Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make any money from my "borrowing" of these beloved characters.

(Excerpt below lovingly borrowed and adapted from the movie Speed.)

Sheppard: [drunk] Well, I'm going to go home and have some sex.
McKay: Sheppard, you're going to go home and puke.
Sheppard: Well, that'll be fun too.

Five Minutes later:

Sheppard stumbled along, somewhat happy to discover the hallways were empty. It was late, almost 3 am. The poker game had ended a long time ago, but that's when the drinking and drinking games had begun in earnest. He groaned realizing that a group of drunken men were in a lab watching the video feed of his movements. He should have picked truth instead of dare. Instead, he now clumsily approaching Elizabeth's door, wishing the corridor didn't feel like it was swirling around him.

Before he could wave for the door to open, footsteps behind him sent him spiraling around…and then around again. He struggled to find solid footing and focus on the person before him. He grasped for his handgun, after all anyone at Elizabeth's door at this time of the night was obviously up to no good, but he kept grasping handfuls of air. The holster was empty.

"John?"

"Elizabeth?" John turned. "Where are you?"

He should have chosen truth, he thought again. The liquor Radek had brought to the poker game had shattered John's inhibitions. Even drunk, John realized it had been a bad idea to come here tonight.

"There you are." John's voice slurred. "I see two of you and you both have your eyebrow arched. I should probably go."

John tripped over his boots laces, saved from the fall when Elizabeth stepped forward wedging him against the wall. His fingers plucked a strand of curls from her hair and he began to twine it within his fingers. Tucking his head closer he took a deep breath, the intoxicating scent that lingered about her neck brought forth a rumbling growl deep within his throat.

Elizabeth brought her hands to John's face, laughing as she pulled his eyes up to meet hers. She nodded down towards the rise in his pants and starting tugging his black shirt out of his BDU's. "Though you deserve it for showing up late and drunk, I suppose I can't send you back to your quarters in your condition."

"Elizabeth." John tried to sound shocked, but it was much work to hide his delight. "People can see us."

"No one is out here, John, there's no one to see." She frowned looking down and noting how his shirt failed to cover that delight. "You're going to have to come in until it's safe for you to go."

John waggled his fingers at the camera mounted discreetly in the corridor when Elizabeth turned her back. She took his hand and was pulling him inside her room. He hoped Lorne had thought to tape record McKay's reaction, John would be willing to pay good money to see the horror on McKay's face as he watched the video feed.

That thought would have been enough to sober John had he just been drinking beer. But stupidly, he'd started throwing back shots with the rest of them. Guilt coiled in his gut and he realized he had to tell her.

"They dared me to come here tonight, to make a move. McKay, Ronon, Zelenka and Lorne are all watching video feed on the corridors at this very moment."

An angry crimson flush raced across her neck and cheeks. "They saw-"

"Yes."

"And they think-"

"Yes."

She turned around, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Why now, after all this time?" She turned back to face him and the look on her face made him feel suddenly like an ass. "If it was that important to you, we could have gone public. But like this…"

"Everything sounds like a good idea when you drink Radek's liquor." John stepped closer and grasped Elizabeth's waist drawing her within his arms. "Maybe it wasn't the right way, Elizabeth. But you know what, it made me feel pretty damn good."

Elizabeth's head snapped up in surprise and she took a step back.

"You are smart. Sexy. God knows why, but you seem uniquely skilled at putting up with my crap. I'm proud to have you on my arm, want to show you off." John turned away and walked to the door. He didn't want her looking in his eyes right now. He was more than a little drunk and his defenses were shot to hell. He was raw and she was too perceptive, she would see more than he was ready for her to know. He moved too quickly and the room started swirling.

Elizabeth came up behind John and wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting against his shoulder blade. John's hands braced his body as he leaned forward against the door.

"I'm sorry, John." Elizabeth whispered. Her fingers roamed under his shirt tracing the muscles of his abdomen. "I didn't realize."

