Darkness

by Mrs Clare Malfoy

One-shot: Through the course of hate it is possible to find happiness, but with everything, it is truly obtainable? HP/DM, strong themes.

Darkness.

Even in total darkness Harry could see Draco's white-blonde gleaming hair. The room was damp, and he was pretty sure there was no other way out. He could see in the dim light Draco's bloodied nose, and it took off to the left in a weird slant. Harry's gut hurt an awful lot. They had been wrestling because Draco had once again hinted the fact Harry had no parents, Harry hit Draco square in the nose, and instead of whimpering on the ground he jumped him and struck his shoulder, Harry punched his gut and Draco did the same before they were pushed into the supply closet, Draco hit his head on the side bench and was knocked out. Harry had planned to leave him there but the door was… (Big surprise) locked. Harry felt Draco stirring at his feet and saw his silver eye's open. Harry stared at him in wonder, he did the opposite of what he thought he would do (which was groan and complain), instead he curled up for a moment (he didn't seem to realize Harry was there) and he hid his face. He began to mutter, words which Harry could not hear nor understand. He stayed like that for a short while, then, quite abruptly sat up. He looked straight into those emerald eyes and scowled.

"It's you." Draco spat, still seeming dazed.

"10 points to Slytherin." Harry grinned, knowing he had the upper hand. Draco only scowled.

"Where are we anyway? And, more importantly, why am I here with you!?" Draco couldn't keep the pain off his face as he tried to ignore his throbbing nose.

"Oh you don't remember? Well, I was SMASHING your arse in a one-on-one fight, your cronies were no-where to be seen and we fell in here, you falling unconscious." Harry smiled as Draco remembered it.

"You were not winning!"

"How grown up of you to say that."

"You still didn't answer my question."

"Which was?"

"Oh you don't remember? No wonder you're such a cock-head"

"Smooth."

"My question WAS- where are we?"

Harry frowned; he didn't want to talk to this ferret.

"Supply closet."

"Oh good, Crabbe and Goyle will be along shortly." Draco looked at the door and Harry laughed. He didn't mean to but it had to be the best thing Draco had ever come up with. Draco's eye's shot back to him.

"You can laugh?"

"You can not complain?"

"You can be a cock? Oh wait that's not a question."

"You suck at comebacks? Oh wait that's not a question."

"That was lame."

"Not as lame as you."

"Touché. Wait, that's not a touché, you suck!"

"Well done." Harry was goddamn bored. He felt like punching Draco again but thought better of it. Instead he sat in silence wondering. Draco scowled and began to mutter but soon came quiet. Harry guessed it had been an hour when the silence was broken by Draco fumbling around with the shelves nearby, yelping as something fell and smashed.

"Good work Malfoy"

"Must you always use my last name with slang? You make it sound improper."

"Then what do you suppose I do?"

"I know I may look like it, but I am not god."

"Not what I heard"

"…did you just call me GOD?!"

"No. Hell no. A couple people have said you're a sex god though."

"What would they know?" Draco sounded absolutely disgusted, where as Harry saw an opportunity to make Draco angry and took it.

"What was that? You're still a virgin? The famous sex god?"

"Shut it Harry. Are you saying your not?"

"Not what, a virgin? It's none of your business. And yeah, I am"

"Damn. That would have been a good article." Draco smirked. Harry again felt the urge to punch but decided to use his words.

"Look, Draco. God knows how long we're going to be in here but I'd like to do it in silence. Your voice is giving me a headache."

"Fine."

The silence dragged on as Harry had asked. He tried to judge the time but he hadn't a clue, but he guessed by his hunger it was dinner. This meant it had been hours. His eye's slowly adjusted to the darkness and he noticed the very faint light under the door. It was defiantly night, he could easily tell the lamp lights. He was still trying to recall why Draco didn't have his wand. Oh yes, I threw it off the stair well. He scowled and looked at Draco, who was rubbing his nose in pain. The bleeding had stopped and with his spare hand he was fumbling around for a tissue. Harry pitied him. He was the most up-himself boy but he did notice one thing when he punched him in the stomach…he had no body fat. At all. His ribs stuck out of his body like needles. Harry thought it was anorexia but couldn't be sure, and instead of sitting in silence any longer he offered Draco his own tissue.

"Uh…Thanks." He grumbled, snatching it away.

"You're welcome"

There was a short silence between the boys before Draco began to speak again.

"My nose hurts."

"Well, it is broken"

"This, by the way, is your fault."

"You did insult me."

"How so?"

Harry thought for a moment.

"Well you said something like 'What's it like to only have an uncle?'"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"…well, I still don't have an answer"

"It's bloody horrible if you must know."

"It can't be."

"Actually, thanks to the man you're supporting I lost my parents."

"Thanks to the man you're fighting I… wait I don't have to share with you!"

"You may as well. We are stuck here."

"No, Potter, I'd actually rather not."

Yet another silence. Harry was over them.

"So…you been working out?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're…thin. Too thin…" Harry stared into the hard eyes as Draco put his hands protectively over his stomach.

"My body weight is none of your concern."

"Draco you're not healthy. When Madam Pomfery looks at your nose she will notice. And she might tell daddy!" He refused to let his spitefulness go.

"Like my 'daddy' would care!" Draco spat.

"I'm sorry, are you not Draco Malfoy? Daddy's boy?"

"Daddy's boy? You know nothing about me."

"Care to share?"

"Why, so you can go prattling on to everyone you see? I think not."

"Come on Draco. I'm not like that."

"Uh huh. Yeah. Sure."

"Come on, tell me."

"It's nothing of your concern."

"Ok, I'll ask. Are you anorexic?" to this Harry got no answer. "Well that's a yes. Do you hate your father?"

"No…"

"Does your father hate you?" another silence. Another yes. Harry smiled. "Why does your father hate you?"

