Disclaimer: Greetings to you all. I'll have you dear readership know that I don't own anything at all having to do with Alice In Wonderland. I don't even have the old Disney movie – I used to, but the tape fried years ago. Anyway, not mine.
The Answer to the Riddle
On a sunny, summery morning in the month of July, Alice Kingsleigh's eyes suddenly opened wide. Not even awake, she scratched her tousled blonde head, and then sat up in bed. Her pretty brow furrowed. Inside her head, a sound bounced around like a child's rubber ball. Instead of seeing her well-decorated and orderly room, she had visions of quizzical green eyes and wild orange-red hair. The sound became a word, just a single monosyllabic word. It made no sense – the question itself had been nonsensical! She realized she must indeed be mad as the word escaped her lips with her conscious mind powerless to stop it.
"Quills!" she exclaimed. "The answer is quills!"
She sat in silence for a moment.
"I say, Miss Kingsleigh!" called the voice of Lord Ascot, sounding perturbed. "Is everything quite all right?"
Alice's mouth worked silently – did she answer honestly or assuage her would-be-father-in-law-turned-employer's concern?
"Oh! Yes, Lord Ascot!" she lied, maybe not altogether convincingly. "Just a mouse!"
She certainly hoped he hadn't been able to make out her words – after all, why on earth should she be shouting about quills to a mouse? A mouse – well there she was, contemplating things that began with the letter "M"! Without another thought, Alice swung her legs over the edge of her bed and stood up. Not bothering to get dressed or wash her face or even yank a brush through her hair, she grabbed her coat. Still not thinking of much but quills, she opened her bedroom door and bolted.
Whether anyone tried to call her back, she could not tell. She only ran blindly forward, down the hall and down the stairs, out the garden-side door and almost falling down the terrace steps. Very vaguely, she supposed she must look every sort of ridiculous, running through the garden in her nightgown and coat. Less vague came the realization that her shoes remained under her writing-desk, where she had left them. Her chest swelled briefly with pride because she had on no stockings to ruin. She felt her lips curl into a peculiar smile, which broke into a giddy peal of laughter as she sprinted along.
'I hope it's open,' she thought in a wave of happy desperation.
Her foot caught on the top-side root of a rose bush and she had to do a funny sort of a skipping step to keep from losing her balance entirely.
"Please be open!" she panted as she ran.
The old, dark stump loomed in the distance and her face lit up in a breathless smile. Unfortunately, as sometimes happens, as she approached her goal, her drive started to fail her. Alice found herself suddenly and belatedly aware that she might very well have broken her toes! But she could not falter. She could, however, slow down to a nice jog and take it easy until she reached the open rabbit hole.
At first, it looked like an ordinary old rabbit hole in an ordinary old, dark stump. Alice's face fell – maybe the magic wouldn't work, or maybe her "muchness" had left her again! She heard a scuffle, like a small animal moving about in the underbrush, and picked her head up to locate the sound. A rabbit, sadly only a cottontail and lacking a waistcoat and watch, skittered out of the brush and streaked off to another hiding-place. Disappointed but not altogether surprised, Alice sighed and looked back dejectedly at the ordinary hole, which…
"Oh, thank you!" she breathed.
… was open.
With a happy giggle, Alice leaned forward and let her weight fall comfortably through the familiar passage-way. Unfortunately, as many dreams as she had dreamt about returning to her glorious Wonderland, nothing could quite prepare the body for that kind of journey. She shut her eyes when she hit the falling bed and when she opened them, she found herself hitting the ceiling. Everything had turned upside-down and, as soon as she shook the dust from her hair, she smiled. She consumed the proper substances to get through the door and, bidding a "hallo" to the Doorknob, passed on through. Then, curiously, she heard the door open and close as second time, and then heard the patter of paws.
"Couldn't have waited now, could we?" chided the White Rabbit. "Now I'll be late!"
Alice smiled beatifically.
"And a golden afternoon to you as well, Mr. McTwisp," she replied. "Might I inquire as to the whereabouts of the Hatter? It's a matter of some urgency."
The white whiskers twitched irritably – he had apparently grown back his confidence since the downfall of the Bloody Bighead.
"Hatter? Hatter!" sputtered the Rabbit. "Now see here, silly girl, I am very late! Simply have no time for lost Hatters!"
"Well goodness!" exclaimed Alice. "Carry on, then!"
And with that, the White Rabbit nodded, harrumphed, and scampered out of sight. Alice waved and watched him go until a passing rocking-horsefly caught her attention. She watched him for a moment, and then he rocked and flew away, drawing her gaze to the eerie, slit-pupiled eyes not-blinking at her from the trunk of a large, purple tree. Alice hid a smile and turned away, pretending not to see him. Cats hated to be ignored and, evaporating powers or not, Alice couldn't help but feel the warmth of the hovering furball behind her.
