Hey people, it's been a while since I wrote something for this fandom. This is basically an idea that popped into my head a few weeks ago, so I hope you like it... don't forget to drop me a review at the end!
Black and White
The first time it happens, I wasn't expecting it.
The first thing I see when I open my eyes is darkness, it stretches out all around me, a dark void encasing me on all sides. Nothing exists here but me and the winding tendrils of smoke veiling my surroundings. It's not a welcoming sight . I look around frantically as I feel panic rising inside me. But there is nothing here, no escape nor any light to guide me. I'm alone - a dot of colorful light amidst a sea of shadow.
"Back again, are we now, Tsubasa?" Well, not alone, at least not completely. My other self emerges from the mist, but the shadows still cling to it, painting it's colors in a more sinister shade. It's malevolent gaze locks with my own and it grins. "Aren't you going to say hello? It's been such a long time since we've seen each other, after all." it complains, like a child being denied it's toys. It's an obnoxious, arrogant thing, but it's still my shadow, it's still me - no matter how much I wish to deny it.
It laughs at my unease "Disgusting, am I?" it chuckles "But, my dear Tsubasa, you're looking at a mirror! " it laughs again, the harsh sound echoes eerily in the smoky emptiness. The statement rings true, but the mirror is distorted and cracked, twisting the image it reflects beyond recognition.
My Darkness is still smiling at me and the expression sends shivers down my spine. It's planning something, like a predator playing with a mouse. "Nay, Tsubasa, how are those friends of yours?" It asks suddenly. "Especially that little, annoying one - Yuu, was it?" my blood runs cold. Yuu's been living with me for the past couple of months, ever since the World Championships. That little ball of hyperactive energy has really brightened up the gray apartment I call my home.
His room is just down the hall, just a few paces away from mine.
"You won't touch him!" I snarl out viciously.
My Darkness only smirks "No, but you will." It says it like it's some kind of promise.
"When will you get it, Tsubasa?" It asks in mock-disappointment. It's hand is suddenly clutching my cheek, eyeing me appraisingly "We're the same." It leans in, whispering softly in my ear "I'm you."
I wake up in cold sweat, clutching my sheets in an unrelenting death-grip. My breathing is heavy, my eyes are wide - but I don't see anything. My thoughts are still stuck in the nightmarish realm I call my mind. The moonlight streams in from the gap in the curtains and suddenly I can't stand the shadows of the night anymore. I stumble out of bed, tracing the wall until I find the light-switch. When the light-bulb blinks to life, it's too bright for me to see anything.
I blink - once, twice and the world changes from blinding white to oppressive shadow every time. The room slowly comes into focus, like an artist had began to sketch in dark coal over a white canvas. I can't wait any longer.
I make a wild dash down the hall, and two seconds later I'm in front of my flatmate's door. In a moment of indecision, I debate actually going into the room. Finally, I gingerly turn the doorknob and poke my head in.
It's too dark to see anything clearly, but I can still discern the small figure sleeping in a tangle of blankets and fluffy animals.
"Five more minutes, Tsubasa. " Yuu whines into his pillow, his voice a sleepy murmur "It's not even light out."
I smile, my frantic heartbeat calmed by the familiar scene. "Goodnight Yuu." I whisper and softly close the door behind me. I lean against the wall, watching the faint glow of the night-light seeping trough the gap beneath the door for a few seconds. Reassured, I descend into the darkness of the hallway yet again - the shadows of my room don't seem as dark anymore.
The second time it happens, it's a feeling of déjà vu.
It's Friday and me and my friends are all at Madoka's workshop. I'm having a friendly match with Benkei, while Yuu and Kenta wait their turn. Gingka is bugging Madoka about one thing or another and Madoka is trying to keep her cool and focus on her work. I'm not surprised when I hear her yelling half-a-second later. Kyoya is bragging about his beyblading skills, but he's too absorbed in his tale to notice that no one is really listening.
