Author's Note: I don't own Pokemon. Obviously. Anyway, this might not look like a T-rated fic at first, but it will get darker later on. Honestly, I rated it T to be safe, since it gets a little... freaky from here.

Fantasy buffs may recognize the place James has been zapped to, but for now I'm keeping it under wraps. Let me just say that in this story, the Pokemon world is connected to other "fictional" universes by mysterious means, and that will come into play in later stories, God willing. And I think He is. But enough about that. On with the story.

Chapter One

What am I doing here? James wondered.

The last thing he remembered was some sort of blast, like that twerp's Pikachu "blasting" him and his teammates "off again" into the wild blue yonder. But there had been no electric shock; just bright light and a strange humming noise.

Am I dead? he wondered.

Whatever else he was, he was also completely surrounded by trees. Completely. It was almost like a Grass-type trainer's dream and nightmare rolled into one. The world around him was lush, green, and growing; a little too green, James thought nervously. As an all-too-experienced Pokemon trainer (and all-too-incompetent Pokemon thief), he knew by instinct that if he was seeing too much of one color at one time for it to be natural, then either he'd just been zapped by some rival Pokemon, or he was stark raving out of his mind. Probably both. It gave the term "hedged in" a completely ironic meaning.

Whatever else the place was, it was quiet; a little TOO quiet, if James had anything to say about it. No other life seemed to stir among the ancient trees or in the many deep pools of water surrounding – and nourishing – those trees. No Pokemon whatsoever, not even a Wurmple in the branches or a Magikarp in the pools. Still, James somehow had the innate feeling that, wherever he was, he was being watched.

But by what? he wondered. There's nobody here. That was a puzzle; and he wasn't even sure he wanted to solve it. Anything that could live here and manage to stay completely unnoticed could also be dangerous. And only Uxie could know if it was friendly or not.

And he'd never caught an Uxie. Not even close. (He'd tried once, but it went without saying that the Being of Wisdom had a mental advantage. All he'd succeeded in doing was getting himself and his teammates nearly drowned, which was, for Team Rocket, an occupational hazard. Actually, Team Rocket met with a lot of occupational hazards. Life was odd that way.)

For all he knew, there could very well be an Uxie in this place; there were certainly enough pools to house a thousand legendary water Pokemon and leave room to spare.

And then – he heard something. It sounded like a flute playing from a long distance away. He didn't know what it was, nor if he should be running towards it or away from it, but it seemed to be the only other sign of possible sentience in this strange place.

Still, it never hurt to be cautious, and it usually did hurt to not be, at least in his experience. James' hand strayed to his PokeBelt, where he kept a set of six PokeBalls. Currently most of them were empty, but he had captured one particular specimen shortly after their disastrous encounter against Team Plasma, and it was the only Pokemon he had on hand. He opened the ball, calling out, "Yamask! I choose you!"

That Ketchum twerp might have laughed to hear his nemesis quoting him, but he wasn't there to hear. Hopefully. James had learned long ago to never, ever, count on the obvious. Although, honestly, when would Ash ever have the time or inclination to even learn how to play a flute?

It's probably the cry of some sort of rare or legendary Pokemon, he thought, maybe even a mythical one! I sure hope Yamask can help me catch it! Actually, he wasn't really sure of that; in truth, he'd never succeeded in permanently catching a Pokemon in battle, although he'd certainly tried. All his Pokemon back home had either been given to him, or had come to him of their own free will. Rather strange, considering his particular line of work.

Yamask appeared in a burst of energy, holding its trademark mask in the coil of its tail. It then proceeded to, like Jame's Carnivine before it, attatch itself to its trainer's head and lick him vigorously.

"GAAAHH!" James screamed, shaking frantically. – He eventually realized that he had nothing to fear, that Yamask was just being friendly, but he'd once had a very bad experience being licked by Jessie's Haunter, which was, like Yamask, a ghost-type Pokemon, but had left him physically shaking for three weeks solid. He hadn't been able to show his face in front of his boss Giovanni, and on top of that, it was the day before his performance review (not that there was much to review), so he had to ask Jessie to substitute for him in one of her famous disguises. Jessie had argued that it was her performance review as well; who would substitute for HER?

James had pointed out (while still shaking) that if Jessie had been able to control her own Haunter, this whole mess wouldn't have even happened.

In the end, Meowth volunteered to go in disguised as Jessie, which surprisingly worked. At least, James thought it had worked, but had later heard Giovanni muttering about how some of his employees apparently thought he was an idiot. He was at least smart enough not to tell this to Meowth, who preferred to believe itself to be the best actor of the three, and also happened to have very sharp claws and know the move Fury Swipe. And anyway, who else had a Meowth that could speak human language in the first place? Not Ash Ketchum, for one thing.

