Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did, I wouldn't be
writing fan fic, I'd be writing canon. And probably better than the writers
on season 6-7 did.
AN: Hi all, yes, I know I've been away for a looong time, and no I'm not coming out of retirement. This is something that my muse forced me to write at gunpoint. Damn muse. AN2: As a matter of interest, check out some of Ozmandayus's latest stuff (). Ozmandayus is one of the foremost authors in BX. He has created a new category of fics, he's calling PBF. This category is Pro-Buffy Fics, and as such, I'm calling this a PBF. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- -----------------------IMPORTANT------------------------------ AN3: This is an open ended fic, which definitely has the potential to be a decent long fic. However, I am not a patient person, and have many other things to do, and most likely will not be able to complete it. As such, I'm offering a challenge out to the BX community - continue this fic, or alternatively write a fic along the same lines. Rules are: Must be the start of season 6, or any earlier season; Must have Xander with some power - based on Caleb's 'one who sees' statement; NO BS!; must be a PBF. I'm calling it 'The Eyes Have it' Challenge. Go forth guys! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------
In season 7, Caleb called Xander the one who sees (or something to that effect) What if there was some truth to that?
Xander had a bad feeling. It wasn't anything definite, but he'd learnt to trust his instincts over the years, and what was being proposed, definitely rated a 9 on the wiggy meter. "Tell me why we're doing this again?" He asked in a troubled voice. Willow sighed at him in a huff "Xander, do you want her to suffer?" "No, of course not" Xander replied, uneasily "But what if we're wrong?" Willow rose her eyebrows patronisingly, a gesture which sent a shiver down the Zeppo's spine at it's sheer not-Willowness "We've been through this" She snapped "I'm not wrong. Now, are you in?" Xander sighed, looking around the room for support, but finding none as noone met his gaze. "Fine" Xander conceded grudgingly. Willow nodded, pleased. "Great!" She chirped, a spark of the old Willow shining through "Tomorrow night, we raise Buffy from the dead!" The others smiled at each other in relief and joy, but Xander took no part, a ball of dread settling in his stomach. Nothing good could come from this.
The next day - 10:00pm
Dawn hesitated at Buffy's door, almost afraid to go in, hope battling disbelief. Could she really be back from the dead? Dawn didn't dare believe. 'It's impossible isn't it?' she silently argued, leaning on the door. 'People don't come back from the dead, it isn't possible. Look what happened with mom. It can't be real, some sort of trick, perhaps the Buffy Bot.' abruptly she cut her silent argument, realising her doubts were taking over. Dawn huffed tiredly. It had been hard in the time Buffy had. left. Her family had been gone. Tara and Willow had moved in, and had taken over to an extent, helping her with homework, cooking and cleaning and such, and Dawn knew she couldn't have done it without them, but. Dawn closed her eyes, resting against the door, feeling the cold wood press against her face. Her sister and mother were gone. Sure, Willow, Xander and the others had been great and to an extent they were family but. her sister and mom were gone, and late at night, when the others were out fighting, and she lay in her bed or watched TV, the only one in the house, she felt deeply alone. Even in the middle of a Scooby party, she felt the loss deeply. But could she have her sister back? Yes, she answered herself, her resolve firming as her courage reasserted itself. She grasped the doorknob firmly, noticing the slight tremble of her hand with a grimace, and with her heart in her throat, drew up her courage, and twisted the knob, and pushed the door open. "Please be there, please be there" she whispered inaudibly, a strengthening mantra, as she took a hesitant step inwards. She raised her eyes both reluctantly and eagerly to the bed, heart pounding painfully in her chest, until her eyes adjusted to the dark. At first her hope came crushing down, and she stifled a sob, until suddenly the formless lump in the bed consoladated into the form of her sleeping sister. A wordless gasp escaped her lips in relief and thanks, as she slumped back against the doorframe, the loss of adrenalin leaving her weak and dizzy. She giggled wildly, joy cascading through her, even as tears ran down her cheeks. "Thank you!" she mouthed, "Thank you!"
Xander's bad feeling had turned into a very bad stomachache, and to be truthful, he was as frightened as he'd ever been in his life. Something very bad had happened, and he was unable to calm himself. After the others had gone home, he told Anya he would be back later, and drove himself to the Summer's residence. He let himself in with his key, before looking around. Even with the hardship of the previous year, nothing much had changed here. He smiled at the familiar surroundings, closing his eyes and thinking back to all the good times in this house. The 'glorified bricklayer' walked to the kitchen, his stomach reminding him that in all the excitement, he had forgotten dinner. Xander opened the fridge, and set about making something to eat, smiling slightly self-consciously. He had always enjoyed a good meal, being gifted with a fast metabolism, and damn was Anya a good cook! He guessed it dated back to her early days as a human, as he usually came home to a meal fit for a Viking lord. Xander grinned thinking back to a particular meal, after a long extended rush job he had been commissioned with which resulted in quite a hefty pay packet, Anya had literally laid out a banquet fit for a king for him and his crew. A full roasted turkey had sat in the middle of the table, a couple of roasted legs of lamb, piles of roasted vegetables, and - Xander wasn't exactly sure where she had got it from - a huge keg of potent mead that she had assured him was authentic Viking brew. Needless to say it was a merry night, a party which probably rivalled those of the Vikings. After seeing the cleaning bill the next day, he had also found out why the Vikings had to pillage every village they came across. Xander chuckled, thinking about it. He had been surprised, happy, joyous even, but incredibly perplexed. Why would Anya, who had been a vengeance demon over a thousand years specifically because of how she was treated by the Vikings, throw a party reminiscent of them? That had eaten at him for days before he finally asked her in the Magic Box. Her answer was straight forward, and still caused him to laugh when he thought about it "The Vikings were chauvinistic pigs who deserved to have the painful boils on their penis's I cursed them with. But they knew how to throw a party." He had gaped at her open mouthed as she nonchalantly turned back to the counter in the pursuit of capitalism, while Willow and Tara muffled sniggers behind his back.
