A/N: Not too sure how I feel about this. I wrote this a while ago and just found it yesterday. I thought with family fluffs going around I would share. Like I said, warning there is mention of torture, but nothing that goes into detail. Don't read if you are not comfortable. I hope you like it! Tell me what you think!
Running down the hallways, Sabine was starting to run out of breath. It didn't happen often but from trying to get from one side of the ship to another, blasting Imperials, took a bit out of you. She could feel herself going slower and pushed herself more, no matter how much her legs were screaming at her.
The crew had gone in to save some rebels captured on Lothal. Sabine had split up from the main group both as a distraction and to look for another way out if needed be. They knew Thrawn wasn't on board, but he could get to them fast and Hera would need another opening for them to get out.
Thing was that they didn't need it. It was effort she didn't mind putting in. She was effectively keeping a lot of Imperials away from the main group and had managed to do her own damage to the ship. It didn't seem so horrible. At least until now. The rest of her crew and the now saved rebels were on the Ghost. They were just waiting for her as she ran as fast as she could, her heart beating out of her chest as she moved across the ship's shiny floors and walls to get back to them. To an outsider it would look like she was flying.
"Spectre 5, where are you?" she heard Hera ask as Sabine went down another hallway.
"Still trying to get there, Spectre 2." Sabine answered.
"We have incoming Imperial ships you need to get back here now!" Hera ordered.
Sabine skidded to a halt when she saw a group of about eight imperials in front of her, double what she had seen. They had come from trying to arrest the main group. All attention was on her now. She saw them walked closer, guns in the air and aimed for her. She turned to look for another way when she saw a group of ten Imperials on the other side, effectively trapping her in the hallway. And she knew it was a trap. None of them were firing. The big numbers were to control her until someone else came.
Sabine kept her eyes on the two groups before answering Hera.
"Spectre 2, I'm not going to make it out in time. Get out of here now while you can!" Sabine told them, watching as the Imperials slowly started walking to her.
"Halt!" One yelled at her to try and scare her to stop talking.
"I'll be okay." Sabine told Hera.
"That's not an option, Spectre 5," Hera told her, her voice hard.
"It's not a matter of choice," Sabine said, eyeing the Imperials carefully, "Get out of here with the others. Don't get yourselves all caught because of me. I'm staying on this ship either way. Don't take yourselves down too."
There was a pause on the other side, though Sabine still didn't get silence from the Imperials getting closer and yelling at her to stop talking. When Hera's voice came back again, Sabine could clearly hear her guilt.
"We'll come back for you," Hera promised her.
"I know you will," Sabine answered, her voice genuine, "now get out of here, Spectre 2!"
Before Hera could answer her again, the Mandalorian flung the comlink off of her wrist and threw it to the ground. Before the Imperial Bucketheads could do anything, Sabine fired her blaster at the comlink, effectively destroying any data that the Empire could use to try and track her crew as they left the atmosphere.
She did not, however, have enough time to defend herself when a blaster bolt hit her ankle. Sabine grunted as she kneeled to the ground, gritting her teeth to not give them the satisfaction of a whimper or cry from the pain.
Before she could do much else, she felt them corner her in, circling her. Hands quickly took her blasters, disarming her, before others quickly took her hands. Sabine quickly moved, trying to get out of their touch, but she felt cuffs link her wrists together. She grunted again and tried to move her shoulders before hearing new footsteps down the hall. Sabine didn't need to look to know who it was.
Pryce had a delightful smirk on her face that only made Sabine feel sick to her stomach. She still struggled as Pryce slowly kneeled before her, the woman's face still with a skin-chilling smirk. Sabine stared at her through her helmet.
"My, what a generous sacrifice you made," Pryce smiled. "It is such like you rebels to sacrifice yourself for the group."
Sabine didn't say anything. She only glared at Pryce.
"What? You are so quiet. The last time we had a chat like this you could barely stop talking." Pryce commented.
"I have nothing to say," Sabine answered her.
Pryce's smile widened.
"See, I'm sure that you will." Pryce told her before moving to stand. She looked at the Stormtroopers and nodded once, moving to place her hands behind her back.
"Take her to the holding cell," Pryce commanded, her voice emotionless as she began her own walk to it.
Sabine was lifted and she tried to pull herself out, moving against the multiple Stormtroopers that were holding her. She tried to use her feet as a brace against moving, but with a bad ankle it wasn't working that well. Her feet just moved against the floor, slipping against it.
Once in the holding cell, she saw Pryce standing there with something held behind her back, but at the angle she was standing and the angle Sabine was being forced into the room, she couldn't see what it was.
Sabine was quickly subdued and placed in cuffs around her wrists and on her ankles. Her one ankle seared in pain from the new, hard pressure. She watched Pryce walk over as the Stormtroopers moved back.
"Leave us, but tell Thrawn about the prisoner when he boards. I'm sure he will be just as excited as me," Pryce told them.
Sabine watched the Stormtroopers file out of the room without another word. Pryce kept staring at Sabine, slowly walking forward with a bit of a saunter, the grin still on her face. She took one hand from behind her back and took hold of Sabine's helmet. The girl instantly hissed and moved her head back and forth as though she was suddenly burned by the touch.
"Get your hands off me!" Sabine screamed at her to no avail. Pryce still took offer helmet. Sabine glared at her and hissed, "drop it."
Pryce grinned down at Sabine and looked back at the colourful helmet in her hand. She then moved her head back to look at Sabine.
"As you wish," Pryce told her pleasantly, dropping the helmet. The two heard it clang to the floor. Pryce smiled and walked back forward to Sabine. "You Mandalorians and your armour."
Sabine growled at her as she watched Pryce get close.
"Don't worry too much," Pryce told her, "we're used to interrogation on this ship by now. We'll catch up on what I missed a couple of months ago."
Before Sabine could answer, Pryce brought up her other hand and set something against Sabine's neck. The teen cried out as something sharp hit her skin and she could feel something move into her body.
When Pryce moved the needle back, Sabine gasped and stared at it before turning to Pryce and glaring at her.
"You sneaky, son of a…" Sabine started with rising anger, the emotion clouding her mind a bit more.
"Now, now, have some more respect." Pryce said with a lethal grin down at the Mandalorian.
"You drugged me." Sabine hissed, her voice was cold that one would not have known it was actually hers.
"Safety precautions." Pryce shrugged simply.
