Us of Thereafter
It's been years. So many years after the Holy War. So many years since everyone fell like puppets losing their strings. So many years, since Lavi officially became a Bookman. So many years since he threw away his emotions to record an unbiased history. It's been so many years.
So many years, since he last saw her.
He remembered that day when he first saw her. He was a young lad back then, still a fresh Bookman in training, still trying to fool around once in a while. He just finished playing around with Johnny when the doors of the Black Order opened. And from the doors emerged two figures. One of them, he realized, was General Klaud Nine, the only female general of the Black Order. She greeted the finders that was passing by with a nod, and the finders tried their best not to fret while being looked at with her stern eyes, and avoiding eye contact with her monkey that was looking at the finders with dangerous curiosity. Giving no heed towards the finders' unease, the general continued deeper into the ancient castle. Intending to meet up with Komui, no doubt. He thought. After the general was out of sight, he looked towards the other individual that had just started to move into the building after speaking to a female finder at the entrance.
The only thing that kept him from saying "Strike~" out loud was her eyes.
She was a girl around Lavi's age, with features hinting that she was of Eastern origins. Her black hair was cut into a bob head, while her fringe was combed to the left side of her face. She was quite fair, considering that she was an exorcist that must have spent a large amount of her time outdoors. Her exorcist uniform was essentially a modified kimono. The only things that differentiated it from a traditional kimono was its tightness and relatively short skirt that show off her good physique. At her waist was a whip that Lavi had no doubt was her Innocence. Despite having the appearance of a small, beautiful girl, it was her eyes that gave Lavi the chills.
It was a pair of eyes that have seen too many deaths.
A pair of eyes that threatened Lavi to fall into a torrent of emotions with no escape.
"Hey pretty, mind telling me something?" Lavi grabbed the female finder's hand after the girl walked passed him and into the castle. "What's the name of the exorcist that just spoke to you?"
"Uh… Kanda Yuki." The finder blushed as Lavi flashed her his most charming smile.
"Kanda… You are saying that she is Yu's sister?" Lavi maintained his smile. After the finder nodded, he tried his best to not laugh at his one-of-a-kind luck.
Ah, I should have known.
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Two years have passed since he first laid eyes on her and learnt her name.
He never imagined they would become best of friends though. Initially, as expected of a person with the surname of Kanda, Yuki was relatively hard to get close to. She would try to ditch him whenever possible, and would threatened to torture him with her whip if he did not stop leaving her alone. At times both Yu and Yuki would unsheathed their weapons to start a cooperated slaughter, and he was only able to keep his skin all this while with Leenalee's or Allen's timely intervention. It was not until one day when Lavi discovered that she could play the piano that they set on a deal: Lavi will be allowed to tag along Yuki whenever he pleases, while Yuki has the right to immediately kill him the moment he breaths that Yuki can play a musical instrument. It's the one knowledge that the Order has no right to know. The one thing that I like to keep to myself. She said. Eventually though, as they carried out more missions together, the walls between them broke down and they learnt more about each other. And in no time, they became each other's confidante. It was through her that Lavi learnt about the Second Exorcist Project, and through him that Yuki learnt about the secrets of the Bookman Clan.
Of course, everything was done without Gramps knowing.
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It's been three years since that day.
"Congratulations on your promotion, General". Lavi said as Yuki stared into the setting sun on top of a watch tower of the Great Wall of China.
"That's a late congratulatory note, Bookman Junior." Yuki said with a small smile.
"Come on, Yuki! This is the first time I have been able to talk to you since our last mission together 4 months ago. Cut me some slack okay?" Lavi whined as he turned towards the new general of Black Order. Finally decided to grow out her hair after Lavi's continuous pester since last year, either verbally or via letters, her hair was now long enough to be tied into a short ponytail. In this evening light, she looked more an innocent girl that needs to be protected than a warrior that could take very good care of herself. Lavi nearly gave into his temptation of touching the ponytail, but he eventually stopped himself from doing so, and reminded himself that deep down, he's a Bookman.
A Bookman that records with no emotion, and has thrown away all emotions.
"Lavi, have you ever thought of loving someone?" Lavi snapped out of his monolog and looked at Yuki, who was staring at the setting sun with sadness. Before he could said anything, Yuki broke the silence again.
"It's the memories again, Lavi. I'm sorry that I brought this up." Yuki shook her head.