"Good afternoon, Chessur," she laughed demurely, forgetting that it had been morning in London only moments ago. "Have you seen the Hatter recently?"
She felt the soft fuzz move against her neck and heard a purr.
"Oh, but of courrrrrse," he purred, sending his head around so that he could grin at her. "Sometimes he goes this way…"
The Cheshire Cat rolled his head ninety degrees, pointing his chin to the right.
"Sometimes he goes that way," he continued, seeming bored with the subject already.
Lazily, he turned his head back the other way, his chin going left.
"But as forrrrrr me," the Cat grumped contemplatively, still purring. "I don't see why he doesn't take the shortcut!"
Purplish-blue smoke puffed over to the same tree which he had spied her from. One paw materialized and wrapped around a broken branch. Alice tilted her head in curiosity, a vague memory grazing her mind from childhood. The Cheshire Cat, or rather, his paw, pulled down on the branch, creating a lever and opening the side of the tree. However, instead of showing her whatever she supposed she expected to see – maybe what was on the tree's other side – she saw a lovely wooden archway, a path made of white marble, and a gorgeous painting of the White Queen's castle. She tilted her head.
"I suppose I should stop asking questions," she muttered to herself. "But… erm?"
The large blue-green eyes rolled skyward – they and the grin were the only bits of him currently visible.
"We haven't got all day, nor does the tree!" snapped the Cat, twitching his tail towards the archway in the tree. "Besides, I daresay Queen Mirana should like to see her Champion again."
The poofy tail lashed angrily and the Cheshire Cat rotated in midair, evaporating different parts of his body at random.
"Well this is… new," remarked Alice, not sure of what else to say as she let the Cheshire Cat lead her through the tree's archway. The white marble felt slightly chilly under Alice's non-stocking feet, reminding her how different the seasons were in Wonderland. It had to be spring now, and a cool one at that. She hugged her coat and nightie closer around her – they were only a little too big, now sweeping the ground instead of her calves.
"Good gracious, Alice!" called a dreamy, White voice. "Where are your shoes?"
But Alice only had quills on her mind.
"Where is the Hatter?" she exclaimed, breathless energy returning.
The White Queen looked politely puzzled.
"Alice, dear, it is shoes that you lack," she asserted. "Shall we see to that first?"
Alice shook her head, her blonde curls tumbling about.
"Oh no, Majesty!" She shook her head more vigorously, tossing her curls back and forth and tangling them even more. "It is urgent that I see the Hatter! You see, I've found the answer!"
A delicate frown brought Queen Mirana's eyebrows together.
"Well, all right then," she acquiesced in slight confusion – obviously there would be no stopping the girl, so best to help her out and get to the bottom of it later. "I should check the second hallway's fifth room, were I you."
"Thank you, Majesty!" Alice practically gasped, turning on her heel.
As the girl in blue set off in the given direction at a run, the Queen called after her:
"And do stay away from the kitchen, as usual!"
Alice barely heard her, and she knew bloody well to stay out of the kitchen! If she wanted under-salted split pea soup in her hair, in all likelihood she would put it there herself! She nearly tripped over one of Bayard's pups – a gangly, big-pawed thing almost a year old now – as she rounded a corner. Wild singing could be heard down another corridor, telling her that happiness had once again come to Wonderland. She smiled as she ran along, thinking of the Hatter's fine display of futterwacken. One, two, three, four, ah yes! There – she had found the second hallway's fifth room. She heard feverish muttering from the other side of the door, something about things that come in pairs. For some reason, she could have sworn she heard him say her name.
"Hatter!" She flung the door open and burst into the room, causing him to send a pair of scissors flying. They sailed past her face and stuck in the wall, shivering ominously. "Hatter, I'm back and I know the answer!"
His eyes were wide, surprised, green, and wild.
"Alice? You're back? I mean, of course you are!" he rambled in a higher-pitched voice than normal, obviously rattled. "And you know what answer?"
She looked ready to burst! What sort of wonder, he wondered himself, had she brought to their land now? He looked her up and down, taking in her strange and oversized choice of clothing, and tilted his head, nearly toppling his hat! Quickly, Alice reached out and caught it and returned it to its rightful place, causing his hair to stick out more than usual. It went on crooked, but he didn't seem to notice – his large green eyes blinked owlishly at her, as if unsure whether he had dreamed her up. She waited for the small instance of madness to pass.
"Yes, Hatter… Tarrant," she amended, to use his name. "The answer came to me just this morning!"
His entire countenance lit up and he went off like a Chinese firecracker.
"Well then why in the Queen's name are you only arriving now?" he demanded, eyes twinkling merrily. "I've been waiting for the answer all day!"
Alice laughed, feeling quite mad herself – for a few moments, he broke into laughter as well, but then his visage turned dark and mysterious.