"Like you'd understand, you don't have one. Now then, I believe it's my turn to ask the questions. Do you only pretend to get angry and upset because you like the attention? Do you pretend you don't like the drama? Have you ever considered running away and leaving the world in anguish? Would you kill me for your own selfish needs? Do you only want to kill Bellatrix because she killed your Godfather or because she's a death eater? And, at last, do you really believe that you can't be friends with people because they will get hurt or do you just want to do it alone for the fame?" Draco spat rather angrily. Harry sat dumbfounded. Some were true, some not. He stared back into those eyes that had a hint of fire in them.

"Look, Draco, I don't know why you wont talk to me considering we're going to DIE in here, but fine. You don't wanna talk, don't. I don't know why I care anyway." Harry spat back.

"Maybe the reason I don't want to talk is because I ha- wait, did you just call me Draco?"

"…Oh…I guess I did. Sorry Malfoy"

"No, I don't mind. People don't ever call me that."

"Yeah I was never really into the whole 'last-name-thing'"

"It's pretty much what I grew up with."

"How do you mean?"

"I was always 'Malfoy Jnr.' or something"

"I was just 'Boy'…or 'skinny one'"

"Hah. You are pretty thin though."

"You can't talk."

"Yes I can."

"Well I know you can. It's an expression."

"I know. I knew I was right in calling you a cock."

"I was right in knocking your brains out"

"You wish." Draco grinned in the dark, despite himself. Of all gods' people, exactly why was he falling for Harry? He assumed it was because Harry had actually noticed he was thin, and sick, and crying for help, and that Harry had noticed it with care. No one he knew cared about him, even in the slightest. He already knew he was bi, his father had found out about it once he saw Dracos' fascinated gaze on the wall (they were in a museum). He was dragged straight home and locked into his cupboard for a month with hardly any food or water- just a picture of a half naked girl in a sexy pose. It didn't work. He began to feel stupid, but little did he know that Harry was thinking the same thing. But, unlike Draco, Harry had no idea that he was gay, or bi for that matter. He sat staring at the attractive boy, and noticed for the first time how pained his eye's really looked. They stared at each other for a moment, and Harry sighed.

"Upset, Potter?"

"I thought you 'weren't really into the whole last name thing'"

"No, that was you."

"Really?"

"Sorry, Harry."

Harry looked back at Draco. Something in the way he said Harry… No. he did NOT like Malfoy. They were rivals. He was just stressed about being locked up, that was all. He put his head in his hands and shook his head. Draco stared oddly at him. Of all the people…

"Thanks for the tissue by the way."

"Not to be mentioned." He said flatly. Draco cocked his head at him. Harry looked up, grinning.

"But not to be returned." So what if he thought he liked Draco. Once he had food he would surely laugh about it. So he may as well enjoy the suffering…if that makes sense. He glanced around the room. The light under the door abruptly went out.

"Dear lord." Draco's voice was shocked. "We've been here that long!"

"Seems like it." Harry sighed.

"Where are you?" Draco put his hands out in front of him and felt Harry's face.

"There you are." He said, but didn't take his hands from Harry's cheeks. Harry brought his hands up to meet Draco's. They linked and moved in, sliding their hands to behind the other person's head. Draco moved with more force, and slid his hands down to Harry's waist. Halfway through breaking the world's most intense kiss Harry broke off.

"Whoa. Sorry. Drunk mistake."

"We're not drunk, Harry."

"I meant spare of the moment mistake. And I notice you're calling me Harry."

"I think we're way past calling each other by our last names, Harry. And it took you a fair while to think of that excuse." They sat, hands still in the same spot. After a moment Draco leaned back in. All of Harry's common sense told him to stop before it got out of hand, but honestly, who listens to their common sense? Draco could tell Harry was nervous, and well, he was too. What if his father found out? What then? Would he be whipped? Disowned? Killed? Okay, a bit extreme. The thoughts still ran through his head though. Harry was more worried that this would lead to Voldermort finding out, and using this to his advantage. After a few moments he remembered he was kissing someone, and that someone was DRACO FUCKING MALFOY! 'Shit.' Thought Harry. 'I can't be gay. No, I can't be. I'm dating Ginny…but… Draco-No! Not Draco! His name is MALFOY!! MALFOY!!' He broke off. Draco too pulled away, and sat on his wall, breathing too oddly for Harry's liking.

"I-I…" He stammered. Draco sighed heavily.

"Harry-I think we're past the awkward silences."

"No, Draco…Malfoy... I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"You know…Be…With you…" He choked on his words.

"I know. I know we can't. Not publicly, at least." He looked hopefully at Harry, hoping he might be able to see his face. It wasn't like Draco to want a partner out of a hook-up. Harry sighed heavily. It wasn't like him to be kind to, well, guys, when they didn't get the god-damned picture that it couldn't work altogether, but Draco just seemed so desperate. And besides, what could go wrong? If I find out I don't really like him I can just tell him so. If he tries to spread it or something I can just, well, deny it and say that what he wishes would happen…he wishes…Harry screwed up his eye's and grabbed Draco by the shoulders. He felt Draco smile on his lips. They broke apart.

"No one, especially Ginny, is to find out about this." He warned Draco.

"No one, especially my father, is to ever find out about this. I can see what will happen to my reputation."

"Listen, meet me at the owlery tomorrow at 4-ish. Then we'll see how we feel."

"I have…business to attend to at four. 4:30 ok?" He asked, already leaning in, again.

Harry managed only to muffle out a small yes.

