A/N: This is just a oneshot that just randomly decided to pop into my head…I hope you like it~ And none of this is mine, obviously. Sorry if it's not completely in character...Enjoy~ : )
The first few months in the parallel world were torture for Rose—or as she privately called it, New Earth, recalling one of her earliest trips with her new new Doctor. She wasn't sure why she called it the is—the thought of the trip both troubled her and brought a smile to her face. She would never travel with him again, but it was such a happy time in her life.
Every morning for those first few months, she had woken up discombobulated, wondering where in the universe she was—she definitely wasn't in her room in the TARDIS. Then her last view of the Doctor, screaming her name as her father—no, Pete—pulled her to safety, would appear before her eyelids, and she would fight the tears every morning. Every morning she would fail, and stay in bed for another five or ten minutes, calming herself down. Eventually though, she got used to the new world, able to go a few days without breaking down.
Then, after the last day on the beach with her Doctor, it was as if she had once again restarted her life in "new earth," his last words, and the fact that he was near-tears swarming over her before she lapsed into tears each morning. She missed him. And he missed her. She didn't know how she could stand never traveling through time and space with him again.
Now, with the other Doctor there, it was as if she had just arrived once again. For a few days, she returned to the old morning routine, but it vanished quickly this time. She didn't break down every morning any more, but when she saw him around the house, her heart leapt before everything flooded back into her memory and she realized that her Doctor had not returned. He wouldn't, couldn't, come back.
She knew that this Doctor—the one they called John, was holding himself back. He would see the evidence of tears every once in a while, and she knew he was keeping himself from hugging her, comforting her. He might feel like the Doctor, might have the same memories, feel as familiar with her as the Doctor did, but he wasn't her Doctor. She felt a bit guilty for making him feel ignored; he was waiting for her signal to comfort her. She didn't want to admit it, but she felt as if she could sense his emotions as well as she could with her Doctor. But he wasn't the same. One day, she might accept it, but the memories were too fresh in her mind. This Doctor had made her smile a few times, but then a memory would refresh itself, and the smile would disappear.
He knew she was hurting; he remembered all to well how he had felt after she had gone—but she still couldn't accept that he was a human Doctor. She felt as if he was trying to replace her Doctor, and he knew he couldn't do that. He was different and the same at the same time, and he didn't want to force her to interact with him in any way until she was ready to. He didn't blame her. If the opposite had happened, if the Doctor had been given a Time Lord copy of Rose, instead of Rose being given him—a human copy of the Doctor—he would have been wary too. He would have taken time to gather his feelings, accept the new companion.
But they both knew that the real Doctor would never again visit the parallel world—she would never have a chance to see her own Doctor again.
John knew it more than Rose. As a copy of the Doctor, he knew he had regenerated, but he didn't dare tell Rose. When his ninth incarnation had melted into his tenth, she had enough trouble adjusting. Now that the one she loved had gone, she would be even worse off accepting it. It would cause more tears, and both Rose and John were opposed to that.
She just wanted the memories to go away, to not revisit her every time she saw John. But she didn't want them to go away either—she wanted to remember the Doctor in a happy light; refraining from crying every time a powerful memory hit her. And she would have to feel this way eventually. She had no other choice.
He was gone.