[A/N]: A little while ago my friend sent me an article about how some Chinese women are hiring men to pretend to be their boyfriends when they go home for New Year's, so their parents won't get on their case about marriage.
THIS NATURALLY MEANS LAXANA FANFIC.
AU, modern day. :D Laxana, obviously, and Gruvia, Elfgreen, NaLi, and GaLe in the background. I'm sure I'll also find a way to incorporate LoLu.
Cana checked her texts and groaned. Hell, eight new messages from Gildarts. [Are you ready for New Year's, Cana-chan?] [Papa's so excited for New Year's, Cana-chan!]
Cana stuffed her phone in her pocket and got off the bus. Each message was along the same vein. Papa misses her, he can't wait to see Cana-chan! [Will anyone else be accompanying Cana-chan? Someone special that Papa should meet?]
Cana groaned again; Gildarts was way too interested in her love life (or lack thereof). [Papa just wants Cana-chan to be happy!]
Still, "Cana-chan" felt bad. She'd canceled almost all of her plans with her father to date. He just wanted to spend time with her, but Cana didn't want her life to change just because Gildarts suddenly knew he had a daughter. She'd known all her life, it hadn't been a big deal to her…
She didn't owe Gildarts a damned thing. Well, maybe she owed him the chance to get to know her. But if she got a boyfriend, her frighteningly overprotective father would be the last to know. Hell, Gildarts didn't even know who her housemates were yet. Because of course he'd be thrilled to learn that she lived with Gray Fullbuster and Laxus Dreyar. He would just ignore Erza Scarlet, focusing instead on the fact that his little girl was living with men.
Cana walked down the street, grimacing as she imagined his reaction. Cana-chan! Are you telling me you live with the stripper and that rebellious punk?! Laxus would protest indignantly, and Gildarts would probably use the blond boy to knock the door down and hurl him out to the street. Gray would wisely escape through the window. Erza would plant her hands on her hips firmly and say, We've lived with her longer than you've been her dad, Gildarts. Why should all of our lives change because yours has?
Cana unlocked the door and stepped in, hanging her blue bag on the coat hook, over Gray's white jacket and Laxus' black trench coat. "I'm home, who's cooking?" she called.
Erza's hand waved at her from the kitchen, and Cana joined her redheaded friend at the stove. "Whatcha makin'?" she asked, pulling a bottle of beer from the fridge.
Erza turned back to the counter. "Just started on the udon."
"Is that all you can cook?" Gray asked critically from the table, shirtless. "Cause that's all you ever make when it's your turn."
Erza glared at him and he shut up. Picking his shirt off the floor and hurling it at him, Cana quipped, "You never eat here anyway, pal."
Gray caught his shirt. "How did that come off?!" he demanded frantically.
Cana rolled her eyes and turned back to the fearsome redhead. "Need help with anything?" She tied up her hair and didn't wait for her friend's reply. Grabbing the beef broth, Cana started on the soup while Erza began to cut the dough for the noodles.
The brunette filled a pot of water and set it to boil, returning to the soup. Erza set aside the noodles and began chopping vegetables. "I assume you'll be eating at Juvia's tonight, Gray?" she asked, brushing stray red locks out of her face. Cana opened the windows as the heat from the stove began to waft outwards.
Gray nodded absently, his fingers tapping away on his phone. "Are you actually gonna stay the night this time?" Cana teased him over her shoulder. She set the soup to simmer and took the scallions from Erza's pile of vegetables, chopping them with lightning speed.
Gray blushed bright red, glaring at her as she blithely ignored him. He struggled to find words and Erza chuckled. "Sh-shut up, Erza!" he managed finally. "You shut up, too!" he snapped at Cana as she lost control and burst into laughter.
Erza dumped the noodles into the boiling water unceremoniously and Cana scraped the scallions into the soup. The onions, herbs, and bean sprouts followed. The brunette stepped away and let Erza stir the noodles, setting out bowls and shooing Gray away from the table. "I'm goin', I'm goin'!" the raven-haired boy snapped, pulling his shirt on and leaving the kitchen. Cana heard him grab his coat and leave the house.
Erza strained the noodles and dropped them into the soup, and the girls piled the dishes into the sink. Cana had just picked up a dishrag when their other housemate walked in, pulling his signature Sound Pods from his ears. "Smells good," Laxus grunted, plopping himself at the table.
Cana tossed the rag to him. "Oh, no. You get to clean the dishes, buddy."
"Oh, come on! Can't it wait until after dinner?"
"Do the soup pot, at least," Erza advised him, stirring the udon in the soup. Laxus sighed heavily, pushed himself to his feet, and scrubbed the pot like it was the most irrational thing for them to ask of him.
Taking a swig from her bottle and finding it disappointingly empty, Cana snagged another beer from the fridge and sat down.
Ladling the soup into the bowls, Erza shot Laxus a glare when he tried to set down the pot and join them. "I don't think so, Dreyar. Finish, or you don't get any."
The blond groaned loudly again. "The sooner you finish, the sooner you eat," Cana commented, taking up a pair of chopsticks. The brunette made a loud sound of happiness as she tasted the soup.
Laxus scowled and finished the pot, rushing back to the table to drain the soup from his bowl noisily before grabbing his chopsticks. "You pig," Erza scolded him in disgust. In response, he picked up a napkin and dabbed daintily at his chin. He dug in with relish.
