Second attempt at a CTM story, yet another bunny that came bouncing in my head today.
I do not own Call the Midwife all rights belong to Jennifer Worth
The evening sun streamed through the stain glass window in the small chapel, it had been a very long day both physically and mentally, now all he wanted was peace. It had been ever 6 weeks since Doctor Turner had left her at the infirmary, of course he had tried to keep his mind firmly on his work and not allow his mind to wander, but the lure of 'what if' and 'maybes' were too difficult to ignore. Sitting in the convents chapel Patrick hoped he would in some small way feel closer to the one he wanted most, but where was the answers?
"How did Sister Bernadette do this again?" The good Doctor muttered into the silence, his shoulders sagged under the weight of his forbidden feelings. "What do I do?"
"If you talk, he will listen."
"Sister, I did not see you, I'm sorry I should have asked permission first before walking in here, I'll go." Patrick made ready to stand and make his escape, but the senior nun stopped him with a look.
"I can see there is a conflict being fought deep in your soul, maybe I could help ease your troubles?" Came the calm reply of Sister Julienne as she took a seat next to him. Patrick looked up at the sister and nurse as she gazed happily at the crucifix on the small alter in front of them, would he be able to say it aloud to even before he had admitted his feelings to himself?
"I… I don't know where to start, I wish I could tell you my symptoms then you could advise me on treatment." Patrick replied after a few minutes silence, he missed the look of surprise on the Sisters face, he merely carried on talking.
"It's like I'm missing a vital part of myself, something I've had for years is gone and I have no idea when or if it will come back to me." His eyes filling moistening with forbidden emotion, Sister Julienne watched as she listened to her friend unburden himself just as her younger charge had done those weeks before.
"You know I lost my faith when my Lucie died, I thought 'Why would an almighty being take someone who was loved and cherished by her family and friends and leave them in such pain!'. Now it feels like he's doing it all over again, but I'm too old and tired to be angry I just wanted to know why." Doctor Turner's bright eyes darkened at the memories as they flooded back. Sister Julienne listened with a caring ear and loving heart, sending silent prayers to comfort the Doctor.
"He does not give you any more than you can cope with at one time, as someone who was proud to call your wife a friend; I believe he had a higher call for her."
"Yes, I tried to console myself with that too, but when he's threatening to take someone else the same way, I find it hard to believe he is 'All forgiving and caring'!" Patrick said angrily.
Sister Julienne listened and was silent once more. So I he has found happiness again, that is pleasing to my heart, but with my young charge. O Lord if there was a time I need your guidance it is now. She pleaded in thoughtful prayer. The doctor's first wife had little or no symptoms before she died, one day she started coughing and died of tuberculosis 2 days later, the whole community turned out for her funeral out of respect to the young family.
"In matters like this I would trust to my heart, listen to its wisdom for love has no boundaries and knows no end." She placed a hand on his arm, Patrick turned to face her peace and comfort radiated from her being, somehow he knew everything was going to be ok, all he had to do was trust in his love for the woman 30 miles away. "I will leave you to your peace, but you are welcome here anytime you wish." Sister Julienne walked from the small chapel leaving the Doctor sitting with a small smile on his face, he felt years younger, lighter in body and feeling. He knew she would come back to him, he just knew it; he would just have to be patient.