"Okay...My brother's name is Ben, I have a cat named Sundance, and...and I love Looney Toons."
"The cat. You definitely do not have a cat named Sundance."
Bobbi tapped Clint's nose. "Boop! Yes I do."
"Boop? You should've told me you can't handle wine before suggesting we play drunk." Clint giggled.
He didn't snicker.
He didn't chuckle.
No, he giggled.
"I...hate...Looney Toons." Bobbi proclaimed dramatically before taking another draught of very expensive Pinot stolen from Tony's secret wine cellar. "That freaking rabbit drives me crazy."
"You have a cat. Named Sundance." Clint tossed his head back and laughed much longer than necessary.
From the kitchen, Hank and T'Challa watched their teammate and his girlfriend spew gratuitous drunken nonsense. Hank fiddled with a programming chip but snorted at every off-kilter remark. T'Challa, meanwhile, studied the bottle responsible for the foolery.
"Wakanda has a similar drink reserved for adults, but never before have I seen such absurd behavior. Perhaps we should take it away from them?"
"Nah, let 'em have their fun." Sparks flew from the microchip and Hank smiled. "We can record it and use it as leverage the next time we need a favor."
"I have a picture! On my phone!" Bobbi whipped out a cell phone from the pocket of her jeans and shoved it in Clint's face. "Exhibit A!"
" 'Welcome, Barbara'?"
"Oops."
A few beeps later, Bobbi triumphantly showed Clint her phone again. "Exhibit B!"
"So maybe you did get a perfect score on Guitar Hero, I can do better!"
T'Challa's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I thought they were talking about her cat."
"Better than perfect? Puh-leeze! I can...I can can can!"
"You can can can?"
"Totally!"
"I'd like to see you can can."
"I can can can if I feel like it."
"Go ahead!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Yes! ...Wait."
"Ha! I win. You have to can can."
"Whatever. I'll can can once, then you have to show me a better-than-perfect round on Guitar Hero!"
T'Challa sat down at the table across from Hank, holding his head. "I don't understand."
Hank delicately placed the first chip to the side and slid an identical one in front of him. "I gave up a long time ago."
The Wakandan king scrutinized the dark green glass and tipped it at an angle. "They seem to be very happy thanks to this wine."
The size-shifting genius glanced up from his work. "You know what? Since they already cracked it open, I don't see any harm in trying it out."
It all went downhill from there.
Steve and Jan rushed downstairs.
"Tony! Are you okay? We heard you scream!" Jan shrunk down and buzzed across the room to where Tony sat, slumped against the doorway and cradling an empty bottle of wine. Three similar bottles rolled near him. Thor marched in from the training room, the Hulk behind him.
Steve carefully stepped over a drooling Hank, who was draped over a Guitar Hero drum set with a wine glass still clutched in his hand. In fascinated horror, he inquired, "What happened?"
Tony opened his mouth as if to speak, but all that came out was a devastated whimper.
Jan flew away and surveyed the scene. A few feet away from where Hank was lying prone on the electronic drum set, T'Challa was flopped on top of a chair sporting socks on his hands and a toga fashioned from the curtains that once adorned the window. Clint and Bobbi were nestled in each other's arms on the couch, the video game guitars dropped to the floor and paper airplanes sticking out of the sleeves and collars of their shirts.
"They drank it all. My Pinot. My gift from a French ambassador. All gone." Tony explained brokenly. He rasped in a shuddering breath.
Thor smiled winningly at Tony. "Mayhap I shalt gift you some Asgardian mead. 'Tis fine drinking! Though, clearly, mortals do not handle such drink well."
Tony gave Thor a dark look. "Oh really?"
"Four bottles is not enough to even begin to satisfy an Asgardian!" Thor scoffed.
Tony groaned and struggled to stand up. "That's a full bottle for each of them. You'd think they'd have died."
Hulk made a grunt of discontent. "You wish."
"Tony, look!" Jan morphed back to her regular size and picked up a bottle that was apparently hiding underneath T'Challa's chair. "This one still has some in it!"
The remaining Avengers all exchanged a look of interest.
It all went downhill from there.
I was feeling really random, so I decided to write this balderdash. :) It was going to just be a story about Bobbi and Clint doing stupid dares while drunk, but I thought I might as well include everyone else. The game they were playing at the beginning was Two Truths and a Lie. Fun fact: In the comic books, Mockingbird does actually have a brother named Ben, and her mother's name is Susan or something. When she decided to become Mockingbird, she asked Nick Fury to tell her family that she had died in combat, rather than have them try to reach her and possibly be harmed.
Well 'ave a nice day, guv'nor! :D