SPN Reaction Fic - A slight Destiel twist to the scene in the graveyard season 11, ep 23. My little brain child of how things could've gone. SPOILERS. Mostly from Dean's point of view, with a break in between with a little of Castiel's. One shot. R&R if you please! xo
First and Only
As they gaze upon their mother's grave, Dean listens to his brother give him one last warning about what's waiting for him. What's going to happen when he finishes this one last task to save the world - again.
"You know, if this works… if um, that bomb goes off…"
Dean is soft when he replies, "I know." No heaven for him. Or hell. At least there's that.
What he hates even more is the thought of leaving Sam. At least Sam will have Castiel. Cas is family to Sam, too.
Dean sighs, and looks down again at his mother's grave, wondering what she'd think of all the things that have come to pass. He hopes she'd be proud of him in the end, even with the mistakes he's made along the way. Dean feels Sam clap his shoulder once, and walk off towards the others, leaving Dean alone for a moment in relative privacy.
Dean feels Castiel's eyes on his back before Sam has walked even five paces away. Cas is still able to walk with near silence, but he hasn't been able to shock or surprise Dean with his presence for a long time, now. He knows the angel is there before he's even in Dean's viewpoint. Dean supposes its only fair that he and Cas have a moment alone, too… he won't have any more moments left on this earth with him after this.
"Dean…"
"Cas?"
As Dean turns around to meet Cas's eyes, Cas quickly tugs him into a strong, full body hug pulling Dean in tightly. Dean immediately wraps his arms around Cas in return, smiling (in spite of his grave circumstances) at the angel's enthusiasm and need to hug him close.
"Okay. Okay…alright," he says with a chuckle. He's not sure if he's trying to soothe Cas, or himself. He feels tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. "No chick-flick moments, Dean!" he internally reminds himself for the fifth time in the last twenty minutes.
Cas slowly lets go of Dean, and for a moment, Dean thought the embrace had come to an end like it always does on the rare occasions when he hugs Cas. Instead, as their arms naturally smooth down each others', Cas grips on a little bit to his shoulders, and doesn't let go, eyes locked on Dean's.
Dean can feel himself swallow.
Dean's arms are still on the back of Cas's shoulders, in a mirror image of his angel. Dean isn't sure what's going on, but it's Cas, and he trusts him. And this is hard for all of them. This fucking sucks. He's not going to be an asshole right now.
Slowly, Cas moves his hands to the top of Dean's shoulders, and brings himself on his tippy-toes. Dean can feel his breath hitch, and his heart pound, but he does nothing to stop whatever (the hell?!) Cas is planning. To Dean's surprise, Cas breaks eye contact, and leans up, eyes closed, and gives Dean a soft, slow kiss on his forehead.
It might be the most loving ministration that Dean has ever received in his entire damn life. When Cas's lips touch his forehead, a damned tear breaks loose from his right eye. He can feel the love Cas has for him. All of it. As Cas's lips touch his forehead, he swears he feels love, energy, and light pour through him from the middle of his forehead, through his arms, his torso, his legs, his damn toes.
Cas is telling him how much he loves him without saying a God. Damned. Word. Dean is so overwhelmed by the feeling he can't even internalize a response. After Cas's lips break contact, the only thing he can hear himself think is Fuck. FUCK.
Cas opens his eyes and slowly lowers himself back down to flat feet, holding the hunter's green eyes, watching a tear fall down his cheek, seeing an expression he's only seen on Dean's face once. It reminds him of what he saw through Lucifer's eyes when Dean was calling his name to draw him out, and Lucifer so crudely and cruelly mocked him. Dean had looked…so vulnerable. So scared. So full of too much emotion. Cas never wanted to see this expression on Dean's face again. Had he caused it?
He reminds himself that it's different with Dean in this moment, and they still can't seem to look away from each other, locked in the same almost-embrace. As he holds Dean's eyes, he can tell this expression is softer, and more meaningful. Full of something Cas doesn't think he's seen from Dean except in quick flashes, which were then even more quickly hidden.
Cas decides this is his absolute last chance, and that Dean can push him away if he wants to. He isn't pushing him away now. He literally has nothing to lose. Holding Dean's eyes, giving him every indication and chance to push him away that he can, Cas barely moves his hands up to the side of Dean's neck, slightly stands up on his toes again, and moves his head towards Dean. Cas stops thinking after that. He just tilts his head, and softly puts his lips to Dean's.
Cas loves him. He LOVES him. And now he's going to die. Fucking awesome.
Dean just stands there staring into Cas's beautiful eyes. He doesn't care that he has a tear rolling down his face or that he can't seem to let go of Cas's embrace. This is his best friend. His brother, his family. But if he's honest, Cas has always been something beyond that, something Dean has always been scared to admit and terrified to explore. And Dean reminds himself he's actually going to die this time. For good. So when he sees Cas take in his expression, and he feels Cas move towards him, he lets it happen. Because fucking shit, this is it. He wasn't going to deny himself or Cas the final chance to know what this feels like.