Inching a bit closer towards his confidante, Lavi patted Yuki's back. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about really, Lavi. It's just the emotions that have decided to creep out during moments of stress." Yuki said as she leaned on Lavi's shoulder. Lavi tried his best to relax as much as possible before leaning his head towards hers as well. Don't fall into the abyss, Bookman Junior.
"After all," Yuki closed her eyes as the last bit of sunlight disappeared into the horizon. "After what we've been through, it is impossible for the both of us to find love that belongs to us and only us ever again."
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He didn't know the exact duration of his imprisonment, but the moment he escaped from the Noah torture cell, an all-out war between the Black Order and Noah soon commenced. Although he was still weak from torture, he was sent into the battlefield immediately after the Black Order deemed him strong enough to last a while on the battlefield. By this time, whether he liked it or not, he had become a full-fledged Bookman, since the previous Bookman died after telling him the location of the Bookman Clan's secret archive. As he continued to slain Akuma after Akuma, he felt as though his emotion had been peeled off layer by layer, getting more and more emotionless as he continued to witness deaths of his 'friends' at the hands of Akuma that seem to grow in numbers instead of the other way around.
The only emotion cluster that he resisted being peeled off from him were the ones related to Yuki.
For some reason, he wished to relive the transient halcyon days after the war ended. And he had decided that those emotions should only belong to Yuki and Yuki alone. Being a Bookman be damned.
Who said we can't find love after whatever we have been through in our lives?
Before he knew it, the war has been won by the Black Order. Everything around him turned into a hustle as those injured and bodies of those who had passed on were carried back to Black Order's temporary headquarters deep under the grounds of London city. As Lavi continued to make way along the rubbers towards HQ, he saw another figure in front of him walking slowly towards the same direction. A lifeless body was held in the person's arms.
"Yu!" Lavi called after he was close enough to see through the smoke. As Yu stopped in his tracks, Lavi quickly closed his distance and before long, he was just three steps behind Yu.
"Who has passed on?" Lavi asked, his voice emotionless. As Yu turned to face him, Lavi drew in a sharp breath.
Keeping his voice as emotionless as possible so that he would not break down on the spot, Lavi opened his mouth again. "I thought all Second Exorcist possesses the ability to regenerate?"
"Yuki overexerted herself, to the point that her seal can't keep up with the damage she has taken." Yu tightened his grip on his sister. Yu's body continued to heal, albeit slowly, while he did that.
"I see." Lavi nodded as he turned away from Kanda and walked away.
"Where are you going?" Lavi stopped in his tracks as Kanda called him.
Turning his body a little so that Kanda appeared in the corner of his vision, Lavi said with the voice of a Bookman.
"To everywhere, to nowhere. Tell the Black Order to not waste any time or effort in tracking me down. Farewell, General Kanda Yu."
As he walked deeper into the ruined battleground, he heard the last bit of his emotion shattered.
He never got to tell her his true feelings. To tell her that deep down, people of their kind can find love that belongs to oneself, and only oneself. Now he had forever lost the chance to do so.
The war has been won, but he has lost too much.
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It has been so many years, so many years since then.
But every year, without anyone knowing, he kept returning to this place.
After he placed the white lilies in front of General Kanda Yuki's grave, the nameless Bookman stood up and stared into the setting sun. It was during this time of the year, for this short hour, that the Bookman with flaming red hair and emerald eyes temporary pieced his emotion back together. His usually emotionless eyes now regain some of the softness that was only reserved for the general in his younger days. Time and again he would contemplate the possibility of an alternate ending of the war, where he could spent the hard-earned peace with the one and only girl he loved. He even allowed himself to imagine a parallel world, where Akuma and Noah and Exorcists and Black Order never existed, and both of them can live peacefully with a happy family. But, being a historian, he knew that the time of a world is linear, and humans have no choice but to continue moving forward in their own world, in their own time.
"Hey Yuki. I hope you are doing well up there. My time is almost up. I will see you again next year. Take care, okay?" The nameless Bookman allowed a small, loving smile to creep onto his face, before he turned away from the gravestone and disappeared into the shadow of twilight.
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Author's Note: I got the idea of writing this story while listening to Mayday's new song "Here, After, Us", and this story was born 3 hours after that. I know the characters might be off, since it's been a while since I re-watched D Gray Man. But I still hope that it is not too much and I hope you enjoy reading this. :)
Do leave a comment to share with me your thoughts on this story. I will be waiting. :)