"Eagle!" I call out my special move, planning to end the match in one swift blow. Unfortunately, Benkei was expecting this and his bey side-steps at the last moment. Eagle lands in the center of the stadium and Benkei uses the opportunity by circling it to gain momentum before attacking. Eagle has wasted a lot of its' speed on my last attack and I know I won't be fast enough to dodge, but if Benkei gets a direct hit then it'll surely throw Eagle out of the stadium. I'll lose if I don't try to dodge.
I feel a pang of frustration - Benkei shouldn't be able to beat me this easily!
I open my mouth to command Eagle to dodge, but a sharp pain in my temple stops me. I gasp, one hand griping my head. The world drains of its' colors, smoky tendrils veiling everything but the two beys in the stadium - one speeding towards the other. I see it as if in slow motion. I'm not going to win this battle.
Benkei is cheering on the other side of the stadium, already celebrating his victory. I'm not fast enough to escape. I'm not strong enough to take a hit. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I'm going to lose.
But... I don't want to lose. I'm not worthless. I'm not pathetic. I should be strong. I should be able to win, so why aren't I? If I pride myself on my knowledge of strategies, why didn't I deflect such an easy trick? How can I call myself strong when I can't even beat someone as weak as Benkei? Why am I so helpless? "Yes," a seductive voice whispers "That's what I'd like to know."
The world snaps back into focus so fast it , makes my stomach lurch. My head is still throbbing when I raise it to see that a bey has been knocked out of the stadium - it's Benkei's.
I stare at it, frowning, before my gaze shifts to the center of the stadium, where Eagle is still spinning in a blur of purple.
The third time, I'm so paranoid I don't even see it coming.
I'm walking through a forest, searching for a place to set up camp. I've always liked the outdoors, it's much better than the stress and hassle of the city. I used to do it to relax, now I do it to get away from my friends. We've grown distant in these past couple of weeks, mostly because I do my best to avoid them and make an excuse when they invite me over. After a while, they've stopped asking and I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that they did. Still, it's better that I stay away - for now, at least.
The sun is setting, I should get settled soon, it isn't wise to wander at night here.
I search high and low, but I don't find a suitable place to settle down. The trees are too close for me to make a fire, but there should be a clearing up ahead.
The sun sets over the trees and the forest is plunged into darkness. It's eerily calm and there's something unnerving with the quiet surrounding this place. The only sounds are the leaves that crunch beneath my feet, unnaturally loud in the silence. I suddenly wish for my friend's ruckus and noisy voices. It's too calm, too quiet.
The hairs on the back of my neck raise as dread and panic fill my chest. A branch snaps behind me. I turn so fast that my own hair ends up giving me whiplash, but I don't notice. My eyes are locked on the swirling, disembodied mass crawling it's way towards me. The slimy, dark creature is slowly taking shape, it body twisting into a new form. I don't want to see what it will become.
Turning back to the path, I run.
Somehow, I know I'll never run fast enough to escape, but that doesn't stop my feet from tearing down the path at break-neck speed. I hear the creature coming, lurking somewhere behind my back.
My breath is coming out in short gasps, I'm beginning to exhaust myself - but there's no light at the end of the road to give me any hope of salvation, just the looming branches of trees hanging over my head, obscuring any light that the stars might gift me.
This all seems a bit too familiar, I know - which means that if I manage to reach that little pinprick of light that the darkness seems to have swallowed, I'll be safe. Just don't turn around. The darkness is behind me and I want to keep it that way. I don't want it getting close again nor taking over. I'm done with that, it's behind me.
It's dark, so I don't see the root sticking out of the soil beneath my feet. I fall, hitting the ground with a resonating thud and a grunt. Hurt courses through my body, but I don't have time to sit around and wait, it's going to catch me if I don't move. Whipping around on the floor, leg still throbbing, I half-expect it to be pouncing on me any second now - but I realize with a sense of both hope and dread that it's nowhere in sight.
An eerie chuckle echos around me, seeming to come from every direction. "You'll come to me, in your most desperate times Tsubasa, just like you always do." A image of Benkei doing his special move flashes in my mind's eye. I shiver.