When he feels Cas's lips on his, Dean's breath leaves his body. His eyebrows shoot up, his cheeks tingle, and the place where Cas is holding his neck and jaw feels hot. It's Cas. That's why this gentle kiss is making his entire body buzz. It's fucking Cas. And just as he is starting to lean into the kiss (what felt like a whole five seconds to Dean), Cas pulls away. Dean opens his eyes, confused.
Still embraced, but far enough away to see each other's faces, Cas looks concerned.
"I'm sorry…Dean, that was selfish. I just…I knew I'd never get another chance to know what that…feels like." Cas's expression plainly shows that he is pleading with Dean to understand, and not to be angry. Not in their last moments together.
Dean can feel his face melt into a gentle smile, "Well shit, Cas, let's not do it half-assed, then." He tugs his surprised angel back into his lips by the collar of his trench coat, then immediately moves to holding the back of Cas's head to him with one hand and snakes the other behind his waist.
He kisses Cas with every ounce of passion he has in his body. He kisses Cas for every time he's worried for his safety. For every time he thought he'd died. For losing him to purgatory. For every time he saw him injured. For every time he felt guilty for thinking about him in this way.
It isn't a fast, urgent make out session like maybe he had expected at first considering their dire situation. It's reverent, slow, and luxurious. Soft tongues and lips, tears escaping his eyes, and he's surprised to feel wetness on the angel's face as well. He doesn't think he's ever seen Cas cry as an angel. He and Cas hold each other impossibly close. He feels Cas's hand and thumb against his cheek, softly caressing him, the other hand holding his waist, pulling him as tight as possible, because he doesn't think Cas ever really wants to let him go. And if he's being honest, he doesn't want to let Cas go, either. Cas's lips on his own feel like… hope. And happiness. And light. Which he supposes isn't at all surprising, given who this angel is to him.
The kisses turn fervent, even more passionate, until Dean is breathless, and has to slow down. When they slow to gentle nibbles, and slow pecks, Dean gives Cas his own gentle forehead kiss, trying to return the impossible emotion he had been shown through Castiel's "angel mojo."
Dean finds himself smiling at his TOTAL chick-flick thoughts as they pull away from each other, arms sliding down to holding each other's hands, breathing hard. As Dean studies Cas's face, he finds Cas mirroring his own sad smile and wet eyes. He reaches up and thumbs a tear across Cas's cheek, then returns his hand back to his angel's.
"I could go with you," Cas says to him.
Dean thumb strokes Cas's hands as he shakes his head, "No, no no…I gotta do this alone."
He takes another breath, and his eyes flick down to Cas's lips for a moment before returning to his gaze.
"Listen if…When. When this works. Sam…he's gonna be a mess. So look out for him, okay? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."
Cas squeezes his hands and looks into his eyes, knowing their moment is about to come to a close. "Of course."
Dean looks at his angel again, releases his hands, and gently cups Castiel's face. "Thank you. For everything."
They both feel it heavy in their chests – their final moment breaks. They turn around, and walk back to Sam, Chuck, Crowley, and Rowena side by side, knowing that now, they've done everything they can. This is the end. The others have their backs turned towards them. One side of Dean's lips quirk up, silently thanking Sam for his precious few minutes alone with Castiel.
Approaching Chuck as he's leaning against the car, Dean asks, "You cool with this?"
"No," Chuck replies. "Even after all she's done... Amara's still my sister. She's my family. I don't want to see her dead. But…"
"Yeah?"
"I understand."
Dean swallows, feeling his throat close in on itself a little bit, and he repeats his internal mantra. To save the world. To save my little brother, and Cas. I'm leaving Sam and Cas so I can save the entire PLANET. I can do this.
Running his hand over his face, Dean addresses all the people in his company.
"Okay, look. I want a big funeral. I'm talking epic. Okay? Open bar, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy."
"Done." Sam, ever faithful.
"And for my ashes…I like it here. Yeah…you know, as far as eternal resting places go." Dean breathes out the last few words and fiddles with Baby's keys to give to Sam. As he walks over to his brother, he reiterates, "Come on. You know the drill. No chick-flick moments."
Sam clears his throat, "Yeah…you love chick flicks."
Dean scoffs and smiles a little, "Yeah, you're right. I do. Come here."
He gives Sam his best big-brother bear hug he can muster. His last one. He breathes in what he hopes is a little bravery, and gives a last look to Castiel. His angel. God, he's glad he at least finally knows what it feels like to be in Cas's arms like that. Cas looks back with heavy emotion in his eyes, and Dean knows he feels the same.
It's time. He looks at Chuck, the actual God Almighty.
"Okay. Let's do this."
AN: I've done some minor edits on tenses and phrasing. Thanks for the love! So glad this little fic is being enjoyed!