-
Ah, and here comes the reason for most of those reasons now.
Fluffy(Affectionately named after former Espada 'Afro' when she was still under the reign of him, it was her nickname to him that she eventually gave to this thing-) was a walking definition of the word "Irony". A giant heap of a monstrosity, it was the bane of most of the Fraccion 10's existences(Mine included-) when it was still there. It was massive, about 15 feet tall, and at least 20 lengthwise, with no fur what to speak of. Just white bone everywhere. He also had a big tail that he constantly uses(Not sure if it's accidental or not- it still hurts either way.) to knock people aside when it runs past them. It's head wasn't directly attached to its body, either, which made it look like a bone helmet. It should be noted, that lobbing it off won't kill it(I know- I've tried.), making it nearly immortal until it dies from old age.
If that was possible, anyway.
"Oh, you know- making a bonfire. The usual." She shrugged as she started juggling a couple of fireballs she made from her Reiatsu in her hands while watching the giant tower before us slowly crumble down with a glint in her eye, watching as it destroyed nearby buildings with the burnt I mention this was all slowly turning me on? Do I get off on lunatic pyromancers? No-
But damn if I didn't get a wiggle from a girl even half as crazy as me!
"Right- isn't that bad for that, "Global Warming" thing those hoomahns keep going on and on about?" I asked her as she hummed and threw the fireballs she was man-handling up into the air, only to have Fluffy start using them for target practice by slapping them with his tail into other buildings, causing explosions and even the faint girly scream to be heard throughout the town(Huh, could have sworn they hit a men's only sports club where that last girly scream came from-).
"Why should we care- we're Hollows." She made valid points- but still! I must persist. "Well, without hoo-mahns, where would all our food come from?" "We mainly eat Hollows, or the rare Shinigami anyway." That- was a good point. "But, the Hollows are made from Pluses of those same-" "Reincarnation- ever heard of it? It's where the dead are resurrected into new bodies, which will eventually turn back into food for us." I… have nothing. Well, if she's as crazy as me, then logic wouldn't work- and I had to stop her from killing the hoomahns, so it was time for some UNlogic!
"... You keep that up, Fluffy will die of cancer-" "NO- FLUFFY!" She screamed as she started to run around in panic(Hell, Fluffy even started to join her.) before jumping on Fluffy(Yes- because when something is about to die from a terminal illness, you immediately jump on it and demand it to take you places. Brilliant.) and rode off towards the Base that allowed entrance to Hueco Mundo. Sighing that the only female contact I'd have in a while was gone, I started to ascend to the sky, until I reached the same height my phone(Still that weird object-) was.
I turned back around to my phone and started walking back to it. Still early- more time to kill I suppose. I snapped the object back into its phone shape as I went back to looking for a fight to watch(And hopefully not become a part of, this time-) that wouldn't bore me to death. Sadly, no fights fit the description except one, but one of the fighters had disabled spectating.
Hated when they do that.
You see- the way we are able to spectate the way we do, is through a set series of cameras strewn about the worlds, set there by the three entities. Anywhere, fights will be recorded, so that they may be shown to any who wants to see. However, some people were outraged by this(Mostly the same Race Killers that used to be everywhere-) so it was decided that if wanted, the fight could be censored to those wanting to watch, so it looked like I was screwed out of a watching an intriguing fight.
It also looked like I was a massive dumb ass, too, didn't it?
Unlike the latter, luckily, the former was fixable.
Just to make sure no Race Killings take place without our knowing, every Peacekeeper is allowed to spectate on ANY fight they so choose- under the terms that they are not allowed to abuse this to find and snipe other Spirits who are battling it out. Was I really going to use this sacred power just to sate my own boredom, though?
You know the answer better than I do by now.
Charging some Reishi into my left hand, I placed my phone in the hand, making the phone click twice, before a hidden app that wasn't on my phone before appeared on the screen, under the name of "Peacekeeper's Piece". It allowed me to watch any fight I could and would want to watch.
And I was about to abuse the crap out of it.
FIGHT NOT FOUND!
… Or not. Checking again, it still showed the people- wait, no- person, was still fighting. But that can't be- as I am allowed to watch anyone fight! There is no one(Not even the three great bodies!) who can escape the capture of these cameras! Unless… They were destroyed beforehand. But- those that do that are always punished(Usually with termination- just to make it extremely threatening to do so.), so who would be stupid enough to do that? No one I knew of, obviously. So… A new entity, maybe? But if that were true- then they would have to be extremely powerful, as even the current Espada would have trouble destroying those things! So-
This was bad.
"Resume, Matanza Maxima!"
Very bad.
Sonidoing towards where I heard the cry, it came from an alley between two buildings. I already knew who one of them was- Wasshyl(Jwash as everyone calls him.). Crude kind of guy- below average height, about 5'6, caramel skin with dreadlocks covering his eyes. White hakama pants stuffed into white boots, white vest over an equally white hoody with the hood perpetually over his head, blocking out the rest his dreadlocks did not cover. All-in-all, guy likes white.
I can respect that- I'm white after all.