The purple hue drains out of the shadows and my Darkness' presence fades away with it - but even though I can't feel it in this precise moment, I'm all too aware that it's still lurking about the recesses of my mind.
A month later I'm fed up with everything, scared and my own dark thoughts won't leave me alone. My friends, on the other hand seem to be glowing with happiness every time I see them - though those instances are becoming rarer and rarer. Ignorance is bliss, and they have plenty of it - but they aren't as blind as I take them to be. Some caught on my charade quickly, while others took a lot of time to notice my off behavior - but the ones who saw my troubles didn't particularly care, or didn't know how to respond to them. The ones who did try to help were all to easily swayed by my hallow reassurances and fake smiles. They all thought it was some trivial matter that was bringing me down, nothing serious. After a few months, they began to worry - but none of them did anything drastic.
By this time I decide to take matters into your own hands. I'm searching through the confidential files on Hikaru's computer one night, long after both she and Ryo had left for home. I can't tell Ryo about the lingering Darkness - obviously, since his solution would probably be to lock me up in a mental hospital. I'd like to think he'd have a bit more understanding this time around, but I'm fairly certain even team Gan Gan Galaxy wouldn't have any objections if they knew I still had darkness inside my heart. I frown, that was stupid of me, everyone has darkness inside their hearts... mine just seems to be bigger than everyone else's.
I shake my head, it's late and I'm not making any sense with my self-loathing and pity. I glance at the digital watch on the computer's screen. 2 A.M., it reads.
I'm tired, but I make no move to leave. I haven't found what I'm looking for yet.
Three hours later, when the sun is already peeking over the horizon, I find the information I'm looking for in a folder in Hikaru's personal documents. I'm not sure what to make of that - either she thought it was a good place to hide it or she was extremely paranoid, probably the later.
The footage is from a small restaurant in Singapore. It shows a tall, write-haired teen in black and white clothing as he walks in. I grin, the first, real grin I've made in months. Bingo.
I sit at a table in the back corner, the waitress has already warned me that a regular likes to sit there, and that he'd probably make me move. I reassured her that it would be fine and waited. Sure enough, fifteen minutes later, a familiar face comes into the restaurant.
Ryuuga's steps are menacing as he makes his way to the back table, most likely because he noticed his favorite seat is taken. When the other boy is close enough, I look up from my newspaper, peeking at him behind the brim of my hat. He pauses, features lax in confusion, before he smirks.
My disguise isn't much, just a change of clothing and my hair bundled under a hat. It isn't much, but then again my intention isn't to hide.
Ryuuga sits across from me, still smirking, haughty as ever. It should be annoying, at least a little bit, but somehow it isn't. I'm too tired to care, anyway.
When the waitress comes to ask for our orders, we still haven't said a word to each other. Ryuuga orders coffee. I order tea.
"So," Ryuuga starts conversationally, still wearing that smug smirk of his. I think he's grinning like an idiot more than anything else. "What brings you here, Tsubasa?" he drawls my name out in the way he knows he'll annoy me most. I'm unfazed, however. It doesn't matter any more.
"I'm sure you can guess." my voice is monotone and bleak and I register distractedly that Ryuuga's smirk has fallen off his face. For a long moment there's nothing between us but an empty silence and hard stares. Suddenly, Ryuuga breaks into a grin.
"So we've finally passed the point of denial, have we?" his grin widens "'Baut time."
I glare halfheartedly at him, but I don't do anything more than that. A hand suddenly cups my cheek from across the small table. I wonder dimly why Ryuuga loves invading a person's personal space. "Aw, little Tsubasa, don't be like that," Ryuuga whines childishly "You can't just give up now that things have gotten interesting." there's something slightly sadistic in his eyes when he says that, but I'm not intimidated anymore. Ryuuga can give me the peace I want, I don't care for anything else.
"Huh, you're no fun when you get all brooding, little Tsubasa." Ryuuga says, releasing my cheek.