Sabine's eyes widened at the implication before grinned again, "you're afraid that I will beat you again. Are you such a coward to face me that you needed to drug me?"
The Mandalorian got a lot of satisfaction from the falter in Pryce's proud smirk.
"Don't act too high and mighty, Wren." Pryce told her, her voice not snappy like Sabine thought but of careful annoyance as the grey lady walked around the cell. "You are not the dominant one here, and you most certainly will not be getting the upper hand. Now I have administered many drugs into your system. Soon you will feel your senses and nerves more on edge, starting in a hyperactive state. When that happens, a special type of droid will join us. The pain will hurt more than it should. You could end that now, your pride is already damaged from being drugged."
"My pride? You drugged me because you know I'd get away if you didn't. I'm not the weak one playing dirty." Sabine told her as she felt some of her mind clouding again before dissipating.
Sabine realized she was soon going to be over her and she really was going to have a problem. The drug was putting her in a drowsy-like state, but she would feel everything much more than normal still. Sabine knew what she would be feeling soon and she could feel it soon coming back. She would feel so drowsy that she can barely open her eyes or register anything around her besides the pain.
"Miss Wren, you will soon realize that everything I do is for the Empire, and this entire Empire was made on 'playing dirty'. I will do my job, even if it requires not playing by the rules." Pryce told her and grinned when she saw the clouded look in the Mandalorian's eyes. "And I never particularly liked playing fair anyway."
Pryce smiled and saw the interrogation droid come in Sabine glared at it, already feeling herself get nauseous from the drug.
"Now, where should we start first, Miss Wren?" Pryce asked.
She didn't know how long she was there. Time was all placed together, or it wasn't there at all. Everything after a couple of hours was nothing but a blur in her eyes. She didn't see anything clearly, only blurs of what she guessed was people. She heard voices. They were sharp and demanding. She recognized Pryce. Pryce talked a lot. She was sure she heard Thrawn too. But the most she felt was the pain. The cuts into her skin, the flames against her fingers, something snapping. It was completely intensified. Her own screams rang deep in her ears for even hours after her last one.
They let her have breaks every once in a while so that she could regain some strength back. They needed her for information, not to die.
She had fallen asleep after a while, needing the rest. The pain was overwhelming and one of the worst she had ever experienced.
So she expected the worse when she heard the door to her cell open again. The sound instantly woke her up. It was a sharp sound that always indicated that the pain was going to start up again. She braced herself, whimpering. She just wanted it to stop.
"Sabine?"
"Zeb?" Sabine murmured as she felt hands on her wrists to free her. His voice sounded so scared.
Soon she felt herself being lifted. She felt herself be carefully placed in his arms, Zeb gently placing her head to rest against his shoulder so that her neck was supported and her head wouldn't roll back over his arm. His fur felt and smelled so familiar even though she could barely open her eyes. Even if she did, she knew she would see nothing but a purple blur.
"Yeah, Sabine, it's me. We're getting you out of here." Zeb told her, his voice a lot softer than when she normally heard it. She felt him moving her as he spoke, as though making sure she was in a somewhat comfortable position.
"You got her?!" she heard Kanan call from what she guessed was the hallway.
"Yeah. Lets get out of here. Tell the kid and droid to get to the ship. We'll be there shortly." Zeb told him, his voice echoing differently now and Sabine guessed they were in the hallway now too. Even though she couldn't physically see it, it felt good to Sabine to be out of that cell.
She was surprised to hear Kallus's voice.
"I'll tell them I saw you on your way to the west wing. Go to the B wing exit. There are barely any guards there to begin with. You'll have to fit in small, but you'll manage. By the time the alarms go off there we'll be across the ship and you'll have enough time to get out. It's not a proper dock for a ship so you might get some drafts, but it's the best way out you have."
"Noted." Kanan told him, "I'll tell Ezra."
"I'd get going if I were you, the alarms for the cell being broken into have already gone off." Kallus told them.
Sabine moaned and tried to say something as she felt the darkness circling around her again. The last thing she heard was Zeb's voice.
"It's okay. I've got you. Were going to get you out of here."
She let herself be comforted by his fur, though the feeling was starting to slip away. She felt herself go under again.
Sabine awoke with a start and realized that she was restrained slightly with something over her mouth. The thoughts connected quickly and she began to struggle. Those two things were the first that she noticed. The next was that she was floating. It was an odd sensation. It was like she was in water but she knew it wasn't water. It was slightly thicker and it seemed to stick to her skin more.
Her eyes burst open ad the memories of the interrogation came back. She wiggled in the restraints rapidly in panic. Something was holding up her arms. She was in a tank…a bacta tank. But where was she? She needed to get out. The fire, the pain, the electricity, the snaps of her fingers, Pryce…
"Sabine!"
Sabine looked towards the muffled voice. She could barely hear it both through the tank's glass and through whatever she was in. It seemed so distant, but Sabine knew who the voice belonged to.
The relief she felt when she saw Hera rush up to the bacta tank, worry clearly on her face, was something that Sabine could never find enough words to describe in Mando, Basic, or any other language separately or combined. It was the start of the realization that she was safe, that her memories of Zeb, Kanan, and Kallus were true memories and not ones forged by the drugs.
She felt her chest moving up and down rapidly, but she had stopped struggling as much at least. The last movements of her arms coming out of reaction and brain stimuli.
Sabine watched Hera stand in front of the tank and yell to her.
"Sabine! Sabine, it's alright!" Hera told her. Sabine only looked down from her, her arms still moving but out of their own reaction. The Mandalorian watched Hera look around before going to get the chair that Sabine realized she was sitting on before. It was where she came from.
Sabine watched as Hera move the chair to the tank and stand on it so that she was more level with Sabine. Her face was closer and being this close seemed to make the figure in front of her more real.
Hera gently touched the batch tank, like a gesture to reach out to her crew member.
"Sabine, you're safe! I promise you are safe!" Hera called to her, her voice was easier to hear now too.
Sabine felt her arms stop moving now, settling in the bands that held her up. The Mandalorian looked at the Twi'lek, taking her all in as she felt herself growing tired again. Sabine tried to hear the soothing sound of Hera's voice, even though it was different and more distant and grumbled from the separations.
Hera stared right back at her, her hand moving a little as though like a gesture to stroke her cheek.
"Sabine, you're okay." Hera told her, her voice more in a comforting tone. "You're on Pheonix Home. We saved you. You are safe."
