A/N: Okay, so I'm not sure how this really came about but I hope you like it, and please review. This is a songfic and all lyrics will be in bold italics.
Pairings: Reid/Caleb
Warnings: Kissing, swearing and some Sarah bashing
Disclaimer: No ownership.
She never slows down
She doesn't know why but she knows that when
She's all alone feels
Like it's all coming down
Reid sat back in his chair laughing along with Jenna and Holly at some joke that Connor had just told. It wasn't really that funny, but the girl's laughter was infectious and they all ended up in peals of mirth. Grinning, Reid glanced across the room towards the bar. A stupid mistake to make really, they were at Nicky's and it was a Friday, of course Caleb was there. Friday nights the Sons of Ipswich always went to Nicky's. It was practically law to them. Reid's smile faded as he followed Caleb's form back to the Sons' usual table with his eyes. He didn't hang out with the other Sons of Ipswich anymore; nowadays he spent his hours with Jenna, Holly and Connor, they weren't a patch on Tyler, Pogue and Caleb but new friends were a necessary evil. He didn't want to lose his reputation and he would if he had no friends yet he couldn't stand to hang around with the Sons anymore. At least, not with Caleb and Sarah playing happy families while he was alone with nothing but his powers, his friendship with Tyler on the rocks because of his open hostility to Sarah who was clearly Tyler's new best friend. Swallowing thickly Reid looked away from Caleb and the others, rejoining the conversation between the two girls and Connor.
"I can't believe you think Aaron fucking Abbott is hot," Holly squealed at Jenna loudly. Connor rolled his eyes and Reid stared at the brunette Jenna in shock.
"Aaron Abbott? Seriously?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"He has nice abs," Jenna mumbled, looking away. The rivalry between Reid and Aaron was legendary so Reid wasn't surprised she was uncomfortable.
"Yeah? So does Connor, do you fancy him?" Holly asked.
"No!" Jenna replied, blushing. Reid and Holly laughed and Connor grinned.
"Awww, thanks Jen, love you too," the brown haired boy said sarcastically.
"No problem," she retorted with a smile.
"I personally think Caleb Danvers is hotter than Aaron Abbott," Holly told them "What about you guys?" Reid rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the tightening in his chest. Yeah he though Caleb Danvers was hot, it was whole reason he couldn't stand to be around him and his blonde haired slut of a girlfriend. That and the fact he was in love with the elder son of Ipswich. Connor on the other hand nodded with a smirk. He was one of the few openly gay guys on campus and didn't care if people didn't like it. Reid had to admit, being a closet case, he admired Connor's gay pride.
"Caleb Danvers is one of the hottest guys I have ever seen. Seriously. He's just like…wow," Connor said honestly.
"Meh, he seems like a nice guy but he just doesn't do it for me," Jenna replied with a small shrug.
"What about you Reid?" Holly asked "We all know you're closet case at heart."
"Hot as hell," Reid answered without thinking. The girls squealed.
"Oh my God!"
"You're gay? That is so cute!" Reid blinked at them then realised what he'd just said. Connor was smiling at him knowingly. Shit…no way out of this one. Nice one Garwin.
"Erm…maybe? I'm not sure."
"That's a yes then," Connor added. Reid didn't just looked back at the Sons of Ipswich with sombre eyes. He missed them. He really did.
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down
Connor and the girls carried on talking about Reid's newest revelation in excitable voices but Reid tuned out. He tried not to look but his eyes kept straying back to Caleb, sat across the room. It was hardly fair. Caleb was gorgeous; all tan skin and muscle, warm brown eyes and soft dark hair. Stunning. Stunning and Sarah's. That bitch. He realised he was staring again after a moment and went to look away but it was too late. Caleb had seen him looking and their eyes met, blue and brown staring at each other from across the room. A few seconds passed and Caleb tilted his head to the side with an almost anxious expression, a hopeful invitation. Reid shook his head slightly and pulled his eyes away. He wanted to take it, just go over and pretend that nothing had ever happened but he couldn't, not while Caleb was with Sarah. It hurt too much.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Reid caught up with the conversation of the girls and Connor quickly, adding contributions every now and then so as not to make it obvious he was letting his thoughts wander. And wander they did. His thoughts continued on their path, focussed on Caleb and the other sons. He could remember when it had all fallen apart; he'd been withdrawing from the group for weeks and talking to other people a lot when it had happened. Tyler had wanted to go to Nicky's but Reid had already made arrangements with Connor, they'd had a childish argument resulting in Tyler snapping that if he'd rather be spending time with a fag than him he could just fuck off, and even though Tyler had instantly been sorry and instantly regretted it, horrified by what he'd said, Reid had lost it, because Connor was his friend and the blonde had already been at breaking point over Caleb. So he'd cancelled with Connor and moved out that night. He hadn't spoken to any of the Sons since. And now he was dying to go back to them because he knew it was a moment of anger and he missed them god damn it. They were his friends. They were his brothers.
