Happosai Unleashed!
By Ron Dow75
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01) A Curse is Like a Poisoned Life
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[WARNING: Spoilers for Viz vol. 27, 29, and 31]
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In the family room, Mr. Tendou read from the morning
paper, "It says here a UFO was spotted over the Sea of
Japan."
Ranma asked sarcastically, "Was it tiger striped?"
Though with the weird stuff that had been happening since
he arrived in Nerima, seeing an alien in a bikini out of
the mangas wouldn't surprise him.
"No. It reportedly was shaped like a giant flower."
Akane stiffened, "Pink and Link!??" Though those two had
almost poisoned her and the others, it was one of the few
times she DID get to be a real heroine.
Ranma snorted, "Don't jump to conclusions! Plant spells
are a specialty of their village. OTHERS have gotta be able
to do that kinda stuff, too."
Akane laughed nervously, "Yes. You're right, Ranma.
There's no reason to think WE'LL become involved."
Her dad continued with his article, "The witnesses said
it seemed to explode--"
Suddenly there was an explosion outside in the sky.
Ranma, Akane and Mr. Tendou ran out to see what had caused
it.
A huge, white flower was falling towards the garden in
flames. Scorch marks and human-sized holes of the now
raggedy bloom told that this had just been the final
explosion it had suffered. They would have wondered how it
could have gotten this far, if they didn't first have to
figure out how it could fly in the first place.
Clinging onto petals three times their own heights were
the all too familiar Chinese girls. They were screaming for
their lives.
Thinking with his heart and not his head, Ranma ran for
the Tendou concrete privacy wall, leaped on it, and then
thrust himself upwards to his limit. He was just barely
able to reach the twin sisters, and carrying them with him,
one under each arm. Frightened, the two clung to him,
causing him to lose what little momentum he still had with
their added weight. They were pulling him off course. He
would have to absorb the impact for all three of them with
his own body. He looked over his shoulder at where they
were going to land, and saw --???
Happosai landed lightly on his feet ahead of them.
"RANMA!! When will you LEARN to stop interfering in my
business!?" He used that pipe of his to change RANMA'S
direction with out changing the girls'. It was so abrupt
that Ranma took most of their momentum with him as he flew
over the Tendou wall.
Happosai tossed something after the boy just before he
saved the girls with his pipe's whirlwind, "Maybe THIS will
help you remember!" It was a Happo fire bomb. BOOM!
Akane realized, "Happosai's responsible for the
explosions that ruined the giant flower!" Which luckily had
landed in the koi pond, which extinguished most of the
flames.
The identically pretty, short hair girls in Capri pants
were on their knees bowing to the evil gnome. "Brilliant,
young herbalists from Yaocaicun, Pinke..."
"...and Linke, see now the wisdom you teach..."
"...We accept you as our master! Over."
Happosai laughed, "I knew you'd see the light: Once I
lit the fuse! *Ha, ha, ha!*"
"We start right, now, Master!"
The other one nodded, and joined her identical twin
tossing seeds that seemed to come from out of nowhere.
There was a nova burst of light.
When Mr. Tendou could at last see, he cried, "My
GARDEN!!!" A jungle of monstrous sized plants that rivaled
the flying flower now filled every available centimeter of
his compound, and then some. Not a blade of grass was to be
seen beneath the vegetation and fungi.
Akane screamed and stumbled backwards into the house as
a thorny vine grew out in her direction. In his state of
shock and loss, Mr. Tendou didn't move until he'd been
pricked by a few of them. Then, not looking where he was
going he stepped on a puff mushroom; it burst, sending out
a cloud of spores that made him sneeze as if it were
pepper.
Inside, and waiting for the Pink and Link's trademark
poison plants to invade the house itself, Akane said,
"Where are Cologne's magic peacock fan and dragon staff
when you need them!?"
Having come from upstairs, Nabiki entered the family
room saying, "I'd settle for some herbicide. (Industrial
quantity, of course.)"
Kasumi joined them from the kitchen, "The new landscape
is pretty. But it lacks the esthetics of a true Japanese
garden."
The panda held up a sign, [Any bamboo?]
Ranma could be heard diving in and rummaging through the
dense thicket, "I KNOW you're in here, Old Freak!! When I
get my hands on--OW! Stupid thorns! Hay-YAAA! Ayy! Ay-Yai-
yai! Machete chop! --Hey! That's my good shirt! AND pants!"
Meanwhile, Happosai walk into the house, followed by his
fearful servants, Pink and Link. He said, "You know what to
do, girls."
Their heads bowed in defeat, they said, "Yes, Master.
Over." They had on the same long-sleeved, silk shirts with
tails that looked like flower petals. Besides the studded,
leather armbands, they had on leather bodice with their
names on it, Pink's in black, Link's in red.