Safe…safe…the words kept echoing in Sabine's head as though she shouldn't believe it but she did. Hera wouldn't lie to her. Hera wouldn't let anything happen to her.
As Sabine began to nod off again, she kept hearing Hera tell her "it's going to be okay…you're safe now… it's going to be okay,…it's going to be okay…"
There was the soft sound of voices, Sabine was faintly aware of them. They were fog-like and seemed to move like a physical movement across her mind. She was also faintly aware in her haze that someone was holding her hand. As the haze cleared slightly, she recognized the smoothness and warmth of Hera's hand.
"…has no idea then?" was that Zeb?
"It thinks she'll be in and out of it most likely for a while," that was Kanan, she was sure, but their voices wavered. "She has to get over the physical and mental strain. And they put a lot of drugs in her system so she has to recover from that."
"We're lucky that there wasn't any permanent brain damage. They gave her too much for her size to keep her docile," Hera commented.
She heard something hit the ground and break.
"Ezra, control your temper." she heard Kanan say.
"Easy kid, I want to beat Pryce just as much as you do, but breaking medical supplies won't do any good," she heard Zeb tell her.
Sabine wanted to tell them to stop, that she was okay…maybe? Okay was the word she wanted? Her mind was still floating irregularly. She wanted to let them know she could hear them, that she was going to be okay, and that she was relieved to hear her voices, but she couldn't force her eyes to open. She then focused on Hera's hand, trying to put pressure in her fingers.
"She's alright now, Ezra, but she's going to need a lot of time to both recover and process this." Hera commented.
"You think we'll be able to rein in Sabine from missions for a while? We'd have better time herding and milking Lothcats." Zeb commented.
"It'll be up to us to…"
The instant that Sabine squeezed the hand, Hera's voice stopped mid-sentence. There was a bit of silence, one that felt like it lasted longer than it was, but was only seconds long. Sabine felt a shift in the bed and the hand squeeze her back.
"Sabine?" she heard Hera again, her voice more gentle.
"Is she waking up?" she heard Zeb ask.
"She squeezed my hand." Hera informed them.
Sabine felt the bed shift again slightly before feeling the gentle, warm fingers move her bangs more to the side as a gesture to comfort her.
"Sabine, it's Hera. We're all here." she heard Hera again and felt the thumb on her hand move over her hand in gentle circles, "you're safe now. We're all here for when you wake up."
Sabine squeezed the hand again, drifting off to Hera's hand gently stroking her hair again.
Sabine felt herself stir slightly. There was slight light behind her eyelids. She let out a sigh and moved her head a little more to the side before slipping into unconsciousness again.
It was cold. And the air smelled weird. The more she took in the more she wanted to cringe as she could taste how sterile it was. The light was coming brighter now, more sudden and quick. It was almost begging her to wake up though she still felt exhausted.
Listening to her senses, Sabine carefully opened her eyes. It was hard to see anything at first against the sharp light and she was constantly closing them again, grimacing as she tried to get used to it. She was confused, though not scared.
A couple of seconds later, Sabine forced her scrunched closed eyes open again. She blinked quickly a couple of times to regain focus on objects, however after looking around a little her eyes landed on something and they didn't want to move away.
"Kanan?" Sabine croaked out, her throat sore from all the screaming she did. But even though it hurt to talk, there was some relief moving through her that she could actually see his face, that he was here with her.
The Jedi moved his head as though he was looking down at her and smiled gently. He moved to take her hand and gently squeezed it in comfort. Although tired, Sabine guessed he sensed her coming awake in the Force. She wasn't completely sure about all aspects of the Force and she knew she never would, but Kanan seemed to be waiting for her to wake up.
"Where am I?" Sabine asked, trying to keep her eyes open.
"You're in the medical centre on Pheonix Home." Karan answered her.
Sabine nodded once, closing her eyes again. She felt herself stir slightly to get in a better and more comfortable position, moving to huddle under the blankets more.
"Get some more sleep. We'll be here when you wake up." Sabine heard him say.
She trusted him and she felt safe with him there, knowing that someone would be with her still as she woke up again.
So she did.
Sabine stirred awake, her eyes slowly fluttering open as she moved her head to the other side. The motion caught Ezra's attention and he leaned over his chair to be closer. Sabine stared at him for a moment, relieved to see his face as well.
Safe. She was safe.
Ezra gave her a small smile.
"Hey, Sabine." Ezra told her in a small, comforting voice, "how are you doing? Hera should be back soon."
Sabine shivered a little and looked around at the room, but everything was blurry, it was as though part of her vision was gone. She looked back at Ezra and tried to focus on him, but he was becoming blurry now too.
"It's cold in here." Sabine commented, her voice croaking weakly like it was before from how sore it was.
Ezra nodded and looked around before telling her, "I'll get you another cover. I'll be right back, okay?"
Sabine nodded before relaxing in the pillow again. By the time Ezra came back the Mandalorian was already asleep again.
"She making any progress?" was that Rex?
"Ezra said she woke up two days ago and was alert for about a minute. She told him she was cold, but by the time he came back a couple of minutes later she was sleeping again." Sabine recognized Hera's voice again. "The medical droid thinks that she has finally wore off the drugs, now it's just the exhaustion from what happened…"
Beep.
Beep.
Sabine eternally winced. She didn't hear the monitors beforehand. They were an annoying, constant sound that was like a pitch in her ear.
She also soon recognized the fan of the medical centre. It was on high and she felt the breeze on her. It tickled her arm slightly. She even felt something moving on the bed, someone was readjusting their seating.
"She's waking up." she heard Kanan say, this time the voices were straight and narrow, not the foggy whisps that they were before.
Sabine moved her head a bit to try and wake herself up more. Her eyes felt heavy. She settled her head back straight again. She let out a sigh and a slight moan as she forced her eyes to open. The light was too much at first so she cringed slightly and squeezed her eyes tight again to get used to the light before opening her eyes, this time more slowly. There were figures in front of her this time. After a couple of seconds she could focus on the figures and saw her other crew mates, smiling down gently at her. Even Chopper was there, watching her a little farther away, but still watching over her.
Sabine looked between all their faces before her voice croaked out, "what are you all doing here?"
Every words scratched at her dry throat like there was finger nails racking up it. Her voice didn't sound like hers. It was too hoarse and gravel-like. She cringed slightly in the pain before hearing Zeb's loud voice, a tone a lot softer than what it normally was.
