Dear Saya,

It's been a year since you've been asleep. I've decided to keep a journal while you're gone. I know that you went to sleep thinking that I died, but I hope that when you wake up you'll be happy to see me. I hope that It doesn't seem like forever like it has every other time. But now that I have realized that I love you even more than I thought that I did, It's going to seem like more than forever, if that's even possible. I know that you won't love me back when you've found out what I did.

Saya, I'm sorry to tell you this but, I turned Kai into... well... one of us. I took some of your blood and gave it to him when we were fighting. He got hurt, he got really hurt. I didn't know what to do. I don't know how you'll take it. I don't think that you'll take it that well. It's too late now.

Saya, I have to say that It's too late. I hate to say it to you. I hate for the truth to hurt. I hate for Kai to become something like us. I hate for him to be a monster, but he was going to die. I know I seem like the person who would let him die. But I couldn't let him die when you were asleep.

Saya, I know it seems cruel to say but, I don't care if he dies. I care for your happiness. If him being alive makes you happy; I'm happy. I don't care if you kill him after you wake up, I don't. I just want you to be happy.

Saya, please, do me the favor of being happy. Be happy forever. I would give my life to see you smile. I don't want you to be unhappy. If me leaving makes you happy, I'll leave. I know that if I leave then I won't be happy. My insides would begin to decay the day that you tell me to leave. But when my body shrivles up on the inside; I'll be happy. I'll be happy knowing that you're happy. Knowing that me leaving made you satisfied, I would be happy. Even though I felt like I was truely dying from the pain, the loneliness of leaving you, I would be happy. Your happiness means everything to me.

Saya, the day that you're truely happy, I will be able to die happy. I will lie down in bed every night knowing that you, my love, are happy.

Saya, my purpose on this earth is to make you happy. I was put here to make you happy. Joel brought me to you because he wanted you to be happy. Joel never got to live to see you happy, but I swear that I will. Even if you were to be made happy by me killing myself, I would look up from the depths of hell and see you smile. I would then happily burn in hell for all eternity with a smile on my face.

Saya, promise me that when you wake up that you'll remember? Please? Please promise me that you won't forget. Don't forget the pain, the suffering, the good times, and the bad times we shared. Please don't leave all of your family behind in your sleep. Please don't lose me when you wake. Please don't lose all of your friends. Please. You have to promise me that you'll remember.

Saya, I could sit here for hours and hours going on about how much I would love to see you smile. I could honestly write every day about how I would love to see your beautiful smile again. Your true self. I want to see your smile. Your true smile. Not a smile out of pity nor because you were being forced to do so, but because you want to. Because your heart is filled with joy. I could sit here forever and write about these things; I won't, but I could.

Saya, I have to go. I hate to say it but I do. I have to work hard so that you don't have to do so much when you wake up. Before I go, I thought I should write you a poem.

My dear, I don't think words could express what I'm feeling right now. I don't know how I feel about you but I know that It's strong. I think I love you, but I might be wrong. I don't understand the feelings I have for you, I'm sure in time I will know. I'm not in a rush either. I would love to wait. I want to wait because I think that if I don't know what it means right now, I'm not meant to know right now. I'm sure that I'll figure it out in time.

That wasn't much of a poem. More of just my thoughts. Oops. I'm sure you'll inderstand that I'm not a very good poet. I'll try to get better, I promise.

Ps. Diva's kids are doing fine. Great actually. I'm sure that they'll be happy to meet you. They are very sweet girls, the really are.

Well, Saya, this is goodbye. I will talk to you next year.

-Haji Sen Sohma-