"What are our plans for New Year's this year?" Laxus asked around a mouthful of onions and noodles.
"I'm not gonna be there, I'm going to my dad's," Cana admitted reluctantly.
Erza, opening her mouth to admonish Laxus about his manners, looked at her friend in concern, brow furrowing. "But we've always done New Year's together!" she protested. "Ever since we were kids!" The four of them had grown up together, along with Natsu and the Strausses next door, and Levy, Jet and Droy across the street. Their group had been augmented by Gray's girlfriend Juvia, Levy's boyfriend Gajeel, Natsu's classmate Lucy, and Erza's friend Mystogan.
"Yeah, I know, but he's my dad," Cana grumped, resting her chin in her hand and picking at her dinner.
"Invite him over!" Erza urged.
The brunette grimaced. "Are you kidding?" She sighed and pointed her chopsticks at Laxus. "If he found out I was living with a couple of guys, he'd flip his shit and probably kill one of you!"
"Probably Gray," Erza murmured.
"Undoubtedly. But he wouldn't walk away unscathed," Cana agreed, jabbing her chopsticks at Laxus again.
"What did I do?" he demanded, muffled around a mouthful of food.
"For god's sake, swallow before you talk!" Erza flared. Laxus choked down his half-chewed noodles hurriedly. They had this argument at least twice a week, and the last time he'd disobeyed, he'd ended up with ringing ears, a lump on his head, and a black eye that hadn't gone away for two weeks.
Cana sighed through her nose. "You know how he can get," she murmured.
"What do you mean?" Laxus asked, his mouth thankfully clear of half-eaten noodles.
Cana shook her head tiredly. "He takes overprotective to a whole new level." A scowl flitted across her face. "The last time I saw him, he decided that my tanktop was 'too revealing' and bought me a large, fluffy sweater."
"That's not so bad," Erza said, attempting cheer.
Her comment only made Cana descend further into gloom. "And then he bought a matching one for himself," she whispered. The awful memory of identical cat sweaters had her burying her face in her hands.
"Oh, god," Laxus gulped, horror scrawled across his face. Cana nodded dismally.
"Well, it can't be so bad this time," Erza said resolutely. "It's New Year's, after all!"
Cana shrugged one shoulder despondently. "I guess."
"Hey!" The three of them glanced at the open window; next door, a familiar pink-haired boy leaned out the window of his own house and yelled, "You guys wanna come over a watch a movie?"
"Anything to cheer me up!" Cana called back gratefully. She crammed the rest of her noodles into her mouth, stood, and dumped her bowl in the sink. Her housemates did the same and started for the door.
Erza turned and pointed an imperious finger at Laxus. "You're not coming until you've done the dishes, Laxus," she warned.
"But─"
"If I come home and find that there are still dishes to be done, there will be hell to pay!"
"Yes, ma'am," Laxus replied in defeat. He hunched his shoulders, returning to the kitchen. Erza watched, fists on hips, as the blond rolled up his sleeves, lathered soap into the dishrag, and reached for a pot.
"Come on, Erza," Cana called, pulling on her cropped orange jacket.
Erza shot Laxus another intimidating glance─he studiously ignored her─and followed Cana to the house next door.
Mirajane held open the door, slapping a beer into Cana's hand as the brunette passed. "Thank you, my dear," Cana said blithely, flicking off the bottle cap as she entered the living room. "What are we watchin'?"
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!" Natsu piped, his arm slung across the couch and just barely avoiding contact with Lisanna's shoulders. Cana hid a grin; those two weren't fooling anybody, least of all Lisanna's older sister.
"We always watch that, man," Elfman complained. Evergreen sat beside him, her legs draped across his lap, the fingers of one hand loosely intertwined with his as her free hand tapped away on her phone.
"It's a good movie!" Cana objected, plopping herself on Lisanna's other side and stretching her long legs out over the couch cushions. Natsu nodded sagely.
"I don't mind," Erza agreed, sitting in a chair beside the Strausses' large but wholly occupied couch.
"Where's Thunderhead?" Natsu asked curiously as Mirajane put in the movie.
"Dishes," Cana replied succinctly, taking a sip of beer and digging her hand into the popcorn bowl Natsu held.
The aforementioned blond strode in fifteen minutes later and Erza glanced at him expectantly. "I finished 'em," he objected, "so don't give me that look." She turned back to the movie blithely and Laxus came around the couch, nudging Cana's knees. "Move your legs, Alberona."
"No." Cana tossed a kernel into her mouth.
Laxus eyed her, grabbed her ankles and swung her legs off the couch, taking up the space they had occupied. Cana glared at him, drawing her legs up underneath herself and flicking some popcorn at him. He didn't even look at her, reaching over to Natsu for a large handful of popcorn, and proceeded to pelt her with it with a vengeance. She gave a yell and reached for the bowl, but Natsu wisely handed it off to Elfman and Evergreen.
"Cut it out!" Erza snapped. "We're trying to watch the movie."
Laxus flung a last piece of buttery revenge at Cana, and it bounced off her forehead, earning the blond a smack on the back of his head.
[A/N]: Cana, Erza, Gray and Laxus live together because they've been around the longest (of the younger generation, of course) and because comic relief, hell yeah. They, the Strausses, Natsu, and Shadowgear grew up together and now, in young-adulthood, they still live near each other because that's how this fanfic works, mkay?
And that last sentence has to be the best line in this whole damn chapter. xD