"For you of course," he answered.
"We've all been waiting for you to wake up." Hera explained gently.
Sabine looked between them again before she closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again, straining them in the light.
"How long have I been here?" Sabine asked weakly.
"Almost two weeks." Hera answered.
Sabine groaned softly.
"No wonder I feel so stiff," she commented.
The others smiled, glad that she was feeling a little better to at least be making jokes. Hera moved closer and explained to her: "Pryce drugged you…a lot. It was a while to get them naturally out of your system, and then you were recovering from the…interrogation."
Sabine closed her eyes again at the word. As though she had been stung. She didn't want to remember that, but the sound of her own screams came to her ears, the pain, the dripping down her skin…
"How bad am I?" Sabine asked, her eyes still not open.
There was a couple of seconds of silence before Hera answered her, "the bacta tank helped a lot with most of the injuries. The interrogation droid made a lot of cuts…"
"I remember that." Sabine interrupted, "deep enough for pain, but not deep enough to kill or draw too much blood."
"Yes. It also broke all your fingers on your right hand before breaking your wrist." Hera continued.
"So that's what that was…where was the fire then if they broke my fingers?" Sabine answered.
Even though Sabine's eyes were closed, she noticed the immediate tension in the air. The Mandalorian opened her eyes again and looked at everyone. She looked to Hera for answers before Hera gently picked up her left hand. Sabine stared down at it to see it in clothed bandages.
"No…that was on your left hand." Hera explained in a small voice, "the medical droid doesn't know what was used, but Pryce basically burned off the nerves in your finger tips and made permanent damage. There were burn marks a lot of other places, but those were the worse. You won't get feelings in your fingertips back, and there will be permanent marks. There was too much damaged caused by heat. You said it was a fire?"
Sabine stared at her hand. Now that Hera had mentioned it, she couldn't feel the bandages on her tips either. Had she not seen the bandages she thought that she wouldn't believe that they were actually there. She felt something in her stir. Sabine wasn't someone to wallow in self-pity, but the idea of permanent damage, in her fingers too, was something that made her feel…she didn't know, but it wasn't a good feeling.
"Yeah…or at least that's what it felt like. It could have been a burning pad, scalding water… I couldn't see anything after the first couple of hours. Everything I saw were colourful blurs…" Sabine answered, almost not realizing that she was talking.
"You'll still be able to use them," Kanan told her, sensing her emotions. "You'll still be able to move them and hold things, you just won't have feeling in the tips."
That did make her feel somewhat better, but everyone could see the look that was still on her face.
"What else? My chest feels tight." Sabine asked.
"You had three broken ribs, one fractured," Hera explained, "you sustained some deep cuts and burn marks. Your ribs have mostly healed…they should be completely healed within the end of the week."
Sabine didn't like the sound of that. Maybe she should have stopped asking. Broken ribs…her finger tips. The thought of her fingers made her stomach twist. She didn't want to look nauseous or scared in front of the crew. She didn't need their pity any more than what she was sure they were already feeling. She survived, she'd be okay.
She just had to keep telling herself that. Because she was saved. She is okay.
"Can I be moved back to the Ghost?" Sabine asked, hoping to change the subject. "I want to be back in my own bed."
The others smiled a little and Hera promised her, "I'll talk to the medical droids and doctor. I think you should be alright to be moved. You'll be able to get off the IV now that you are up. If they approve we'll transfer you as soon as possible."
Sabine nodded, relaxing into the bed a bit. She felt a little tired again. Everyone seemed to notice it too as they watched Sabine almost sink in the bed again, her eyelids starting to droop. Hera told Sabine, "get some rest. At least one of us will be up when you wake up, just like all the other times."
Sabine nodded again, trusting them. She closed her eyes and felt the crews eyes on her as she quickly fell back to sleep.
Thankfully the med droids and healers all approved of Sabine going to her own room in the Ghost now that the worse was over and she just needed bed rest to fully recover.
Of course, Sabine forced herself, and the crew, to walk onto the Ghost despite barely being able to walk. Her ankles were wobbly and her legs felt like they were deadlocked straight. Her hips felt tight with her ribs in slight pain as she stood up right, adding a bit of weight to them. But Sabine wouldn't take no for an answer.
The crew watched as she struggled to walk from the med bay and across Phoenix before forcing herself onto the Ghost. They walked with her, watching Sabine as she almost tripped over her own feet about seven times while walking, leaning against the walls for more support and stopping every once and a while to take a breath before going forward. They knew that she was going to get her way to save herself some humiliation of having to be carried by someone else or on a stretcher across the two ships. Although they knew it wasn't good to let her walk so much while things were still healing, they did allow it for Sabine and her pride. It helped that when she was on the Ghost, she went straight to her room to rest, staying with the healer's orders.
The day before Hera had remade the lower bunk of Sabine's bed so that she could easily get up and down from the bed when needed and it would be easier on her healing bones. So, when Sabine did make it to her room, she immediately felt comfortable in the blaring, vibrant colours again. She was back in her own world, her own space for healing and comfort. So, she went to her bed in the lower bunk and had some time to sleep before waking up a couple of hours later to hearing Zeb and Chopper arguing. It made her smile to hear the bickering, as though things hadn't changed. It was a comfort to not hear that insufferable beeping right by her head and to see colours instead of just with and hear voices instead of quiet.
She didn't like staying in bed though. She had thought about painting, knowing that standing would help her ease onto her feet without making it rigorous, but she didn't think paint fumes in her condition would go well. So she would try to move when she wanted to, but it still usually ended with her laying in bed.
She had kept the door to her room open constantly unless she was changing. It was a way for her to hear the sounds of the rest of the ship, the normal sounds she was used to. And it was to make sure that they were there. A couple of times she would wake up and the doors were closed, but Sabine would always open it back up before getting some more rest. After a while, the crew stopped closing the door. It was easier to check on her. They just had to walk by and if she was up then they would talk and if not then they left her knowing she was okay and getting some rest.
She was awake when Ezra came to check on her a couple of days after she came back onto the ship.
Sabine was laying in her bed, reading something on a hollowed when Ezra slowly walked up to her room. It was later at night and everyone was getting ready to go get some sleep. Ezra had spent most of the day helping Hera and Chopper with the engine before doing some quick Jedi training with Kanan. The days were a bit more empty when Sabine wasn't around. They had gotten so used to her presence around them during the day, but it was nice to at least have her on the ship.