"Alice, my dear," he dropped into his Outlandish burr, his twin shocks of eyebrows shooting up until they almost disappeared under his cock-eyed hat. "Hae yeh anee aydea---"
Before he could finish, he saw the grin on her face that almost matched his own. This girl, no, the young lady she had become, seemed about to explode. A combination of pride, excitetitude, barely-restrained gleefulness, and a touch of splendid madness looked like it might leap from her face at once! She rocked onto the balls of her non-stocking feet. Once again, he looked her over, trying to guess what she might say, but not wanting at all to spoil the marvelous surprise.
"Do say it. . ." he whispered.
She paused for only a moment, schooling her features.
"It's 'quills'," she said in a low voice, like a secret only he could hear. "Quills…"
The Hatter tilted his head further – only the magic of Underland kept the hat balanced on that orange-red tangle.
"Quills?" he repeated in a question, matching her tone.
Alice's grin re-appeared.
"Quills," she agreed with a nod.
For a long moment, he pondered this. His eyes blinked rapidly and he started to shake his head so fiercely that Alice looked mildly alarmed. Should he explode? And if he did, she supposed she must tell Queen Mirana, though she sincerely hoped he wouldn't! The Hatter began to mutter, some of it hats and all of it nonsense. She thought she heard the mysterious riddle again.
"The answer is quills," she repeated, this time with simple confidence.
The Hatter's movements and muttering abruptly ceased – he stood entirely still, staring at her and not blinking. Alice felt quite nervous for a short time, still unable to predict him. His expressions started to change, like a rotating lamp she had seen in China. First, he looked intensely sad, almost to the point that she thought he would cry, and she reached a hand out to him in concern. The next moment, she snatched her hand back as quickly as she could, for he looked so angry that she thought he might very well begin shouting! His eyes glowed red and she almost took a wide step back, but the color melted back to happy green in an instant. A grin, bordering on the manic, spread over his face like oil on water.
"Alice," he said in a voice so low she could barely here it, his entire body seeming to vibrate with a boundless joy that he barely managed to hold in. "Oh, my dear Alice…"
The young lady nodded, agreeing silently that, yes, her name was Alice, for she had no idea what to say or where he might go with this particular train of thought, assuming his thoughts came in train form. For all she knew, he had carts of thought instead, or unicycles. A good few moments passed in silence. The two half-mad individuals stared at each other. For a second, he looked sane while she went crazy. Then she stood perfectly still, watching him as he took off 'round the bend. Neither moved – they balanced each other perfectly.
"I am so proud of you, Alice," he intoned in the same voice as before, no lisp and no burr.
And then, he sprang forward.
"My dear Alice, you've done it!" he exclaimed, spinning her about and causing her to yell in surprise. "I knew all the time you had it in you!"
He spun her about the room in a mad waltz before stopping to look at her.
"Your muchness. . ." he began, looking her up and down and pretending not to notice that she looked quite confused and not a little dizzy. "You have much more muchness."
Alice swallowed hard, still a bit over-spun, and decided to tilt her head rather than open her mouth and ask.
"So very much muchness!" proclaimed the Hatter.
Alice swallowed again, the urge to throw up leaving her.
"You knew?" she asked, by now intensely confused.
The Hatter quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Knew what?" he asked back, smiling at her in unbreaking glee.
"How a raven was like a writing-desk?" she pressed, becoming more and more befuddled by the second.
He quirked the other eyebrow.
"Well of course I knew!" he declared, as though it should have been obvious. "What? Did you think I was asking you because I didn't know?"
Alice frowned delicately.
"Most people do?" she volunteered, unsure of what to say.
The Hatter's eyes gleamed a little differently, as though he had just come into knowledge of a grand truth known to very few in the world.
"Where you're from, certainly," he acquiesced. "But here, I asked to see if you knew."
Her mind worked on that for a moment and, once she had come to a conclusion, she reached for his hand – he took it, smiling genuinely.
"Well now I know," Alice said softly, returning the expression. "The answer is quills."
He nodded, giving her hand a squeeze.
"I knew you knew it."
Like two halves of the same coin, they were. In this world, where nothing is what it is because everything is what it isn't, the riddle should not have had an answer at all. They both knew it – the thing was meant to be nonsense. Her introduction of an answer, something logical, nearly shattered him. But together, the two of them made one piece. Somewhere in the backs of both minds, something fell into place. No matter what the question, no matter what he asked – though it might take her some time – she would have the answer. 'No,' thought the Hatter. 'I am the question.' She, Alice, was the answer to him, Tarrant Hightopp.
She regarded him in smiling curiosity, not beginning to guess at what went through his head. He leaned in close, just as he had done at the moment right before she left – it seemed like that had been a lifetime ago. It didn't matter, she thought – she came back.
"Welcome home, Alice," he said gently. "Welcome home."