Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Lord of the Rings. And I don't own Satan. Although that would be really cool.
"Harry!"
"Wha—what! Who said that?"
"Hello! Scary, deep, creepy voice much? C'mon! You know this one, man!"
"Um…? I don't know…oh my god! Santa! Is that you?"
"Almost, but not quite. Keep trying!"
"I don't know; give me a hint or something."
"Aw, jeez. Um…let's see…I have horns."
"Chewbacca?"
"Nope—wait, what? Chewbacca doesn't have—"
"JESUS! IS THAT YOU! Oh my god I can't believe I'm actually talking to you—"
"IT'S SATAN, YOU ASSHOLE!"
"If you're Satan then why are you talking to me?"
"Like I said, I'm horny. You know, Satan has needs too."
"Man, this is so cool! My stereo's never talked to me before!"
"Okay, I can see this is going to be harder than I thought."
"Hey! Can you make stuff, like, levitate?"
"Please shut up, kid. Okay, now I need you to listen very carefully. Satan commands you to go over there and get me a slice of that cheese cake."
"Okay."
"Good, now Satan commands you to stuff it into the CD drive…good…oh yeah…now just kind of…rub it around…aaaahhhhh yeah…"
"Um? Sata—"
"DID I SAY STOP, BITCH!"
"Satan, I'm scared—"
"Faster! Oh yeeeaaaahhh…..keep going…"
"My hand is all sticky. And I think you made me break my stereo."
"Sssshhhhh…."
"But—"
"Shhhh…don't speak."
"Okay, you're creeping me out, man!"
"Hey! Where're you going? Harry? Harry? Aaaawww, please come back. Fine, I'll go get that creepy little hobbit from Lord of the Rings to do this."
After that day, Harry was never quite the same; he couldn't look at a slice of cheesecake without bursting into tears and yelling at his hand.
And his CD player still doesn't work..
That was really fun!
I don't apologize if you were offended or creeped out, but if you were amused and/or at least somewhat entertained, I salute you, because that means that I'm not the only one with this creepy, horrible, twisted sense of humor. I'm glad you share my burden. Bitch.
Fair well, my good friends. Or enemies, you choose.