Sabine looked up at Ezra when he was at the door.
"Hey." Sabine told him.
Ezra gave her a smile.
"Hey," he told her, "how are you feeling."
Sabine shrugged, "okay I guess. Chest is still tight."
Ezra nodded and Sabine set the holopad down.
"Um, I have a question." Sabine stated.
Ezra shrugged and walked more into the room.
"Okay."
"What was I like…you know when I was out?" Sabine asked, "I feel like things happened but I can't remember."
The boy nodded and thought for a moment. Should he tell her all of the details? Or specific incidences? He remembered when she woke up with him and he thought about that, but more memories came to his mind.
"You called out for Hera a couple of times." Ezra told her.
Sabine stared at him.
"I did?"
"Well…not so much called out as mumbled her name over and over again until she came." Ezra explained, "you could tell when she took your hand, at least subconsciously, because you would then stop. You did that a couple of times. After a while Hera just tried to be there as much as she could."
Sabine took in that information. She didn't quite know what to do with it. She didn't like the idea of all the others seeing her crying out to someone for help. It made her look weak and that what happened took a more serious take on her than she wanted to admit. She quickly tried to think of a story to both convince herself and Ezra why she would have asked for Hera in her unconscious state.
"I remember seeing Hera in the bacta tank. I'm sure I asked for her because I wanted to make sure it was all still real." Sabine told him.
Ezra nodded, but Sabine could see from his expression that he was not convinced. He sat down on the bed beside her. The silence was odd, as it always was when there was silence between them. So, she was relieved when he asked her after a couple of moments of silence, "you remember when I got Gurka Fever last year?"
Sabine nodded. Even though her mind is still a little more muddled, she remembered that week. They almost took Ezra to the emergency room twice had Hera and Kanan not brought down the fever again before it went back up in its cycle. Ezra went from being coherent to being delirious.
"Did Zeb ever tell you that I called out for Hera a couple of times when I was really bad?" Ezra asked her.
Sabine furrowed her eyebrows.
"No," she answered.
"I guess he wouldn't." Ezra shrugged, "apparently I called out for Hera multiple times. I don't remember it…or her coming to sit with me after I did."
Sabine was silent afterwards. She didn't really know where he was heading with this. It seemed he cut his story short to make a point but she couldn't find it. Her look was enough to prompt Ezra to explain his thoughts more.
"Everyone looks for a mom when they are sick or in pain," Ezra explained.
Sabine sighed, the sentence spinning her head. She was close with Hera. Hera was the only female on the ship and there was a connection with her that was the strongest she had with any other members of the crew. There were times where just her and Hera would have girl's time to themselves, like going to bars or clubs for drinks without the guys around, deep conversations with Hera in her room or sometimes in Sabine's room, going out to cafes…
"I don't know if I explicitly think of her as a mother figure…sometimes a mom, sometimes an older sister." Sabine admitted.
"A guardian figure, at least." Ezra agreed.
Sabine nodded. Ezra stared at Sabine and asked her another question that was more like a statement.
"You and your mother weren't that close, were you?" Ezra asked.
Sabine shrugged.
"I think she tried to be a good mom, but…it's hard to be both sides of what we are. She was a mother in Death Watch, she wasn't as…nurturing as Hera is or would be with her own children. She did care for me, that I know. And if she were here she would make sure that I had the best doctors and medical droids looking after me, but she wouldn't have stayed. She would have both went after Pryce and she would go back to her routine. She'd make me get up and go back to normal life before I was ready for it, which is probably why I do that now. When I was a kid and I was a little sick she'd tell me to brush it off and keep going, though making sure it wasn't actually serious. Even if it was, the time I was about on the bend of it she would have me get back. I know she meant well and I love her, but…it's hard to be on two sides of the spectrum. And usually the culture always wins out, or at least that's what it did with us." Sabine explained. She was silent for a couple of moments before saying, "Hera isn't my mom, but she is another guardian figure."
Ezra nodded.
"I get it," he answered. "Don't feel embarrassed about it. But that's why Hera was with you for most of the time. I think she wanted to make sure you were okay too, which is also why she is making you stay in bed until you are fully recovered."
Sabine nodded, and relaxed into the covers again.
"I guess…it's better to stay on Hera's good side. It's not a battle I'd win anyway. But I won't be staying out of missions for much longer." Sabine told him.
Ezra grinned.
"Well until then, I'll let you sleep." Ezra told her, getting off her bed, "your body is still getting over the effects of the drugs."
"Thanks." Sabine told him, relaxing under the sheets.
"Goodnight." Ezra told her with a smile.
"Goodnight." Sabine told him, relaxing into the bed and pillows as she thought about what Ezra told her. Maybe seeing Hera as a mother/sister figure wouldn't be the worse thing in the world, especially since Hera was here for her now.
"Sabine?"
The Mandalorian felt someone gently rocking her shoulder. Sabine moved slightly and then forced her eyes open. She looked up and saw Kanan above her, holding a tray of something. Sabine narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before she asked, "what's going on?"
"You need to eat and drink something." Kanan told her.
Sabine groaned a little bit, moving to sit up. If she was up then she would do as he asked, though she was still a little tired. Kanan heard her movements and he held out the tray to her. Sabine carefully took it and set it on her lap. Some type of soup and something a lot more unappetizing that she knew came from a ration can. She looked over at him for a moment.
"You couldn't wait till I was up?" Sabine asked softly.
Kanan smiled.
"You've been asleep for six hours and it's late in the night. I figured if I didn't wake you now it would be late morning and you'd still be sleeping," Kanan answered. "You need to have food sometime."
Huh.
"Well…then thanks." Sabine told him.
Kanan smiled and Sabine carefully relaxed back in her bunk. It felt a little weird to be at this level. She didn't know if she liked being this close to the ground.
"When will I be able to go back on missions?" Sabine asked as she started with the soup first.
"When Hera and I think you're ready to go back into the field," Kanan answered her.
Sabine grumbled slightly.
"I don't need to be babied," Sabine retorted.
"We're not babying you, Sabine," Kanan told her, "but you are still healing. Sleeping so much still is proof of that. Take your time."
"I hate that I'm holding everyone back," Sabine admitted.