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
Reid shook his head slightly to clear it. He couldn't go back to the group. He knew he couldn't take the pain of seeing Caleb everyday and pretending he didn't loved him like he did. He acted strong, and physically he was, but his emotional control was weaker than he made it out to be. Seeing Caleb with Sarah even for a few minutes hurt him enough, but seeing it daily was too much and would be agony – like pulling out his heart and ripping it into thousands of pieces every single day. And what if the truth came out? How could he stand to look at Caleb when he knew the feelings weren't returned? Caleb would pity him, apologise, promise that it didn't change anything but it would, and Reid could take it.
It was better this way. Still painful, but at least bearable.
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down
Clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair Reid forced himself to concentrate on the conversation of his friends. The subject now being some new film out in the cinema, something about wizards and a crazy dark lord guy.
"It sounds shit," Holly announced loudly.
"No, trust me the books are amazing," Connor argued.
"They are pretty good," Jenna agreed quietly.
"I hate fantasy," Reid put in with a shrug "Bores the hell outta me." Connor smirked.
"Everything bores you Blondie," he said. Reid laughed.
"Not everything…" he replied.
"Just most things right?" Holly cut in with a grin.
"Pretty mu-"
"Do you mind if I borrow Reid for a moment?" a familiar voice interrupted. Reid mentally groaned as Connor and Holly both grinned at him, eyes sparkling.
"Of course not," Jenna answered, sounding dazed. Reid looked up into the face of his crush with suspicious eyes. Caleb smiled back at him, ignoring his unwilling expression.
Great, just great.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Reid stood up and made his way to a little way away from the others with Caleb following before he turned to the older Son of Ipswich with a slight scowl. "So what do you want?" he asked, harsher than necessary. Caleb frowned at him.
"I just don't get it Reid," he replied after a moment "Why are you acting like this? You distanced yourself for weeks and then just run off to spend time with Connor and the girls. No explanation, no nothing." Reid forced a cold smile, keeping his expression icy.
"It's called growing up and moving on Caleb," he sniped, making up reasons on the spot. "I'm sick of being you scapegoat." The elder boy blinked.
"You've never been a scapegoat to us Reid."
"Really?" the blonde snapped sarcastically "Sure as hell felt like it sometimes." Caleb stared at him for a moment and shook his head.
"Tyler's devastated that you're ignoring us you know. He misses you…I miss you. Christ, we all miss you," he told the younger boy. Reid's heart jumped slightly but he ignored it, staying indifferent.
"Maybe Tyler should have watched what he said about my mates then and you lot should have realised that making me feel like shit all the time was a bad hobby," he sneered, his heartbeat quickening when it suddenly hit him that Caleb was right there, on his own. No annoying girlfriend. Reid mentally hit himself for even hoping. Just because Caleb was here didn't change anything.
"I know that isn't what this is about Reid," Caleb informed him, calm and without any traces of anger. "But I'll humour you if you really want and jus pretend this is a normal conversation. I didn't come over to argue so…" He tailed of slowly and Reid shrugged.
"How's Sarah then? I noticed she isn't here with you lot," he asked, hating himself for asking even as he said it because he knew it would be torture to here even a single word of what was said. He was pleasantly surprised when Caleb gave him an odd look as if confused.