A slight noise behind him pulled him out of his reminiscence, and he spun around, ducking backwards as something attacked, a blunt weapon glancing off his shoulder, numbing his right arm. "Ohmygodi'msorryXanderIthoughtsomeonehadbrokenin." Xander raised his good arm, clamping his hand across Dawn's mouth cutting off her babbling apology, smiling at her gently "Breath Dawn, breath, then speak slower" Xander lifted his hand off her mouth, chuckling as she took a deep breath 'looks like she spends too much time with Willow' he silently thought, amused, as Dawn regained her breath "I'm so sorry Xander, I thought someone had broken in" She explained, dropping the fire iron she was holding, "Are you okay?" She asked concerned, stepping forward, and touching his shoulder. Xander winced, pulling back "Just a bit sore" He ruefully attempted to shrug "You caught me with a good shot" "Oh my god you're hurt" Dawn's eyes filled with remorse "Wait here, I'll get the first aid kit" "No, I'm okay." Xander protested, as Dawn spun and ran out the door. "Dawn?" He called out. Receiving no answer, he shrugged, and walked into the living room. Someone knocked on the door loudly. Xander stiffened, recognising that knock. He walked to the front door, opening it with a yank. His suspicion confirmed, he stood in the doorway, malice in his posture "What do you want?" He asked icily, already knowing the answer. "I want to buy some buffalo wings and a pint of Guinness. What do you think I want, wanker?" Spike snapped back. "No way in hell Spike, get the hell out of here" Xander snapped, his eyes narrowing. "You can't stop me, you little prick, I want to see her." Spike snarled, not breaking eye contact. "Hell yeah I can stop you" Xander returned, pulling out a stake. Spike didn't move, unintimidated "What do you think you were doing, playing around like that?" Spike asked, in a deadly whisper "You think that this won't have consequences? It's a simple thing to bring someone back to life?" Xander flinched, almost unnoticeably, however Spike was well used to reading reactions of people, and inwardly grinned in malicious glee. "Buffy needs me now, I'm the only one who knows what she went through, what she's going through" He insisted in a normal tone. "I'm not going to tell you again." Xander stated in the same tone. The two glared at each other neither willing to back down.
Although the others had grown used to Spike - hell even liked him - Spike mused; Dawn looked up to him, and spent as much time in his crypt than at home, Willow and Tara seemed to see him as some sort of dangerous older brother, and Anya looked at him as a kindred soul - kindred demon - Spike corrected with a grin. However, Xander hated him as much as he always had, and had been vocal about kicking him out of the group, maybe even staking him. Fortunately for Spike, the others had been on his side, and in time became annoyed with Xander's constant harping. Their mutual aminosity had not lessened with time, and even when they fought back to back, Spike knew that Xander wanted to stake him as much as he wanted to rip Xander's throat out. They had struck an uneasy alliance of necessity, brought upon more by their inability to kill each other than any other factor.
Their staring match was broken by a voice behind Xander "It's okay Xand, let him in" Xander spun around to see Buffy standing halfway down the staircase "Buffy." Xander breathed in shock, unable to move. Although it was Buffy, he could hardly recognise her. She was thinner than before, and had a gauntness around the cheeks that spoke of ill health. Her hair hung limp and lifeless. What worried him the most was her eyes. Gone was the spark that had drawn him to her, the fiercely joyous flame of life, defiant and strong. Spike was likewise stunned to see her alive and pushed past Xander with a smirk, before turning back to Buffy, awe in his gaze. Buffy retreated back to her room, giving Xander a wooden smile. Spike followed her up, pausing at her door, to turn and give Xander a triumphant smile "She knows what she needs" He needled. "You have five minutes" Xander replied, his face and voice expressionless. Spike snorted in disbelief, quenching a sharp jolt of apprehension. Of all the Scoobies, Xander was the only one he was cautious of, simply because he was the only one who would kill him without a thought. When he thought about it, it amused him greatly. The two of them were as opposite as their hair colours. However, Spike was the first to admit they had striking similarities; they were both in love with Buffy - as much as Droopy denies it - Spike thought scornfully. Spike was also amazed at the boys ruthlessness - what amazed him more was the others inability to see it. Spike mentally shook his head at their cluelessness. Xander had survived on the hellmouth fighting evil for the last six years with no powers, and no particular skills. Back when he plotted the downfall of the Scoobies - Well he still did that, he admitted to himself - he had wracked his brains trying to figure out how the kid had survived so long, and had took it upon himself to watch Xander in fights, to see how he handled himself. He was impressed. While Xander had no particular skill set in any martial arts discipline - he had something a hundred times better - an ice-cold killer instinct. Where as Buffy and the others would fight with a mixture of textbook Karate and other arts, Xander won his fights through brutally efficient street fighting moves that would probably shock the others had they taken the time to notice. Blows to the groin. Eye gouges. Hefty kicks with steel capped boots to the shin. Stomps to the insep. Blows to the kidneys. Attacks to the spine. Not only well placed blows, but judicious use of weapons. He'd seen Droopy fight with a lighter and a can of flammable deodorant. He'd seen him stick a pen into a vampire's eye before staking it. He'd seen Xander pretend to be unconscious before ramming a cross stake into a vampires throat, then stake it as it desperately gagged on the holy icon. Xander would ruthlessly attack the weak points of a vampire's body with whatever weapons on hand until it was dead. In fact, Xander's fighting style reminded him of himself, which was the cause of a grudging respect. What Spike found wonderfully ironic however, is that he knew that Xander wanted to kill him as much as he wanted to kill Xander. The fact that neither could was something that tickled Spike's black humour as much as it irritated him.