"You have an annoying similarity to my Darker half." I comment in slight irritation.
Ryuuga's face seems to be stuck in that stupid smirk of his, but unlike Yuu's or Gingka's or even Kyoya's there's no happiness in it - just sadistic pleasure. Once, it might have made me uncomfortable. It certainly did make me uneasy in the forest after battling Julian in Italy, but now I just can't bring myself to care.
"Half?" Ryuuga asks offhandedly "implying that you still haven't come to terms that it's actually you."
The answer is instant, almost automatic "It isn't."
Ryuuga sighs dramatically "And here I was thinking that you actually made some progress."
My friends think I'm on vacation, I think I've gone made.
The market place Ryuuga is leading me through is lively and full of people. The two of us stick out among the crowd - many passer-by give us strange looks, curious and wary. They look away when I or Ryuuga meet their gazes, like they've been cough doing something they shouldn't. They don't look again, but I guess that has something to do with Ryuuga's death-glare.
My eyes roam over the various stalls, the people flowing through the crowd and the children playing in the streets. The sounds of bargaining voices, chit-chat and women gossiping fill the air.
Ryuuga stopped abruptly and I almost run into him - almost, but I manage to avoid the collision. Ryuuga growls at me anyway. I sigh, exasperated, and look over his shoulder to see why he stopped.
For a moment I don't see anything that would make the older teen stop, just shoppers and passerby and a group of children playing ball. There's a child that sticks out from the rest, I notice after taking a better look. There's nothing abnormal in his appearance. He's got dark hair and tan skin. He's just standing off to the side, gazing at the other kids with something wistful in his eyes - but not playing with them.
"C-Can I play too?" he asks timidly and I barely manage to hear it over the clamor of the marketplace.
The tallest boy, who is currently holding the ball to his chest, pauses. He stares at the dark-haired boy blankly, like he didn't even know he existed until a moment ago, before blinking "Sure~" he smiles, but the smile is a bit to cheerful to be genuine "But you gotta buy us a new ball first!"
I share the dark-haired boy's confusion. "Why? You got one right there?"
"Yeah, but this is our ball. We don't share it with kids who aren't from our group." the dark-haired boy seems crest-fallen. The kid in the blue shirt is still smiling "What's the matter, don't ya' wanna be part of our group?"
"Children can be so cruel, don't you think?" Ryuuga says suddenly, snapping my focus back to him "I want this, I want that. They hold themselves so high," He huffs "Spoiled little brats. But even they know how to use the weak - that kid has two choices, either to walk away and stay alone or to pretend and play around with his pseudo-friends that are only going to use him for their own gain - entertainment too. Neither is very appealing." he turns to you with a raised eyebrow "Which do you think is better?"
He doesn't give me a chance to answer. Ryuuga is already walking away from me and I follow, I don't want to get lost in the crowd. When I catch up to him, he's paying for something at a stall. I don't see what it is, but I don't have time to satisfy my curiosity because Ryuuga doesn't wait for anybody - and I'm already falling behind.
We set up camp near the road, the fire burning merrily between us.
"What's got you so down in the dumps?" I don't answer, and that only serves to make Ryuuga more agitated. "Hey, who are you to give me the silent treatment?" Ryuuga growls out, there's something challenging in his voice - something the screams of a battle cry and an itch to prove just how strong the Dragon Emperor really is. But Ryuuga does none of that. His amber eyes only hold annoyance and impatience.
He huffs "Man, you're difficult."
He dumped me. Ryuuga dumped me in the middle of China! I can't say I'm surprised, but seriously!
Fortunately enough I'm near the Beylin Temple, just a three days walk away. I sigh, something that seems to be becoming a habit. Glancing around the camp one last time to make sure I haven't left anything behind, I set off.
The stairs seem to be endless, because whenever I turn a corner thinking that I'm finally there - there's another hundred steps I need to climb. I'm used to a lot of physical activity, but it's still both annoying and tiresome.
