A/N: I don't own any of this!! Just my OC!
I hope you enjoy this Lily/James Oneshot! I've put a lot of work into it, and I really need to thank my good friend, Kc for giving me the song and the idea! I don't know what i'd do without ya, Kc!!!! :) ( also known as ..swirl. )
Song: 9 Crimes, by Damien Rice
Enjoy!
And please Review! :)
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
"I love you, Lily Evans.".
I bit my lip as his face pulled away from mine. I used to love his kisses. They were like a safe haven for me to escape to when things went astray. But things were different now. Times change. People change.
"Mmhmm." I was at a loss for words and my heart was slowly breaking as I looked deep into his violet eyes that used to captivate me. A small smile spread across his pale face as he took my hands in his.
"I need to tell you something, Eli." I mumbled softly, breathing in deeply. My mental preparations for this moment had piled up for weeks as I kept putting it off. I'll tell him next time, I would always say to myself. But I needed to do this now.
"Go ahead, Lily-pad." Eli said.
"I- I think… Well…Y-you see…" the words tumbled out of my mouth like a wrecking ball with no sense of direction. Eli's face hardened into a mask of confusion, sending my courage down the drain. I averted my eyes from his expectant gaze.
"Never mind…".
I'll tell him next time.
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?
"I love you, Lily Evans.".
"I know, James.".
James Potter smiled, hugging me from behind. He placed a kiss on my temple and my heart beat furiously in my chest, dying to break free and give this raven-haired boy all the love it could muster. I turned my head slightly, tearing my eyes from the worn pages of my current read.
"Care to take a walk with me?" he asked politely, bowing deeply and holding out a large hand.
"Why yes, kind sir." I replied, taking it. He pulled me from the arm chair and led the way out of the Head Boy and Girl's common room in to a dimly lit corridor.
"Wait, what if someone sees?". James looked at me with a guarded expression. I could tell from this look that he really didn't care who saw the Lily Evans, with James Potter. Sworn enemies, were the whispers that passed through these halls day by day. It hurt to hear, when in my heart I knew that we were anything but. But there was a huge wall that sat in front of us, blocking any progress in the relationship that was shared in secret.
The walls name was Eli.
"I wish I could walk these halls with you every day, holding your hand.". His whisper was full of emotion. "Do you know what I'd give to be able to do that? Without lousy, git you call a boyfriend standing in my way?" he finished, moving his hand to his hair and crumpling it in a frustrated manor.
"I know, James. I'm trying. I just don't want anyone to get hurt because of my mistakes." I said slowly and deliberately, looking him in the eye. Green, like an Emerald, is what I saw, causing my heart to speed up.
"Mistakes? Are you saying this is a mistake?" he waved his hand between the two of us as he spoke. His voice was getting louder with every word he said.
I shook my head furiously. My hands found their way to his face, cupping it gently. "No, I'm not. The mistake was not seeing you clearly for so long. If I would have swallowed my pride and accepted the first time you expressed your feelings for me like I so desperately wanted to, I wouldn't be in this mess. We wouldn't be in this mess…".
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
My hands found their way to my sleep-tousled hair as I watched the girl in front of me walk into the other boys arms.
Those should be my arms wrapped around her.
"Hey, Prongs.". I looked over my shoulder at Sirius as he neared the stone bench where I sat, fumbling with my first Golden Snitch.
"Padfoot." I acknowledged him with impassive features. My attention drifted back to the embracing couple not but 20 yards away. It felt like I had finally reached rock bottom, without warning. Wait, who was I kidding? I'd had plenty of warning. 7 bloody years of it.
She loves you, not him.
The fact rang though my ears, repeating itself over and over. I desperately tried to lift my spirits by turning to my best mate and throwing him the Snitch. Sirius made jerky grabs at the golden ball that fluttered just out of his reach, taunting him. His pointless efforts made me laugh, but I felt better none the less. It was definitely an improvement.
It still hurts though…
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?
"Stay the hell away from me, Lily!" Eli shouted at the top of his lungs as he swiftly walked backwards down the corridor leading away from the courtyard.
"Eli!" I screamed back, tears trailing down my face. My hands shook as I hastily grabbed onto the back of his robes to slow him. I could tell after I'd done it that it was the wrong thing to do. He whipped around, nearly sending me to the floor.
"Don't touch me." he said, putting enough venom in each word to show it's effects on my sullen face. I lowered my hand from its place in midair, bringing it to my mouth, allowing shallow, raspy, breaths to tickle my fingers.
"I'm… sorry.". My whispers were a lost cause. I could tell from the moment when I let the word 'James' slip from my lips as I kissed my boyfriend, who was very much not James, that I was just wasting my breath.
"You're not sorry." Eli snorted, humorlessly.
"How long, Lily?".
I backtracked slightly.
"How long…?".
"Bloody hell… HOW LONG?" he yelled in my face, causing more tears to sprout in my eyes.
"About three months." I said quietly after a moment of tense silence. Eli's jaw clenched and unclenched periodically. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't make myself look back. So much for Gryffindor courage.
Each second, my heart crumbled a little bit more. How could I have been so reckless and stupid? All this time I spent planning on how to break it to Eli that he was not the man that I was in love with, and I ruined it with one little slip of my tongue. I felt so ashamed of myself that I let myself wait this long. In my efforts not to hurt anybody, all I did was cause more pain.
"See you around, Lily." Eli whispered. He turned his back on me coldly and strode down the corridor, without so much as a single look over his shoulder.
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
James found me crying silently on the couch back in the Head's common room. He didn't say a word, but I knew he'd figured it out. I sunk into his strong arms as her rocked me back and fourth, murmuring sweet nothings in my ear.
I don't know how long we stayed there, too tired to move, but the next thing I knew I was woken up by a bright strip of sun streaking through the window in the ceiling. I could feel James' soft heartbeat on my cheek, and I breathed in deeply, enjoying the sound.
"How are you feeling?". It startled me when he spoke, nearly making me jump out of my skin.
I looked into his eyes, sending him a silent message that I hoped he could understand. I wasn't going to talk about it. I couldn't.
"…Been better." I replied, laying my head back down against his chest.
"I'm so sorry, love.".
I shook my head slowly. "Don't. I'm the one who should be sorry. I hurt two great guys, all in spite of myself. I don't deserve pity…".
"You think…you hurt me?" James asked, playfully. I snorted a small laugh and pinched his side.
"Who says I was referring to you? No… I was talking about Sirius.".
I snuck a peek at his face, laughing when I saw the crease between his brow as he looked at me in shock. I recovered quickly, nuzzling into his un-shaved neck. "I'm sorry.".
James kissed my crown, hugging me even tighter to him.
"I love you, Lily Evans.".
"As I love you, James.".
No...
............So? Tell me what you loved, hated.... so on..... :)
-Shelby Weasley