Break

Harry stood nervously at the owlery. Snow very softly fell, and he petted Hedwig comfortingly. She twitched her wings and took off for the 18th time, only to return moments later and confirm to Harry no-one was coming. It was 3:58 exactly. He sighed and sat down on the cold floor. He decided to arrive early, in case Malfoy was already there at 4:30, with a gang of people laughing. He quietly shivered. They were let out by filch, about 3 minutes before five in the morning. Harry skipped his first few lessons to sleep, attended a study where Hermione, Ron and Neville were waiting with piles of work he'd missed, and then came here. He checked his watch again. 4:08. He sighed as Hedwig nuzzled him, and thought about Draco. He had a speech written out, clearly stating to Draco that they could never be together, that these feelings would fade and they'd have to settle for friends but as he got closer to the time he felt less and less like saying it. Through his time he had told Ron and Hermione most everything, but how would they react to this? He checked his watch again. 4:15. Hedwig flew off and returned to her normal spot. Harry read over the letter 5 times, and recited it out loud to himself without forgetting a line. 4:19. He sang his favourite song. 4:21. He went over all his encounters with Voldermort. Hedwig flew off again. 4:26. Hedwig returned. 4:27 footsteps were heard. Harry stood quickly and held his breath. Hedwig flew out and flew back in, squawking once to announce to Harry that only one person was coming. Harry stood and gave the speech to Hedwig, making busy.

"Well if it isn't the famous Potter!" Harry spun round. Draco stood; eye's darting around the owlery to check for other life. Hedwig flew off with the speech.

"Draco."

"Harry." They stared at each other, unable to think of words.

"Draco…I…"Harry began, but the words left. Draco walked to him.

"I think I still like you." He whispered. Harry nodded.

"Me too." They stared at each other before bursting into a long-lasting kiss. (Bursting probably isn't the best word…)

Break

"Mr. Potter, can you tell me the answer to…" Snape shot some long-confusing equation at Harry. He stared blankly back. Snape frowned, and Harry opened his mouth to guess.

"The Imperius Curse can be related to that particular spell, but would not be recommended as a substitute." He slumped back in his chair, and Snape gaped at him for a moment.

"That is only half correct. Not even that much." He snarled and turned back to the board. Harry smiled and congratulated himself. Hermione began to hiss at him about giving correct answers by knowing them and not by guessing them. Harry smiled at her and turned to listen to Ron's congratulations. He glanced to the other side of the room. Draco's cronies were rolling their eyes, whereas Draco gave a Harry a hidden smile. Harry gave one back. After class he pushed past him firmly, with a; "Move, Potter." Said in too harsh a voice with his friends agreeing with him. Harry scoffed, but accepted the scrunched up piece of paper that Draco had shoved into his hand. He waited until he was safely away from everyone until he read it carefully three times, and burned it.

Dear Harry.

Harry. It suits you. I enjoy calling you by such a well-matched name. I just wanted you to know that I haven't changed my mind on anything. Oh, what to say? I could tell you what I'm thinking, but if it wasn't of you this letter wouldn't really exist, would it? So, I am thinking of you, and trying to hide it from my gossiping suspicious friends, not that I'm bagging them out. Who have you told? How did they react? Who else are you planning to tell? I haven't told anyone, and I don't really plan to. I mean, who would I tell? Everyone I know either hates you or is homophobic, but mostly it's the hate thing. I am more than tempted to begin writing corny meaningless things, but I'm still worried I'll be made to eat them. Miss you, if it's possible to miss someone you practically live with. That was almost a corny thing. Well, I guess this is the first time you've heard me like this, so I should stop before I fuck it up completely.

D

He set to work in transfiguration writing one back. How was he supposed to get it to him? He shoved it in his pocket for a moment. He felt his sleeve rise up his arm and quickly felt subconscious. He yanked it down and resumed his normal smile. The corridor was long and crowed with people changing classes. He waited and his eyes scanned all the people's faces, looking for Draco. It occurred to him that he had a class to get to. He picked up his books and headed off. On his way he thought about giving it to Crabbe, who walked roughly past but decided it wasn't the best idea. He waited.

Break

Draco laughed among with his friends at the table. He felt paper being shoved into his hand. He turned around to yell at whoever it was for shoving paper into his hand, but when he saw the lean figure of Harry walk away he changed his mind quickly, so quickly that he snapped back to the table as though nothing happened. His friends eyed him suspiciously. He smiled at them and tried to think of a plan to escape to read it. But his friends not only watched, they followed him like hawks. He yelled at them and turned to run but they still followed with a thousand "what's wrong?"

Barstard friends.

It was twelve O'clock by the time he got to read it.

Draco,

Yeah, it's good calling you that too. I haven't changed my mind on anything either. Don't think about me too much, I wouldn't want you to get sick of me. I haven't told anyone, so I don't know how they'd react, and I'm definitely not planning to tell anyone. Fuck it up? How? What's to fuck? Wow, that came out wrong. Or maybe I just have a sick mind. I don't know. I wouldn't make you eat them, or maybe I would, to fatten you up. Please eat. I think I'd prefer something to grab onto. I should stop harassing you, or I'll be the one to fuck it up. Where do you suppose we should meet next? I dunno.

And for the record, I quite like corny stuff.

Harry.

Break

The Dungeons were cold. Harry shivered, and glanced nervously around. He heard footsteps not far off and pressed himself into the wall. A tall girl quietly murmured the password and stumbled in. Harry broke off the wall again. A draft wandered slowly over him, and he wondered how a draft could be where he was. He used that subject to distract himself while he waited. Just as he was thinking about 'Wind in the Willow's", he heard footsteps and forgot about his thoughts, and turned heavily to see Draco walking inconspicuously up to him. He looked around for Harry, and Harry quickly threw off his invisibility cloak. Draco saw him and smiled quietly.

"Keep it on, and stay close." Harry threw it back over his head and walked an inch behind Draco, who walked confidently towards the portrait.

"Password?"

"Untainted" The portrait threw open. Harry made a face at Draco, who he knew couldn't see it, but it made him feel better anyway. Draco put on a ghastly scowl and stormed in, and Harry nervously followed. He didn't like it here. Once in the open he felt even worse, as though everyone could see him. The first-years still awake stole nervous glances at him, before deciding Draco in a bad mood had to be worse than non-finished flitwik homework. They scuttled to bed. Draco began to walk towards his dorm, when they heard a voice Harry knew only too well.