James was brought back to the present as Yamask tugged on his face, then motioned for him to follow it deeper into the woods, in the direction of the sound. Just James' plan. Great minds think alike,he supposed.

Or did they?

James felt oddly in conflict with both himself and this mysterious place. One part of him longed to stay forever, even if he starved to death and his body rotted to nothing, just so he could be HERE, in this place of calm and stillness... far, FAR away from the commands of Jessie and Giovanni. True, it was somewhat chilling to be somewhere where nothing ever happened at all, but compared to all the things that HAD happened in his lifetime, it was probably better that way. On the other hand, just thinking of Jessie and Giovanni reminded him that he SHOULDN'T be here, that he didn't DESERVE to be here, that no doubt something terrible would happen to this place and to himself if he remained here, just as it always had happened before.

Even after Giovanni had promoted the Team Rocket trio to advanced agents, James had secretly had the growing suspicion that things were going to go horribly wrong again, and this time, he was right as usual. After the humiliating incident with Team Plasma, he, Jessie, and Meowth had been FIRED, no questions asked, no mercy given. Up until his unexpected departure to wherever-this-was, James had been with his partners in crime, trying to worm their way back to their former boss and win back his favor. And now he was in some sort of enchanted forest, feeling some sort of inexplicable combination of joyfulness and dread, and Yamask was tugging at his sleeve and chirping loudly for him to follow it deeper into the woods.

James sighed. There was nothing to do but follow.

In an unknown part of Unova, two miserable figures were also attempting to follow James, but had obviously lost sight of their quarry. And on top of that, it was totally miserable weather to lose sight of anything in, much less a human being that's supposed to be leading you somewhere. Jessie secretly hoped that once she and Meowth found James, they could make him every bit as miserable as they were miserable now, because it would just serve him right, that ditcher!

Meowth, on the other hand, just wanted to find James and lose the weather. Neither appeared to be happening anytime soon.

"JAAAAAAAAMES!" they both yelled, with Jessie volunteering an extra, "Where is that useless piece of Magikarp crap, anyway?"

"I dunno, Jess." replied Meowth, pulling a stolen cloak over itself to shield from the pouring rain. "Hopefully, outta earshot!"

"Well, he is!" argued Jessie. "Leaving us two in the middle of this storm for no reason at all, with no shelter or anything and completely lost in some strange town on a continent we've never even been to before..."

Meowth looked around. "Well, if he's smart, then, I guess he IS outta earshot. What makes ya think he'll wanna come back ta us if we're callin' him names?"

"Because he's a loser and he'll come running because it's the only thing he knows how to do without getting himself killed," Jessie muttered. "You know, now that I mention it, I'm actually starting to worry about him."

Meowth was starting to worry about Jessie, but he was at least smart enough not to say so in so many words. "Mebbe we should slow down fer now an' foind shelter, ya dig?"

He was absolutely mortified when Jessie replied, "Ugh! I'm not digging any shelter in this mud!"

"Yeesh, dat was suppoised to be a human expression, Jess. I thought ya'd know dat!"

"Well, I can't think in this weather. And even worse, it's messing up my hair! Isn't there ANY building in this part of town that's open for business tonight?"

That was a very good question. As a matter of fact, it appeared that the town itself hadn't been "open for business" for several decades. The buildings were all run down, and if there had been any signs of habitation, the storm had washed them all away. Still, Jessie and Meowth were desperate for shelter, and eventually they found an old but apparently cared-for wooden building that had a wildly flickering but somewhat-working neon sign over its door. Darkat and Mongoose – Show and Aprijuice, it read. The duo wasn't sure what an open business would be doing in a ghost town, but there was a light coming from inside the building, so they went in.

It appeared to be, of all things, an roomy, old-fashioned diner and juice bar, run entirely by Pokemon. Even the clientele was mostly Pokemon, although there appeared to be the odd human or two in a few dark corners. Strangely enough, there weren't just Unova Pokemon, either; there were Kanto Pokemon, Johto Pokemon, Hoenn Pokemon, Sinnoh Pokemon, and even a few species that didn't appear to be native to anywhere they'd been before. Meowth himself was wondering where he'd seen the bartender's species before. It looked more like a plain brown Watchog than anything else, but it clearly wasn't. Would life's myriad mysteries ever be solved?