When I reach the Temple, my muscles relax a bit - I've made it.
Unfortunately, I just walked into their afternoon practice. Fortunately, Mei-Mei was there to save me from being impaled with about two-hundred beys.
"So, what are you doing here in China, Tsubasa?"
It'd be easy to come up with a convincing lie, and I won't have to put a lot of effort in it since Mei-Mei is a bit more gullible than the average person. It's better than telling her about Ryuuga - he's something like a most-wanted in the Beyblade World. Somehow, it isn't worth the effort. I settle for some half-truths and leave her to assume the rest.
"And you decided to go to the Beylin Temple for your vexation?"
I smile a little "Vacation, Mei-Mei."
The Chinese girl's cheeks flush a bit at the correction. "How long will you be staying?"
The question makes me pause, before "A few days. Then I think I'll catch a plane back to Japan." Ryo could wait a bit, after all.
It's already been two days and I feel like this peace has lasted forever. The shouts and sweaty boys are a bit irritating, but then again I've survived living with both Gan Gan Galaxy and now Yuu - this is nothing compared to that. I don't exist here, I'm just a passer-by, so most people ignore me. I'm not apart of their 'group'.
"Hey, Tsubasa," Chao-Xin calls "You can paint, right?"
I raise an eyebrow at the playboy. The sight of him with brushes and paint cans dangling from his fingers, pockets and even behind his ears is quite amusing. "Um, yeah?"
Chao-Xin grins "Oh good," a second later my arms are full of paints supplies and Chao-Xin is running down the courtyard "Chi-yun is repainting a wall in the east dojo, since he's a shrimp, you gotta help him out!" he was out the gates before I can even comprehend what he said.
I blink, before sighing "Why me?"
Chi-yun keeps glaring at me, like it's my fault Chao-Xin decided to skip out on painting duty. The design is simple enough. All of the details in the picture are on the lower half of the wall, that's Chi-yun's job. My job is to paint the Yin-Yang symbol in the middle of the wall.
I've never been much of a painter, but it's not like I have any choice in the matter. Da Shan and Mei-Mei are out and everyone else is training, so I'm stuck here with this scowling chibi.
I'm halfway done with the Yang half of the symbol when a drop of black drips off my brush and onto the palette I'm holding. It falls into the white paint. I can practically feel Chi-yun glaring holes into the back of my head. I scrape it off with another paint-brush hastily, before dumping that brush into a cup of water. I swipe it around to clean the paint off, the paint swirls in a white fog in the clear liquid. When the water stills in the cup, it's full of black stains that gradually fade into gray - before both sides are the same shade.
The color reminds me of a lot of things.
Apparently, Ryo couldn't wait.
"TSUBASA! WHERE IN THE NAME OF PHOENIX ARE YOU?!" Ryo bellowed over the web cam. I wince. Today is definitely not my day. And to think I was discovered just because Chao-Xin decided to flirt with some girl over the official WBBA network. "YOUR VACATION TIME WAS OVER TWO WEEKS AGO!" and even those two weeks later I still don't feel like going back to work... and facing the people that call themselves my friends. "I don't know what's up with you Tsubasa, but you're going to get back here this instant - and if you don't I'm going to send Hikaru to drag you back!"
I gulp, Hikaru could be formidable when she was angry - and me skipping work and leaving her to babysit the 'World's Most Childish Bladers' definitely fell under the category 'How to piss of a WBBA secretary'.
"Director?" I say meekly.
"What?"
"Do you know what the flight plan is at the nearest airport... or where the nearest airport is?"
Ryo's eyebrow twitches "You have two days before I sick Hikaru on you."
One insinuated date between Chao-Xin and the ticket lady later, I'm on the next flight to Metal City. The flight won't take that long, but I still have some time to take a nap.
I got as comfortable as I could in my seat and dozed off.
I dreamed of an aftermath of a vicious battle, betrayed faces with horror in their eyes and the sound of my own maniacal laughter.
I didn't get much sleep after that.