"I trust you're all off to bed? And if you're not you better hope you're studying for tomorrow." Snape sneered. Draco turned abruptly and pushed Harry into the wall. He pressed himself into the wall, and tried not to make to much eye contact with him. But there was something different about him. Snape was Snape, and always menacing, but tonight he seemed more than that. More…

"Excuse me, sir, I was just off to bed." Draco's voice was a little shaky, but he generally kept it steady. Snape glared at him.

"Off to bed at this hour? I thought you, of all people, would be up till 1:00, as usual.

As usual? Thought Harry but didn't say anything. Which was a very good thing. Snape continued glaring at Draco. Draco resumed his scowl, and stared equally at Snape. After a moment the room went back to their conversations, and Draco began to edge towards his room. Snape looked away after a long moment, and Draco swiftly turned around and, still pressing Harry into the wall, walked quickly to his room. A few of his dorm mates were in there, but he quickly steered them out with a;

"IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF HER RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD THAT YOU WILL ALL BEFALL THE CRUCIATUS CURSE!" Draco locked the door after them and cast the silence spell around the room, checked every-where and eventually gave Harry the nod. Harry threw off is invincibility cloak and glanced nervously around.

"What was that about?" He inquired. Draco shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. Do we have Quidditch that I forgot about?"

"No. We don't."

"Why aren't you telling me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell." Draco flopped himself on the bed and smiled.

"I thought this was supposed to be a happy time anyway." He motioned for Harry to sit next to him. He hesitated, then moved and sat a few inches from Draco.

"Listen, Draco…" He began, but Draco chose that moment to fall off the bed. Harry put on a laugh and tried to hide his nervousness, as Draco rubbed his side and grumbled.

"As you were saying." Draco sat back down.

"Um, look, I really like you but…"

"But we have to hook-up immediately." Draco scooted beside Harry. Harry smiled.

"Fine. But first let's organize our next meeting." Draco's grey eye's brightened slightly.

"3rd floor."

"I actually don't like it there…but fine…" Harry managed to squeeze out. After a while, Harry guessed 7 minutes, none-other than Severus Snape appeared in the now-un-locked doorway.

Break…

The bell finally rang and Draco was more pleased than he'd even been. The class trickled out, (except for Harry, who was more like the cork on a wine bottle) leaving only Draco and Snape, who looked at him over his books.

"Sir…" He began, and Snape silenced him by raising his hand.

"Do you know how much trouble you'll be in if you're found out?"

"Yes."

"And yet you were caught."

"Yes."

"Have you told him anything?"

"No."

"Does he suspect?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. Probably."

Snape sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"I can't keep this from your father, nor the Death Eaters. You know this." Draco lowered his head only to have it snapped back up a moment later.

"Unless you use him."

"What? What do you-"

"You know very well what I mean."

"I-use Harry?"

"For information" Snape rolled his eye's, still annoyed that he had to spell out everything to everyone.

"Find out where he's going, what he's doing. And wipe this romance from your mind. You have a new assignment."

"What about my old one?"

"You can get an assignment for Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts at the same time."

"Yes sir."

"You know I'm being generous?"

"Yes sir."

"Oh, and I expect you to hand up your work frequently."

"Sir?"

"The information for your assignment!" Snape threw down his quill which rolled a few centimeters across the table. Draco looked down.

"I understand sir."

He turned to leave.

"And if you don't…" Draco froze, hand on doorknob.

"I'll be sure to have you removed. Can't have you stuffing things up, can we?"

"No sir." The door clicked softly behind Draco, and Snape was sure he heard sobbing from the other side.

Break

Draco looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. The chocolate wrapper from Goyle hung in his hand. He threw it on the ground and looked at himself, disgusted. The thought of sticking his fingers down his throat never got any more pleasant, in fact it got worse, but he forced himself to do it. The door opened behind him, and startled, he jumped, forcing his fingers too far down. He vomited up thickly and harshly. Pansy stepped in

"Oh god, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to intrude…"

"Get out."

"I…"

"GET OUT!" Pansy whimpered softly.

"Draco…"

He gripped the sink in frustration.

"You shouldn't even be in this dormitory."

"I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to-"

"Then get out."

"I just…I want you to be healthy…"

"You're not getting the message are you?" He thought for a moment. "Take this to H-Potter. Now GET OUT!" He yelled, watching her scream and run out. He turned on the tap to wash away vomit to see traces of blood.

Break

Harry sat, ignoring the voices trying to tell him to eat. He couldn't stop playing that scene over in his head, or Snape's voice in potions.

"Here, Potter."

He looked up to Pansy, who shoved a note onto his plate.

"From Malfoy. He's got a spell on it so I can't read it." She sneered at him, kicked him in the Achilles and stalked off. Rubbing his ankle, Harry began to open the letter.

"Don't! It'll probably explode!"

Harry shrugged off whoever it was that was calling out to him, excused himself and walked to his dorm.

Dear Harry

Fuck. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. I don't know how to tell you, but I think we need to end it. Snape is threatening to tell my father. I don't know what to do. I don't want it to end but I don't know how else it can work. Plus there's…something else. I just don't know…

It's too risky to meet up now. We'll have to communicate by letter's for a while, until we sort something out. Who are you? My friends will figure it out if they see your name on the envelope…call yourself emerald, and put it on front. I'll tell them you're my girl-friend. I'll be silver. Simple, hey? Just make sure Snape doesn't get them or he'll suspect it.

God I feel like crap. Write soon

Draco.

Break

It had been 2 weeks. Not long, but enough for Draco to want to kill Snape. He longed for Harry. He had seen Harry once; they were both behind in transfiguration, when McGonagall ran out. Not much, but enough for them to almost get caught. Again.

In his next letter, his 2nd one that day, he requested they meet more often. Harry's 3rd letter replied with an ecstatic yes. They met at the astronomy tower, and did so the next night, and the next.

Harry smiled up at Draco, and Draco leaned down.

"How'd you get here without being noticed?" Harry choked out between breaths.

"It's not hard."

"You're in the dungeons. How can it be easy?"

"Just is."

Draco moved his hands down Harry's arms, and brushed them past his wrists. He felt Harry flinch.

