Set during ME2 before the reaper IFF, but after collecting all of the squad mates (except Legion). A friend and I joked about this idea so I decided to write it up, and it turned out okay, so I thought, "I'm going to post this". Hope you all like it! This is a different Shepard to the one in the FShep/Thane and FShep/Liara fics.
Garrus was calibrating. Why did calibrating the Normandy's guns take so much time and effort? Shaking his head, he continued to work, making sure he put the correct wires together.
He heard the door open, "hello Shepard," he said idly without thinking as he continued to work. However, the person, whom he had assumed to be Shepard, had not spoken.
"Shepard?" he asked again, and turned around only to realise that the person was not Shepard. Instead his eyes were greeted to Miranda. She was not in her usual attire. She wore just a silk robe and was barefoot. Her face was soft, and her eyes stared directly into his, the wide blue orbs piercing his very soul. Miranda had never looked at him in that way, her eyes were almost always narrowed in suspicion.
"Miranda!" Garrus chirped in surprise, wait, since when do I call her Miranda "Can I help you?"
"Take me Garrus," she replied in an oddly smooth voice. She stepped toward him, and he felt himself swallowing, and a sweat forming on his scales.
"Um, what?" he asked stupidly, rubbing his forehead.
"I want you Garrus, take me here and now," Miranda replied, her raven hair slinging comfortably over her shoulders. She placed her hands on his shoulders, and pressed her lips against his mouth. Before he had time to respond, she backed off and began to untie her robe. It hung to her shoulders for a brief second before….
CLANG!
Garrus startled awake instantly, rising from his bed in the main battery. The source of the noise had come from somewhere outside. He gazed at his watch, 0500 hours in the ship's cycle. He rubbed at his head and stared out at the panel where he spent time doing calibrations. He pulled himself out of bed and stood where he had been in the dream. He felt dizzy, a faint pulsing over his body and especially in his nether regions.
"What the hell?" he muttered to himself as he shook his head in disbelief, trying to rid the feeling. Shepard carried on so much about Miranda, hell, he was dreaming about her now. He stormed into the mess, seeing as he was awake he may as well grab a bite to eat.
Miranda Lawson was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of what looked like porridge and reading from her datapad. Of course it had to be Miranda, Garrus thought while his stomach twinged uncomfortably with awkwardness. He accepted a red tray full of dextro food from Gardner and sat across from Miranda. The back of his neck prickled uncomfortably.
"Vakarian," Miranda nodded curtly, before returning to her breakfast.
"Lawson," Garrus didn't miss a beat, before asking "Did you hear a bang earlier?" he winced at the word bang, remember the doubling meaning for humans.
"Yes, sorry, that was me," Gardner jumped in, "dropped a saucepan."
"Alright, just making sure," Garrus nodded in his direction. Miranda did not look up or speak during this entire exchange, Garrus let out a sigh of relief internally – no human awkwardness on his choice of words. The silence was deafening however, and Garrus simply shrugged and began to eat, hoping someone would disturb the silence soon.
.
Garrus, quite sure he was not dreaming this time, was busy putting calculations into the panel. He had to get this right to install the thanix cannon upgrade. As his fingers strummed along he heard the door open, and heard the familiar footfalls behind him.
"Shepard," he said cautiously, and then turned around. The Commander greeted him with a smile before taking a seat on the box to his right.
"Hiya Garrus, you sounded hesitant, something amiss?" Shepard asked as he continued to work. Garrus frowned, and stopped calibrating, turning to face Shepard. Damn, he thought to himself, she's as observant as a turian, strange she can pick up on my body language.
"Just didn't sleep well," Garrus said, "ever had a weirdly vivid dream?"
Shepard simply stared at him, and cocked an eyebrow. He stared at her for a split second, until he thought over what he had just said. OF COURSE Shepard has had vivid dreams.
"No, Garrus," she said sarcastically, "I've never had a vivid dream in my life," he snorted at her while she laughed but continued, "No seriously, what was it about?"
"Well, I was standing in this very spot doing calibrations-," he began but Shepard interrupted.
"Very riveting stuff here," she smirked, her eyebrow still raised, "so vivid."
"Hey! I'm not finished yet!" Garrus argued, when he was sure she wouldn't interrupt again, he continued "anyway I was standing here, and someone came in the room. You're the only person who visits me, aside from Tali and she sounds different because of the suit, so I said 'hello Shepard' and then I turned when they didn't respond. Guess who it was?"
Shepard thought about it, "Miranda?" she guessed, not having the faintest idea.
"Yep!" Garrus replied, and Shepard laughed out loud.
"What? What then?!" she demanded, urging Garrus forward. Garrus screwed up his face in concentration, trying to remember the finer details.