True to his word, Xander knocked on Buffy's door five minutes later, and then entered. "Jesus Droopy!" Spike muttered annoyed "What's you're problem?" Xander raised his eyebrow incredulously, before pointing at the vampire. "Oh, right" Spike realised. "What's up Xander?" Buffy asked, her voice emotionless. Xander fidgeted nervously, "Can I talk to you? In private?" He asked, glancing pointedly at Spike. The vampire decided not to push it, and stood "It's about time I head home anyway, slayer" He said, turning to the door "Spike" Buffy called, before he could leave. Spike turned back with a smug grin, before spotting Xander's cold glare, his grin fading. A vision of Xander staking him with a railroad spike entered his minds eye. "Ah, I'll talk to you tomorrow" He stuttered out, turning away and leaving in a swirl of leather.
Buffy turned her gaze on Xander, and he shivered, the food he had eaten suddenly turning acidic in his stomach. "What's up Xander?" Buffy asked not unkindly. Xander paced across the room, "Okay Xand, now's the time, you gotta tell her, okay" He exhaled, turning to face Buffy, his face deadly serious. Even in the depth of her gloom, and self-hell, Buffy felt a spark of curiosity. She had never seen Xander this agitated, or serious. Whatever was coming was big. She sat up, and focused on Xander. "This is kind of a long story, so I want you to bear with me" He started, finally sitting on the bed next to Buffy. Buffy simply nodded, attention fully on him. "When Will and me were 12, one day on our way home from the park, a car pulled up next to us, and a couple inside, a decent looking man and his wife offered us a ride home." Buffy gasped, guessing where this was heading. "Willow wanted to get in, but I wouldn't let her." Xander continued. "She was kind of pissed, cause we had to walk, but a week later there was a report on TV of them being arrested for kidnapping and murder. Apparently they snatched another couple of kids, killed them, then dumped them out in the forest somewhere" "I guess you were lucky then" Buffy stated, "Some people are worse than demons." Although it was a sobering tale, Buffy couldn't bring herself to feel anything. Or, for that matter, see the point of the story. "No," Xander shook his head "that's not the point of the tale, and neither was I lucky" He took a deep breath, causing Buffy to think of a parachuter about to jump out of a plane. Knowing that there was no way to get back in, you just have to ride the wind down.
Xander turned to face Buffy directly, giving her the uncomfortable impression he was gazing into her soul. "I knew what they were going to do to us." Buffy lifted her eyebrows "What do you mean? Were they funny looking or something?" She asked, slightly puzzled. Xander shook his head "No, I mean when I looked at them, I knew what they were going to do." "How?" Buffy asked puzzled "You mean like SPC?" Xander looked blank for a second, before a wry grin crossed his face "I think its ESP Buff, SPC is that baked bean brand" "Uh, right, I knew that" Buffy replied quickly, a faint blush colouring her cheeks, "Anyway, you didn't answer" Xander sighed, a troubled look on his face. "I didn't understand it myself, I looked into their eyes, and just knew what kind of people they were. I could see the evil," Xander answered slowly. Buffy remained silent, not putting an opinion forward. "That was the first time it happened. It happened a lot more after that" Xander explained, a far away look on his face "When I looked a person in the eyes, I knew things about them. I'd knew what kind of person they were, I knew what they were feeling." The old Buffy would have interjected by now; gently explaining it was not possible, perhaps ringing Willow or Giles for help. Buffy knew this, and remained silent. She was not the old Buffy. Xander looked at her, and a self-deflationary grin crossed his face as if he could read her mind. "For a while it messed me up good. I didn't know what was going on. It freaked me out, and I was afraid to look people in the eye for a while." Xander shrugged "When I hit high school, I had grown used to it. After I met you and learnt about vampires and magic and everything, I figured that what I saw was a persons soul."
"Even if I did believe you," Buffy stated, "Why are you telling me this?" Xander closed his eyes wearily, and to Buffy he suddenly looked fifty years older. "Sophomore year, remember Owen?" Buffy wracked her brains for a few seconds before nodding her head, puzzled "What about him?" Xander looked at her again with that penetrating gaze, and unnerved she turned away. "You never liked him, the only reason you were interested was because he was someone who the school's elite - namely Cordelia - was after, but he wasn't a brainless jock." "What? Th that's not true!" Buffy defended. Xander simply looked at her in scepticism. "Well, okay, you may have a slight point" Buffy admitted, blushing "That doesn't prove anything, You probably read my diary" Buffy's eyes widened in righteous indignation "You read my diary?" She accused. Xander back-pedalled rapidly "No of course not! I'm not suicidal!" He defended hurriedly. Buffy deflated, before looking at him with shock. "Then." Xander nodded, a mirthless chuckle escaping his lips. "Yep, it's true". Xander rubbed his hands over his eyes, as Buffy sat in wide eye contemplation "So it you see a person you know everything about them?" Xander shook his head negatively "I have to look someone in the eyes, I guess that old adage of eyes being windows to the soul were true." He grinned.
