I know I should be working on "Unchained Memory," "Strangely Familiar" and "Effect and Affection," but I'm a wreck right now. Don't worry…I'm not having Real Life problems. I'm just…okay. I'm out of clay and 'art money,' and I'm going crazy.

Ahem. So, I wrote this short one-shot, because I need my fix of AkuRoku. I should warn you all that this is very angsty. Angsty!Roxas is so hard to write, but only because it makes me think about Axel; more specifically, Axel burning to death. Am I a sap or what?

And now, for the disclaimer: What would I do with Kingdom Hearts if I owned it? Munny can't buy happiness; only Hi-Potions.

Happy Endings

You know…once upon a time, everything made sense.

Not any more.

'Hollow Bastion' (technically Radiant Garden, but who knew back then?) was a world from which Kairi fell, but nobody knew that – not even Kairi herself. Or maybe she did, but she never said so. Riku was kind of obnoxious and very competitive, but it was okay; because everybody could see the smiles on his face, and friendship between boys was often expressed by rivalry.

Sora…

Sora was innocent. Sora wasn't the Keyblade master, wasn't the savior of the worlds. Sora was all smiles and laughter, except when Riku beat him at something…but he wasn't ever angry at Riku.

In that time, Roxas didn't exist, and he wishes it could go back to that. He wishes that everything could go back to the way it was, because not belonging to the heart you have is worse than not having one.

You know…once upon a time, he was glad he'd gone back to Sora.

Not any more.

Once he and Sora had come to an understanding, back there in the World that Never Was, he'd been glad things had worked out like this…because he thinks they all knew, deep down, that Organization XIII wouldn't have succeeded in their goal. He knows that for the story to end well, the Organization couldn't succeed; because Sora, eventually, would have to send them back to the darkness they were created from.

Roxas tries not to dwell on the unfairness of it all – none of them asked to be created. It wasn't like they were trying to destroy the worlds…well, perhaps Xemnas was, but nobody knew what he was thinking and everybody knew he was crazy and Roxas, truthfully, never liked him in the first place.

Roxas wants to disappear now because it wasn't supposed to end like this.

You know…once upon a time, Roxas thought everything was going to be okay.

Not any more.

He was supposed to go back to Sora and become Sora; he was supposed to be erased. That was why he was so angry at first; he didn't want to be erased; but it was inevitable. And he knew, that by merging with his Somebody, he was essentially dooming his old associates. He hadn't…understood, exactly, what was wrong with him.What was the point of a heart, if one didn't know how to use it?

But now, it's been a long time (seven years? Eight?), and Roxas hates it because he hasn't been erased, and he has to watch through someone else's eyes as the sun sets over the ocean every evening. At least Sora doesn't live in Twilight Town; that would be infinitely worse.

He has to watch through someone else's eyes as Kairi's little three-year-old toddles around the house, and those green, green eyes and that red, red hair remind him so damn much of the only person he'd ever want to see again. Kairi's husband looks like Him too; but the hair is a bit more manageable and the eyes are a smidgen softer and a tad sweeter and definitely bluer and he's not quite as tall. Roxas knows it isn't true, but sometimes he feels like the Fates (those nasty old hags…Hades was right to be disgusted) are laughing at him, because he sees Kairi's family all the time.

You know…once upon a time, Roxas was sure he had everything figured out.

Not any more.

He tries so hard to look away but his eyes are always open when Sora's are, even when Sora does with Riku what Roxas should've done with Axel before he left. He should've looked at him like Sora looked at Riku, and kissed him more than twice – a million times, a zillion times, never, ever stopped –, whispered like that, and maybe he'd have something other than a memory and hundreds of bitter could've-beens.

Or maybe couldn't-have-beens; Roxas knows now what he felt then, but back then he didn't understand it. He didn't understand it because love – and that's exactly what it was – wasn't ever talked about. Roxas thinks that love is the only reason someone would want a heart…oh, if they only knew. Or rather…if they had only known. Roxas would give up his heart in a…wait for it…heartbeat.

Ironic, that.

You know…once upon a time, Roxas imagined a happy ending.

Not any more.

It sucks and it's hard and goddamn it, he wants to scream but he can't, because even now, he doesn't really exist. He's just a shade in the back of Sora's head, a whisper of something Sora knows he should be able to make out but can't. Roxas knows how simple it was before he was created because Sora's memories are his memories now, even though Sora doesn't know anything about Roxas.

He has a real, beating heart, or at least Sora does, and he's part of Sora; but damn it, he doesn't want it. Not any more. Everybody, everybody he sees through Sora's eyes, got their happy ending. Everyone except him. But…no matter how unfair it is…that's how it's supposed to be, right? To dwell in eternal darkness...

It's the fate of a Nobody.

END