"What's up?"

"Nothing." He stammered, and quickly pulled down his sleeves.

"Something." Draco reached for his wrists.

"Harry…?"

"It's just a scratch. From Hedwig."

"Really now, is it? Give me your wrist."

"Why is it important?"

"Give it to me"

"I've already told you it's nothing."

"I've already told you to give me your wrist!"

Harry shuddered, breaking before answering with a shaky "No."

"Harry!" Draco sensed him breaking, and felt himself smile inside. He was winning.

"If you don't give me your fucking wrist!..."

"Listen, I-"

Draco brought on a snarl that made Harry's blood curl.

"Give me your wrist."

"Draco…"

"Give me your wrist!" His voice echoed over the tower. Harry reluctantly held out his left wrist. Draco grabbed it. There were 8 cuts symmetrically across his forearm.

"Other wrist." He practically threw Harry's arm back at him. Harry stepped back.

"Harry."

"Draco…"

Draco took a leap for it and Harry skidded to the side.

"Harry! Fucking hell!"

Harry wiped at his eyes.

"You are a death eater."

"Give me your wrist!"

"WHY IS IT SO FUCKING IMPORTANT?!"

"THIS ISN'T SOME GAME! IF THERE WASN'T SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG YOU'D SHOW ME!"

"WHAT'S IT MATTER IF I SHOW YOU!? DOESN'T KNOWING MAKE IT ENOUGH!? WHY DO YOU NEED TO SEE IT!?" Harry fell to the ground and covered his face, letting sobbing sounds come from his throat. Draco sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around him. They huddled for long moments, Harry trying desperately to restrain tears. Draco gently took Harry's arm.

"No! no…"

Draco turned it over and pulled up the sleeve. Harry tried to draw away for a brief moment but Draco tightened his grip on his arm. Cut's formed along his arm, in big strokes, all directions. Words such as HATE and FEAR were carved, and the new one was carved CAGED. Harry sobbed loudly and tried to pull his arm away again. Draco looked sadly at Harry.

"Why-"

Harry tried to get up but Draco yanked him back down. Harry cried for a moment to the ground. Draco couldn't tear his eyes off the word CAGED. Harry looked spitefully up at Draco.

"Why did you make me show you?" He spat and yanked his arm free, got up and ran. Draco sat dumbfounded, feeling guilty on the ground. Why would Harry do this? Was it his fault?

HATE, FEAR, and CAGED. What did these words mean? He shook his head and stood at the top of the stairs. He looked longingly at the moon, crystal blue, and headed back to the dungeons, knowing sleep wouldn't come if he begged for it.

Break.

Hermione eyed Harry suspiciously. He had been gloomy for days on end, and barley talked to anyone. He was getting lots of letter's, addressed from someone called 'Silver'. She guessed it was a girl he was seeing, or was, and that they had just broken up or something. She tried talking to him about it but he quickly changed the subject. She asked Ron if he knew anything about it but he shrugged, telling her to stay out of it. She asked to read the letters but he growled at her. She caught one of the envelopes, to see it addressed to 'emerald.' When she asked Harry he simply said

"…sex name?"

She decided to investigate, after all, he was still dating Ginny. Yes, she'd simple have to find out, once Christmas was over…

Break

Draco went home for Christmas, to his distaste. Harry stayed at school, which to him, was a lot better than going to the Dursleys. Draco gave up trying to find out what was wrong with Harry, as Harry never replied to such letters. They slowly made up and resumed tainted happiness. Harry was twice as careful about revealing his wrists, which were getting worse, and Draco, slowly getting thinner and thinner, wore heavier clothes. Needless to say, no one found out. Letters were transported constantly, and soon it was time for the Christmas people to come home. On the train back, Draco found himself fearing what would happen. Why am I scaring myself? He thought as he hugged his stomach. Harry and I will probably be awkward, but as long as I let him know I still love him we'll be ok.

The trolley lady strolled past and opened the door to the rowdy Slytherin compartment. Draco snapped back into focus as he watched his friends hurriedly buy things off the trolley. By the time they finished buying the compartment was full of sweets. The sight of them made Draco sick, so instead he went back to flicking through the daily prophet as he had only moments before.

"Wamt som?" Goyle chewed loudly, shoving the food under Draco's nose. Draco shook his head violently, trying to edge backwards into the seat. Pansy laughed from her position next to him.

"Oh my gosh, Draco! You're so thin! Eat something for once!" The slytherin's laughed and Draco hunched back further into his seat.

"I'm not hungry." He said flatly. Pansy looked upset for a moment, before rolling her eyes and biting into her lollipop. The aroma of the room made him feel sick, so he excused himself and headed for the bathrooms. He looked in the mirror at his thin structure, and poked his stomach. I'm so fucking fat, He told himself as he stared himself up and down. He leaned over the sink and tried to throw up, his stomach groaned in frustration but he didn't care. He was oddly surprised at the amounts of blood he was coughing up, but he didn't care. He wiped his mouth and returned to his cabin. The room fell silent when he walked in and everyone either stared at him with concern or looked away, embarrassed. He sat down against the window and stared out it, wishing the train would hurry up.

"Draco…" Pansy began but he instead fired questions at her about her new shoes, which like an idiot she bought. The atmosphere of the room relaxed and everyone carried on as normal with Draco listening with one ear about Pansy's shopping day. Once finished, and Pansy had moved back to flirt with ALL the guys in the room, Draco picked up his prophet. He scanned the headlines before his eye's fell on the page that clearly stated; "Nymphadora Tonks has fallen ill with a mysterious illness. Further studies show that it may be a curse cast by an enemy, but such power would need to come from a source like "You-know-who." Further examination will be taken."

