I wrote this last year as a joke and my friend came up with some of the ideas in it. I only now decided to post it after wondering if it was a good idea or not. Near the end it isn't that good.
The Ninjanomicon was thinking about the current ninja: Randy Cunningham.
He was a pretty impressive ninja. He legitimately cared for everyone and would rescue anyone in danger. Not just because it was his job, but because that's the way he was. He was just naturally nice. However sometimes, being a teenager he could get a little over emotional and not listen.
Maybe if they became friends...Yes! That would work. He could form a friendship with him and maybe that would help him with training. He'd listen better to some one who's a friend than if they were just a mentor. Usually the Ninjanomicon wouldn't approve of the ninja having friends, but of course it would be the exception. It was helping Randy with being a ninja, not distracting him for it, unlike Howard who complained about NNS.
However, if it followed the structure of their friendship it could be a close friend to Randy. Randy and Howard joked with each other often,so the Ninjanomicon decided that would be the way to gain his friendship.
It's cover flashed and caught Randy's attention. It would be a bit before first period, so Randy opened the book. He passed out and was brought into the Ninjanomicon.
"What is it?" Randy asked curiously. He assumed it would be ninja training.
The Ninjanomicon was ready to gain his friendship. It knew what Randy considered funny and came up with a joke. It wrote in the sky: Ninjas don't fart.
Randy just looked horrified. He read it out loud, "Ninjas don't fart.."
The Ninjanomicon didn't have anything to teach so it sent Randy back.
When Randy opened his eyes, he saw Howard hand coming towards his face, with a marker in his hand. "Howard!"
Howard pulled his hand back, startled. "Cunningham, calm down. I was just going to draw sideburns."
"No, it's not just that." Randy sighed. "But, still, don't do that."
"What is it?" Howard asked.
"I was in the Ninjanomicon and..." He paused. "...I can't fart."
Howard looked puzzled. "What do you mean, you can't fart?"
"The Ninjanomicon told me 'Ninjas don't fart.'" Randy replied.
"Oh man, I couldn't imagine living without being able to do that." Howard said.
His taller friend frowned. "Thanks.." He said sarcastically.
"So, what are you going to do?" Howard asked.
Randy shrugged sadly. "I guess I'm going to have to hold them in for four years."
"You're actually going to do it?"
"Howard, I like being the ninja and I want to stay the ninja. I may have been pushing it by breaking the no friends rule and telling you I'm the ninja, and I don't think I should break any other rules."
"Wouldn't that hurt?" Howard asked.
"I'm a ninja, I can handle pain." Randy said, although he didn't sound too happy. He stood up. "I'll be fine, I just have to be careful."
"Don't worry, I'll help you, Cunningham."
Randy stared at him. "How can you help?"
"I can make you don't fart." Howard suggested.
"Thanks.." Randy sighed.
"But, don't expect me to hold mine in." Howard said.
"I didn't think you would." Randy said, still upset.
The two of them went to their first period and sat at their desks.
Randy couldn't listen to the teacher, he just kept thinking of the words the Ninjanomicon had shown him. Then he felt a small pain in his stomach. Uh oh, he had to fart.
"Ssspp...Howard." Randy whispered. Howard looked at him and gave him a confused look.
"I have to fart." Randy whispered back.
"Don't." Howard warned him. "Just...uh..think about what might happen if you do it."
That worked. It made his palms sweat to think of not being allowed to be the ninja anymore. He shook a bit and tried to listen to the teacher. His stomach churned.
"I'm a ninja. I can hold in a fart. I've dealt with worse pain. I can do this..it's just 4 years..."
He made it through first hour without letting it rip. He hurried into the hallway. Howard caught up to him.
"It really hurts." Randy groaned, clenching onto his stomach.
"Come on, Cunningham, you want to stay the ninja, don't you?" Howard asked, trying to encourage him.
"Yes." Randy said, sounding pained.
"Then, you need to ignore the pain and hold it in." Howard said.
"Right." Randy agreed and started slugging to second period.
However, a student had gotten stanked. Randy looked around to make sure no one was watching. It was just him and Howard, so he put on the ninja mask.
He started fighting the stanked student. He dodged a strike from her claws. When he found his chance he attacked.
This was actually quite a challenge. The gas was still building up and there was still a slight pain. He was worried if he made too sudden of a move he'd accidentally fart.
He got distracted thinking about this and the stanked student hit Randy. He hit his head on a locker. He got up, and held his stomach. He started looking over her to see if he could find the object to destroy.
He caught a glimpse of a gold chain necklace. He decided to go for that. As he took out his sword, his stomach turned and produced a low, long growl. The pain was starting to get worse.
He ran and jumped the monster. He broke the necklace with his sword, which made the girl normal again.
Everyone cheered, "Ninja! Ninja!"
Usually Randy would say something, but he guessed he'd have to stop doing that now. He wasn't feeling good, so he didn't feel like doing it.
"Smoke bomb!" He yelled and threw one.
He was alone. Howard found him.
"It was hard to fight." Randy said, holding his stomach. "I kept getting distracted."
Randy took off his mask.
"Did you like being the ninja back there?" Howard asked.
"Yeah." Randy said.
"Do you like keeping everyone safe?" Howard asked.
"Yes." Randy said.
"Okay, then. If you fart it will all be over." Howard said. Randy's eyes widened.
He sighed and went to second period. The pain increased. The gas made Randy sick. He felt like he was going to throw up.
He raised his hand.
"Can I go to the bathroom?" He groaned. "I feel sick."
"Yes." The teacher replied.
"If he's sick, shouldn't he have someone come with in case he passes out or something?" Howard asked.
