Nothing changes. Never will and never did. Someone who was your enemy never going to be your friend. Someone who betrayed you once, will do it again.
I am resentful, somehow I still act like I forgot things. Or forgave things. I act like I forgot everything that Austria had done to me. I even protected him every single occasion life throw towards us. I don't know why... It would have been much easier to let him die. And I could have been free.
It strange isn't it? I could smoothly delete all the horrible things from my mind that the Austrian did to me, but I still munch on the one tiny little mistake Prussia did once. I cling to those feelings, because without them I wouldn't know who am I. These emotions make me the nation everyone knows. I have left nothing else, just that.
I know it hurts people. The way I cling into Poland, pulling him down with me, causing more harm to him that anyone did to him during his harsh and painful history. He tries to comfort me, telling me that's everything, but the truth, however I don't believe him. He's suffering because of me. He's suffering from me.
That thought makes me feel even worse. I hate bad friends. Who betray you when they have the chance. Somehow, I'm still the worst.
I used to think I earned Slovakia's hate without a reason. Because he's just a teenager, who desperately wants to rebel. He had no reason to hate me. I admit I wasn't the best "big sister", but some nation have done more horrible things to their "siblings" than what I did to him.
But now... I understand it. I am despicable, shameful and horrible person. I deserve death. Or maybe I don't. I'm living only to be punished for all my sins. But I think the Earth would be a better place without my existence. I should die.
But I have a country full of people who I have to take care of. I feel love for them. A strong bond. Unlike me, they deserve a better life. They should try to make up my, and my people's past mistakes. Or try it, at least. With them, I can might change as well.
Sometimes I can't decide if they made me bitter, or I made them. My sulking in the bed, thinking at my past or them, who always look backward never forward.
However, I love them. So I keep going for them. Not for my hatred towards Romania, Serbia, Slovakia or Prussia, nor my love towards Poland or my non-existent feelings towards Austria.
I keep going for them. Előre!