He awoke to the sound of pattering night rain. He had always liked the rain, it comforted him, the water like a blanket, covering him, shielding him from the hardships of life. For a moment he did not know where he was. He was 15 again, James Potter had broken his leg and he was lying in the infirmary, waiting for his bones to reknit. No one had bothered to visit him, or even noticed he was missing from classes. But this time, his throat hurt, not his leg. And he remembered.
He remembered dying in the Boathouse, that awful finality when his throat was slashed and then being slammed again and again against the walls from the force of Nagini's strikes. He remembered slouching in a heap, heaving a sigh of relief that it was finally over for him, now he can finally rest.
But Potter, Weasley & Hermione had shown up. They had been there all along. After handing his memories to Potter, he summoned the last of his strength to have a last glance at Hermione.
His Love.
She was crying so hard, he wanted to kiss the tears away but he could no longer move his arms.
'Don't cry,' he wanted to say but he could not even feel his face now. As he slipped into unconsciousness, he could sense the glimmer of a Spell washing over his body.
Severus Snape had survived. Barely. And now he was lying in the infirmary, alone again. Or so he thought. His heart skipped a beat when he realized Hermione was beside his bed, her head rested comfortably near his hand. He reached out, grimacing slightly at the effort it took. Caressing her smooth cheek with the back of his knuckle.
She awoke with a start, her features arranged automatically into apprehension. Melted to relief to seeing him awake. Then her expression carefully set into indifference. He wanted to smile at her but sensed that something was wrong.
"Sir."
Indeed something was very wrong.
She stood up. Without even touching him.
"I'm glad you're alright now."
And left.
He couldn't comprehend why. And as he healed as days passed, he slowly began to understand. As he saw her and Weasley together. Hand in hand. Weasley kissing her. And her kissing him back. His heart ached. And this ache did not fade or heal.
School term started. He had yet to resume teaching. His healing was slow, his wound required frequent redressing which he couldn't be bothered to do. He didn't take care of himself much now, not that he did before Voldemort was defeated, but there was a reason not to then. Days blurred into months, he kept himself isolated in his Dungeon home, sometimes drinking himself into oblivion, sometimes just staring into the wall. Minerva dropped by occasionally trying to nag him back to the living but she was preoccupied with rebuilding the school and could not concentrate solely on his wellbeing. It would have been better if Severus Snape had died.
A day before the Winter holidays, she dropped by to see him. He had not seen her since he first awoke in the hospital. She seemed to be recovering nicely from the War. Yes, being in love tends to do that to them.
"May I come in?"
He stepped aside, not bothering to greet her. He had not been drinking today… yet but he stank of stale whiskey. Snape closed the door behind him.
"What do you want?" And his tone was alien and cold, he did not even bother to address her by name.
She looked torn, unsure. Did not dare meet his gaze. He felt a moment of vertigo, as if they had reverted 5 years back. And she was still his student and he, her sneering, dominating Professor.
"Ron and I are getting married when we graduate."
His teeth ground together so hard, he was surprised she couldn't hear them.
"And you are here because? To hear me offer my congratulations that the one I loved is marrying someone else? Or to rub it in my face?!"
She jerked as if slapped and looked at him. Really looked at him. And she was furious that Severus Snape actually took a step back from her.
"YOU ALMOST DIED ON ME! YOU LEFT ME ALL ALONE, YOU BASTARD!"
And then she was sobbing, spitting out the words bitterly, everything she had felt since.
"I waited by your bedside for 10 days, sick with worry. It was touch and go for you for 10 days did you know? Madam Pomfrey had to resuscitate you three times! Every time I open my eyes, I was so worried you would no longer be there. Then I realized I could not be with you and see you die all over again! Do you understand, Severus?! Do you understand..?"
And she was falling, and he was there to catch her and hold her in his arms as she sobbed her heart out.
"I'd rather die myself than lose you again," she wept against his body, so solidly alive now, but so fragile and fleeting only a few months back.
He said nothing, contenting himself to rocking her against him, shushing her, stroking her hair. How he missed the feel of her body against his. Could he salvage this broken relationship? Did he dare hope?
As if reading his mind, she pulled back from his embrace. Smiled a little when he wiped away her tears with the palm of his hand.
"I'm marrying Ron," she said again, as if she needed to say it aloud to reaffirm it to herself, "but I love only you."
"Then let tonight be our last night together, Hermione. Be mine for tonight and let me love you for a lifetime."