"I can't remember it exactly, but I asked what she was doing here, and then she said something like 'take me here and now', and I just stood confused and then she began to untie her robe, and then I woke up."
Shepard stared at him for several seconds before bursting into laughter. She clutched at her sides, and fell off of the box she had been sitting on, until she was curled up in the foetal position on the floor.
"What the heck? Just the start of a casual sex dream there!" Shepard's eyes were watering when she finally gained control of herself and stood up, wiping at her face to rid the tears.
"I'm assuming my dream was because YOU don't shut up about your XO," Garrus replied quickly, and that shut Shepard up, a faint red blush rising to her cheeks.
"I don't-," Shepard replied, and this time it was Garrus' turn to interrupt.
"You do! Don't deny it! Nearly every day you come in here and talk about Miranda. At the start, it was all 'she's a bitch' and everything, but now you comment on the way her eyes look when she talks to you, or how graceful she is in battle when her blue biotics curl around her, or how you admire her raven hair when-,"
"Okay Garrus, I think we get the point!" Shepard said, grinning but raising her hands up. Her face had turned bright red, a redness which had spread to her ears, "Ergh, I do hey?"
"If you could just please go and talk to her," Garrus said as he turned back to his calibrations.
"You really think?" Shepard asked.
"Just do it so you stop giving me nightmares," Garrus declared.
Shepard let out a bark of laughter, "HA, nightmares! You enjoyed that dream Vakarian!" she called out as she left the room and thundered back into the mess. Garrus rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he continued to work on his calibrations.
.
The thanix upgrade was mostly installed, but Garrus figured he had some time to take a breather. He sat in the port observation lounge, nibbling on some dextro chocolate and chatting idly with Kasumi. She had spent her day reading, and crawling through the vents.
"You can't – read minds – right?" he asked as she finished talking about the vents and Kasumi chuckled.
"No," she dismissed, "why Vakarian? Got something you want to hide?"
"Nope," Garrus replied smugly as the door opened, and Shepard walked in. She looked slightly dishevelled, "Shepard – need me for something?"
"Can I speak with you? About the Normandy's guns?" she asked, using her eyes to direct him out of the room. Intrigued, he stood and exited, but he stole a glance at Kasumi who winked while wearing a wicked grin.
Damn he thought she's gonna think I'm screwing Shepard.
They walked into the main battery and Garrus locked the door, probably further fuelling Kasumi's suspicions. Shepard paced awkwardly in front of the control panel, opening her mouth several times.
"So," she finally said, running her hands through her red hair, which Garrus knew to be a sign of nerves, "I spoke to Miranda."
"Oho," Garrus said, a bemused expression taking over his features, "and what happened there hmm?"
"We – uh," Shepard coughed and rubbed the back of her neck. A bright red blush found its way to her face again, "we - we kissed and uh."
Garrus grinned while shaking his head in disbelief; "only took you three months," he play punched her on the arm.
"I know," Shepard pouted, rubbing at her arm, "and just before we go to that reaper IFF too."
"You'll fine time," Garrus replied, "but she doesn't take precedence over me in the suicide mission, does she?" Shepard cocked her eyebrow and Garrus clutched at his heart "oh the humanity!"
She laughed, "Relax Garrus, there's no Shepard without Vakarian."
"Right, right," he chuckled, "well, I am grateful that you have finally found love with Miranda Lawson. Now hopefully I'll stop having nightmares."
"You might still, because now I can absolutely go on about her raven hair and round ass and-," but before she could continue Garrus covered her mouth with his talon.
"No more!" he cried while Shepard pulled his talon away and chuckled, "seriously though, this is really good. You deserve to be happy."
"Thanks," Shepard mumbled, giving him a tight hug. When she let go and turned to leave, Garrus had remembered Kasumi's expression.
"Oh, and Shepard – make sure you be a dear and tell Kasumi as soon as you can, I think she thinks we're having sex."
"Well, shit. But I like to keep people guessing," Shepard winked as she backed out of the door, "see you Garrus!" she called flirtatiously, and all he could do was hope Kasumi was not in the mess. Garrus rolled his eyes and pulled out a book from his pile of belongings. He would finish the canon in the morning. The crew had a day of shore leave while Shepard hunted for Thane's son on the Citadel. He lay on his bed, opened his book and began to read, giving a content sigh at the familiar symbols of his language.
The dream section is really short. I just don't feel comfortable with turian anatomy and physiology to make a really smutty scene, and I'm extremely uncomfortable with the Miranda/Garrus ship, hence why it's sort of taken in a jokey way (apologies to Miranda/Garrus fans). But, I thought it was some light-humoured fun, and this is my first go writing in Garrus' POV.