A/N: So I decided to make a funny fic to lighten up all the ship wars on tumblr and the angry fans of Steven Universe (Love or hate Jaspis don't take it out on people who ship it)

Anyway, this is a Human AU fic. In this fic there are a few things to consider:

Jasper is dating Peridot, Amethyst has a crush on Pearl, Pearl likes Rose (Big shocker, am I right?), Rose is in love with Greg, and Lapis is single as a pringle.

Enjoy!

Its been 3 days since the tragic event befell Peridot and Jasper's household. In actuality its been 3 days since the "tragic" event befell Jasper.

"Jasper," Peridot whined "don't you think it's time you got over that stupid fish?"

Jasper sat in the corner of their room on a bed next to a small table beside the window. She was lightly shaking 'Fish Feed' into an empty bowl.

"Leave me." Jasper groaned sorrowfully, Peridot was not used to this, Jasper was always so strong and dominant. How could a fish take her out? Peridot won this goldfish for Jasper at FunLand 2 years ago, since then Jasper loved it. One day Jasper came home from work and it was floating at the top of it's bowl. Peridot found her in their bedroom clutching it's bowl to her chest. It took hours of convincing to get Jasper to flush her dead pet.

Peridot walked over to her girlfriend, sitting beside her she wrapped her arm around Jasper's shoulders, "Jasper, baby, my carpet munchin' love," Peridot said playfully as she caressed Jasper's back "why don't you relax with me? I'll let you ride my face" she ended that sentence with a kiss to Jasper's cheek.

Jasper stood quickly, totally surprising Peridot, she turned around to reveal tear filled eyes and mascara/eyeliner stained cheeks.

"Pink Diamond is dead! She's fucking dead, Peridot! You think I want sex right now?" Jasper snapped.

"No, you're too busy bitching about a goldfish." Peridot groaned.

And with that Jasper pushed Peridot out of the room and locked the door, before Peridot could protest her phone chimed, it was Amethyst inviting her to a group chat:

2:00pm: Amethyst: Peri wer u ?

2:00pm: Peridot: Still trying to get this big baby to come out of our room.

2:04pm: Garnet: Jasper, The Big Buff Cheeto Puff, got beat by a 2 dollar goldfish.

2:05pm: Pearl: We're going to have to tell her what really happened to the poor thing.

2:08pm: Lapis: And get our asses kicked? No way, tell her if you want to but leave me out of it.

2:15pm: Rose: We should have told her the truth from the beginning.

2:16pm: Peridot: NO! She just needs to get over it! We're taking this shit to our graves. Are Lapis and I the only sane ones?

2:18pm: Peridot: Pearl did you forget the time she tried to break your back because she said you breathed on her too hard?

2:20pm: Pearl: ...

2:25pm: Peridot: Thought so... brb I gotta use the Jasper. That's what I call the toilet now because that bitch threw me at a wall.

Peridot sat her phone down on a table in the hallway while she went to the bathroom. Jasper came from their bedroom, she was going to leave out to buy more fish food when she heard Peridot's phone vibrate. Jasper wasn't one to check Peridot's phone, but something spoke to her.

2:35pm: Amethyst: P Dot r u still blowin' up the bathroom? can the gems come over to your place to hang out?

Jasper didn't really want to see her friends right now, she was upset even having Peridot in the house with her.

2:40pm: Peridot (J): No.

2:42pm: Amethyst: uh y not? Because of Jasper? Just tell her what happened to the damn fish!

Jasper's eyes widened at this, her face at that very moment would make her adoptive mother, Yellow Diamond, very proud. Peridot knew! She knew what happened to Pink Diamond and she didn't tell her? Oh that little blonde was going to have to pay, and so are her friends.

Whoosh!

The toilet flushed, times up.

2:43pm: Peridot (J): Tell the guys to come over.

2:44pm: Amethyst: That's my Peri!

Jasper put Peridot's phone on mute and into her coat pocket. Peridot walked out of the bathroom and saw Jasper.

"Hey..." Peridot said wearily as she tried to walk around Jasper who immediately blocked her way. She pulled Peridot off her feet into a big hug.

"J-Jasper? Are you okay?" Peridot said through gasps of the bone crushing hug.

"Yeah, I just love you so much. You've been nothing but supportive to me..." Jasper said, she planted a kiss to Peridot's cheek before putting her down, "I'll be right back." was all she said before she walked down the hallway and out the door.

*2 hours later*

Ding Dong

The doorbell rang interrupting Peridot from the book she was reading on the couch in her living room. The blonde walked to the front door: it was the gems.

"Guys what are you doing over here?" Peridot asked her friends.

"You said we could come over, Peri, DUH!" Amethyst laughed, she pushed passed Peridot into the house.

"I brought cookies." Garnet said handing Peridot a box of homemade cookies.

Lapis nodded to Peridot as she walked in before sitting on the couch.

Rose walked in with Pearl who was happily giggling beside her, "Hello Peridot." Rose cupped Peridot's hand with her own hand as she smiled down at her "Thank you for having us." Pearl said nudging Rose away from Peridot and towards the couch.

Peridot walked in front of the tv to be in front of her friends, "Listen guys I didn't invite you over!"

"I have the text, Peridot." Amethyst said showing her Peridot the text messages on her phone.

"What? I didn't even have my phone, I was still in the bathroom I-...Jasper."

It was Jasper this whole time, no wonder she was so touchy feely, it's a trick.

"Run guys it's a trap!" Peridot started to panic.

"A trap? Oh please Peridot don't be ridiculous!" Pearl yelled.

"I'm not gonna be like anything soon! Jasper sent the text, this is all over that fucking goldfish!" Peridot cried.

"Speaking of goldfish," Jasper said closing the front door, "What the fuck happened to mine?"

A/EN: To be continued my lovelies =)