She did not answer. She did not have to. He had captured her lips in his. When she responded in kind, he knew that he was the one she loved. Always had, always will.
He let her lead him to the bathroom. Let her remove the bandage on his neck. Kissed her lips again to shut her up when she muttered that he should take care of himself more. He let her undress him and then herself as she pushed him under the showers. He smiled a little when she conjured a small stool for him to perch on so she could reach to soap and wash his hair.
His eyes never left her beautiful face, memorizing her every feature as she sat on the sink, all pink and blushed from the hot shower, facing him as she shaved his face and cut his hair that he had not bothered to trim since the War.
And when she was done, he scooped her up in his arms for the wedding night they were meant to have. He delighted that her hands automatically went around his neck, as if they had done this a thousand times.
He laid her gently on his bed, covering her naked form with his. She sighed in contentment at his warmth. He was still watching her face, desperate to memorize every detail, every movement. She ran a finger down his cheek. He finally closed his eyes, unable to repress the shiver running through his body.
"It's alright, Severus," she said. "Let go."
Let go.
And when he opened them again, his eyes were red, brimming with unshed tears. She stifled a sob, hating herself for crushing such a strong man. He kissed her with such fervor, pressing her into the soft down of his bed. His tears fell on her cheeks and she tasted the saltiness of his pain and his love.
She moaned in fulfillment as he entered her. His body felt familiar yet new and she realized in sadness that she would not feel this after tonight. They moved as one, thrusting and bucking, caught in the throes of passion, trying to make this night memorable and last as long as they could.
It was Severus who broke the silence.
"Hermione…I can't…" She squeezed her eyes shut as he thrusted again, so deep this time.
I can't.
Can't hold on.
Can't let you go.
Can't stop loving you.
When he spilled his seed inside her, he roared, pressing her to him, refusing to let her leave his life.
On the day she and Ron were married, he left Britain. Left magic behind. Came to the United States. Made a name for himself, as an actor. Never found another to love. A companion, yes. But never a love to rival his love for Hermione.
One day a young man of 18 years came looking for him. Snape could sense the boy's magical signature. Strong, for his age. He had red hair and brown eyes.
"My name is Gideon Weasley…"
Snape managed a scoff before he allowed the boy to continue. This was after all the eldest child of Ronald and Hermione Weasley.
"My mom told me in the event of her death that I should come looking for you. That you should know that although she is no longer of this world, that you are not alone. She said, you once said something to her under the moonlight."
"What I say to her is none of your business, Weasley."
"Please. My mom said I must be told what you said."
Snape heaved a tired sigh. What did it matter now? Hermione was gone.
"What I tell you next, you must take it to the grave. Or it will taint the memory of your mother. Do you understand this, Weasley?"
The boy gulped and nodded. At least he had inherited his mother's mind.
Snape took a deep breath. He had thought of her every day for over a decade but he had not said this aloud. Not since that night.
Looking into Gideon's eyes, eyes that he had inherited from his mother, Snape braced himself for the heartache he knew was to come and uttered what he had said to Hermione so many years ago.
"Severus Snape will always irrevocably and unconditionally love Hermione Granger."
His head snapped up when he felt the beginnings of the cancellation of a spell. Gideon's ginger hair started to darken until it became jet black. His complexion cleared as his freckles faded and his nose sharpened to look almost exactly as his own.
The boy spoke again and this time his voice had a timbre, not unlike Snape's own when he was young.
"When I was born, my mom placed a glamour on me, because of my black hair. She told me stories of a Professor that she fell in love with when she was a student. He was a brave, selfless man who helped us win the War against Voldemort. She said no one must know who my real father was. I am the proof of her undying love for you. My real name is Severin Snape."
*flashback*
It was a rare occasion that they had the opportunity to be together out in the open. Moonlight shone from the clear sky, glinting off the dew forming on grass blades.
He was rested against the Whomping Willow, a rock lodged on the knot that kept the tree immobile. Hermione was nestled snugly against his chest, an opened book forgotten on her lap.
"I wish this moment would last."
"Silly girl," he sneered as he reached around her, marking her place in the book and then tossing it aside.
"You don't love me!" she huffed in mock anger, thumping him on his chest.
Suddenly serious, Severus swirled her around in his lap so that she was facing him.
"Don't you ever say that again."
"Severus Snape will always irrevocably and unconditionally love Hermione Granger."
*end flashback*