"You aren't holding anyone back," Kanan promised her. "In fact, you're doing a lot better about this than Hera and I thought you would. We thought it would be a constant battle to keep you in bed."
Sabine sighed and shrugged.
"I guess I've been sleeping so much I haven't found the time." Sabine told him.
"Sleeping is healing," Kanan told her.
But was it?
It was three days later before Sabine would walk around the Ghost more, meeting the other crew members and talking with them, helping out with small chores before getting some more rest. But she was becoming more involved again. It was slow, but it was there. She would get tired and need to take periodical naps still after being so alert and stimulated for hours, but each day it got better.
By the end of the week Sabine went along the base, moving around to get used to the sensation of being so alert and her limbs so limber. Her ribs had healed, but there was a slight tightness to her chest. The crew noticed that she wouldn't twist certain ways, or that she would turn with more robotic motions, but Sabine was slowly getting more actively involved with the crew and the others on the base. It seemed to put everyone a little bit more at east.
Or, most people.
Sabine had been actively avoiding Fenn Rau around the base. She had her own fears and didn't want them to be confirmed by him. The others seemed to pick up on the pattern of where he would go, she would go the opposite direction. She would follow another group, or find another job to do somewhere else, or would just talk to someone so it seemed like she was busy. It was soon like clock work and she had moved herself into a routine. No one had questioned it, nor questioned her why she was doing it, and allowed her to do it. They had let her see everyone else when she wanted to.
But on a small base, you couldn't avoid certain people forever.
Sabine was looking over the base for a couple of pilots that Hera was looking for. Sabine was the messenger. Usually she liked to do more than mundane things, but she would take what she could so that Hera would trust her to come back on missions.
When Sabine had run into Rau, both had just stopped and stared at each other. Sabine had the sudden urge to flee. She wanted to turn around and bolt, but both Mandalorians had just stood there, facing each other. For some reason, as Sabine stared at Fenn Rau, she felt herself becoming angry, perhaps in preparation for what she thought was surely coming.
Before Sabine could say anything, it was Rau who spoke first.
"I had heard you were up and walking around," Rau commented, "I'm surprised to see you moving along so well."
"You thought I wasn't?" she asked.
"I had heard of the extent of your injuries," Rau explained.
Sabine shrugged.
"Can't keep a Mandalorian down I guess," Sabine answered him. She tried to move past him, twisting a little and it sent a slight ache to her still stiff ribs but she ignored the feeling.
Although Sabine seems finished with the confrontation, Rau was not.
"You seem very eager to leave, Miss Wren," Rau observed. "I would quite like to talk to you."
Sabine's shoulders raised as though in protection. The argument went through her head quickly and it made her angrier to think about. She could already hear Rau's voice as she said it. to her. And she assumed the worse as she aid it out on the other Mandalorian.
"What are you going to say, Rau?" Sabine asked him, annoyed, "that my Mando Card should be revoked because I got captured and not only that but I almost died in interrogation and had to be saved?"
She stared up at him to see that he was watching her carefully, judging by her reactions about how to respond to her. Sabine knew that look and she hated to feel be-littled by him.
Sabine shook her head, her anger getting the best of her. She looked up at Fenn Rau and told him as she tied her shoes: "Pryce took things the coward's way. She had me as a hostage before and I escaped. I gave her a good number of bruises too. I put her under. She wanted to make sure I didn't do it again. She drugged me. According to Hera it was pretty bad, but she was cowardly enough that she had to do it. Had I not been drugged I would have gotten out again, but she played dirty to make sure that didn't happen. If I ever see her again I'm gonna gut her."
Sabine looked back up at him and saw his still, stoic face as he watched her. Sabine, though, had enough of just his stare.
"What?" Sabine asked, annoyed.
Fenn Rau shrugged.
"The last comment is very…Death Watch-like." he commented.
Sabine rolled her eyes.
"I'm not giving any blame on you, Miss Wren. Even Mandalorians have their bad days. You are not a shame to the Mandalorian name for being captured, nor for being saved with or without the drugs in your system…although I must agree that Pryce did play the coward's dirty card on her part. You played fair though, so you have nothing against your honour." Rau told her, his voice even as he looked at her.
Sabine looked up at him, slightly shocked by his answer. She wasn't expecting Rau to give her support for what had happened and she definitely did not expect him to tell her that she still had her honour and that she was not a shame to her heritage. Rau was very…traditional, in certain ways, especially in the Mandalorian culture. She wasn't looking for his support, but she found herself very relieved and thankful to have it. She wasn't a part of Death Watch or even her clan anymore. And in all cases, she did not follow the traditional Mandalorian ways. But to have the support that she was still a Mandalorian in her right was one of the most comforting things anyone had proven to her after the whole ordeal.
"Thanks." Sabine admitted, her guard coming down visibly and Rau noticed.
"I have a lot of respect for you, Sabine Wren. You are a very interesting person, an even more interesting Mandalorian, but you are in no way a shame to your culture and I certainly hope you don't keep thinking that you are." Rau told her.
Sabine nodded, giving him a small smile. Fenn Rau nodded once before turning around. Sabine thought that he was going to leave the room before he stopped and turned back around. Sabine raised her eyebrows, confused about what he was going to say now.
"And, Miss Wren, if you do see Pryce again, however Clan Vizsla it is, I do hope you give her what she deserves. Cowards like Pryce do not deserve respect, but do deserve what comes to them." Fenn Rau told her.
Sabine grinned.
"I'll be sure she does." Sabine promised him.
The older man nodded and turned around, leaving without another word or look back. Sabine stared after him. She wondered if she would ever really understand him and his ways. He always seemed to keep himself far, yet close to her. It was rather odd.
Sabine was shaking and sweating as she moved in her bed. Soft whimpers escaped from her lips as she would move.
In her nightmare the whiteness of the room was back at her, hovering over her, watching. Colours swirled, but then they turned to black, to smoke and monsters that seemed to glare down at her worse than the light. The colours turning against her, the colours of the people turning black.
"I do hope you don't find your fingers too important…"
No! No stop!
She felt like she was falling, though the pain moving around her. The electric pain moving from her fingers all up her body until it stung, electrocuting her brain. It hurt so much. She couldn't escape it. There was wind around her, moving her, throwing her in the white and dark. There was nothing solid, only herself in the abyss of everything turning dark or too bright with words echoing so loudly around her that it shook her whole soul.