Buffy sat up excited and nervous all at once, forgetting for the first time her messy revival "So what do you see?" She asked. Xander frowned looking thoughtful "I can see a person's general - ness." "Their generalness?" Xander laughed "no, their ness" "That makes less sense Xander" Buffy stated dryly, a grin on her lips. Xander shrugged "Well, that's what I call it, I can see whether a person is a good person or bad, if they're weak or strong minded, whether they have strong principles, stuff like that" "Wow!" Buffy breathed, "That's pretty cool" Xander shrugged again, this time modestly "I can also see how a person is feeling. If they are happy, sad, angry, and so on." Buffy looked impressed for a second before swatting him across the arm "Why didn't you tell me this before?" Xander winced "Ow! Down slayer girl! The Dawnster already took a shot at this arm, Jeeze." "Sorry" Buffy meekly apologised, a cute contrite look on her face. Xander sniffed pompously "As you should be" He stated in a pompous British accent, getting only a small smile from the slayer. Xander hid his disappointment at the lack of reaction and plunged onwards "I didn't tell you before, because I didn't want you to think I was crazy" "And I won't now" Buffy muttered dryly "And it was sort of my hidden thing" Xander shrugged, helplessly "It just never seemed the right time to tell anyone"
"Why tell me now?" Buffy asked, pangs of dread settling in her stomach as fear set in. Xander looked at her again with that damn gaze, and Buffy angrily looked away "Stop it" She snapped. "Buffy, look at me" Xander coaxed. Buffy shook her head, and gazed resilutedly at the ground. Buffy could swear she heard Xander chuckle, before he spoke again, his voice tinged with amusement "You do know that you look like a four year old now, don't you" "Hey!" Buffy snapped angrily raising her eyes to Xander to give him the patented Slayer Death Glare, realising too late the trap. "Damn" She whispered, unable to look away. Xander's eyes however were not the intrusive gaze of before, but a gentle understanding, that caused her to blink back tears. "Buffy, I can see that you are hurting terribly." He began in a soft undertone. Buffy stood angrily, tearing her gaze away "What the hell do you know!" She snarled, "You think you know what I'm feeling?" She spun back, tears trickling down her cheeks "You don't know anything!" Those damn understanding eyes! "Stop looking at me!" She screamed spinning away again. "Buffy, I don't pretend to know what's wrong, or how you feel, or anything." Xander said soothingly, causing Buffy to whirl back and snort at him derisively "But I can tell that something is wrong, and when I look into your eyes." He shivered "Buffy, I'm afraid for you" "Afraid for me or afraid of me?" She snapped, moving quickly to him, her entire posture screaming danger, causing Xander's inner self-preservation to urge him to leave very, very quickly. With the ease of long practice he ignored it. "Buffy, I trust you with my life, I'd never be afraid of you" He stated sincerely, hoping she didn't hear the tremble in his voice. "Oh yeah?" She snarled grabbing him and tossing him onto the bed before straddling him and grabbing him around the neck "What about now" 'Damn if this ain't familiar' Xander thought to himself vaguely, white spots starting to dance in his vision. "Do you still trust me?" Buffy yelled down at him, tears cascading down to splash on his face. With the strength left in his body, Xander simply gazed at her eyes, then with great effort, lifted his good hand, and placed it gently on hers. She pulled her hands away as if stung, before looking horrified and jumping off his body, backing away from the bed. "Oh god Xand, I almost. Oh god I'm sorry!" She babbled. Xander coughed, and breathed in deeply, thanking God for his luck before rolling to the side of the bed. "It's okay Buffy" He smiled weekly at her "No, no it's not" Buffy yelled, "I almost killed you!" "But you didn't" Xander announced with the serenity of someone who had cheated death, "I knew you wouldn't" Buffy gazed at him, helplessness in her gaze "Why are you doing this, Xander?" she asked, desperation in her voice. "Because you're hurting" He answered simply.
"Don't, please don't" She begged, tearing her gaze away, and standing to spin away from him "Just don't, Xander" Buffy heard the bed springs squeak as Xander stood, and tensed as his arms wrapped around him. "Xander, I can't do this, please just go" She pleaded pushing inefficiently at his arms, to afraid to use any force. Xander simply wrapped her tighter, and rested his cheek against her hair. "Xand." Buffy pleaded, one last time. "You know that I love you, right" Xander said softly. The tenderness in his voice caused the fight to leave her, and she collapsed, sobbing, back against him. Xander supported her, and gently sat back onto the bed, gently handling the blonde until she was held cradled in his arms, crying into his chest. Xander held her wordlessly, letting her sob. After a while her sobs petered out, and she rested against Xander. He continued to rub gentle circles on her back, until she pulled herself together enough to crawl out of his lap to sit next to him. Buffy marshalled her thoughts, as Xander sat next to her, offering silent, unconditional support. "Xander, I. I can't tell you. not yet." "Then don't" Xander interrupted. Buffy looked at him, astonished. "I know that there are some things you just can't tell others." Xander sighed "I do want to know, but if you don't feel comfortable telling me." Xander trailed off, before looking directly at her again, warmth in his gaze "But just know that I'm here for you, and always will be, no matter what." "Xand." Buffy trailed off, words failing her as her voice failed, so she stared at his eyes, trying to project her gratefulness. He smiled, his gaze filling her with warmth, before leaning forward, and kissing her forehead softly. "I'll see you tomorrow Buff" He grinned, getting up and walking to the door. He looked back at her with approval. She was still too thin, her hair was a complete mess, and tear tracks covered her face, but none of that mattered. A bright smile adorned her face, and the fiery spark back in her eyes. The ball of dread became a ball of warmth, and he left feeling the best he had in. well, a long time. Buffy lay back on her bed, a small smile on her face. This wasn't heaven, but it's sure not hell. Suddenly the future didn't look so bleak.
