Summary: Jim only said he was drawing fungus, so why was Spock choking on his water? Slash Spirk, enjoy the humor!
Rated: T for mentions of mature things
I am currently avoiding my other story responsibilities in favor of Star Trek, so I hope you enjoy this. All translations were taken from the Vulcan Language Dictionary.
"Spock, here, doesn't like to teach me Vulcan." Jim Kirk sat in the dining hall during lunch one day, surrounded by his main crew and first commander. If he had his way, he would refer to Spock as his bond mate, but the Vulcan wasn't too keen on PDA, and Jim rarely got away with giving him a quick peck on the cheek in public.
"It is not that I do not like teaching you Vulcan, Jim, it is just that you are only interested in learning the words that are clearly unfit for polite conversation," Spock countered. Bones got a good laugh out of this, having known Jim for years now. Chekov turned a faint shade of red and Sulu tried to hide his laughter.
"Oh yeah? Like what?" He asked. Spock looked pointedly at his salad, so Jim took it upon himself to respond.
"You know, like, swear words and stuff like that."
"I cannot believe you just said 'like' twice in one very small sentence." Jim leaned over slightly and flicked Spock's ear. The Vulcan hid his smile with another mouthful of salad.
"I can say more than just the dirty words, you know," Jim defended himself.
"Alright," Uhura cut in, setting her tray of food down on the other side of Jim. "If you can indeed say more than just the dirty words, tell everyone, in Vulcan, what you were doing this morning." Jim squinted in confusion.
"When this morning?"
"When you were outside."
"Oh!" Jim smiled, looking rather proud of himself for some unknown reason. That is, until the next words left his mouth.
"Vesht bestan lok." He smiled around the table at everybody. Sulu and Chekov clapped happily, Bones shook his head with a smile playing on his lips, Uhura dropped her fork and Spock started choking on his water.
"What's the matter Spock?" The commander shook his head and, grabbing his tray firmly with both hands, stood up fast and walked away from the table. He dropped his tray in the garbage, coughed once more, and left the dining hall, wobbling slightly. Jim spun around to Uhura.
"What did I say?" The lieutenant was laughing too hard to answer him. Jim turned to the other three, who all shrugged and kept eating. Once Uhura had calmed down a bit she was able to talk again.
"Good god, Jim, what were you trying to say?"
"I was saying that I was drawing fungus. What?" Jim started to panic. What if he had said something offensive on accident? What if he had accidentally insulted Spock's mother? Dear lord, a Vulcan 'yo mama' joke! Spock would never forgive me...
"Jim, you- Oh, never try to speak Vulcan again! You just told everyone that you were drawing penis!"
As everyone at the table burst into laughter, Jim was left wondering why Spock had walked off wobbling. Slowly, an evil smile spread across his handsome face and he stood up with his tray.
"What's that look? I don't like that look Jim!" The Captain simply smiled at Bones and, as he was walking away, spoke over his shoulder to the table.
"If you'll excuse me, I need to find my commander and fix a tiny mistake."
Bones shook his head and stabbed at his processed chicken. "Fix, my ass!"
Wow, this is so unbelievably random! The idea came to me when I came across the word 'penis' on the Vulcan Language Dictionary and I just thought it'd be fun to write. In case you were wondering, the word for penis is Lok and the word for fungus is Luk. Hence Jim's confusion. Please review! Spirk-scented body wash for anyone who reviews!...Hm, I wonder what that would smell like *ponders*