But it appeared he was in his Resurreccion state, which, quite frankly, was about as smart as one of the 4th Espada's bag of potatoes(Which was actually a fairly impressive feat for a creature such as him- those potatoes are freakishly smart for vegetables, in fact, our scientists have proven that they were capable of intelligent thought! Sure, the thoughts were nothing impressive, like 'Spud', or 'French Fry'- but still! A potato thinking! Have to give the guy some credit- he raises a mean potato.) and abou as social as a brick wall(That is to say, it will listen, but it won't say anything or give three flying fucks if you were maimed right in front of it, then had your grandkids eaten by some horrific monster. It will just continue on being a brick wall(But in this case, instead of standing there, he will go out and murdalize all who oppose him.).).
He's just that devolved.
He looked like a regular Hollow- just white(Ironic, ain't it kids?) and exceptionally taller than a regualr Hollow- maybe even bigger than a Gillian! And his skull looked like a cross between a human and a reptile, with narrow, beady yellow eyes and sharp fangs. He wore ripped black hakama pants that stopped short at his upper thigh, barely covering his unmentionables(Do we even have those? Yes- yes we do. I checked- had to use a magnifying glass, but still.). The only other mentionable thing about him, was his tail, that stretched as far as his body was tall, tipped red(Is it blood? I like to think it's ketchup in case he ever goes to Fraccion 4 for some fries-). Really, I don't like his released form- stupid, brute, and instinctive.
But he wasn't alone, as the ones who forced him to release were at the end of the alley as well. Sadly, I couldn't see what they looked like as he darkness kept them all covered(I just knew Jwash's release from memory.), I could see, however, outlines, and there were three of them, all looking particularly feminine.
Would a sudden catfight be too much to ask for?
Apparently, it wasn't, as I couldn't quite hear what was being said, but pretty soon, two of the women- the biggest boobed one(D-cup? Hell yeah! My favorite letter!) and the smallest boobed one(A-cups? Eh- boobs had to start somewhere, no?) started to get into a heated argument that would have evolved into scratching and kicking, I'm sure, had the third one not stopped them(I already immediately dislike the third one.) from continuing, and apparently sent them out to deal with Jwash.
Sadly, an alleyway was not the best of places for jwash in a fight, as he only uses claws and… Tentacles(Because what would a story based around the Japanese be without tentacles?!), and in such a closed space, he couldn't maneuver like he normally would. Those three must have cornered him and made sure he couldn't escape, just so that he would release and have an even harder time.
Question is- how do they know how he fights? Obvious answer would be through stalking, and spectating enough of his fights to know how well he works in some environments better than others. They get points for dedication- and I'll personally cash in those points for them. Towhat? Why, to an ass beating of a lifetime!
Looking down, I saw the three mystery women shooting out Cero after Cero at Jwash, who shrugged off most of them in favor of speeding towards the three. They all seemed surprised he was able to do that, so they didn't put up a defense to the sudden swipe Jwash made with his hand, sending them all flying back. Sadly, they all got up almost immediately and went back into the fray. They dodged a lunge from him by jumping over him, and all three proceeded to stab their swords into his back, then almost as soon, retrieved their blades and made a hasty retreat, right as three tentacles(Yeah- cliche, I know. Three women and a whole bunch of tentacles.) came and stabbed into his back, right where they were before.
I facepalmed. An intelligent potato was still a potato.
Anyway, The tentacles retracted, and soon followed after where the girl stood. Terrible mistake, as they were prepared for that, and cut off all three of his tentacles, causing him to roar in pain as they fell to the ground in a shower of blood, wiggling all the while- trying to receive commands from a source that just wasn't there anymore(Was it even there in the first place? I had to ponder-). The girls looked at each other, nodded, and rushed forward, screaming something along the lines of "Tea-sama!" Or something of another- I couldn't hear properly.
It would appear, though, that their knowledge on him was limited, as they all seemed to yell in surprise as another tentacle popped out of his lower back, and smacked them all away.
My mind was still on what they said- they were talking of someone of a higher importance than them, that much was clear. As Jwash regrew his tentacles and proceeded to try and play 'Whack-a-Mole' with the women, I pondered this discovery.
I knew not of anyone called 'Tea' or anything even remotely close to the name around here- Hueco Mundo or otherwise. So who was this 'Tea' or whatever they were truly called? Were they anywhere near to where I was relatively located? Were they also a girl? Would they go out with me?
Did they want to Tea and Chill?
So many questions that needed to be answered!
But seeing as how I could feel a presence above me, that just about answered question number two…
Now for some more answers.
"Do you want to Tea and Chill?!" I yelled up at the person. A cero directed in my direction was my answer, completely destroying the building I was previously standing on.
Of course they didn't want to Tea and Chill.
Hey guys, I'm back. Not dead(yet-) it seems. Now, regarding my other story(You know- for those who HAVE read it and liked it?), I am not sure when I'll post another chapter(The one thing that had all my chapters in it broke- so lost all that.), but I know how it feels to read a story that you really like, only to have it abandoned. I don't wan that to happen! So I will try to get that going as soon as possible! Ja Ne~