The End?
AN: Hi all, yes, I know I've been away for a looong time, and no I'm not coming out of retirement. This is something that my muse forced me to write at gunpoint. Damn muse. AN2: As a matter of interest, check out some of Ozmandayus's latest stuff (). Ozmandayus is one of the foremost authors in BX. He has created a new category of fics, he's calling PBF. This category is Pro-Buffy Fics, and as such, I'm calling this a PBF. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- -----------------------IMPORTANT------------------------------ AN3: This is an open ended fic, which definitely has the potential to be a decent long fic. However, I am not a patient person, and have many other things to do, and most likely will not be able to complete it. As such, I'm offering a challenge out to the BX community - continue this fic, or alternatively write a fic along the same lines. Rules are: Must be the start of season 6, or any earlier season; Must have Xander with some power - based on Caleb's 'one who sees' statement; NO BS!; must be a PBF. I'm calling it 'The Eyes Have it' Challenge. Go forth guys! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------
In season 7, Caleb called Xander the one who sees (or something to that effect) What if there was some truth to that?
Xander had a bad feeling. It wasn't anything definite, but he'd learnt to trust his instincts over the years, and what was being proposed, definitely rated a 9 on the wiggy meter. "Tell me why we're doing this again?" He asked in a troubled voice. Willow sighed at him in a huff "Xander, do you want her to suffer?" "No, of course not" Xander replied, uneasily "But what if we're wrong?" Willow rose her eyebrows patronisingly, a gesture which sent a shiver down the Zeppo's spine at it's sheer not-Willowness "We've been through this" She snapped "I'm not wrong. Now, are you in?" Xander sighed, looking around the room for support, but finding none as noone met his gaze. "Fine" Xander conceded grudgingly. Willow nodded, pleased. "Great!" She chirped, a spark of the old Willow shining through "Tomorrow night, we raise Buffy from the dead!" The others smiled at each other in relief and joy, but Xander took no part, a ball of dread settling in his stomach. Nothing good could come from this.
The next day - 10:00pm
Dawn hesitated at Buffy's door, almost afraid to go in, hope battling disbelief. Could she really be back from the dead? Dawn didn't dare believe. 'It's impossible isn't it?' she silently argued, leaning on the door. 'People don't come back from the dead, it isn't possible. Look what happened with mom. It can't be real, some sort of trick, perhaps the Buffy Bot.' abruptly she cut her silent argument, realising her doubts were taking over. Dawn huffed tiredly. It had been hard in the time Buffy had. left. Her family had been gone. Tara and Willow had moved in, and had taken over to an extent, helping her with homework, cooking and cleaning and such, and Dawn knew she couldn't have done it without them, but. Dawn closed her eyes, resting against the door, feeling the cold wood press against her face. Her sister and mother were gone. Sure, Willow, Xander and the others had been great and to an extent they were family but. her sister and mom were gone, and late at night, when the others were out fighting, and she lay in her bed or watched TV, the only one in the house, she felt deeply alone. Even in the middle of a Scooby party, she felt the loss deeply. But could she have her sister back? Yes, she answered herself, her resolve firming as her courage reasserted itself. She grasped the doorknob firmly, noticing the slight tremble of her hand with a grimace, and with her heart in her throat, drew up her courage, and twisted the knob, and pushed the door open. "Please be there, please be there" she whispered inaudibly, a strengthening mantra, as she took a hesitant step inwards. She raised her eyes both reluctantly and eagerly to the bed, heart pounding painfully in her chest, until her eyes adjusted to the dark. At first her hope came crushing down, and she stifled a sob, until suddenly the formless lump in the bed consoladated into the form of her sleeping sister. A wordless gasp escaped her lips in relief and thanks, as she slumped back against the doorframe, the loss of adrenalin leaving her weak and dizzy. She giggled wildly, joy cascading through her, even as tears ran down her cheeks. "Thank you!" she mouthed, "Thank you!"
Xander's bad feeling had turned into a very bad stomachache, and to be truthful, he was as frightened as he'd ever been in his life. Something very bad had happened, and he was unable to calm himself. After the others had gone home, he told Anya he would be back later, and drove himself to the Summer's residence. He let himself in with his key, before looking around. Even with the hardship of the previous year, nothing much had changed here. He smiled at the familiar surroundings, closing his eyes and thinking back to all the good times in this house. The 'glorified bricklayer' walked to the kitchen, his stomach reminding him that in all the excitement, he had forgotten dinner. Xander opened the fridge, and set about making something to eat, smiling slightly self-consciously. He had always enjoyed a good meal, being gifted with a fast metabolism, and damn was Anya a good cook! He guessed it dated back to her early days as a human, as he usually came home to a meal fit for a Viking lord. Xander grinned thinking back to a particular meal, after a long extended rush job he had been commissioned with which resulted in quite a hefty pay packet, Anya had literally laid out a banquet fit for a king for him and his crew. A full roasted turkey had sat in the middle of the table, a couple of roasted legs of lamb, piles of roasted vegetables, and - Xander wasn't exactly sure where she had got it from - a huge keg of potent mead that she had assured him was authentic Viking brew. Needless to say it was a merry night, a party which probably rivalled those of the Vikings. After seeing the cleaning bill the next day, he had also found out why the Vikings had to pillage every village they came across. Xander chuckled, thinking about it. He had been surprised, happy, joyous even, but incredibly perplexed. Why would Anya, who had been a vengeance demon over a thousand years specifically because of how she was treated by the Vikings, throw a party reminiscent of them? That had eaten at him for days before he finally asked her in the Magic Box. Her answer was straight forward, and still caused him to laugh when he thought about it "The Vikings were chauvinistic pigs who deserved to have the painful boils on their penis's I cursed them with. But they knew how to throw a party." He had gaped at her open mouthed as she nonchalantly turned back to the counter in the pursuit of capitalism, while Willow and Tara muffled sniggers behind his back.