The evil, little man told them, "Remember, they must be
in a specific order. So you WILL label them. Those plants
from the order Solanaceae are to go in first."
They said, "Yes, Master. Over." They made sure not to
turn their backs on him and to keep their arms up near
their breasts.
He 'asked', "Kasumi, my dear, I will be needing your
kitchen for the day. You don't mind, do you?"
She smiled, "Oh, my, of COURSE not, Grandfather!"
"I'll need your largest pot! Make that POTS!" He
laughed, "The goulash is going to have a LOT of
ingredients!"
Soun Tendou recovered enough to cry, "Master! What is
the meaning of this!?!"
Happosai told his servants, "You tell them, my loyal
servants. I have more preparations to make. Soun, you don't
mind me using the phone?" He was gone before he could get a
reply from any of them.
Looking like trapped, scared animals, and angry about
it, Pink said, "Master come to us for our knowledge of
plants. Over."
Link disagreed, "Master come to us for our collection of
rare plants. Over."
Pink nodded, "We have almost all poisons known."
Akane did the pose, "Poi, poison!?!"
Nabiki noted, "Enough to choke our yard."
With a large sweatdrop, Mr. Tendou had to ask, "And, er,
just WHO does the Master intend to use that quantity of
poison on?"
Ranma had finally found the house, "Yeah: WHO!!?!"
Link said, "Himself, he say."
Pink said, "Master intend poison himself. Over."
Mr. Tendou and the panda started celebrating, blowing
party horns and tossing confetti, while banners fell from
the ceiling.
His clothes badly ripped, the scratched Ranma threw the
two fathers outside to experience what HE just had, "Don't
you know by now Happosai wouldn't make our lives THAT
easy!" He turned to the deadly twins, "What's his REAL
game!?!"
Link said, "Is ancient legend..."
Pink said, "...One may become immune to all poisons..."
Link said, "...by TAKING all poisons!"
Pink said, "At same time! Over."
Ranma started to twitch, "He's gonna make himself even
HARDER to get rid of? Isn't he enough of a cockroach."
Nabiki thought about the clues, "But there's a specific
formula to make the old wives tale actually work. And
Happosai's found it."
Akane said, "STOLE it is more like it."
That's when Happosai returned, "Given to me is more like
it. As a reward." He started spinning one of his very ego-
centric histories, "That's right: It happened when I was
but a youth, a mere...well, when I was sixteen. It was
given to me as a token of affection from a beautiful, young
maiden I had to leave behind to continue my training....
*Sigh!*"
Akane didn't buy it, "Isn't that the same story you used
to explain how you came to have the Naban Mirror?"
Ranma said, "And Cologne showed us you STOLE that from
her and her village!"
Happosai threw a tantrum, "No! No! It was a gift! A sign
of our eternal friendship! And a promise to renew that
relationship one day!"
Happosai had the ability to visualize his fantasies so
well that others, too, could see them. Akane had enough of
the training to see, "He may have stolen it, but it doesn't
look like it was from Cologne. This girl has long, wavy,
red hair."
Red hair?? Ranma studied the face carefully. No, it
definitely wasn't his girl form. But it was sickening to
have to see Happosai's vision of his young self, "You're
STILL thinkin' you were once a tall BLONDE!?"
Nabiki could just barely make it out, "With a ponytail?"
Kasumi smiled, "Why not project what you feel you're
like on the inside."
Akane muttered, "Too bad WE have to look at his
outside."
Suddenly, strangers coming down the hall called out,
"Icemen!" A line of men in uniforms came walking by the
garden hall toting blocks of ice, and bags of ice cubes,
regular and dry.
Happosai instantaneously recovered his dignity. He
directed the men, "That's right: There! Take them into the
bath room down and around this hall! Second door at the
end! Just dump it all on the floor!"
Soun Tendou emerged from the jungle, "Who's going to PAY
for all of this, Master!?!"
The panda signed, [I'm indigent.]
Ranma wanted to threaten the Freak, "HOW are you going
to keep it from melting!?!! How long does it TAKE to make
your strange brew!?!"
Happosai's answer was some small wildflowers, "Glacier
Flowers, found only on the highest slopes of the
Himalayas." His attention left the others, "Speaking of
rare plants, you'd better get started, my servants! It's
time to reap my reward!"
The Chinese twins bowed, and said, "Yes, Master!" They
hurried away. The sooner the evil, little monster had his
way, the sooner they hoped they could be free of him.
Ranma ran after them, "Oh, no you don't! There's a
principle at stake, here! *I* may not be able to poison
him, but that don't mean..."
Akane confronted Happosai, "You chose this time because
you knew Cologne and Shampoo were back in China, didn't
you?"