"If you want to go with, then..fine." The teacher said, sounding a bit disgusted.
Randy and Howard went to the bathroom. Randy went into one of the stalls and Howard followed him.
"I'm gonna throw up, I don't think you want to watch this." Randy said.
"I'll be fine." Howard said. "You've seen me throw up and you seemed fine."
"Okay.." Randy said. His stomach made a noise and he held on tightly. He gagged and threw up in the toilet.
It didn't help. The pain was from held in gas, not vomit. He puked again. Still, nothing.
Randy felt distressed. He wanted more than anything to ease the pain. There was only one way, and there was no way he was going to do that. He liked being the ninja and wanted to be it for all four years.
He laid on the tiled floor and groaned, clutching his stomach.
"I don't think you can do this, Cunningham." Howard said.
"No, no." Randy said weakly, sitting up. He put his hand against the stall wall for support. He felt really shaky. "I can do this. I'm a ninja, I've dealt with worse."
"Alright." Howard said hesitantly. He helped Randy up and back to class. Randy laid his head on his desk and closed his eyes. He let out a low moan.
This caught the classes' attention and they stared.
"Do you want to go to the nurse?" The teacher asked.
"Yeah.." Randy groaned.
"I'll take him there." Howard said. He escorted Randy to the nurses' office.
Randy laid down on one of the beds. He scooted over so Howard could sit down. Randy hoped sleeping would help distract him from the pain. As he started to doze off, he felt something in his hair. As his eyes started to close, he looked at Howard. Was Howard stroking his hair? Before he could decide if it was real or he was imaging it, he fell asleep.
…...
"Cunningham." Howard said, nudging him awake.
Randy's stomach was still hurting, in fact it hurt worse than before.
"It's time for lunch." Howard said. He helped his shaky friend to the lunch room.
To try and not cause any more pain, Randy chose foods that would not cause him to have more gas. Even though he wasn't hungry he ate a bit.
Howard got really greasy food. After a few bites, Randy put his head on the table. He rubbed his stomach with one of his hands. He closed his eyes again.
"I can do this..I can do this.." He muttered to himself. "I can't do this..."
"Cunningham." Howard said in a warning tone.
"Right..I can do this." Randy said. He ate a little bit more. When he realized it made his stomach hurt more, he pushed the tray away and sighed.
He let out a low moan of pain. He felt stroking again. He opened his eyes, "Howard, are you stroking my hair?"
"No." Howard said awkwardly, pulling his hand back.
"Howard..I know you were." Randy groaned in pain.
"Fine..I was." Howard said.
"Why?" Randy asked.
Howard shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I thought it would distract you from hurting."
Randy closed his eyes again. "It kind of does..thanks.."
Howard just stroked his hair again until lunch was over.
After lunch they stared walking to third period.
Howard farted.
He looked at Randy to see his expression. He had a blank expression. His feelings were mixed at the moment.
"I uh.."
"No, it's fine." Randy reassured him. "You're not the ninja, I am. I wouldn't want you to have to deal with this too..it's horrible."
…...
School let out a while later.
"Do you need me to come to your house?" Howard asked.
"No, I can handle it." Randy said. "I'm dedicated enough to wanting to stay a ninja that I can hold it in on my own."
Randy went home and into his room and laid down on his bed. The pain, oh the pain.
"I can't take it anymore!" Randy yelled. Without Howard there to stop him, he farted. It made him pass out.
He woke up. The pain was gone. He sighed in relief. Then his relief turned to worry. He looked at his back pack and gulped. He grabbed it and opened it slowly, with shaky hands. The Ninjanomincon was glowing red.
He hesitantly opened it. He was brought into the Ninjanomicon.
He looked around. Like usual there were drawings. However these drawings were poorly done. They were of frowny faces and wobbly ninjas.
He looked around wide eyed and scared. His knees wobbled and he fell on them. He shook as he looked to the sky. "I'm..I-I'm sorry. I was holding it in all day and it really hurt. Let me try again..please."
The Ninjanomicon noticed Randy's tone sounded like pure sadness and worry. Did he actually believe that ninjas don't fart? Wait...he held it in all day? The Ninjanomicon didn't intend that, it was just a joke, why didn't he get it?
….Maybe Randy didn't think he'd ever joke with him.
It stopped the doodles immediately. Randy looked puzzled.
It made words appear in the sky. It was a joke. Ninjas are allowed to fart.
"What!? You made me hold it in all day just as a joke!"
No. I thought you knew it was a joke.
"Just let me go." Randy said. The Ninjanomicon let him go home. He had a long day and took a nap.
…...
The next day, Randy went to school.
"You seem better." Howard said. He paused. "Wait..did you fart!?"
"Yes." Randy said annoyed.
"Are you still the ninja?" Howard asked, nervously.
"Yep." Randy said. "Turns out the Ninjanomicon was trying to be sarcastic. But, I didn't know that, because you can't read sarcasm in text."
He put his back pack in his locker. He opened it. "Ninjanomicon, as a punishment you'll stay in this locker all day. If you have to tell me something, you'll have to wait until in between classes."
He slammed his locker shut.
After first period he opened his locker and saw the Ninjanomicon glowing. He opened in and was sucked into it.
He looked into the sky and saw these words: A ninja must learn to forgive those wishing to change.
"But, I had unnecessary pain yesterday because of you." Randy complained
The Ninjanomicon is an important tool to the ninja; he should not be without it.
"Alright." He sighed. He was brought back. He held onto the Ninjanomicon and went to second period.
He didn't forgive it fully yet, but maybe he'd get over it someday.