A slight noise behind him pulled him out of his reminiscence, and he spun around, ducking backwards as something attacked, a blunt weapon glancing off his shoulder, numbing his right arm. "Ohmygodi'msorryXanderIthoughtsomeonehadbrokenin." Xander raised his good arm, clamping his hand across Dawn's mouth cutting off her babbling apology, smiling at her gently "Breath Dawn, breath, then speak slower" Xander lifted his hand off her mouth, chuckling as she took a deep breath 'looks like she spends too much time with Willow' he silently thought, amused, as Dawn regained her breath "I'm so sorry Xander, I thought someone had broken in" She explained, dropping the fire iron she was holding, "Are you okay?" She asked concerned, stepping forward, and touching his shoulder. Xander winced, pulling back "Just a bit sore" He ruefully attempted to shrug "You caught me with a good shot" "Oh my god you're hurt" Dawn's eyes filled with remorse "Wait here, I'll get the first aid kit" "No, I'm okay." Xander protested, as Dawn spun and ran out the door. "Dawn?" He called out. Receiving no answer, he shrugged, and walked into the living room. Someone knocked on the door loudly. Xander stiffened, recognising that knock. He walked to the front door, opening it with a yank. His suspicion confirmed, he stood in the doorway, malice in his posture "What do you want?" He asked icily, already knowing the answer. "I want to buy some buffalo wings and a pint of Guinness. What do you think I want, wanker?" Spike snapped back. "No way in hell Spike, get the hell out of here" Xander snapped, his eyes narrowing. "You can't stop me, you little prick, I want to see her." Spike snarled, not breaking eye contact. "Hell yeah I can stop you" Xander returned, pulling out a stake. Spike didn't move, unintimidated "What do you think you were doing, playing around like that?" Spike asked, in a deadly whisper "You think that this won't have consequences? It's a simple thing to bring someone back to life?" Xander flinched, almost unnoticeably, however Spike was well used to reading reactions of people, and inwardly grinned in malicious glee. "Buffy needs me now, I'm the only one who knows what she went through, what she's going through" He insisted in a normal tone. "I'm not going to tell you again." Xander stated in the same tone. The two glared at each other neither willing to back down.
Although the others had grown used to Spike - hell even liked him - Spike mused; Dawn looked up to him, and spent as much time in his crypt than at home, Willow and Tara seemed to see him as some sort of dangerous older brother, and Anya looked at him as a kindred soul - kindred demon - Spike corrected with a grin. However, Xander hated him as much as he always had, and had been vocal about kicking him out of the group, maybe even staking him. Fortunately for Spike, the others had been on his side, and in time became annoyed with Xander's constant harping. Their mutual aminosity had not lessened with time, and even when they fought back to back, Spike knew that Xander wanted to stake him as much as he wanted to rip Xander's throat out. They had struck an uneasy alliance of necessity, brought upon more by their inability to kill each other than any other factor.
Their staring match was broken by a voice behind Xander "It's okay Xand, let him in" Xander spun around to see Buffy standing halfway down the staircase "Buffy." Xander breathed in shock, unable to move. Although it was Buffy, he could hardly recognise her. She was thinner than before, and had a gauntness around the cheeks that spoke of ill health. Her hair hung limp and lifeless. What worried him the most was her eyes. Gone was the spark that had drawn him to her, the fiercely joyous flame of life, defiant and strong. Spike was likewise stunned to see her alive and pushed past Xander with a smirk, before turning back to Buffy, awe in his gaze. Buffy retreated back to her room, giving Xander a wooden smile. Spike followed her up, pausing at her door, to turn and give Xander a triumphant smile "She knows what she needs" He needled. "You have five minutes" Xander replied, his face and voice expressionless. Spike snorted in disbelief, quenching a sharp jolt of apprehension. Of all the Scoobies, Xander was the only one he was cautious of, simply because he was the only one who would kill him without a thought. When he thought about it, it amused him greatly. The two of them were as opposite as their hair colours. However, Spike was the first to admit they had striking similarities; they were both in love with Buffy - as much as Droopy denies it - Spike thought scornfully. Spike was also amazed at the boys ruthlessness - what amazed him more was the others inability to see it. Spike mentally shook his head at their cluelessness. Xander had survived on the hellmouth fighting evil for the last six years with no powers, and no particular skills. Back when he plotted the downfall of the Scoobies - Well he still did that, he admitted to himself - he had wracked his brains trying to figure out how the kid had survived so long, and had took it upon himself to watch Xander in fights, to see how he handled himself. He was impressed. While Xander had no particular skill set in any martial arts discipline - he had something a hundred times better - an ice-cold killer instinct. Where as Buffy and the others would fight with a mixture of textbook Karate and other arts, Xander won his fights through brutally efficient street fighting moves that would probably shock the others had they taken the time to notice. Blows to the groin. Eye gouges. Hefty kicks with steel capped boots to the shin. Stomps to the insep. Blows to the kidneys. Attacks to the spine. Not only well placed blows, but judicious use of weapons. He'd seen Droopy fight with a lighter and a can of flammable deodorant. He'd seen him stick a pen into a vampire's eye before staking it. He'd seen Xander pretend to be unconscious before ramming a cross stake into a vampires throat, then stake it as it desperately gagged on the holy icon. Xander would ruthlessly attack the weak points of a vampire's body with whatever weapons on hand until it was dead. In fact, Xander's fighting style reminded him of himself, which was the cause of a grudging respect. What Spike found wonderfully ironic however, is that he knew that Xander wanted to kill him as much as he wanted to kill Xander. The fact that neither could was something that tickled Spike's black humour as much as it irritated him.