Draco leaned back into his seat and swore. This wasn't good. It was bad enough with Snape on his back, asking if he and Harry were seeing each other- the endless threats and Harry slitting his wrists for reasons he had no control over. Now Tonks was sick- This didn't look good for Harry. He sighed and swore again, unaware that his friends were eyeing him oddly. He bit his lip and looked out the compartment door to see three girls walking swiftly towards the trolley they had so easily missed. One of them was Ginny. Draco sighed. Harry and Ginny- they were still together. They still talked every night, hooked up, and, according to rumor, other things. Draco got angry. He ignored the words of comfort and threw the prophet at the door, stood up and stalked off. Why did all this love shit have to be so hard? The sink grew caked with blood, but Draco was finding it harder to stop.

Break

Harry was cold.

The "golden trio" sat quietly around the fire, un-moving. The Christmas people had just got back. That was when they found out.

More like- that was when Hermione had found out, and told Ron. Harry only had to be thankful they weren't as pushy as Draco to see his wrists. If only he hadn't extended his arm to greet Hermione, his sleeve never would have rocked up. After a yelling match with Ron, and dealing with a distressed and crying Hermione, they came to the Gryffindor common room. Harry looked out the fogged window and wondered if he should just leave, but that didn't seem such a good idea. Harry was begging to himself that Ron wouldn't bring it up again, but sure enough, here it came. At least he was being slightly more civilized.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us?" He demanded, still clearly angry. Harry felt the urge to cry which was coming on quite often these days. but kept it bottled in. Long ago, before the entire Draco thing, he would have took comfort in Ginny. And now he wanted solitude, or Draco. It hit him like a bomb that he liked Draco much more then Ginny. He felt foolish, he had loved Ginny when they had made love, but it was her pushing him to do it, rather then the other way around. He couldn't imagine how he could see Draco at this time, so instead he stood and started off to his dormitory. Ron and Hermione exchanged glanced behind him, and Hermione put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"We're here for you Harry, and we can get you help..."

"I don't need help." He said, shrugging her off. "I just need time." He made his way upstairs. He need sleep, and time to think.

Break

Thankfully in his spare time at home, Draco had created a speech to Snape. It was sure to break him out of any trouble, and give him and Harry a clear spot and a lot less trouble. He was ready to give it out as the class trickled out, and, finding the last of his courage, he went up and started speaking.

"Snape, I know you seem to think me and Harry were having some sort of love affair, and I thought you knew there was no romance in it. I assure you there wasn't, it was just a 'fun' thing, we knew we were going beind backs and for some reason it gave us joy. But it ended some time ago. He gave out no information despite how hard I tried, and he just seemed to be doing the same to me. So you don't have to worry about that any longer." He took in a deep breath, finally feeling as though he could breathe again. Snape didn't look at him, just continued writing on some parchment. Draco was about to leave when Snape input.

"Do you want an insight to tomorrow's death page?" He looked up at Draco, and at Draco's confused look, scribbled down a name on paper, and handed it to him.

Nymphadora Tonks.

Break

Harry was sitting at breakfast, wondering how to break up with Ginny. He really didn't want to, but then how was it fair on her? How was it ever fair? He came to the conclusion delay wasn't going to make anything easier. On cue, she came and sat next to him. Before she could say a word he started talking.

"Ginny…I have to talk to you." Ginny stopped smiling.

"What's wrong?" She looked worried, and Harry decided not to look at her. He found his eyes wondering over towards the Slytherin table, yet he couldn't see Draco. He sighed.

"This isn't what I thought it was. I'm sorry, but I don't think its working. There's nothing I'd love more then for us to stay friends." He said it all quickly, without looking at Ginny. She didn't say anything, and eventually he just stood up and started to walk away. He didn't get halfway to the door when Minerva came up to him.

"Harry…I have terrible news…"

Break

Draco was comforting Harry as best he could. Harry hadn't stopped crying for some time now, and hadn't even looked at Draco. They had potions this afternoon, but Draco was more then willing to miss it, regardless of how suspicious Snape could get. He wasn't even worried his father might find out. Eventually Harry stopped crying and lay, his eyes not focused on anything in particular. Draco laid down behind Harry and wrapped his arm around him, viewing the colours of green and silver in his dormitory, and had made sure the door was locked tight. Harry was still shuddering.

"I just can't believe she's actually gone." He murmured, and Draco wrapped his arms tighter around Harry.

"They still don't even know what caused it." He exhaled deeply, and Draco was no-where near prepared for what Harry said next.

"I broke up with Ginny for you."

Draco felt a flush of thanks and happiness, which he would later regard as one of the most selfish things he'd done. He knew he shouldn't be happy in circumstances but this news was better then anything he'd heard in a long time. Harry rolled over and faced Draco, who thankfully was more then expert at hiding emotions, and looked solemnly back at Harry. Harry still had tears in his eyes, and Draco couldn't help himself. He leaned in and kissed Harry, softly and gently, and when he broke away Harry didn't open his eyes. Draco took off the glasses which were being pushed awkwardly by the angle Harry was on, yet Harry didn't move still. Draco kissed him lightly again, and refused to take his arm off Harry. They fell into a soft sleep, Draco hugging Harry the entire time.

Break

It had been nearly a month since the 'incident', and Harry showed no signs of improvement. Draco was worried, and Draco's friends were worried about him. He went on believing (bar the Pansy incident) that no-one noticed or cared about his weight, other then Harry. He was sitting in his dormitory, catching up on work when all his Slytherin friends walked in without knocking, and stationed themselves around the room, facing him. Draco knew it was bad news the moment they locked the door. He quietly shut his book and put it away, and turned to face them all. He didn't expect to his wand to be immediately drawn away from him, as Pansy pointed her wand at him.

"Expelliarmous." She breathed and caught his wand easily.Draco looked at everyone steadily, and stood up.

"Can I help you all?"

No one spoke, and it was obvious to Draco they hadn't thought it through very well. Eventually Goyle spoke.
"You seem to think we can't hear you throwing up at 2:00am every morning." The room fell silent, and Draco froze. Shit. He thought. I am so fucked.

"You can't continue living like this." A tall boy put in. Draco recovered slightly, but was finding inspiration difficult.

"Nothing in my life is any of your concern."

"I thought we were your friends." Pansy was obviously upset.