Making it sound like he'd done a good deed, he said, "I
HELPED to make their visit to their home a pleasant one.
Those two girls were on their way to waylay them when I met
them."
Nabiki said, "So it looks like there's going to be no
help from them this time. We're on our own."
///
Making her way to the kitchen, the girl-Ranma heard Link
tell Happosai, "...Yes, Master. That is what this flower
is. Ov--Erk! Eee, ya!!" She was in such a hurry to get away
from the creep's hands, she nearly bumped into the
pigtailed girl. Ranma glared at her.
Ranma was a sight when she limbed into the kitchen.
Covered with different plant liquids, seeds and spores, her
clothes were ripped and torn, and his bruised face had
cuts, scratches and thorn stabs. "Who heard of plants that
put OUT fires--And then attacks the guy who started it!?
They BROKE into a water main!!"
And there were more plants in the kitchen. They were on
every available counter space.
Kasumi was tending a huge pot on the stove. "Grandfather
Happosai, do I put the potato or the tomato greens in
next?"
"You p, put the tobacco p, plant in next, Kasumi, my, my
dear." Happosai couldn't get too close to the heat, because
he had bags of ice tied around him and on his head.
Ranma cried, "How can THOSE plants be in an ancient
formula: They CAME from the Americas!!"
Shivering, Happosai said, "Hummph! Wh, who SAID it was
an ANCIENT for, formula? If, if you want immunity against
ALL poisons, you have, have to include the MODERN ones, as-
s well." Uh, oh, he really WAS up to something serious; he
barely noticed the parts of her body that could be seen
through the gaping rip-holes in her clothes.
Her frustration erupted, "Then what about the man-MADE
ones!!?!" Despite her aching muscles, and sticking body
Ranma got into the fighting pose, "If I can't stop the
growers, I'll stop the user!"
"Oh, my. Would you, Ranma?"
Happosai pulled out three flowers, "You r, remember the
Flower of Enfeeblement, an, and the Fl, Flower of
Adoration?"
Ranma reflexively took a step backward in revulsion,
"The twins threatened us with them last time. Stick the
flowers in the hair, and you become like Kasumi!! No
offense, Kasumi."
"None taken, Ranma."
The little freak smiled evilly as he used the toxic
bouquet to move Ranma away from the door, "But d, do you
have any idea what ha, happens wh, when they're combined
with-th THIS flower!!" It was as blue as the old freak was
becoming.
"Of course NOT! What'd I look like, a botanist!?"
Laughing his evilest, Happosai ran out of the kitchen.
It took a second for Ranma to be able to get her legs to
work, so worried had she been of becoming the ultimate in
femaleness. By the time he caught up with him, the fricking
freak was in the bath room.
Ranma was struck by the frigid air from all of the ice
that now covered the room with the furo tub. It was almost
like being in the Arctic. And Happosai had buried himself
in it.
Ranma braved the ice, "Tryin' to hide!?!"
The little man was already shaking and purple-blue, "N,
nah, not, at,t,t all. Th, this is part,t of the treat,t,
treatment."
Ranma tried to figure him out, "What? You use cryo-
something to low, lower your metabolism so the poison takes
LONGER to, to work? Is THAT how y, your body h, has time to
adjust to them?"
Happosai smiled as if he'd already won, "N, not quiet."
And he tossed the evil, mind-altering bouquet at Ranma.
They broke at Ranma's feet. The cold had made them that
brittle. Ranma noticed, "Wh, where's the THIRD flow,
flower!?! The one with the secret power."
Happosai cried triumphantly, "I, I ate it!! You, you
want t,to see wh,what its power is?!! *Ha, ha, ha!*"
Ranma knew she HAD to attack now! She leaped. Her heels
only hit the ice where Happosai HAD been. The Old Freak had
jumped into the heated water in the tub: Splash!
There was a great cry as Happosai flexed growing muscles
to rip out of his now too tight purple ninja costume. He
was changing shape, growing larger!
Ranma said in horror, "What kind of monster is the Freak
becoming!?!!"
The tall, slim, nude, blond girl reveled, "YES!! The
Flower of Youth has given me back my REAL form!!!"
///
Ranma stood knee-deep in ice, stunned. "You look just
like, like Happosai's fantasy of himself wh, when he w, was
young."
Smiling very pleased, the woman traced the curves of her
nude body, "The only fantasy was that I had been a guy. I
didn't want to deal with what I'd been forced to become."
" "Forced of be, come"?"
She hugged her bare butt, "I had fallen into the "Spring
of Dirty, Old Man" and then later became stuck."
Ranma said, "S, Stuck!??" A horror of her own.
The girl had returned her hands to her C cup breasts,
"How I've missed you, my lovelies!"