True to his word, Xander knocked on Buffy's door five minutes later, and then entered. "Jesus Droopy!" Spike muttered annoyed "What's you're problem?" Xander raised his eyebrow incredulously, before pointing at the vampire. "Oh, right" Spike realised. "What's up Xander?" Buffy asked, her voice emotionless. Xander fidgeted nervously, "Can I talk to you? In private?" He asked, glancing pointedly at Spike. The vampire decided not to push it, and stood "It's about time I head home anyway, slayer" He said, turning to the door "Spike" Buffy called, before he could leave. Spike turned back with a smug grin, before spotting Xander's cold glare, his grin fading. A vision of Xander staking him with a railroad spike entered his minds eye. "Ah, I'll talk to you tomorrow" He stuttered out, turning away and leaving in a swirl of leather.
Buffy turned her gaze on Xander, and he shivered, the food he had eaten suddenly turning acidic in his stomach. "What's up Xander?" Buffy asked not unkindly. Xander paced across the room, "Okay Xand, now's the time, you gotta tell her, okay" He exhaled, turning to face Buffy, his face deadly serious. Even in the depth of her gloom, and self-hell, Buffy felt a spark of curiosity. She had never seen Xander this agitated, or serious. Whatever was coming was big. She sat up, and focused on Xander. "This is kind of a long story, so I want you to bear with me" He started, finally sitting on the bed next to Buffy. Buffy simply nodded, attention fully on him. "When Will and me were 12, one day on our way home from the park, a car pulled up next to us, and a couple inside, a decent looking man and his wife offered us a ride home." Buffy gasped, guessing where this was heading. "Willow wanted to get in, but I wouldn't let her." Xander continued. "She was kind of pissed, cause we had to walk, but a week later there was a report on TV of them being arrested for kidnapping and murder. Apparently they snatched another couple of kids, killed them, then dumped them out in the forest somewhere" "I guess you were lucky then" Buffy stated, "Some people are worse than demons." Although it was a sobering tale, Buffy couldn't bring herself to feel anything. Or, for that matter, see the point of the story. "No," Xander shook his head "that's not the point of the tale, and neither was I lucky" He took a deep breath, causing Buffy to think of a parachuter about to jump out of a plane. Knowing that there was no way to get back in, you just have to ride the wind down.
Xander turned to face Buffy directly, giving her the uncomfortable impression he was gazing into her soul. "I knew what they were going to do to us." Buffy lifted her eyebrows "What do you mean? Were they funny looking or something?" She asked, slightly puzzled. Xander shook his head "No, I mean when I looked at them, I knew what they were going to do." "How?" Buffy asked puzzled "You mean like SPC?" Xander looked blank for a second, before a wry grin crossed his face "I think its ESP Buff, SPC is that baked bean brand" "Uh, right, I knew that" Buffy replied quickly, a faint blush colouring her cheeks, "Anyway, you didn't answer" Xander sighed, a troubled look on his face. "I didn't understand it myself, I looked into their eyes, and just knew what kind of people they were. I could see the evil," Xander answered slowly. Buffy remained silent, not putting an opinion forward. "That was the first time it happened. It happened a lot more after that" Xander explained, a far away look on his face "When I looked a person in the eyes, I knew things about them. I'd knew what kind of person they were, I knew what they were feeling." The old Buffy would have interjected by now; gently explaining it was not possible, perhaps ringing Willow or Giles for help. Buffy knew this, and remained silent. She was not the old Buffy. Xander looked at her, and a self-deflationary grin crossed his face as if he could read her mind. "For a while it messed me up good. I didn't know what was going on. It freaked me out, and I was afraid to look people in the eye for a while." Xander shrugged "When I hit high school, I had grown used to it. After I met you and learnt about vampires and magic and everything, I figured that what I saw was a persons soul."
"Even if I did believe you," Buffy stated, "Why are you telling me this?" Xander closed his eyes wearily, and to Buffy he suddenly looked fifty years older. "Sophomore year, remember Owen?" Buffy wracked her brains for a few seconds before nodding her head, puzzled "What about him?" Xander looked at her again with that penetrating gaze, and unnerved she turned away. "You never liked him, the only reason you were interested was because he was someone who the school's elite - namely Cordelia - was after, but he wasn't a brainless jock." "What? Th that's not true!" Buffy defended. Xander simply looked at her in scepticism. "Well, okay, you may have a slight point" Buffy admitted, blushing "That doesn't prove anything, You probably read my diary" Buffy's eyes widened in righteous indignation "You read my diary?" She accused. Xander back-pedalled rapidly "No of course not! I'm not suicidal!" He defended hurriedly. Buffy deflated, before looking at him with shock. "Then." Xander nodded, a mirthless chuckle escaping his lips. "Yep, it's true". Xander rubbed his hands over his eyes, as Buffy sat in wide eye contemplation "So it you see a person you know everything about them?" Xander shook his head negatively "I have to look someone in the eyes, I guess that old adage of eyes being windows to the soul were true." He grinned.