"You are." Draco eyed everyone of them, but none of them faultered. He made to exit the room, but someone pushed him back.

"No-one is leaving this room until your better."

Draco rolled his eyes, frustrated. "There's nothing to fix."

"Draco, your father's coming. Don't you think there's even the slightest chance he might find out?" Draco froze up again.

"My father's coming?"

"Yes, tomorrow. But why should…" Draco didn't listen to the rest of him. He thought of his father, the Christmas holidays, the ones before that, and before that, and his whole life… the bruises and the fights…

He didn't need to shove his fingers down his throat to heavily throw up.

Break

Harry was in the bathroom alone, sharp object in hand. He found it didn't hurt anymore, so he cut deeper and deeper each time. He was glad the blood stopped running quickly, Ron needed a turn in the bathroom. He turned on the tap and watched the blood run quickly down the sink. He yanked down his sleeve and walked out, smile on his face.

Break

Everyone knew not to interrupt Draco and Lucius talks. There was a silencing charm around the dorm, and it was locked with magic stronger then any student had. Draco hit the floor hard, and held his face where his father had struck him. Lucius swept to the floor and rolled his son onto his back, where he continued to beat him. Draco never quite understood why it was physical violence, and why he didn't use magic the entire time, but he never bothered to ask questions. He felt the urge to vomit as his father stood up and drew his wand.

Poor dad… he thought, as his father muttered the words to the Cruciators curse. He must be so stressed out to come and get me at school…

Break

They were in the Slytherin common room again, and Harry didn't know why it was he chose to go there rather then go to Gryffindor common room for once. But there they were again, under the green and silver of Draco's bed. They weren't doing anything. The taller teen was playing with Harry's jet black messy hair, and Harry holding his free hand, was stroking that. Neither of them felt the need to speak, until Harry saw the bruises on Draco's chest. It was a mystery he hadn't noticed them there before.

"What happened?" He indicated to the bruises with his eyes, and Draco glanced at them before staring at the roof. Everything made him feel so sick, and his throat was still sore. He opened his mouth to lie, but changed his mind. He felt he could trust Harry, and trust wasn't something he was used to. The words were harder then anything he had ever said before.

"My father…" He began, and looked at Harry. Harry didn't look bored or uninterested, yet his emerald eyes were piercing. Draco sighed.

"My father came to visit me the other day…he wasn't in a good mood…and… he needs to take his anger out on something." Draco finished. It felt surprisingly good to get it out. Harry looked shocked, but kept his mouth closed. It was followed quickly with anger.

"It's not his fault." Draco quickly input. Harry lifted his head off the pillow, and Draco withdrew his hand from Harry's hair.

"How isn't it his fault?" Harry demanded.

"He gets stressed out, and I probably deserve it…"

"No, Draco, this has to stop."

"I'm moving out as soon as I graduate anyway."

"No, he can't go on like that."

"His father did worse to him." Draco felt his anger levels rising, and Harry was about to retort back with something nasty before he remembered just how much Draco's father meant to him. Harry put his head back on the pillow, and stared at Draco. The boys always opened up to each other, but never like this. Harry refused to press the point, and instead leaned in. The lights went out inside the room, but the ones outside it were still burning brightly. They could still see each other, but they were coated with darkness. They stared into each others eyes for a long moments, resuming how the were before. Draco liked it better with the lights off, as he couldn't stand to see the growing scars, and Harry preferred it also, hating the bones that jacked out of Draco's body. Draco's grey eyes were dim in comparison to Harry's, but to Harry they were strong. Harry felt himself falling asleep, and was glad Draco had learnt the new locking spell. Harry took off his glasses and placed them on the side table, then resumed to look at Draco. His vision was blurred but he could still see his eyes too drifting closed. Harry drifted himself closer to Draco and pulled the sheets up slightly. Their fingers were still interlocked on the blanket, and when Draco squeezed his hand Harry re-opened his eyes. They started at each other for a moment, and Harry's eyes started to drift off again.

"I Love You, Harry." Harry opened his eyes again to see Draco looking so deeply into his. Harry gave a soft smile and lightly kissed Draco.
"I Love You Too."

Break

It was cold, and the fire wasn't doing much to warm Harry up in the common room. He figured it was time for bed, so he went upstairs, long before anyone else, but sleep didn't come, even hours after everyone else drifted up and slept. His thoughts were keeping him wide awake. Draco, losing weight, was being abused by his father. Ginny, hating him, Ron and Hermione, still suspicious, Tonks' death… nothing seemed to be going right, and he got no sleep that night.

Break

It was early morning, and Harry was dead tired, his thoughts still haunting him. He crept to the bathroom, being careful not to wake anyone up. He didn't even need to think about it, he was so used to doing it. Raising his leg onto the bath he rested his wrist onto his thigh, and began cutting on his wrist, he hadn't gone more then a millimeter when his foot slipped, and the blade went deep into his artery. He smashed his head onto the side bench, and held it for a moment. Everything was hazing out, and his head was throbbing. He choked out "Ron…" but he knew there was no hope Ron would hear him, still asleep in his bedroom. Harry got a look at his wrist before he started passing out, and wrote a single letter on the cupboard beside him before his head was screaming in protest, and he passed out.

Break

Draco didn't quite understand why everyone seemed so gloomy at breakfast, and a fair few of the Gryffindors were missing. Draco started heading over to his table when he heard a first year student talking to another.

"Didn't you hear? They found Harry Potter dead in his dormitory bathrooms this morning!"

"What!? How did he…" Draco didn't wait for anything more. He turned and ran as fast as he could, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and the deep feeling in his stomach. Al through his mind he was having trouble believing. It couldn't have happened... It couldn't be true. He pounded up the steps and reached the fat lady. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Password?"

"Let me in." He demanded, gasping for breath and choking down tears.
"Without the password…"

"LET ME IN!" He screamed, and a Gryffindor came up behind him, shocked.

