Name: How to save a life.
Warnings: Language, Mentions of abuse and rape, mentions of self injury and suicide, slight MM slash.
Characters: Matt Hardy, Shannon Moore.
Summary: Matt knows Shannon's second guessing his reason to live, Matt wants to save him, But, the bitterness between the two gets in the way.
Writer's notes: This idea kinda jumped me, I was rereading the other story I wrote called "Cold" and I thought Maybe I should write what would have happened if this happened in person instead of over email. So Here you go.
I do not own Matt Hardy or Shannon Moore, they own themselves, This is all fictional none of this has ever happened, The song is "How To Save A Life." by The Fray.
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(Matt's POV)
Step one: You say you need to talk,
he walks, You say "Sit down its just a talk."
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
I walked over to him, standing there against the wall, reading the release papers he got from the GM. The fresh razor slits in his arms sticking out like a sore thumb to me, he wasn't even ashamed of it anymore.
"Shannon?" I asked, standing in front of him.
His eyes slowly came up to look at me, he blinked as he glared. "What do you want?" He said in a harsh low voice.
"Can I talk to you?" I asked.
He gave me the finger and started to walk away but, I grabbed his arm.
"Its just a talk." I said.
He yanked his arm away and glared at me, letting his blond and black hair fall into his pale face. Such anger on his face he must really hate me...And he should.
Some sort of window to your right,
He goes left, you stay right.
Between the lines of fear and blame,
You begin to wonder why you came...
"What?!" He snapped. "What do you want?"
"Shannon...I see your wrists." I said slowly.
He narrowed his green eyes. "What do you care?" He asked. His eyes held anger and hatred. There was still some sadness in there. I could still see the sad little kid I used to beat over and over again. But, it was completely over powered by the anger.
"Shannon, Please just let me talk..." I said.
He said nothing.
I went on to talk. "Shannon, I've been thinking...about what happened between us around 5 years ago...Remember?" I asked.
He started breathing heavily. "How could I forget?" He asked.
"Well...I wanted to say I'm sorry...There I said it, I'm sorry." I said.
He didn't say anything.
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend,
somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up
with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life..
"I'm sorry I beat you, every day, I'm sorry I used you, I'm sorry I raped you, I'm sorry I hurt you, and rejected you, and lied to you, and broke you in every way. I'm so sorry I hurt you like that." I took a breath and looked at him, he was just staring at the floor, not saying anything, so I go on. "I'm sorry I tortured you the way I did. I should have taken Jeff's warnings and stopped beating you...When I found out you started doing it to yourself." I said quietly.
His eyes shot up.
"Yes Shannon, I knew you did it back then, And I know you do it now, I remember that day I came in after I beat you a while ago, you never knew it but, I used to come in to check on you after I did that every time when it hit me what I did. And I saw you cutting yourself that night....And I felt horrible...I never meant to hurt you." I reached out to put my hand on his arm. He yanked his arm away.
"And you didn't stop me?" He asked anger and hurt burning in his voice, tears starting to build up in his eyes.
"I wanted to Shannon, I really did. But, I didn't know what to do, nor what to say, so I didn't say anything. And I'm sorry." Again I put my hand out he slapped it away.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" He yelled.
"I won't hurt you." I said.
"You said that the first time you raped me, the first time you decided to fuck me into the fucking mattress!" He screamed at me angrily.
Let him know that you know best,
cause after all, you do know best,
Try to slip past his defence,
Without granting innocence.
"Shannon, I never should have raped you, I know that. Please stop hurting yourself because of that." I said.
"Why?" He asked. "Why should I stop? Its the only thing that makes the pain go away. You made me this way, so don't you dare try to save me!" He snapped.
"Shannon, You're going to kill yourself." I said quietly.
"What do you care?" He said.
"I do care Shannon, i really do, Hurting yourself isn't helping anything, Shan, You need to stop...So many people care about you too much for that." I said. Its true, I know Jeff hates when Shannon cuts himself he told me himself he worries about Shannon allot, And Jimmy worries too, and...I worry too. Allot.
"No you don't." he said in a sing-song voice, shaking his head.
Lay down a list of what is wrong,
Of all the things you said all along,
And pray to god he hears you,
Pray to god he hears you.
"Shannon, I do. Allot. You mean allot to me, you were like my little brother...I love you..." I said.
"No, You don't. No one loves me." He whispered the last part, and that broke my heart.
"Shannon...People do Love you and cutting yourself is going to kill you, and that worries the people who love you." I said.
He didn't say anything He just glared back at me.
"Cutting is bad for you, Its just making things worse, Its worrying everyone, hurting you, No killing you, You deserve so much better." I said, praying to God he'd hear me.
"No, I don't, I deserve to die, Just like you said." He said, darkly.
That was when I remembered, one time when I was beating him, He was crying, hard on the floor. I had just finished beating him then I pinned him down to the floor and glared into his face and screamed at him. "You are nothing, you stupid little failure, you do nothing right, everyone hates you, You deserve death!" then i slapped him...rolled him on his stomach...and I raped him.
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend,
somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up
with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life..
"Shannon...I am SO SO Sorry..." I whispered. "Forgive me, please..."
"You used me Matt, You used me then threw me away like a little broken doll. You hurt me so bad, I hated myself, I did this kind of stuff because of it." He pointed to his wrists. "Because it hurt so bad, I still remember...Everything...I remember the way you hurt me every day, every night, I remember how you beat me down, I remember how you used me, and dragged me into the dark room in your head and broke me again and again, I remember how you smiled when you ripped me apart...I remember it all...And I hate you for it." He said with such sadness in his voice and eyes, black tears from the eye liner he was wearing rolling down his face.
"Shannon...Please forgive me, for hurting you so much, I never meant to be so cold. I never meant to hurt you like I did. I love you Shannon, I really do, You're like my other brother, You meant so much to me, I'm SO sorry!" I said, tears starting in my eyes.
"You never forgave me when I said I was sorry." He said quietly.
He begins to raise his voice,
you lower yours, And grant him one last choice,
Drive until you lose the road,
And break with the ones you've follow.
"Shannon, I forgive you, for messing up, I know it wasn't your fault...Just please..." I took his hands. "Stop hurting yourself."
He yanked his hands away. "YOU NEVER LOVED ME! You're a lie! You liked to hurt me! You broke me down and I hate you for it! I want to hurt you! I want to break you! I want you to suffer like I suffer! I HATE YOU!" He screams at me.
I lower my voice. "Shannon, Please, Stop hurting yourself, if not for me, for Jimmy, or for Jeff, or for yourself. I know you hate me and you have every right to. But, please, please stop hurting yourself...I love you..." I said, quietly, hoping it'll get through to him.
"You don't love me." He said bitterly.
"But, I do..." I said.
"Why'd you hurt me then?" He asked.
"Because I'm stupid! I'm a fucking dumbass! I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry!" I said again.
He will do one of two things,
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same,
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
He turned to me with rage in his eyes. "Sorry doesn't cut it." he said through his teeth in a dark, low, harsh voice. Then he started to walk away.
"Shannon, Please let me save you!" I called after him.
He turned around and look right at me with piercing green eyes, and said quietly but, loud enough for me to hear: "No one can save me now..." Then he walked away.
I stood there, watching his figure fade until he was gone, And I just stood there, frozen, I wanted to save him so bad, the cuts on his arms scared me so much. I wanted to save him, he's like a fallen angel...He used to be my fallen angel...But, I knew then he hates me. And he should.
When I got home...The next morning, I listened to my messages...and found out...
Shannon had died.
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend,
somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up
with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life..
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FIN!
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I know, I know sad ending, but, I like tragic stories...
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