Disclaimer: I don't own McBusted :(
About: Just this idea that came to me :) After all, Pudd will always be real ;) xx
I don't understand. I don't understand any of it. You. Us. My feelings. And not understanding... it pulls me down, dragging me deeper everyday.
It's you. Can't you see that? It's always been about you. I've always loved you. I've always been there for you, protected you, helped you out. I was like your father, best friend, brother, and maybe occasional lover.
And sure, sometimes I'd wonder. I'd think about us. If I ever felt anything else, anything more than just brotherly love. I immediately decided I didn't, choosing to conceal my true emotions with a smile.
But recently, things have been different. I'm not sure when it was, but something changed.
You've grown up. You don't need me now; maybe you never did, I don't know. It's strange- the moment you push me away, I want you back. Of course, you were never mine to keep, but I like to think you were.
I can't keep my mind off you. Your words echo around my thoughts, the intense blueness of your eyes wrapping itself around my heart, breaking it, ripping it to shreds, piece by piece.
Everyday is torture now. Every minute in your company is a battle between my mind and my heart. Every time I look at you my face burns, my insides strangle themselves to death.
Take today, for example. You came into the dressing room, ready to go on stage. At that moment, I knew I'd never be able to give you up.
Your hair was golden, perfectly styled, framing your innocent face. Your eyes were shadowed, black streaks surrounding the blue, making you look pure evil, yet strangely sexy. Your body was slim, almost vulnerable. It would fit perfectly in my arms.
You had a smile that was breath-taking. It lit up your whole form, shining brightly in the darkness, and lust, of my twisted, desiring mind. You smirked at me as you came in- delicious, demonic. It killed me.
When did these feelings start to occur? I'll never know the answer to that. Maybe it was the day I saw Matt kiss you. Emotions had been hanging around in the pit of my stomach before that, but at that moment, they exploded in my mind.
It made me angry- furious, frustrated. For ten years, you'd pushed me away, knowing it hurt me deep. And within a month, you're perfectly happy for him to take advantage of you like that?
And it didn't stop there. You started hanging out with him more, letting him hug you, snog you, make you his side kick.
And what happened to me? I was pushed to the side, left on the edge of the cliff. The guy who used to be your best friend. The guy who you turned down.
I've started watching old McFly videos. Videos where you smile at me, laugh at everything I say. Clips where we'll sit next to each other, and secretly enjoy the obvious closeness.
Why didn't I make the most of those moments? I was an idiot to take my eye off you.
The worst thing is, nobody can know. I'm supposed to be in love with Izzy. I am. I am, believe me. But this feeling for you is growing, taking over my sanity piece by piece, turning me mad.
On stage, I have to divert my eyes from your energetic, skimpy body. In interviews, I can't even look at you without starting to sweat.
You don't even know what you're doing to me. You wrap me round your little finger, absentmindedly toying with my tormented heart.
It's not just physical, either. Your dirty sense of humour makes me laugh for hours on end. I could spend all day listening to you speak, that soft, silky tone of yours sending shivers up my spine.
And I've never been able to understand how a person so kind, so adorable and caring, can be such a cause of the sexual frustration I feel.
Maybe, one day, I'll get over this ridiculous want for you. Maybe, in time, I'll get used to your deathly gazes, haunting glances, arousing winks. Maybe, at some point, I'll know it's time to let go.
But for now, I'm ready to admit it. I'm ready to say it. I know it- I'm falling for you.