"Don't you think we're going through enough?! We don't need you here to gloat about his death…!" The person screamed. Draco's head was spinning. He needed to get inside.

"I need to get in…" He murmured, hardly able to stand.

"You make me sick, you and your kind!" The person spat on Draco. His throat was hoarse and weak, and throwing up made him feel so much worse. The Gryffindor jumped back, alarmed.

"What's wrong with you?!" He shouted.

"I...need…to get in." he croaked, trying to stand. The portrait door swung open.

"What is going on here?!" Demanded another student. Draco didn't wait another second. He sprinted into the room, barging the student aside. He raced up the stairs, his mind confused as to where Harry might be. It wasn't hard to find. He raced inside the dormitory, not listening to the shrieks of Ron and his friends. He took one look around and jumped into the bathroom. He saw Harry in a pool of blood, pale faced and lifeless. Draco went straight to his side and leaned over him.

"HARRY!" he screamed. "HARRY!" he shook Harry by the shoulders but he remained lifeless. Ron stormed into the room and yanked Draco up.

"GET OUT!" He yelled, his voice breaking. Draco had tears on his cheeks and went straight back down to Harry, hugging him, sobbing loudly into his chest. He wasn't aware of the yells all around him. He looked at Harry's wrist, which was stained with blood.

"No…" Draco wasn't trying to hold in the tears, and he slowly pulled down Harry's sleeve.

"Harry…" He choked out before strong hands started yanking him again. Their voices were inaudible and he struggled against them.

"Harry…" He whispered. The hands pulling him were so strong, he knew he wouldn't be able to fight them. With one last attempt he pushed them off and kissed Harry. He couldn't understand the voices as they dragged him off and threw him out of the Gryffindor tower. For once Draco didn't care about the people, he curled up outside the fat lady and cried, nothing was making him feel better.

Break…

Nothing was making time go faster. Draco refused to go to classes, and refused to communicate with anyone. His friends were confused, and once they had even tried talking to him about it.

"Thank god Potters gone…" They never finished, and instead spent a fair amount of time in the hospital wing. Draco spent many nights without Harry but his bed felt empty. He stayed where he was, in the one position for days, and he never stopped crying. No one thought of what to say, as no-one could understand why it was Draco was so upset. Draco felt no need to throw up as he never ate. The only person Draco allowed near him was Snape, who was of no help either.

One afternoon, as Draco was laying on his bed, Snape came in and sat beside him.

"Are you ready to return to classes?"

Draco didn't answer, and instead shut his eyes. Snape sighed.

"Miss Granger wants to talk to you." He said. Draco opened his eyes and looked at Snape.

"What for?" It was the first thing he had said in a long while.

"I don't know. But I'm sending her here. Is that okay?" Snape was looking hard at Draco but Draco didn't look at him, instead looked out the window. He didn't answer.

"I'll go fetch her." Snape stood and left. Draco's mind was flying past, and he buried his head into his pillow. Not long after the door opened and closed, and he looked up to see Hermione walking towards him.

"May I sit down?" She asked but again Draco didn't answer, instead let the tears start flowing down his face again. Hermione sat.

"You're silver, aren't you?" She asked softly. Draco burst into tears, and Hermione put her hand on his shoulder.

"Oh Draco, I'm so sorry." She whispered. Draco could feel her crying through his own sobs. She wiped her eyes and continued.

"I found the letters. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have read them, but I thought because Harry…I'm so sorry. I had no idea." She bit her lip.

"He didn't suicide. We think he was cutting when he slipped and fell. There's no sure way to tell but that's what we think happened. He loved you, Draco." She added. Draco kept his eyes shut. Hermione wiped away tears and handed him a letter.

"We found a 'D' written in blood on the cupboard door. And…I think he wanted you to have this." She stood up.

"I really am sorry." She said again and fled from the room. Draco clutched the letter tightly but didn't open it.

Break

Draco attended the funeral. The words that were said seemed meaningless to Draco, but he sat in silence. So many people had attended, and Draco looked at them al in wonder. Every one of these people cared about Harry. Draco was still clutching the un-opened letter. The funeral ended and people slowly trickled away from the area. Hermione came and found Draco.

"I haven't told anyone about it, and I know they'll be confused, but I thought you'd want to come to the burial." She said softly. Draco nodded, and she took his hand and led him there. The burial had much more meaning then the actual funeral, and not many people were there. Everyone gasped at Draco's arrival but he didn't mind, and Hermione squeezed his hand. Words were said by everyone, going in a circle. The circle stopped on him, and he realized he was requested to say something. No words came to mind, and the circle continued. Everyone slowly left, and it grew dark, but Draco remained. He was breathing heavily as he sat down, and opened the letter. Using the light of his wand he read it.

Dear Draco,

I know, I'm not calling you Silver. I think it's because I no longer care what others think of us. I love you, Draco Lucius Malfoy, and nothing's going to change that. So, why are we still hiding it? I understand you don't want your father to find out but I think, if he truly loved you, as I do, he'd understand, and be happy for us. I love you so much Draco, more then I thought I could imagine. I look forward to our next gathering…I miss you.

Love, Harry.

Draco read over it several times before folding it back and returning it to it envelope. He tucked it inside his coat pocket. He heard footsteps behind him, and he saw Hermione approaching. She didn't say anything, just handing him a scarf, then walked off. He looked at it. It had the red and gold colours of Gryffindor, but Draco didn't care. He took off his green and silver scarf and put Harry's on, where he set to work writing his own letter. Once finished, he guiltily used his magic to un-dig Harry. With difficulty he opened the coffin door and placed his own scarf around Harry's neck, and placed the letter in his hands. He replaced the lid and re-filled the hole with the dirt. He sighed and stood, watching the grave for a moment. His tears were so fluent that they trickled down and made soft splashes on the ground. He found the words he should have said at the funeral.

"I Love You, Harry James Potter." A soft sob came from his throat as he turned and walked away, never again to see his Harry. He had no idea that somewhere, off in a far away place, Harry read the letter Draco had given him, and cried with him.