Can you still see me?
Chapter 1
This takes place after Edward leaves Bella.
"Dad its ok, really it is"
"But Bella i don't think it's a good time right now"
"It's never a good time for me is it?"
"I just mean that you could regret all of this. And i don't want you to"
"Like i said it's ok, i know what im doing"
i been standing here for the last hour trying to explain to Charlie that what i was doing was going to make everything fine and put things back to normal. i knew what the price was going to be on my half and on everyone else. Everyone loves me but they just didn't understand. They said that they did but i knew better they were just trying to make me feel better. They could not have done anything or say anything to make it all better. Or erase it all from my memory.
"I'll miss you Bella"
"Awww dad don't do that, you know i hate that"
i walked over and hugged Charlie . Out of every one, it was going to be the hardest on him to have to see me leave like this. He thought I'd get over it. It has been 2 years now and i just wasn't feeling any better. All of this around me just put me back to memories i really didn't want to remember.
I let go of Charlie and looked at him
"Remember what i told you. no one is to know ok. It's just between you and me ok"
"Why do you have to keep everyone out of it?"
"Because it'll be better to have them think something else then the truth"
"Not even Jacob?"
i wish Charlie hadn't said that . I had forgotten all about him up until he said his name. It was mean and heartless to forget him but he was there in my head as much as Edward was. I wanted to tell Charlie the truth about what happen with both sides. Id rehearses it in my head a dozen times and still i could not find a good way to explain it to him. And i guess i never really wanted to find out how he would take it really.
"Not even him dad"
"But why Bella. You two were so close when you were in the dark. . You even said that he was your sunshine and that he made you see again and to feel again. He brought back everything you had before HE left you"
"I no dad. Nevertheless, i just want to keep everyone in the dark until i come back, Jake is smart he will no something is up. So you will surely be hearing or seeing him, alot asking me where i am. But i know you can lie and tell him i went off to college. Just not where"
"Bella i wish you wouldn't do this. Your hurting alot of people who love you and want to help"
"i know but i want to do it on my own for once.
Charlie just stood there thinking about what i had said. Finally, he heaved a big sigh
"Ok your right. I won't say anything"
"Thank you, i know you don't want to but it'll make me feel better"
"Yea yea yea kid"
I got into my car. I looked at Charlie. He was trying to hide the sadness but i could see it.
"I'll call when i get there ok. I love you dad"
"Love you to Bella"
i drove off without looking in the review mirror. To say i was scared was an understatement i was terrified of what i would face when i did ever decide to come home. I didn't want Jacob to be mad at me but i knew that he would.
i felt like that no matter where i went both Edward and Jake would come and find me and take me home to watch over me.
i turned on the radio to see if i could stop my mind from thinking so much and trying like hell not to turn around and go to the one place i really didn't want to go.
It helped a little to distract my mind from what people would say or do when they found out about me not being here any more
10 mins later of hearing some songs they all had me thinking of both of them. Therefore, i turned off the radio. And drove in silence. with my thoughts speeding in my head if doing the right thing on not letting my best friend know what i was doing and not to go to him and fill him in that i was not gonna be around any more
That was the stupidest question i have ever asked myself. Of course, I don't want to. For iv already hurt him too much. I loved him and Edward but still I had choose Edward over him even when the chance was giving to me I went to Edward.
But I still felt the need to let him know what I was doing I didn't want him to feel left out but I knew that this is what I wanted and even though it hurt to do it I knew it was the right thing to do . So I kept driving to the airport
. I didn't have to worry about Edward what i was doing cause i can guarantee that Alice had filled him in. and if not then that was ok. I'd like him not knowing at all. He had the power to follow me and watch me when i was unaware of it.
He could always follow my oh so tasty sent. That is if he knew how to track at all and if not then he still had a million other ways to find me.
That made me shiver just the thought of him being able to find me whenever he wanted. When he left, i was dead to the world. i couldn't breathe half the time and eat or sleep . He was just there every second of the day. With his sweet voice talking to me. Id relive the moments we had fearing that i would forget him.
I had no real memoires on how all that had made Charlie feel or go through. I don't even remember seeing him half the time. I just remember the darkness and Edwards voice everything else was dead to me like I had no family or friends no school no work no nothing, but it was there .just not seeing it. Like I was being controlled by some one
But as the months kept coming and I was slowly coming back to life i realized it was me trying to forget him. i wanted to move on . Wanted to forget. I wanted a life again; i knew that i could have one. But the only way would be to get away. For how long i did not know i just hoped it would not have been more than a few years. Or maybe that is what i really wanted
I hadn't really thought all this out im just going with the flow. And that got me thinking about even more things that i just remembered
Alice could only see what i was thinking on doing. So if i just went with it without thinking she couldn't see me. So maybe I'd have to work on not thinking and just flow with the wind. So to speak
As I was driving to the airport, i was picturing if i should change a few things about me. i was hoping that if i did no one would know who i was if i ever came back to forks. i guess i could test it out on Charlie. i wonder what he would say.
i always wanted to be a blonde may be i would do that . Then i can work on a tan. Then move on to toning out my muscles. Then take dance lessons to work on my clumsiness
. I could just see it now every one not being able to keep their eyes off me. And awing at my beauty
That made me smile. I really wanted to see what Jacob's reaction would be. I already knew what Edwards reaction would be already he was so predicable it was sad. He'd tell me all that mushy stuff. And he still think I'd be too fragile to handle.
I think that was why i wanted to get away. Get away from everyone who knew that i was weak and a klutz and shy. I wanted new people to meet i wanted to be a new Bella. I wanted Jacob and Edward to know that there was more to this Bella then the new Bella that was going to be born in the next few years
As all the new ideas that were swarming my head i was getting giddy by the minute on what it would be like to change and come back and have every one wonder what had made me change
As i pulled up to the airport i saw my friend Angela waiting for me. I got out and headed to the trunk.
"Hey Ang. thank you for helping me out"
"No problem Bella. Im always here for you"
"And that's why your helping out today" I said with a laugh
"Yes. That is why," said Angelia smiling
Ang didn't really know what i was doing. All she knew was that i was going on vacation to get away. It was a few weeks ago before i decided to do this that i filled her in on what had happen. She was the only one who stood by my side during the whole ordeal.
i had asked her to have Ben drive her here so that when i showed up she could take my car back to Charlie.
We both got my stuff and headed inside. .and went as far as Ang was able to go without having to board the plan
"I'll miss you"
"I'll miss you to Bella"
"I'll write whenever i can get the chance. Ok "I said as i hugged her
"Ok" she said with tears in her eyes
"Hey hey. Not of that. I'm coming back"
"I know. It's just...that it's going to be lonely without you."
"No it won't. There'll be people out there who are more fun than me"
"Ha ha. I like to see that"
Flight 568 to London now boarding at gate 4
"Well that's my flight"
i hugged Ang one last time and boarded my plan headed for London..
Sorry it's short. Reviews please. Chap 2 will be up soon kk ^-^
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