"Sarah? I wouldn't know. We broke up weeks ago." The words echoed in Reid's head. Weeks ago, weeks ago, weeks ago. He'd been hurting over something that didn't exist for weeks. He could have returned to the Sons easily without a hitch for over seven days and now it was too late. He'd been cold because he had wanted to avoid more pain. How ironic that now he'd only caused himself more.
"Oh…"the blonde replied "Sucks…" Caleb shrugged.
"It just wasn't right you know?" Reid nodded and glanced back to his new group, Caleb following his eye line with a sigh.
"I better get back to them," Reid told him quietly.
"Yeah sure," Caleb said disappointed "See you around yeah?"
"Yeah," Reid agreed, walking away quickly those two words still echoing in his brain repeatedly.
Weeks ago, weeks ago, weeks ago.
Weeks.
Weeks of torment over nothing.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
A couple of hours later and Reid was driving home after dropping the girls and Connor back to the dorms. After ditching the sons Reid had moved back into his family's manor house to avoid Tyler's questions and pleading. He didn't need that kind of distraction. Without thinking Reid took a sharp right turn, ending up driving up the sloping path of one of the cliffs, cursing he sped up slightly. He'd have to turn around when he was at the top. It took a few more minutes to get there and when he arrived Reid felt a lot more relaxed. Instead of turning and heading home he parked at the top carefully and looked out over the edge from in his car with a small smile. The view was pretty good from up there and it had an almost calming effect. Yet as soon as he was comfortable enough to let his mind wander he returned to his discomfort and haunting thoughts of Caleb. It was so difficult not to scream at it all. The whole situation was a mess; he'd left the group to escape Caleb and his torment, yet all he seemed to do while alone was think of Caleb and torture himself with what he could have done, could have said and what could have been.
In fact, Reid even contemplated the thought that it would have been easier to just confess how he felt. All this separation and loneliness probably wasn't good for him and the pain… his heart was probably more broken now than it would have been if he'd admitted all. Reid frowned at that thought. If that was the case then what was he waiting for?
"Time to get your heart broken once and for all Reid," he muttered quietly, knowing no one could hear him as he was alone. (Always alone.)
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day what's lost can be found
It was raining by the time Reid reached the Danvers' colony house but he didn't care, getting out of his car he mad his way up the gravel footpath, heart in his chest as the rain splashed over his face and drenched his hair. He reached the door far too quickly for his liking and took a deep breath before knocking on the door almost timidly. He heard voices calling each other on the other side and the shuffling of footsteps before the door opened to reveal a confused and scruffy looking Caleb Danvers.
He was breath taking.
"Reid!" Caleb exclaimed in surprise "Is everything alright?"
"You were right, earlier," Reid admitted "It isn't about Tyler, or growing up, or being the scapegoat." Caleb stared at him as he continued. "It's about so much more than that. It's about everything. I'm sick of always being last choice for everyone, sick of wishing that I could be something I'm not and most importantly, I'm sick of how no one ever notices that I actually care. I have feelings. And I know that I'm not good at showing them sometimes, and I know I fake it a lot to make people pass it over, but I-I can't do that anymore Caleb. I just…can't." Caleb was silent for a second.
"Then talk to me," he said gently "You don't have to pretend all the time Reid."
"But you still don't get it!" Reid continued, running a hand through his blonde hair ferociously "It's just so difficult to admit that-that you're in love with someone who's practically your brother and there's not a damn thing you can do about it." Caleb's eyes widened and Reid carried on, oblivious the effect his words were having. "And so frustrating when you know it will never happen, and he has a girlfriend who's obviously so much better and-" Caleb had heard enough now and put a finger over Reid's lips.
"You talk too much when you're nervous," he stated simply. Reid bit his lip, catching Caleb's finger slightly with his teeth, the brunette smiled at him. "What is it you really want to say Reid?" Reid swallowed nervously and their eyes met, just like earlier at Nicky's only so much closer, and so much more intimate. Slowly Reid's lips parted and he spoke in an uncharacteristically shaky voice.
"I love you," he half whispered. Caleb's smile widened and he gently pulled the trembling blonde closer to him for their first kiss.
"And I've always loved you."
You stand in the rain