John pivoted and caught a glimpse of her eyes, heavy and laden with desire. Elizabeth's lips brushed against his own, painfully teasing him with the brevity of the contact. He clamped his hand at the small of her back, tugging her into a deep and ragged kiss. He needed to get drunk more often. Every single nerve beneath his skin was bristling with pleasure and his head was swimming from the sensations from what her hands busy exploring his body.

"Elizabeth." He breathed.

His back struck the door as Elizabeth's weight pressed more forcefully against him, her hands tackling his belt and his pants. Through his drunken, pleasurable stupor, his body instinctively seemed to react where his brain could not. Somehow her pants were unbuttoned and he was busy nibbling his way down the hot skin of her neck. He'd just started grappling with her bra when the door swooshed open. They tumbled out the door, collapsing into a heap in the floor.

John rubbed the back of his head, noting how wide Elizabeth's eyes had stretched. She'd fallen on top of him, her state of disarray landing somewhere in the realm of PG13 whereas he was definitely R rated. He tugged Elizabeth's shirt down when he heard McKay's voice behind him.

"Oh this is unbelievable. Elizabeth, I'm disappointed in you. He's drunk!"

Elizabeth rolled off John revealing much more of himself than he would like. His shirt was off one shoulder and his BDU's were below his knees. Thankfully, his boxers were still on, but they did little to conceal his arousal.

Ronon was grinning like a madman. He reached out a hand to John and pulled him to his feet. Still not a master of coordination, it took John a moment to get his clothes sorted out before he could address the group assembled before them. Elizabeth eyed John expectantly. Thickheaded as he was right now, he knew she'd just volleyed the ball into his court. What John really wanted to do, more than anything, was to shoot the person who'd just opened the door.

"McKay, what the hell is going on." John finally remembered McKay had taken his gun earlier after the fifth round of shots. He considered briefly that he could probably get it back if he moved before McKay recovered from his shock.

As if he knew what John was thinking, McKay jumped backwards a few steps. "Sheppard, we're sorry. We just had to see for ourselves. After we saw you in the hall we thought you were playing a joke on us and were just maybe drinking tea and playing solitaire on the laptop until enough time had passed for you to leave. We didn't know…"

Elizabeth watched John carefully as she stepped closer to his side and grasped his hand tightly. "You are our friends and we should have told you a long time ago. That was my fault and for that I am sorry. This relationship puts us at risk in many ways and it seemed easier to hide it."

"Sheppard?" Lorne held his head to the side as though he was trying not to look at them. "Can you try to hide…it… a bit better?"

John glanced down and shrugged before quickly tugging up the zipper on his BDU's. Zelenka and McKay looked uncomfortably away and Ronon just kept grinning like a crazy man.

"So, is there anything else you needed?" Elizabeth's eyebrow arched as she surveyed the group before them.

John started chucking softly while he watched them squirm beneath her gaze.

"Uh no, we'll just be-"

John scooped Elizabeth up in his arms, unsteady on his feet he staggered across the corridor.

"Sheppard, don't hurt her." Rodney's voice was laced with concern.

Elizabeth's protests were ignored and John went staggering back across the hall and into the door of her quarters.

"Maybe she likes it rough, McKay." John smirked.

The door shut, drowning out the unmistakable sound of Rodney's gasp. John somehow managed to safely set her down.

Elizabeth's face scrunched up and she swatted his arm. "You are terrible."

"Feel free to punish me later, but I really should have stayed still after all that drinking."

Elizabeth's expression fell serious. "John, you're looking a little green."

"Damn it." John hissed and ran towards the bathroom.

A few minutes later Elizabeth knocked gently on the door. "John, you okay?"

"Do you realize that if McKay hadn't opened that damn door, I could have had sex and puked tonight?" John scowled at towards the mirror while brushing his teeth.

"Lofty ambitions you have, John." Elizabeth shook her head. "Well, there is always tomorrow."

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this goofy little fic!