As Meowth scanned the room, it noticed more: a Jynx waitress by a table; a small group of Ekans close to the stage in what Meowth supposed was called the band box, softly shaking their tails like maracas; and a Venusaur sitting by the table and trying to flirt with the Jynx. There was even a Rhyperior bouncer that threw that Venusaur clear out of the diner, right on his blossom, which was rather impressive for a Ground/Rock Pokemon against a Grass/Poison Pokemon. Meowth made a note to be extra careful NOT to get in trouble. The ejected Venusaur righted himself, then sat out in the rain and sulked, quietly vowing revenge.

"Did you notice that Rhyperior's power?" Jessie whispered to Meowth.

"Yeah... don't get any ideas, Jess, dat bloke looks vicious!"

"It's better than vicious, Meowth." Yen signs practically appeared in Jessie's eyes as she spoke. "It's a SHINY Rhyperior! Just imagine, if we could-"

"Nope. Nuh-uh. Not a chance in a Chansey! Dat type of Pokemon shoots Geodude outta its cannons fer FUN! We'd be chopped Poffin fer sure!"

"Speaking of Poffin," said the Jynx waitress (in Poke-speak, of course, which was more of a psychic dialect than anything else), "would you two like to order?"

Meowth blushed suddenly. "Uh, don't worry, lady, I've got dis human wrapped around my pinky claw. Nothin's gonna happen to yoir... um... big-bouldered... assoiciate dere." He had a quick conference with Jessie. "All right, den: two dry Aprijuices, barkeep. Hey, wait a sec, how's dat possible?"

"How's WHAT possible?" the Rhyperior asked suddenly, cutting in on the conversation. "That we serve dry Aprijuice, or that our barkeep is a mongoose?"

D'oh! Meowth should have remembered from that Gastly incident on Madien's Peak that the creature was called a mongoose. (In Meowth's defense, he had been busy in mortal combat with a not-so-innocent ball of catnip.) At least, that had been the Gastly's cry when it had impersonated the creature; since a mongoose wasn't technically a Pokemon, its actual cry probably wasn't "Mongoose!" – was it? How could an ordinary mongoose take drink orders from Pokemon, anyway?

Meowth guessed he was going to find out.

The mongoose worked in silence, occasionally giving the Rhyperior an angry look behind his back, then produced the Aprijuice. The Jynx then brought the Aprijuice to Jessie and Meowth, commenting (as Meowth translated) that the "show" was about to begin.

And the show DID begin. Up on the stage, a group of Roserade stepped up to the curtain, dancing in a double line and flailing the red and blue bouquets they had for hands. Meowth recognized the Sweet Scent ability, which annoyed him, because he'd had a few rough instances with that ability, but heck with it, it smelled so GOOD!

Later, he would slap himself for letting his guard down so easily, but for now, he was enjoying himself.

Then the curtains parted, and in rode Darkat herself, atop a Zebstrika that clearly did not want to be ridden on. She was a glamorous Purrloin, dressed in a jacket and hat that appeared to be made of genuine Honchkrow plumage, and wearing makeup that would make the most audacious Mr. Mime blush thoroughly with shame. As the Zebstrika bucked and reared, the Purrloin kept perfect balance, even balancing upright on one foreleg on occasion. Even when her Electric-type steed was shooting out lightning bolts, the Purrloin was unmovable – she even seemed to enjoy the danger!

And she was singing. In English.

PURR-fect English.

Meowth was practically intoxicated with awe. What he failed to realize was that, thanks to what had been inserted into his drink, he and Jessie were also intoxicated with something else entirely.

When Meowth regained consciousness, his first thought was, Holey smokes, when did I nod off?

His second thought was that his head hurt, that it was pounding worse than it had been when he'd accidentally gotten his bronze coin charm stuck inside his forehead. When he tried to raise his paw to feel his throbbing forehead, a terrible realization hit him: he couldn't move his arms.

Or his legs.

Or anything at all.

He was trapped in a violently pulsing electric field in a very dark catacomb, watched from the other side of the field by an evilly grinning Jolteon and an equally sinister-looking Machoke. Both looked as if they could do some serious damage to his head if they should so desire, and Meowth was experienced enough to know that these types probably would.

Meowth instantly wondered where Jessie and James were, then realized that he couldn't even turn his head to look. And anyway, James had vanished long before they'd checked into...

DARKAT AND MONGOOSE SHOW AND APRIJUICE?

Meowth tried to speak, but apparently his throat muscles were just as paralyzed as all his others. He could only watch with horror – unblinking – as the Jolteon and the Machoke turned and saluted at a dark figure coming down a nearby corridor.

If he could have, Meowth would have gulped. As it was, he simply thought the gulp in his mind as the figure came into his forced field of vision.

It was the shiny Rhyperior.