Ranma frowned, "Y, you may not be an o, old man, b, but
it looks like you're still dirty."
Reluctantly the blonde stopped caressing herself, "It's
the habits of three hundred years of being a degenerate
lecher." Then she told her boobs, "I'll get back to you."
Ranma thought she was going to kiss them.
"Is THIS wh, what you were really after?! --What a,
about your ul, ultimate POISON immunization!?!"
"I already made THAT, over a century ago," she stepped
out of the tub onto the ice.
Exasperated, Ranma cried, "Then WHAT w, was the idea of,
of disrupting everybody's life the w, way you did!?!!"
"Brrr! The idea WAS to disrupt y, your lives!" she said,
quickly but carefully making her way over the ice. "This w,
was TOO important to let y, you know what I was REALLY
after! You, Ranma, w, would've tried to DISTROY the Flower
of Youth!"
Ranma said, "Y'know, , sh, she's right."
In the laundry room and off of the ice, Happosai took
off, bounding and skipping into the hall, "Yahoo!! Hurray!
I at long LAST get to actually put ON my silky darlings!
Bras! PANTIES!! Here your sweet Happosai comes for you!!
*He, he, hee!!*"
Ranma took off after her, "Wait! You can't run through
the house without any clothes on!!"
"*Hee, he, he* Why not? You do it all the time!"
"*I* have my underpants on!"
"And I'LL soon have my PANTIES on! Lovely, lacy, cool
and satiny, silky PANTIES!!"
Everybody in the family room gave extreme reactions when
they saw a laughing, naked blonde jete by like a ballerina.
Pink asked, "Is that custom of house?"
Pink said, "Let us hope not. Over."
Ranma was close on Happosai's bare behind, "OK,
Freakette, you STILL have a lot more explainin' to do!"
She found her in Happosai's room. In less time than it
took to describe it, the blonde had taken out all of her
collection of stolen and laundered lingerie and thrown them
in a huge pile in the center of the living room. It reached
halfway to the ceiling! And she was swimming in it: She
would porpoise with just her shins and feet passing through
them; she would then leap up into the air, do a twisting
backflip, and dive deep into the lingerie; she would
reemerge rubbing them against her body. And all this time
she had a look of ecstatic contentment on her face.
Ranma was tempted to reach in and pull her out, "You
HAVEN'T told us how you became the Old Freak, and how your
"Flower of Youth" changed you back!!"
The woman's was instantly angry, "Ran-ma! Let me enjoy
this precious moment alone with my darlings!! Happo Silk
Storm of Doom!" Like a thunder goddess directing her
tempest at an offender with both hands, lingerie, panties
and bras and some hose and garter belts sprang at Ranma.
She used her battle aura to send the underwear straight at
the redhead, where they wrapped themselves around the teen,
constricting her like a nest of pythons! She tore at them,
straining to get them off. The elastics yielded but did not
give. But what little room she did give herself to breathe
was quickly taken away as more lingerie tightened
themselves around every part of her body.
She passed out.
///
Happosai was still closed up in her room when it came
time to eat supper.
The skin that was not covered by bandages and guy-
Ranma's change of clothes showed the red marks where the
elastics had dug into his skin. The pigtailed guy was not
in a good mood. "Hrh! What's she DOIN' in there?"
Nabiki said, "You ARE naïve."
From the family doorway, Akane glared at her sister,
"Ranma, Happosai is just trying on the different underwear
she has. She can't make up her mind WHICH ones to wear."
Ranma still snorted, "Hmh! She shoulda stayed a guy.
It's easier to figure out. And there's less of it." When
Akane started taking placing the meals on the family table,
Ranma suddenly had something ELSE to think about, "Why
isn't Kasumi doin' that?! You, you didn't MAKE supper, did
you!?!"
Everybody else around the table was ALSO afraid. Pink
and Link noticed. "Is it poisoned?"
Akane told them, "NO! It's not poisoned!! Honestly, try
to help out around here! If you MUST know, Kasumi ASKED me
to prepare supper for her."
Ranma wasn't convinced, "And why would she--"
Kasumi entered with what looked like a black bowling
ball on a serving tray, "It's done!"
The Chinese twins marveled, "The legendary Universal
Poison Immunization!"
Kasumi apologized, "Yes. But I am afraid all of the
ingredients boiled down to just his one pill."
Ranma's eyes bulged a little, "That's a pill?" But then
he remembered the size of the antidote pill Link had used
on him.
Ranma's pop said, "And since the Master said she already
had taken hers, there's only ONE person the pill should go
to."
Mr. Tendou nodded his head, "Mm, hm! I quiet agree,
Saotome."
Nabiki said, "I couldn't agree more."