I'm genuinely surprised when I see Hikaru waiting at the airport - surprised and weary. She smiles wryly when she sees my reaction "Don't worry, I'm not here to lynch you." her smile turns into a frown when she tilts her head to the side "What wrong with you?"
There are so many things that she could mean by that question, but she doesn't seem afraid or even alarmed - good, she doesn't know about the darkness still lurking in my heart. If she did, I could bet my bey that Hikaru would be half-way across America by now - in hiding. Then again, Hikaru's just as oblivious to her own darkness as the others.
She doesn't make a difference between light and dark. Hikaru isn't cut into two polar-opposites, there's no light-side and no dark-side. I envie her for that.
More often than not, I find a way to get Yuu to stay at someone else's house - usually Madoka's or Kenta's. I feel a little guilty about manipulating my friends - but I'd rather do that than hurt them.
It's Saturday afternoon when a knock comes from the front door. I'm still in bed, trying to get at least a little sleep during the weekend - I get even less since the nightmares started - some were memories, and some were my own dark fantasies - both kept me awake at night.
I open the door, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and come face-to-face with the chibi I'd just shipped off to Madoka yesterday. I blink at him for a second, but he's still there when I open them so I'm not hallucinating again. "Yuu? What are you doing here?"
Yuu's green eyes seem wider than usual, there was something shining in them, almost pleading "I wanna go home, Tsubasa." he said.
I blink, before kneeling down to Yuu's level "Yuu, what's wrong?"
"You're what's wrong!" I look up to see Madoka towering over me, looking every bit like an enraged, over-protective mother. The situation still hasn't registered in my mind. "Wha-?"
Madoka jabs her finger at my face accusingly "Don't you dare, Tsubasa! No more excuses! Tell us what's going on!" she demanded.
For a moment I'm tempted to tell her that I don't know what's going on, but a small, pitiful sound stops me. "Tsubasa," Yuu whines miserably "Tsubasa what's going on?"
Yuu's tearing up.
My eyes widen at the sight. "Yuu," I whispers, putting a hand on the smaller boy's shoulder. Without hesitation, Yuu launches himself into my arms, hugging me like I might disappear if he let go. Madoka had gone silent in the background. "Shhh, it's okay Yuu." I don't know if it is, I don't know what this is about - did they find out? Oh God, they found out! No, no they didn't. They wouldn't be asking if they did.
My mind reeled. I lowered my chin to the top of Yuu's head "Yuu?" I say soothingly. Yuu hiccuped in response. "Yuu, you wanna tell me what this is all about?"
There was an audible gulp "You don't wanna take care of me anymore, do you Tsubasa?" Yuu hiccuped again "That's why you keep sending me to Kenchi and Madoka and, and - you wanna get rid of me!" with those words Yuu began to blubber.
I knelt, shock-still for a couple of seconds as the crying intensified. I shook myself out of my stupor "No... no, no, no! That's not it at all, Yuu! What gave you that idea?!"
Yuu sniffed into my shirt, still clinging to me "But you don't want me to stay with you anymore. I know I annoy you sometimes and I, I - please let me stay Tsubasa! I wanna stay here! I promise I'll be good, and I won't spend so much money on candy and I'll help clean up and, and I can wash the dishes! Just please Tsubasa, please let me stay!"
There was one part of me that kept insisting, or rather, hoping, this was just a nightmare hauled up from the Dark Power's cruel imagination - the other part knew that this hurt too much to not be real "Shhh, it's okay you. I don't want you to go away. I promise. You can stay here." I sooth, soft and comforting, while rubbing circles on Yuu's shoulder.
Yuu hiccups "Really?"
I gulp "Yeah,"
The three of us spent the rest of the day together. After I tucked Yuu into bed, something I rarely ever did since Yuu insisted that 'he was not a kid', which only proved how much I had upset him - something I was feeling extremely guilty over.
Madoka wasn't going to let me of the hook however. She cornered me in the living room after Yuu had fallen asleep. "What were you thinking?" she demanded, but she didn't raise her voice like I knew she would have liked - she didn't want to wake Yuu.
