Title: Broken but not completely.
Author: darkwolf5
Rating: Pg-13 for mentions of violence?
Pairings: Dean/Cas Pre-slash.
Spoilers: Series 5.
Warnings: It's angsty.
A/N: Right this is a story I wrote AGES ago, when season 5 was still airing and I just don't know what to do with it, so I decided to hell with it, I'll post it, even if we are nearing the end of season six now. I mean why the hell not? xD
Summary: A VERY late missing scene Set during 5.18. A character conversation In which Cas cares, Dean is broken, and there is lots of angst.
Set after the fight scene where Cas beats Dean into a bloody mess.
Broken but not Completely.
Dean ached everywhere, every inch of flesh felt bruised and damaged. The memories of what happened, although fuzzy and disorganised were slowly filtering their way back into his mind fighting for his full attention. None of them, however, explained why he was in a relatively comfortable bed and not bleeding to death in an alleyway.
Something cool dabbed at the side of his face and he groaned, pulling away slightly because it made the cut that must still be open sting. A warm hand cupped the side of his face and tilted his head back into its old position.
"Stay still." The voice was familiar, familiar and rough and apparently still pissed off. Dean flinched away from the anger, he didn't even know why the angel was here, the last thing Castiel had been doing was beating him to a bloody pulp, and he didn't exactly blame Cas for it.
"Cas?" His eyes fluttered open, and Castiel's face came into view, startlingly close forehead knitted into a tight frown. The angel didn't make eye contact, just kept working on cleaning the multiple cuts and bruises he had caused. "Why didn't you just finish it Cas, you should've just finished it..."
"Dean, shut up. " There was a warning hidden behind the words and dean shuddered.
"Or what, You'll hit me, beat me up till I do whatever you want?" The words were weak, he felt five kinds of hopeless, why keep fighting when you know everything's turning to dust?
"No, but I might leave. Isn't that what you're afraid of? Everyone leaving you." Castiel dropped the cloth he had been holding on to the cheap bedside table and his eyes darted to the ceiling in exasperation. Cas looked tired, horribly tired like he hadn't slept for days, weeks even. Dean found it eerily like looking into a mirror.
"Don't, I can't...I'm sorry ok, but I can't..." Dean was sorry, he really was. Castiel pressed a finger to Dean's lips his eyes focused, containing as much passion as they had when he talked about finding god.
"You can, you are stronger than this, Dean." Castiel let his hand drop away from Dean's face and he looked away expression infinitely sad, his voice dropped to an almost whisper Dean wasn't sure he was meant to hear. "I had faith in you"
"Yeah well, I'm a pretty shitty person to have faith in, trust me." Dean moved slightly and winced, the room swam with the pain as he shuffled up into a sitting position.
"Dean I don't...I can't have another person fail me. Angels are made to worship, they are creatures of faith, without it we fade away." Castiel was perched on the edge of the bed hands clasped together only his eyes showing the turmoil currently happening his angelic mind. "I understand that the pain you are in now is unbearable and that giving up seems like the easiest option, but you cannot give up, and if it's not for me you keep fighting, then at least for your brother." The angel paused, as if searching for the right words, the ones that would have the right effect."I don't know how I can convince you to keep going Dean, I admit I'm lost."
"You can't...I'm not...the whole reason I'm saying yes is for you and Sammy." And everyone he really cared about. He was trying to do the right thing, he wanted to keep everyone safe and if that meant giving up himself then he would do it.
"If there is one thing you can do for us Dean, It's stay yourself." Castiel turned to look at Dean now, truly look, eyes focused and honest. "It is not Michael Sam needs right now, and I for one don't want to look at you and see your soul torn apart by my brother."
"I know Cas, fuck I know, and I'm trying I am." His head fell back into the pillow and he let out a bitter huff of laughter. "Still trying doesn't seem to mean much anymore."
"There are still other options Dean, it cannot be the only way." Castiel's hand's uncurled from where they were entwined, one moving towards Dean, and for one startling moment Dean thought Castiel was going to hold his hand. Castiel aborted the movement, fingers curling into a fist, frustration leaking off him in waves.
"Don't you think we would have found it by now." Dean growled. His head was thumping and he could see the logic in Castiel's words but wasn't ready to consider them. "I'm trying Cas, but I'm sorry, I can't promise anything."
The look of utter disappointment and anger and betrayal on Castiel's face stung and Dean had to look away.
"Of course." Perhaps worse than the anger was the way Castiel's voice was completely void of emotion. "Sleep Dean."
When Dean wakes up next Castiel has been replaced by Sam and he finds himself wondering whether they would ever forgive him.
END.