"Tell us where the Rebel Base is!"
Stop it!
"Sabine…"
The new voice was so harsh that it made her feel cold. Sabine shivered, crying out against it. No. Not again. She couldn't take it.
Her mother's voice was harsh, cutting her thoughts, cutting the void, cutting everything. The voice echoed and moved around her as though it was a physical thing, forcing her to fall faster. Her voice, her harsh voice, echoed in every part of Sabine.
"You are weak!"
I'm trying! I survived!
"You are not one of us!"
I tried! I never told them anything!
"You are WEAK! You are a DISGRACE!"
No! Mom!
"WEAK!"
Sabine jolted forward, sitting up in the bed. She was panting, her fists clenched. It was dark in her room besides the light that someone had brought her a couple of days ago while she was asleep. It cast a shadow across the room. They seemed harmless, the glow like a small beacon in the room. Although Sabine could feel her heart rate going back to normal again, her mother's voice still echoed in her ears as it had when she was being interrogated by Pryce.
Disgrace.
Disgrace.
"Sabine?"
The Mandalorian instantly turned her head towards the door where the voice came from. The door was still open from today and Sabine saw Ezra there, a worried expression on his face. She sighed and looked down at her hands and unclenched them. It hurt to do so. They had been in that position for a while. How long was her dream?
"What are you doing here?" Sabine asked him.
"I…sensed you were really upset," Ezra answered. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay."
They had landed on Lothal to get some space from the others, and to talk to another one of their informants to see how the rescued rebels were doing. Sabine had stayed inside as Hera requested and had fallen asleep early in the night, but that wasn't always a good thing anymore.
"I had a nightmare," Sabine admitted to him.
Ezra nodded and moved more into the room.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
Sabine was silent for a couple of moments before she answered him, "I don't know."
Ezra moved closer to the bunk and moved to sit beside her. His feet tapped against the floor so that the room wasn't completely silent as the two thought.
"Is there anything I can do?" Ezra asked her, "anything you need?"
Sabine was silent, thinking about what to do. She carefully moved up and sat at the edge of the bed and looked over at Ezra. He sat there beside her, waiting patiently for what she would tell him. There was silence between the two teens before she answered him, her voice still a whisper, "actually...I want to go for a run."
Ezra raised his eyebrows.
"A run?" Ezra asked, as though to make sure he heard her correctly. She could have said gun for all he knew. In fact, it would make more sense for her to make that suggestion than her actual one.
Sabine nodded.
"Yeah...I don't know particularly, but I just want to run, have the wind through my hair and against my face," Sabine answered him. She looked back in front of her and saw her boots. Carefully, she got out of the bed and moved towards him.
Ezra's gaze followed her as she moved to put on her boots.
"I really don't think that would be good for your ribs," Ezra cautioned her.
Sabine shrugged, putting on the second boot. She told him as she went across the room to get her coat, "I'll be fine. My ribs are all healed. And I'm going with or without you."
Still tired, Ezra looked down at himself and asked, confused, "in our pajamas?"
She didn't care she was in an old, baggy dark purple sweater and black, coloured splatter pants. "You can change if you want, but I'm going to leave," Sabine told him. The more she thought of the idea the more she agreed that she just needed some space away from the Ghost and under the stars, running and free. She needed to run.
"Alright! Alright!" Ezra told her, quickly getting to his feet. He needed to get awake if he was going to go running with Sabine. "Just let me get my boots on. I'll tell Zeb."
"No, they'll insist I stay or come and I don't want to be around so many people yet and I need to get out of here," Sabine explained.
As Ezra listened, he could almost hear a desperate plea in her voice. He stared at her for a moment and saw the hope in her eyes, how he could see the need clearly through them. He wouldn't deny her what she wanted, not after all that she had been through. But he didn't want her to be completely alone. And he knew a place where they could go.
"I'll be back in a couple of minutes, okay. Don't leave without me." Ezra told her.
"I'll be at the ramp, hurry up!" Sabine told him.
While Sabine hurried to the ramp of the Ghost, pressing the button so it would be lowered, Ezra quickly went to his room to get ready. He almost tripped over his feet three times as he hurried to get his shoes on, moving down the hallway quickly before hurrying down the ladder. Sabine stared at him and asked, "you ready."
"Yeah sure," Ezra answered her as he moved down the ramp with her, "and I think I know a place we can go."
Sabine nodded and she felt the wind instantly hit her. It was like a fresh breath of life hitting her. It should have been hard, the wind was fast, but she wasn't bothered by it. It was actually refreshing.
Sabine let closed her eyes and let out a breath of air before she told him, "let's go!"
Sabine bolted before Ezra had a chance to hear the end of her sentence. He quickly followed her, soon matching her speed and running beside her. He watched as her hair flew back in the wind, the white and purple moving together as though they were a part of the wind too. Sabine felt so…free, just running with the wind against her and the stars above her. It was her and the world around her.
Sabine looked over at Ezra as they moved through the tall grass.
"I didn't think you could run like this." Sabine admitted.
"I ran every day when I was younger to get to the tower from the village and back," Ezra told her.
Sabine nodded.
"Is that where we are going?" she asked.
Ezra nodded and took a step ahead of her so she could follow him.
When the tower was in sight, the two slowed down to a walk, catching their breath before stopping at the ladder. Ezra gave her an 'after you' gesture and Sabine nodded before moving up the ladder to the top. Her crewmate wasn't too far behind.
Once at the top, Sabine was forced to set herself a part of the world again, just her and something else. Instantly her high was forgotten and a frown came to her face. When Ezra noticed that too, he frowned and watched her sit on the landing, all smiles she had before instantly gone. He didn't understand how there was such a shift in her. Ezra sat beside her, but she didn't seem to notice.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Ezra asked, "maybe that can help."
Sabine was silent and did not look at him. She didn't really seem to be looking at anything.
"I kept hearing my mother in my dream," Sabine whispered. She moved her legs so that they moved closer to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and set her chin on her knees, a deep frown on her face as she looked out at the world below her and far away. She seemed so disassociated from everything again. Ezra felt as though there was a wall between them, that she was separate from this world.
Ezra frowned himself and tried to prompt her to talk, hoping that her sharing something made her feel better. He knows that she may not say anything, it was worth a try. He didn't know how to help her. He wasn't Hera or Kanan or even Zeb. He didn't know what to do. But he knew he wanted to help her and that was a good start.
