A/N: this is set right after the episode "Trials of the Dark Saber". This was inspired by the artwork Meldy-Arts made on Tumblr (post/ 156211010514/ he-had-the- perfect-opportunity-to- hug-his-daughter). I thought there needs to be more Space Dad with daughter fics so I thought I would write this short piece. Enjoy!
It had been hours since Kanan, Ezra, and Sabine returned to the Ghost. There were so many mixed feelings surrounding them. A power, a hope, a great sadness and pain. All of which were strong in Sabine. Her mind seemed to be clouded despite her accomplishment today. He knew that it wasn't from the training and use of the Dark Saber specifically, but of what old wounds that had been ripped open in the experience.
Kanan hadn't been expecting what she had said. He knew that something happened with her clan, but he didn't know that Sabine's own family had basically exiled her. And from the pain in her voice when she started he realized how wrong he was. He never thought that what happened would end in him feeling so guilty. He knew that Sabine needed to face herself and her memories if she was going to move past them and use the Dark Saber, but he should have done it a different way. He should have done it when it was just them, where Ezra and Rau didn't hear her despite them trying to support and comfort her at the end. He never should have implied she was a quitter, that she did that before when he knew that it was a lie in the first place. She didn't quit anything, she stopped supporting something horrible. He knew the difference and he sensed how much that implication hurt her. It got her to open up, but he still couldn't forget that feeling she had. He had expected soft, silent tears, but he hadn't expected Sabine trying to stop herself from sobbing. He had wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know if that would be another thing against her pride that he caused if she needed comfort in front of others, especially Rau. He had ripped those wounds open on her and he needed to fix them again, but he did what he thought he could do when he was with the others while still leaving Sabine with her pride.
Hera had asked him about it, but even she knew by his expression and the memory of the pain Sabine tried to hide behind proud eyes that it was not a question she would bring up again until Kanan did so himself.
She tried to act normal, the crew had seen that. She walked around the Ghost and she ate with them, but she was too quiet. And it only made Kanan feel worse. He needed to do something.
So a couple of hours after they ate, Kanan made his way to her room. He stood outside it for a couple of seconds, trying to sense her feelings. It was almost like he could sense her feelings of isolation and doubt. He couldn't let her stew on that, not when she could make progress, but he knew she needed support.
Kanan knocked at the door.
"Sabine, can I come in?" he asked her through the door.
There was a couple of seconds of silence on the other side before he heard Sabine answer him with a weak 'yes'.
Kanan opened the door and let himself in before shutting it again so that the two would have their privacy. He sensed her at her bed, picturing her sitting at the edge of it. She didn't say anything and Kanan didn't know if that was a good sign. Wordlessly, Kanan had walked up to her and moved to sit on the edge of the bunk beside her, his legs dangling off the sides.
"I wanted to apologize for what I did today," Kanan told her, "for what I said. I should have…done it differently."
"I don't know what you mean," Sabine told him.
"How I pushed you today. I shouldn't have done it like that," Kanan told her, "how I forced you to face your demons like that. For someone with my own I should have known that there was another way to do it, that I should have done it another way. I didn't think that what you went through was that bad."
There was a bit of silence before Sabine told him, "you couldn't have known. I never told you."
"And I should have known from that," Kanan answered. "If you kept it so hidden I knew that it should have been brought out better than it had been."
He hadn't expected her to tell him about how her family and clan abandoned her. He hadn't expected the pain in her voice when she mentioned her mother and father, and certainly not her brother. That was new information to him. He doubted that she had told anyone about that before.
It was now, he realized, why Sabine may have chosen to use the top bunk when she lived on the ship.
"Is there something else you want, Kanan?" she asked him.
"Look, Sabine…" Kanan started, "I don't exactly know what to say that can make you feel better, but there are some things I want you to know."
Sabine was silent, but Kanan could sense her curiosity and her hope. He took it as an invitation.
"You are not weak for not standing with the Empire or your family," Kanan started. "You–."
He felt the weight on the bunk shift and he heard Sabine jump off the edge of the bunk and walk a few steps away. He could feel her sorrow as though he could see her lower lip tremble. He imagined her with his back to him, her arms crossed to hug herself and to feel as though she had some comfort and protection.
"Kanan, I don't want to talk about this," Sabine whispered and he could tell she was trying hard to not let her voice shake.
Kanan jumped off the bed himself and stood behind her.
"No, I need you to hear this," he told her as he took a step forward. "You were brave to face your past today, to finally let it out. I want you to know that you are so much more than what they will ever think of you, so don't let them define your barriers. Only you do that. And if you decide to live by what other people think you can do, you've already lost. You've stood by your beliefs even when no one else, even those who mattered the most to you, did. And that's a strength that not everyone can or want to posses. That's not even a strength I had for a long time…I don't know what it's like to have someone so close to you turn your back on you…and I hope I never do, but you need to know that we, Hera, Zeb, Ezra, Chopper and I, we all believe in you.
"You may not be what they think you should be and you may not do what they think you should do, but you are so much more than that. You are stronger than what they will ever see and braver than they want to believe. You stood by yourself and what you believe in and that's something that I've always admired about you. They may not see your strength, your bravery, and your potential, but we do. And I hope that you do too, because you are such a powerful force of nature and I know when you harness that you will be the greatest leader the galaxy will know.
"And if it helps you at all, know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do that will make us turn on you or leave you. You will always have us, this family, as a constant and as a support for as long as you want us. But we will never leave you. We believe in you, Sabine. We always will."
In the silence afterwards, he could hear her small sniffs. The energy in the room was so charged with sorrow and pain that he could see her shoulders shaking slightly, how tightly she held herself with her head hung low. He didn't want her to face this alone. He wouldn't let her.
Carefully, Kanan took another step forward and he put out his hand, letting it gently touch her shoulder. He didn't feel her flinch. Instead, she moved slightly into the touch. It told Kanan what she needed. He carefully moved Sabine with the one hand to turn and face him. Before either could say anything, Kanan pulled Sabine close to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders despite the awkward feeling of Sabine a little far off because her arms were still wrapped around herself. He could feel her shaking, her sniffs now louder in his ears. As he moved his one hand gently across her upper back, he felt the hold on herself loosen. Her arms slowly dropped a little before he felt them loosely wrap around him, her hands at his shoulders as she pulled herself closer to his body. Her head pressed down against his shoulder, making Kanan hold her tighter.
"You will always have us," Kanan promised. "You will always have me."
There was a bigger breath in and sniff.
"You're not such a bad dad," Sabine whispered.
Kanan smiled slightly, a feeling of warmth spreading through him.
"I love you guys," Sabine told him, pressing herself tighter against him.
Kanan held her back, not letting go until she was ready.