Prologue

When he first saw her, he knew she was different. Not in an inappropriate way; just that she was talent with magic and highly intelligent for her age. He watched her being sorted and was greatly disappointment when the hat shouted out Ravenclaw; her talent would have been useful with Slytherin.

She was quiet and polite to teachers but rude and cold towards her peers; she didn't seem to have any friends. She didn't seem to want any friends to stand in the way of her studies. She was intelligent; always getting the highest grades in her year and sometimes in half of the year above her.

Her hair was white blond and always tied back in a tight, neat ponytail; her eyes were shaped like almonds and were ice blue. She wasn't tall and she wasn't thin; he wasn't sure what her body was like as she always wore baggy dress robes when he would see her.

He respected her determination and how she never questioned what he said; how she would get to work while her classmates would groan at the thought of another assignment.

Her classmates would mock her; laugh as she would sit alone to eat dinner and would always be the person with no partner when there was an odd number of students. They were children and couldn't understand how her coldness and independence was truly beautiful.

He didn't truly understand why he was so drawn to her until her sixth year when Dumbledore request she take private lessons with him after she expressed to Dumbledore her great want to study potions after her time at Hogwarts was up.

When she first arrived she was the same as she had always been but after a few lessons, he could see the real her; she let her cold shield fall sometimes as they talked; her eyes brightened and a smile appeared on her face when he understood what she was talking about, when he could input. She later told him she had never been able to converse with someone who understood her.

Then one day, months after they started their lessons, she had completed an incredibly hard potion with great success and couldn't help but fling her arms around him with glee and he couldn't help but take it in and hug her back; she smelt as beautiful as she looked and acted. When they broke apart both had realized what they had done; she grabbed her books and scrambled away before he could say anything to her. As inappropriate as it was, he hadn't wanted to let go. He felt it was time to go to Dumbledore at this point.

"Severus you are still young," Dumbledore tried to smile. "But bringing a girl into your life would be wrong. You have to do many things that others would not understand and you are still very much in love with someone else."

He appreciated the honesty Dumbledore had brought; that he hadn't been angered by the thought of him with a student. No matter his reaction, Dumbledore had been right; bringing their relationship any further then a student and a teacher would be wrong in more ways then one. He still loved Lily (despite her death) and he was a Death Eater.

The next time she came he didn't have to tell her; she understood by the tone in his voice. They went back to their old ways, remaining friendly, still having their usually conversations but it never went further then that, as much at it ached at his bones to push it further.

It wasn't until her last days at Hogwarts that she changed their routine. It was their last official lesson; she had finished her potion in record time and before he sent her off she stopped him.

"Professor I…" the words got caught in her throat but she shook it off. "I will miss you greatly."

He knew he shouldn't but the words slipped out. "As will I."

She smiled sadly at him and took a step forward; he reached up and wiped the tear that had begun to fall down her cheek. She gasped at the touch of his hand and his mind told him to back off but it had been too late; he had already past the point of no return. He had touched her and now couldn't turn back.

"Profes…"

"Please just Severus." He said quietly to her.

"Severus." When she said his name, he felt a shiver run down his spine. They were both shaken at the intensity of the moment and moved closer together; he was about to step past the line he had drawn since he began teaching when a knock at the door stopped him.

She moved away from him quickly and moved back to her potion; bottling some more up, looking busy.

A fellow teacher walked in, asking Severus some silly question he really didn't want to hear. The moment had been ruined and he watched as she walked away from him, not even looking back.

He couldn't sleep that night; she was on his mind. He didn't want to sleep as that brought him closer to the day when she would leave. He sat in silence until a knock on his door made him jump up. He raced to the door and opened it to see her standing in front of her; she wore shorts and a tank top so he could finally see what she looked like beneath her school robes.

Her body was short but her chest was larger then most and her hip bones stuck out more then normal; her thighs and bottom were larger but it worked with her body. His eyes traveled back up to her face and he realised her white blond hair flowed down to her chest; her hair was thin but looked soft and was slightly wavy.