"You never really talked about your mom," Ezra told her.
"It hurts too much," Sabine whispered, "they basically exiled me when I left the Academy, when I realized that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with the Empire...my mom and I were never that close, but...the disapproval still hurts. If she saw me as I was she would declare me weak, that I was disgrace against the Vizla name..."
The pain in her tone made Ezra's own heart ache. He stared at her as she stared at the moving grass below them. He was struck silent as Sabine wrapped her arms tighter around her.
"She's right, I think," Sabine admitted.
Ezra didn't know Sabine's mother, but he already hated her. He hated that her memory was doing damage like this to Sabine. There were kids who grew up without mothers, mothers who could never see their children. Her mother could see Sabine and chose not to. And Sabine didn't act like this. Those words were not Sabine. This feeling of self doubt was not Sabine.
"No, she's not," Ezra insisted, his voice hard.
Sabine didn't turn to look at him. Ezra realized that she wasn't really looking at anything. Her gaze was just kind of glossed at something, or rather nothing. He hoped she was hearing him though. He could sense the others, but ignored them for now. Sabine was more important.
"Sabine, I haven't met a lot of Mandalorians, but I know that not a lot of them would sacrifice themselves to make sure that their friends and who they were rescuing would get out alive," Ezra told her. "That takes a lot of strength and bravery. You knew you would be interrogated. You didn't know that would happen but you knew it wouldn't be easy. And no matter what Pryce and Thrawn did, you never betrayed the rebellion. Not a lot of people would do that. You were so brave, Sabine. You are anything but weak."
Sabine was silent for a moment. She thought about what he said. Before she could say anything, there was another voice that spoke up.
"He's right, you know."
Sabine was more than surprised to hear Hera's voice, let alone see Hera's body as she moved up the last couple of steps before sitting on the landing. The Twi'lek was in her own sleep wear. Sabine opened her mouth to say something and voice her confusion when she saw Kanan move up onto the landing as well, followed by Zeb. And soon, Chopper flew up to the landing as well. The two other men were in their pajamas too. It was rather odd to see them out like this in their pajamas. She wondered what the Imperials would think if they saw them like this, a group of rebels in their sleep wear moving to sit at the edge of the landing, leaning against the bars for support with their feet dangling off the side.
Sabine watched them move to sit along the landing and railing. They got comfortable with small smiles on their faces as they looked over at the view as well. Hera then turned back to Sabine and told her, "you are not weak, Sabine. You're not weak for getting caught or being tortured and you're not weak for needing us to rescue you."
"We've all been in that scenario," Zeb told her.
"It only shows how strong you are," Ezra told her.
"No one weak would give themselves up to the Empire like you did," Kanan told her. "And certainly no one weak would be able to go through what you did and not give information to the Empire."
"You have always been one of the strongest people I've known," Zeb told her. "I don't want Pryce and Thrawn to change that. And honestly, do you?"
Sabine moved her gaze from them back to her knees. No, she didn't. But they weren't the ones who's words echoed in her ear.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately looked over to see Hera staring at her, a small smile on her face as she gently gripped the younger girl's shoulder.
"I know what it's like to have family go against you," Hera told her gently, "but that's what makes us strong. Just because they don't see your strength doesn't mean you don't have any. You are so strong and brave, Sabine."
Sabine stared at Hera. In many ways Hera was a mother to her. She still loved her own mother, but Hera was…Hera. She was the one who was here with her now. They were the ones who were with her now. That meant something.
After a couple of seconds of silence, Sabine nodded and smiled slightly, moving to lean into the touch.
"Thanks, guys." Sabine told him.
"Anytime," Ezra smiled to her.
"We're always here for you," Kanan promised her.
Sabine nodded and told them, "I'm not sure this is all going to go away easily."
Hera nodded, "it might not, but until it does we will be here whenever you need us."
Sabine smiled, leaning her cheek against her knees again.
"I'm glad I have you guys," Sabine admitted.
"We're glad you're with us too." Ezra told her.
Sabine smiled and turned her head to look out at the world around her. To actually look at it and take the view in. The others did the same and there was a sense of relief and peace between all of them as they stared out at the far away town, the lights bright like their own stars.
"I can see why you liked this place so much, Ezra," Sabine told him. "This is a beautiful view."
Ezra smiled, "yeah. On good nights I would sometimes sleep out here, looking out here as I fell asleep."
Sabine nodded. The idea of sleep seemed comforting now too. She let out a yawn before resting her chin on her knees again.
"I think that's a signal it's time to head back," Hera told her. "You're still in need of rest."
Sabine rolled her eyes, "alright."
She watched Kanan get up and raised her eyebrows as he knelt in front of her with his back to her.
"What are you doing?" Sabine asked.
"Get on." Kanan told her.
Sabine's face turned to shock, but a smile spread on her face. Everyone else soon had smiles on their faces as well.
"What?" she asked, a small laugh escaping her.
"Get on," Kanan repeated, "I'll carry you back."
"I can carry myself," Sabine told him.
Kanan looked behind him and gave her a grin, "come on, when am I ever going to do this again? Besides, let us keep taking care of you. It's what families do."
Sabine didn't look or feel completely convinced of his argument, but she smiled as she moved carefully to sit on her legs before crawling up to rest against Kanan's back. It was silly, but that was what she needed. That was what she wanted. Somehow the crew always knew what she needed. It felt nice just to laugh like this again. There wasn't her memories or the Empire, just the crew together.
"This is so stupid," Sabine giggled as she felt Kanan move his arms under her legs, "how are you going to get me down the ladder?"
Kanan grinned as he carefully got up, swaying slightly. The others smiled, getting up as well.
"You're going to be able to keep you balance, right?" Sabine asked as she wrapped her legs tightly around his torso.
"I'm a Jedi, of course I can," Kanan told her as he let go of her legs and moved carefully to take them down the ladder. Ezra was not too far behind and neither were Zeb and Hera while Chopper flew back down to the bottom.
When Kanan was on the ground again, he placed his arms under Sabine's legs for extra support. Sabine carefully placed her head on his shoulder and heard Kanan tell her, "get some more sleep."
Feeling comfortable and safe, Sabine smiled to herself as she closed her eyes, getting comfortable on his back. Sabine had one last thought before she let herself fall back to sleep.
Perhaps this was the family she was always supposed to have.