Buffy sat up excited and nervous all at once, forgetting for the first time her messy revival "So what do you see?" She asked. Xander frowned looking thoughtful "I can see a person's general - ness." "Their generalness?" Xander laughed "no, their ness" "That makes less sense Xander" Buffy stated dryly, a grin on her lips. Xander shrugged "Well, that's what I call it, I can see whether a person is a good person or bad, if they're weak or strong minded, whether they have strong principles, stuff like that" "Wow!" Buffy breathed, "That's pretty cool" Xander shrugged again, this time modestly "I can also see how a person is feeling. If they are happy, sad, angry, and so on." Buffy looked impressed for a second before swatting him across the arm "Why didn't you tell me this before?" Xander winced "Ow! Down slayer girl! The Dawnster already took a shot at this arm, Jeeze." "Sorry" Buffy meekly apologised, a cute contrite look on her face. Xander sniffed pompously "As you should be" He stated in a pompous British accent, getting only a small smile from the slayer. Xander hid his disappointment at the lack of reaction and plunged onwards "I didn't tell you before, because I didn't want you to think I was crazy" "And I won't now" Buffy muttered dryly "And it was sort of my hidden thing" Xander shrugged, helplessly "It just never seemed the right time to tell anyone"
"Why tell me now?" Buffy asked, pangs of dread settling in her stomach as fear set in. Xander looked at her again with that damn gaze, and Buffy angrily looked away "Stop it" She snapped. "Buffy, look at me" Xander coaxed. Buffy shook her head, and gazed resilutedly at the ground. Buffy could swear she heard Xander chuckle, before he spoke again, his voice tinged with amusement "You do know that you look like a four year old now, don't you" "Hey!" Buffy snapped angrily raising her eyes to Xander to give him the patented Slayer Death Glare, realising too late the trap. "Damn" She whispered, unable to look away. Xander's eyes however were not the intrusive gaze of before, but a gentle understanding, that caused her to blink back tears. "Buffy, I can see that you are hurting terribly." He began in a soft undertone. Buffy stood angrily, tearing her gaze away "What the hell do you know!" She snarled, "You think you know what I'm feeling?" She spun back, tears trickling down her cheeks "You don't know anything!" Those damn understanding eyes! "Stop looking at me!" She screamed spinning away again. "Buffy, I don't pretend to know what's wrong, or how you feel, or anything." Xander said soothingly, causing Buffy to whirl back and snort at him derisively "But I can tell that something is wrong, and when I look into your eyes." He shivered "Buffy, I'm afraid for you" "Afraid for me or afraid of me?" She snapped, moving quickly to him, her entire posture screaming danger, causing Xander's inner self-preservation to urge him to leave very, very quickly. With the ease of long practice he ignored it. "Buffy, I trust you with my life, I'd never be afraid of you" He stated sincerely, hoping she didn't hear the tremble in his voice. "Oh yeah?" She snarled grabbing him and tossing him onto the bed before straddling him and grabbing him around the neck "What about now" 'Damn if this ain't familiar' Xander thought to himself vaguely, white spots starting to dance in his vision. "Do you still trust me?" Buffy yelled down at him, tears cascading down to splash on his face. With the strength left in his body, Xander simply gazed at her eyes, then with great effort, lifted his good hand, and placed it gently on hers. She pulled her hands away as if stung, before looking horrified and jumping off his body, backing away from the bed. "Oh god Xand, I almost. Oh god I'm sorry!" She babbled. Xander coughed, and breathed in deeply, thanking God for his luck before rolling to the side of the bed. "It's okay Buffy" He smiled weekly at her "No, no it's not" Buffy yelled, "I almost killed you!" "But you didn't" Xander announced with the serenity of someone who had cheated death, "I knew you wouldn't" Buffy gazed at him, helplessness in her gaze "Why are you doing this, Xander?" she asked, desperation in her voice. "Because you're hurting" He answered simply.
"Don't, please don't" She begged, tearing her gaze away, and standing to spin away from him "Just don't, Xander" Buffy heard the bed springs squeak as Xander stood, and tensed as his arms wrapped around him. "Xander, I can't do this, please just go" She pleaded pushing inefficiently at his arms, to afraid to use any force. Xander simply wrapped her tighter, and rested his cheek against her hair. "Xand." Buffy pleaded, one last time. "You know that I love you, right" Xander said softly. The tenderness in his voice caused the fight to leave her, and she collapsed, sobbing, back against him. Xander supported her, and gently sat back onto the bed, gently handling the blonde until she was held cradled in his arms, crying into his chest. Xander held her wordlessly, letting her sob. After a while her sobs petered out, and she rested against Xander. He continued to rub gentle circles on her back, until she pulled herself together enough to crawl out of his lap to sit next to him. Buffy marshalled her thoughts, as Xander sat next to her, offering silent, unconditional support. "Xander, I. I can't tell you. not yet." "Then don't" Xander interrupted. Buffy looked at him, astonished. "I know that there are some things you just can't tell others." Xander sighed "I do want to know, but if you don't feel comfortable telling me." Xander trailed off, before looking directly at her again, warmth in his gaze "But just know that I'm here for you, and always will be, no matter what." "Xand." Buffy trailed off, words failing her as her voice failed, so she stared at his eyes, trying to project her gratefulness. He smiled, his gaze filling her with warmth, before leaning forward, and kissing her forehead softly. "I'll see you tomorrow Buff" He grinned, getting up and walking to the door. He looked back at her with approval. She was still too thin, her hair was a complete mess, and tear tracks covered her face, but none of that mattered. A bright smile adorned her face, and the fiery spark back in her eyes. The ball of dread became a ball of warmth, and he left feeling the best he had in. well, a long time. Buffy lay back on her bed, a small smile on her face. This wasn't heaven, but it's sure not hell. Suddenly the future didn't look so bleak.
The End?