Title: Insanity
Author: Settiai
Disclaimer: "House, M.D." and other related characters are all properties of FOX and related corporations. No infringement is intended. This story, such as it is, was written as a sign of respect and love for the characters, the show, and their creator. I claim no ownership of the aforementioned show and characters.
Rating: G
Summary: It's a clear sign of insanity.
Feedback: Comments and helpful criticisms are always appreciated.
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"What on earth are you doing?"
House glanced up, and he raised an eyebrow at the startled look on Wilson's face. "What's it look like I'm doing?" he asked dryly.
Wilson stepped into the kitchen, eyeing his friend warily. "Trust me, I wouldn't be asking if I had even a clue."
"Inability to see what is in front of his face," House said, shaking his head. "Not to mention a sudden urge to ask idiotic questions. Those are both symptoms of…."
"….being friends with you," Wilson cut in. "Which, in itself, is a clear sign of insanity. Why the hell are you beating a cantaloupe with a wrench?"
House glanced down at his hands. "I usually use a knife," he said with shrugging, "but they've all disappeared. I think someone's overreacting to a….minor incident."
"I'm lucky I didn't need stitches after that so-called minor incident," Wilson muttered darkly. "Did no one ever teach you not to leave foot-long kitchen knives sitting around your house?"
House rolled his eyes. "I apologized, didn't I?"
"No," Wilson shot back. "No, you didn't."
At that, House paused for just a second. Wilson just sighed. "Why the wrench?" he asked. "Or do I not want to know?"
"You've hidden half of my kitchen utensils," House replied with a shrug. "I had to improvise, and since it was either this or the toilet plunger…."
"Never mind. I don't want to know. Forget I asked," Wilson said, cutting him off mid-sentence. Then he paused, a suspicious look appearing on his face. "Wait a second, I thought you told me that you didn't own a wrench."
House glanced over at him again. "When did I say that?"
"When I asked you when you were planning on fixing that leaking pipe under the sink," Wilson said dryly as he made his way over to the table.
"Hmm," House said, shrugging. "I lied."
Wilson dropped heavily down into the chair beside House. "You don't even like cantaloupe," he said tiredly, bringing his hand up to rub his increasingly aching temples.
House raised an eyebrow. "Why would you think that?"
"Because you spent twenty minutes complaining about it the last time Julie actually let me invite you to dinner," Wilson muttered.
"That?" House asked, his smirk starting to return. "That was just a test to see how long Julie would put up with me before she gave up on being polite. Twenty minutes….that was a new record. Your last wife only lasted ten."
Wilson groaned as he let his head drop down onto the table. "Why do I put up with you?"
"You said it yourself," House replied, shrugging casually. "It's a clear sign of insanity."