Yeah, I was There

Yeah, I was there that day. I think if you ask anyone, they were there that day – or if not them then a mother or an uncle – everyone knows someone who was there. It was a great day.

Now, I'm something of a connoisseur of these things. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying – you're right to ask me, I'm the one to know the objective facts of the incident. I'm not going to dress it up pretty, or read too much into it, or lie and not say enough. Just the cold, hard truth – should be enough for anybody.

I say I'm a connoisseur because I've seen a lot of this kind of thing. Well, not this exact kind of thing but, y'know, big events to happen at the Temple. I'm a religious man, lived in Jerusalem all my life, and everyday I go to the Temple. To worship too, of course, but – it's just there's fun to be had watching the other people there, is all I'm saying.

You get your everyday occurrences of bigwigs coming to pray – there was a guy the other day, actually bought one of the sacrificial lambs which ain't cheap, and then threw himself a the ground, tore his robe (if you want my honest opinion, not one of his best, but if you were going to rip it you wouldn't want it to be one of your nice ones, would you?) and cried out: 'Ay, the sins of my father and his are heavy upon my soul. World-weary I am' and something-something, a good bit about sorrow as deep as the endless dark seas held back by vaulted heavens. Yeah, I reckon someone wrote it down for him – good though, good solid stuff. And wailing and gnashing – always like a bit of that.

Yeah, and there's other stuff too but we'll skip it to get to the day you're asking about, I can see you getting all antsy, so – you should have been there, it was amazing, this guy.

Now, don't get me wrong. An awful lot of times someone will get pissed at a money-changer or a dove-seller and try to upset their table and the business men know how to deal with that, a quick jab to the face never – I mean, obviously it hurt the person who was getting slapped around but it taught them a lesson too, which is the point, right?

But this guy, he wasn't just angry – he was lit from within and he hadn't even been near enough to get swindled yet. Just took one look at the chaos of the courtyard and WHAM! Didn't know what hit them – tables upturned, money flying everywhere, doves fit to wake the dead the noise they made. And we were spell-bound – yeah, people started going after him but he had nearly all the tables over by the time people woke up and started shouting. Trust me, it was beautiful – total disruption, no one knowing where to turn and this guy in the middle of it, just shining with power, you could feel it coming off him.

So there he is, master of this disaster and you know what he does next? Y'know what he– ah, sorry, gets me laughing every time. There all these important people were, the rich guys, and the priests had heard the racket and come running, and there was like ordinary people, obviously, but nah, all these important people fit to burst their spleens and you know what he does? Brings in ... kids. He brings in children, they were singing and dancing and these big important men the look on their faces! He brought in children – it was brilliant, genius.

So the guy tells us what it's all been about, the mess, and the kids are singing their praises like their hearts might burst ... Yeah, so what? It's a well-known song and it's got a good tune – I learnt it as a kid so maybe, yeah, I hummed along a bit.

Alright, listen, I don't want to get in no trouble. And what you're saying isn't just the facts anymore, right? It's just what people are saying, and not people who, y'know, have long life-spans either. Look, I'll just say this: I wouldn't use the M-word – I mean, the Romans are still here, the Qumrans haven't come out of their holes, and the zealots they're still at it, right? But, y'know, bad thing he's dead and stuff, he had- he had good things to say – nah, I's out of town that day. Yeah, Passover crowds, I mean, headache – look I'm late for the Temple, I'll just ...