Ranma looked around, suspicious. Were each of them
jockeying for dibs on it? Or were they.... "Oh, no!! I'M
not takin' it! If I'm immune from Akane's toxic disasters,
she'll expect me to EAT her disgusting slop!!"
Akane screamed, "TOXIC!? DISGUSTING!!? SLOP!!!" Looking
around for some way to hurt him, she grabbed the huge pill
and force fed it to the jerk, "HERE! Fill your mouth with
THIS!! I hope you CHOKE on it!!"
Meanwhile, Pink and Link had slipped away to steal the
scroll with the formula on it.
///
When morning came, Mr. Tendou was out sitting on his
garden porch, bawling, "My garden! My garden!..." Nearly
all of the invading plants were gone, or withered. But the
leaves were gone from most of the original bushes and
trees, and the yards were full of holes where the
vegetation HAD put down roots.
Pink and Link, too, were gone.
The only one happy was the panda, who had found bamboo
shoots that were growing even faster than they normally
did. No sooner had it eaten some, but they started
sprouting again.
Kasumi was serving breakfast when she saw guy-Ranma
coming up the garden hall; she smiled, "God morning, Ranma!
And how are you feeling today?"
Ranma turned green, and ran back down the hall towards
the toilet.
Only partially awake, Nabiki commented, "He STILL has
something left to heave? He was at it all night. You have
to wonder if he's lost his immunity to poisons."
Kasumi suggested, "We can always poison Ranma to find
out. But we should wait until his stomach has had a chance
to settle down."
Akane was silent, full of mixed emotions, including
guilt. She hadn't slept well.
The still unfamiliar voice of girl-Happosai said,
"Ranma's problem is that ice IS an important component of
the formula. It DOES slow down the metabolism, giving one's
body the chance to adjust."
Kasumi blushed, "Oh, my!"/ Akane grimaced./ And Nabiki
said, "Yowza!" Happo-chan was dressed in matching purple
bra, panties, hose and garter belt with pink garters.
Happo-chan modeled her lingerie, "I decided to wear this
in honor of Ranma! This is the SAME type of darlings she
wore HER first time. Don't you just LOVE these sexy
lovelies?!"
Kasumi said, "Er, yes. Lovely."
Akane told her, "Now, can you put some CLOTHES on!!?!"
Happo-chan sat down male-style at the family table,
knees out. "I don't WANT to. I've spent two centuries
looking at ladies' underthings, and I'm not ready to hide
them from view."
Nabiki said, "Calm down, sis. At least SHE covers her
boobs. Unlike SOME girls we know." Ranma, of course, walked
around in her boxers with only a towel around her shoulders
as her concession to propriety. Sometimes.
Though still upset, Akane conceded, "Yes, it could be
worse."
Ranma had heard Happo-chan's voice. She now came running
back at full speed. She was wet from when she had slipped
on the melting ice in the bath room. She had with her the
plastic bath pail. It was filled with icy water.
She tossed it: Happo-chan screamed!!
Akane hid her eyes./ "Oh, MY!" /And Nabiki said, "It
just got worse." (But she noted, "Not bad for a man his
size.")
"RAN-MA!!!" yelled the bald gnome. The lingerie was too
big and loose to hide his shriveled nakedness.
Ranma gloated, "HA! You're NOT cured!"
"I didn't say I WAS!" The Evil Master snatched Ranma's
pant legs: "Happo Quick Change Martial Artists"!"
Seemingly with one tug, he stripped Ranma of ALL of her
clothes, boxers included.
"Oh, my! Oh, my!"
Akane asked, "What happened?!!"
Nabiki advised, "Akane, don't look." Snap! Snap! She
took a series of photos. (Avoiding getting the old man in
the shots, of course.)
Happosai ducked between Ranma and, jumping, ran one
finger down her back. Ranma's temperature jumped as every
nerve ending above her pelvis felt stimulated. She fought
to give in to the strong impulses electrifying her nerve
endings. But quaking with excitement, her knees could no
longer support her. She plopped to her bare bottom.
Kasumi was prepared; she held up the teakettle she'd
brought, "Hot water?"
Happosai took it from her, "Thank you, Kasumi!" He
poured it over himself, becoming the tall, slim blonde
again.
The nude girl THEN threw the kettle outside out of
sight. "Ranma, don't you EVER do anything like that again!!
I'm still your master, but more than that: You WILL treat
me with the same respect you show ANY woman!" (Nabiki
pointed her camera at the naked Happo-chan as well now.
Snap! Snap!)
"Respect!! RESPECT!! What about the LACK of respect
you're always shown ME!!?!"
"If I DIDN'T respect you, you'd be a quivering mass of
horny flesh right now! I COULD have gone BELOW the waist!
Think about what would be turned on THEN!"