"I-"
"And before you ask what this is about, you know very well what this is about!"
I do. I knew all to well, but you don't, Madoka.
"I don't know what's been bothering you these past few months, but you need to snap out of it! I've left the issue alone, thinking you'd just brood over it like you usually do - but now you've gone too far!" Madoka's cheeks were beginning flush with fury. "How could you?! How could you send Yuu away?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT KID WORRIES FOR YOU?!"
I clasp my hand over Madoka's mouth, straining my ears for any sound that would indicate that Yuu was awake. There were none.
Madoka glared at me, but followed as I led her out of my flat, down the stairs and out into the street. I knew she couldn't keep quiet.
When we were out, standing just on the edge of the side-walk, Madoka stopped abruptly "Do you remember when you went to Hokkaido?" she says bluntly and I had to rack my brain to figure out where this abrupt topic change led. Hokkaido - oh, Hokkaido.
"Yeah, I remember." I confirmed. It was a mission I went on before the World Championships. There were rumors Dark Nubela was reforming under a new leader on Hokkaido, Ryo had wanted me to go and investigate it - infiltrate it under a false identity, if it was necessary. The rumors turned out to be false, thank Goodness, but it was still rated as a very dangerous mission at the time.
"Yuu waited for you with Ryo and Hikaru, you know? She tried to take him home, but he wouldn't budge. In the end, she called me." I know Yuu had been living with Madoka at that time, most bladers had spent some time living in Madoka's workshop - why she didn't open a business by making the extra rooms a mini-motel, I don't know. Probably so she wouldn't have to deal with more always-hungry, happy-go-lucky and hyperactive troublemakers. "When I got there, it was already past his bed time. He still didn't want to leave. He was worried that Dark Nubela would catch you, hurt you." she smiled slightly "He's such a sweet kid."
I had to agree with her on that. Yuu maybe a chatter-box, hyperactive and would grind on my nerves on a daily basis - but he was a good kid.
"You should take care of him."
I was, but she couldn't understand that. I couldn't take care of him like he used to.
"I can't."
"Sending him back to me will only upset him more!" Madoka snapped, before her blue eyes softened ever so slightly. "Why are you hurting him?"
"Answer me!" Modaka's voice is shrill, demanding and just a little desperate "Why?!"
If only I could tell her. But then I'd lose everything. I may be selfish, but more than anything, I don't want to be alone again.
"I can hurt him in worse ways, Madoka. I'm just choosing the lesser of two evils." I can see that Madoka still isn't satisfied, that she's even more confused, but the world wasn't built to please a little girl's curiosity. Good intentions could have catastrophic consequences, I've learned that all too well.
I am selfish.
I want to keep my friends, even though there's a high chance I'd end up hurting them.
I am deceitful and manipulative.
I've tricked enough people in my life to know what kind of lies to feed a particular kind of person. I knew which strings to pull, which card to throw. I know how to be subtle about it, too, keep my intentions hidden.
What are my intentions now, anyway?
I knew I couldn't keep dragging myself on like this. The borders between me and my darker self were beginning to blur, and it was getting that much harder to discern on which side I stood at.
It was like the water in that cup at the Beylin Temple, clear and translucent until the mass of black and white paint invaded it, clashing and mixing until the colors became one again - until the liquid in the cup wasn't clear, but an uneven mix of two polar-opposites that tainted and clashed with each other until simmering into the water. It will never be clear again.
There weren't any halves that made a whole anymore, just a whole.
There was only gray. Dull. Dark. Bleached. Gray.
It was a foreign darkness, an almost inherent one. The Dark Power. Greed. Pride. Envy. Corruption. What was the difference? It seemed to be an inherent darkness to all of humanity. Mine just decided to adopt a shape and a voice - my face, my voice.
Where do I stand now? What brand do I wear? Good? Evil?
Not Black. Not White. Just somewhere in between.
Review, pretty please with a cheery on top!