His Velleity
A/N:Oneshot, Set in "Resolutions" although slightly AU- either a missing moment from their time on New Earth, or set if they had been stranded for a little bit longer than what they were in the episode.
Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, there would be a lot more angst, and a lot more resolution to this episode.
J/C.
"Chakotay, we need to talk." her voice flooded in through the ambient silence of the forest, enveloping him in a warm embrace and tugging on his heart. He closed his eyes as he placed a hand on the tree beside him, the rough bark a welcoming sensation to his numb hands. The air was bitterly cold, and he feared another plasma storm was in their near future, or maybe even a snow storm. A part of him was saddened by this-he would never have the opportunity to see another Earth snow fall; see the white flakes fall into the palm of his hand, and feel the cold seep into his bones as he walked amongst a sea of white rain. He already missed the sound of rain falling on the roof, but had grown accustomed to silent nights on Voyager. Now, the sound of soft breath permeated through his walls, and every now and then the rustle of fabric upon flesh. Every time he heard those sounds, he found himself tearing his mind s eye away from everything he thought he knew, burying his feelings deep within him, knowing it was a matter of time before he couldn't take it any longer.
The mellifluous sound of her laugh would bring him out of his daily trance, or the sound of her self lambaste would threaten his self control. Either way, he found himself falling deeper and deeper into the hole he had dug himself for too long. When exactly had his respect and admiration for his captain turned visceral? Was it the day he realised that despite her own altruism, she was the one that needed someone to take care of her? All he knew was his heart ached as she silently battled her own emotions, pushing them aside to make sure the needs of her crew came first.
The bath had been his first token. He knew their current situation had almost crushed her, but had evoked a completely new sense of determination in her, allowing her to sedulously work through the day and night on finding a cure. It was her personal obligation to get that crew home, and she would stop at nothing to do so. Even if she didn t admit it, he could see her guilt for destroying the Void. Every day, she blamed herself for getting them stranded in the Delta Quadrant. Despite her unyielding professional manner, despite her positive objectivity towards their predicament, he could see the pain in her eyes every now and then, and he knew that there was no way for her to show it. She would merely think she didn t have the right for self pity, as it was her fault for being here. He knew her too well. So he made her that damn bath to show that someone did care. Someone did think she was worthy, even if she thought the complete opposite of herself.
The rustle of her footsteps nearing him allowed him to breathe deeply, the scent of nature filling his lungs, soon greeted with the familiar scent of roses. He looked up at the sky, sighing.
"Where do you think they are?" she whispered as she finally reached him, following his gaze.
"Probably 40 light years, now." it had become a habit between them to leave they or them unnamed. He didn't know when he had stopped thinking of himself as one of them, but somehow he had found himself now another distant observer of the voyage of the lost souls, traversing across the universe in search of home. Now they had become the myth, the legend, leaving them the forgotten characters in a sea of unspoken words and unwritten emotions. Perhaps it was a gift, the role of a forgotten soul placed with that of a lost one. Perhaps they had been left to rewrite their own myths and legends, or were they doomed like the rest?
"Do you think they can still see these stars?" her voice was so soft, so distant that it sounded like an echo in a cave. The hint of a deep sadness surfacing in her tone made him long to reach out to her, but instead they stood still, looking up at the night sky and wondering if one of those lights would guide them home.
"Some. Not all." he closed his eyes as the caress of a breeze lingered on his face, leaving it raw and bare. He welcomed the abandonment of sight as he focused on the barely audible sound of her breath, her shirt rustling as she folded her arms, or leaned against a tree like he did. No matter the circumstance, his senses would always gravitate their focus to her, always her. The smell of her hair, the sound of her breath, the sight of her eyes. Each and every one of her movements, her gestures had become locked in his mind, unable to unfocus and never able to shake the realisation of utter beauty. Did she realise how she had stolen his heart? Did she know that her own was ready to be taken in his steady hands, longing to make the ache and excruciating pain disappear? That was a thought he didn't like to let surface.
The scent of the oncoming storm was overpowering, pine needles and moisture hanging in the air waiting for the bulbous pellets of liquid to wreak havok once more, washing the earth clean. The expected chill had reached his bones as the wind blew a little harder, and he thought he felt her move a little closer. Opening his eyes to the clouding sky, he exhaled slowly. The blanket had been drawn over them, and he new that they had minutes before they would be drenched.
They stood, waiting for their souls to be washed clean as the ground trembled below. Somewhere in the distance, a bird called. Another cry joined it, and the sound of distant flapping masked the sound of the first droplet of water. The air was now a bitter ice, and his notions for snow had all but been confirmed as the first droplet was accompanied by another, falling a little lighter and a little more solidly onto his shoulder.
"It's snowing." he could hear the astonishment in her voice, coupled with the cascade of unspoken and unfelt emotions. It s actually snowing. And like the white rain that began it s cascade from the grey blanket above, so did the sound of another storm that had been long overdue. He felt the uncertainty before the touch, a frozen hand upon his, numb and shaking fingers as soft as the breeze. He heard her move before he turned to see her form, pressing a little closer to him as she looked up at the sky with glistening eyes. Soundlessly, without any movement he had found himself pulling her close as she shuddered against him, pressing her face into his chest as he held her hands to his heart. And as they stood amongst the falling snow, tear stained eyes against a lonely old heart, the sound of a broken melody filtered through the air. A forgotten soul and a lost soul, beginning the journey to mending their broken hearts.
A/N: As always, reviews and feedback are appreciated!