Ranma did. Though it had been calling her the past
months, it WAS the most female of her female parts. If she
gave into temptation, it WOULD be harder to maintain he was
a guy. It was a wet and slippery slope towards becoming a
girl.
And on top of that, if Happosai DID do it, she would be
in front of the Tendous! And if Akane thought she was a
pervert before...!
Suddenly Ranma realized, "You knew this technique all
along! You could have done it to me ANY time!"
Girl-Happosai snorted, "I could have done "it" to you
any times, any way. But if you REMEMBER, you're a virgin."
She picked up the purple lingerie and started putting it
back on. "I'm not a rapist. Nor the sadist you think I am."
Kasumi smiled, "I always knew that about Grandfather
Happosai." Ranma and Akane, though, were seeing it for the
first time. "A real pervert wouldn't have laundered and
ironed used panties."
The truth sinking in, Ranma muttered, "When you were
sick with that cold, you wanted to sleep with me BECAUSE I
was a girl virgin. I AM a virgin. ...You let me be one."
Happo-chan told them, "I fell into the Spring of Drowned
Dirty, Old Man. But that didn't mean I didn't have SOME
control over the lusts. I fought with all the will I had
left: My female soul wouldn't LET me do most of the
terrible things I'm capable of doing." Taking time from
adjusting her bra, she caressed the material, "I was able
to sublimate most of my perversions into relatively
harmless fetishes like lingerie. Oh, the irony: The very
SYMBOL of what I was no longer!" She forced herself to stop
playing with the material (and herself), "Ahem! It became
worse over the years, after I lost my ability to change
back to my true form with hot water."
Tears started to fill her eyes, "How I yearned to be
able to be a girl again! To wear lovely, satin bras and
darling, silky panties!... How I wished I could grasp
supple breasts in my hands again!...How I desired to--"
Akane cried, "We GET the picture!!!"
Ranma hung her head, "I guess I, uh, sorta misjudged
you. A little." (How could she WANT boobs like the ones
Ranma was looking down on?)
Happo-chan started spinning her history. This time his
audience was more prepared to believe her: In this vision,
Happosai was the same tall blonde as before, but, of course
female. And with her was the same red haired girl as
before. "When we were young, I and my best friend were
engaged by our fathers to two of the biggest idiots in the
province. Brothers. But their family was rich, and that was
ALL that mattered to our families. On the night before our
weddings, I and her escaped. We swore NEVER to return. And
NEVER to marry.
"We wanted a life of adventure! We wanted to become
respected, as people in our OWN right! MASTERS of our fate!
The ONLY way a female could do that in those days was by
becoming a martial artist. If you can beat the snort out of
people, they generally let you have your way.
"But there we were sixteen-year-old maidens with NO
training at all. And it was unlikely we could find a
sensei. Not one who wouldn't expect favors in return. And
even if we DID do as our master told us to, it was unlikely
he WOULD teach us what we needed to know to beat the crap
out of him."
Akane said, "But you heard stories about Juusenkyo."
"From the pet cloud I had. He told me."
Ranma's willingness to believe wavered, " "Spring of
Drowned Cloud"?"
Nabiki told him, "Fog, dummy."
"Ah, how he was devoted to me, and would do anything I
asked him to. He flew us to the place where he got HIS
curse. In our excitement, I and my friend BOTH jumped into
what we thought was the Spring of Drowned Sensei." She
bowed her head. "That's my very tragic story."
Ranma asked, "Are you sure this isn't "The Monkey King"?
Or maybe "Dragon Ball"?"
Happo-chan whacked her hard on the head, "Every word I
told you is true!"
Nabiki said, "So you WANTED to be a man. You thought men
had an easier time in this life than a woman."
The blonde nodded. "But I ALSO knew I could become a
girl again just by adding hot water." She became very sad
at the next thought. "But I didn't know there is a limit on
how many times you can change when you're cursed."
Girl-Ranma cried, "WHAT!?!!" She knew fear.
"It takes energy to change. Gradually, hotter and hotter
water is needed ...Until only scalding water will do."
Akane was inspired, "Ice!! You lowered your body
temperature so that you COULD change with ordinary hot
water."
Happo-chan looked at Ranma, "But, again, that trick can
only be used so many times. Over time, you have to become
colder and colder."
Ranma looked in the face of doom. There would become a
time when she could NOT become a guy again. But, no, damn
it!! There HAD to be an answer--And that answer was, "The
Flower of YOUTH!!"
Happo-chan smiled, "Now you see, my pupil: The Flower of
Youth RETURNED me to the way I was just after I became that
accursed abomination."
Nabiki understood, "It reset your body, and the curse.
For awhile, you'll be able to change back and forth with
the same temperature of water as Ranma."
Happo-chan grinned, "LESS! I did a little tinkering
along the way while I still could. I dare say I can become
the female me again using hot TAP water."