"Severus I…"

"Get in here!" he grabbed her arm and pulled her in. When the door was shut he turned and peered down at her. "What do you think you are doing here?"

She winced at his harsh tone but answered. "I couldn't leave without telling you."

"Tell me what?"

"Tell you that I have so much enjoyed our years together and that I don't want to leave you," she held back the tears. "I don't want to go Severus, not without….not without this. I just can't do it."

"What are you..."

"Don't do that!" she snapped. "Don't even begin to say you don't know what I mean!"

It was the first time he had heard her yell; the first time she had been this angry with him.

"Don't say you don't feel what I feel, don't say you don't want to kiss me every time you see my face. I am not stupid! I can see it in yours eyes just as you see it in mine!"

There was an awkward silence between him; he wasn't sure how to break it because everything she had just said was true. When he didn't say anything, her anger had returned.

"Severus, I am in your room at night, telling you that every day I want nothing more than you and that you don't have to hide that you feel the same for one moment of your life. I am in here begging you to touch me, to hold me, to kiss me!" she stepped closer to him. "I won't say anything."

"That," he finally spoke. "Is not what I am worried about."

"Then what?" she shook her head and stepped back. "Am I wrong to think you feel the same?"

When he didn't respond she let the tears fall. "I made a fool of myself."

"Stop crying." He moved forward this time and wiped the tears from her eyes, not wanting to see her hurt. She froze in place and looked up at him; her eyes shinned and he couldn't help but lean down and let his lips touch hers.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled herself closer to him; he wrapped his arms around her waist as she kissed him back. The soft kiss stopped as they broke apart; both not able to let the other go. He didn't have to ask her to stay, he already knew she would.

He brought her to his room and let her fall on his bed; he ran his fingers up and down her body, making sure he knew every part before kissing her again. She ran one hand through his hair and one down his chest before breaking their lips apart so she could move to his neck.

He moaned out, forgetting how wrong this all was; she was still his student. But he couldn't turn back now, not after they had gone so far over the line.

They had spent the night together and he wished they could spend more but both knew that this would be their only and last time. She had her life to get on with and he had to teach and work for the Dark Lord, not that he ever told her that.

She left quietly before he had woken up; she had to be ready for her last two days of classes. When she arrived for his class they locked us for a few seconds before breaking away as her classmates started to file in. He tried to keep his composure while teaching the last lesson but in the end couldn't; he flicked his wand, making the instructions for the last potion appear the board and told them to begin.

He took some parchment and began to write, trying to look occupied with something but he couldn't keep his mind off her. When the class ended she didn't say a word, just left.

The last day came and went; she wouldn't look at him then either. He understood why she acted the way she did but he couldn't help but want the girl he had seen in his room that night back.

He stood at the station and watched her get on the train; she took a window seat and looked out at him as the train began to pull away. She smiled slightly at him before the train huffed away and she was out of his sight.

He felt an aching in his chest; this had been the same feeling he had when Lily left him. She was never coming back, just as Lily never was. He was frozen to the spot until a hand came up and rested on his shoulder.

Dumbledore gave a small smile to him. "You had to let her go."

"I know."

"It takes a great man to love but an even greater man to know when to let go." Dumbledore tugged his shoulder. "Come back to the castle Severus. You can't stand here waiting for her to come back."

"Albus," He had to tell him what had happened a few nights before. "I…"

The old man raised his hand and Severus stopped talking. "I already know."

"But…"

"I knew that eventually Ms. Archers wouldn't be able to hold off much longer. She has strong passion and determination in her." Dumbledore smiled. "She will do great things because you let her go and then perhaps she will come back."

"I won't hold my breath."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Severus don't sulk. It's not like you."

"I am not sulking."

Dumbledore let out another chuckle and the pair headed back to the castle.

That night he packed up and headed back to his flat; he laid in silence, not able to sleep. He waited for the knock at the door that he longed to hear again.

But it never came.