THAT made Ranma glummer. She had to use STEAMING water.
But she saw that there WAS a hope, "You'll show me how *I*
can turn down the heat?!"
Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Happo-chan's attitude
and posture changed. This was not one of Happosai's
mercurial mood swings. Her angles softened as her curves
became more relaxed; she seemed to shrink a few centimeters
as she slumped forward and lowered her head. It was as if
she'd become--Ranma looked at Happo-chan's hair: "The
Flowers of Enfeeblement and Adoration! Combined they are
the Flower of Womanhood!!"
Akane remembered, "...Anyone who has the flowers in
their hair turns into the PERFECT housewife!"
Nabiki had heard the horror story, "...And no matter
what you do to them, they WON'T defend themselves!"
"No offense taken," Kasumi said without any of them
having to ask her to excuse them for the similarity of her
life and a poisoned one.
The totally nude Ranma stood up to take the flowers out
of the girl's hair, "Who could have DONE such a terrible
thing!?!"
"WHO indeed!" laughed a little boy as he dove between
deep into Ranma's bosom.
While the redhead screamed, Akane recognized the brat
who'd glomped onto Ranma: "Lukkyosai!"
Nabiki said, "Of course: HE'S Happosai's old girl
friend!" When the last time they'd seen "HIM" in one of
Happosai's visions, he had long, wavy red hair, too!
Akane said, "THAT dirty.... Oh, right. "Spring of
Drowned...." Who had recently jumped into "Spring of
Drowned Child". He could be a little boy OR an old man.
While Ranma was beating on the kid who was really 300-
something-years-old, a girl's hand reached out and grabbed
the brat where he hurts. "Ow!"
It was Happo-chan, "I THOUGHT you might try that trick,
Lucky. So I slipped a florist's flower holder under my
hair." It sounded stupid, but that was EXACTLY how Shampoo
had defeated Pink and Link when they used the Flower of
Womanhood on her. Happosai was always looking for new
techniques.
Lucky looked over his small shoulders at the beautiful
girl that was holding him by the crotch of his pants, "And
*I* thought you'd try something like THAT. Say aw!" And he
flicked a small mushroom at Happo-chan's open mouth.
Happo-chan spit it back out into the brat's mouth. She
then flung kid over the Tendou wall, and out of sight. She
said, "An Age Mushroom. He wants me to be as young as he
is: He's jealous *I* got hips, and HE can't become a girl
again!" She bounded out of the house and across the garden.
Still in the purple lingerie set, she jumped over the
carefully ignorant fathers and onto the Tendou privacy
wall. (When did she put on the high heels?) Prepared to
deal with Lukkyosai away from the others, she paused to
stretch her arm up, to say good-bye, "I shall return, my
love!!" And with that, she was gone.
Nabiki didn't like that, "She sounded serious."
Akane became pale, "Happosai lo, loves one of us!?! As a
GIRL!!"
Ranma groaned, "No! No! Don't I have ENOUGH people
sayin' that to me!" She shuddered in disgust,
"Happosai!?!!"
Kasumi said, "Oh, my." She thought she knew who the
blonde woman meant. "No wonder Happosai left me out."
`
The End...
`
[I respelled "Rakkyosai", because I have come to realize to
that when Takahashi was naming him, she used the English
phrase "Happy go lucky".]
[This story is not open-ended. There will only be a few
chapters, and dependent on how much demand there is for
it.]
By Ron Dow75
`
`
01) A Curse is Like a Poisoned Life
`
[WARNING: Spoilers for Viz vol. 27, 29, and 31]
`
`
In the family room, Mr. Tendou read from the morning
paper, "It says here a UFO was spotted over the Sea of
Japan."
Ranma asked sarcastically, "Was it tiger striped?"
Though with the weird stuff that had been happening since
he arrived in Nerima, seeing an alien in a bikini out of
the mangas wouldn't surprise him.
"No. It reportedly was shaped like a giant flower."
Akane stiffened, "Pink and Link!??" Though those two had
almost poisoned her and the others, it was one of the few
times she DID get to be a real heroine.
Ranma snorted, "Don't jump to conclusions! Plant spells
are a specialty of their village. OTHERS have gotta be able
to do that kinda stuff, too."
Akane laughed nervously, "Yes. You're right, Ranma.
There's no reason to think WE'LL become involved."
Her dad continued with his article, "The witnesses said
it seemed to explode--"
Suddenly there was an explosion outside in the sky.
Ranma, Akane and Mr. Tendou ran out to see what had caused
it.
A huge, white flower was falling towards the garden in
flames. Scorch marks and human-sized holes of the now
raggedy bloom told that this had just been the final
explosion it had suffered. They would have wondered how it
could have gotten this far, if they didn't first have to
figure out how it could fly in the first place.
Clinging onto petals three times their own heights were
the all too familiar Chinese girls. They were screaming for
their lives.
Thinking with his heart and not his head, Ranma ran for
the Tendou concrete privacy wall, leaped on it, and then
thrust himself upwards to his limit. He was just barely
able to reach the twin sisters, and carrying them with him,
one under each arm. Frightened, the two clung to him,
causing him to lose what little momentum he still had with
their added weight. They were pulling him off course. He
would have to absorb the impact for all three of them with
his own body. He looked over his shoulder at where they
were going to land, and saw --???
Happosai landed lightly on his feet ahead of them.
"RANMA!! When will you LEARN to stop interfering in my
business!?" He used that pipe of his to change RANMA'S
direction with out changing the girls'. It was so abrupt
that Ranma took most of their momentum with him as he flew
over the Tendou wall.
Happosai tossed something after the boy just before he
saved the girls with his pipe's whirlwind, "Maybe THIS will
help you remember!" It was a Happo fire bomb. BOOM!
Akane realized, "Happosai's responsible for the
explosions that ruined the giant flower!" Which luckily had
landed in the koi pond, which extinguished most of the
flames.
The identically pretty, short hair girls in Capri pants
were on their knees bowing to the evil gnome. "Brilliant,
young herbalists from Yaocaicun, Pinke..."
"...and Linke, see now the wisdom you teach..."
"...We accept you as our master! Over."
Happosai laughed, "I knew you'd see the light: Once I
lit the fuse! *Ha, ha, ha!*"
"We start right, now, Master!"
The other one nodded, and joined her identical twin
tossing seeds that seemed to come from out of nowhere.
There was a nova burst of light.
When Mr. Tendou could at last see, he cried, "My
GARDEN!!!" A jungle of monstrous sized plants that rivaled
the flying flower now filled every available centimeter of
his compound, and then some. Not a blade of grass was to be
seen beneath the vegetation and fungi.
Akane screamed and stumbled backwards into the house as
a thorny vine grew out in her direction. In his state of
shock and loss, Mr. Tendou didn't move until he'd been
pricked by a few of them. Then, not looking where he was
going he stepped on a puff mushroom; it burst, sending out
a cloud of spores that made him sneeze as if it were
pepper.
Inside, and waiting for the Pink and Link's trademark
poison plants to invade the house itself, Akane said,
"Where are Cologne's magic peacock fan and dragon staff
when you need them!?"
Having come from upstairs, Nabiki entered the family
room saying, "I'd settle for some herbicide. (Industrial
quantity, of course.)"
Kasumi joined them from the kitchen, "The new landscape
is pretty. But it lacks the esthetics of a true Japanese
garden."
The panda held up a sign, [Any bamboo?]
Ranma could be heard diving in and rummaging through the
dense thicket, "I KNOW you're in here, Old Freak!! When I
get my hands on--OW! Stupid thorns! Hay-YAAA! Ayy! Ay-Yai-
yai! Machete chop! --Hey! That's my good shirt! AND pants!"
Meanwhile, Happosai walk into the house, followed by his
fearful servants, Pink and Link. He said, "You know what to
do, girls."
Their heads bowed in defeat, they said, "Yes, Master.
Over." They had on the same long-sleeved, silk shirts with
tails that looked like flower petals. Besides the studded,
leather armbands, they had on leather bodice with their
names on it, Pink's in black, Link's in red.
The evil, little man told them, "Remember, they must be
in a specific order. So you WILL label them. Those plants
from the order Solanaceae are to go in first."
They said, "Yes, Master. Over." They made sure not to
turn their backs on him and to keep their arms up near
their breasts.
He 'asked', "Kasumi, my dear, I will be needing your
kitchen for the day. You don't mind, do you?"
She smiled, "Oh, my, of COURSE not, Grandfather!"
"I'll need your largest pot! Make that POTS!" He
laughed, "The goulash is going to have a LOT of
ingredients!"
Soun Tendou recovered enough to cry, "Master! What is
the meaning of this!?!"
Happosai told his servants, "You tell them, my loyal
servants. I have more preparations to make. Soun, you don't
mind me using the phone?" He was gone before he could get a
reply from any of them.
Looking like trapped, scared animals, and angry about
it, Pink said, "Master come to us for our knowledge of
plants. Over."
Link disagreed, "Master come to us for our collection of
rare plants. Over."
Pink nodded, "We have almost all poisons known."
Akane did the pose, "Poi, poison!?!"
Nabiki noted, "Enough to choke our yard."
With a large sweatdrop, Mr. Tendou had to ask, "And, er,
just WHO does the Master intend to use that quantity of
poison on?"
Ranma had finally found the house, "Yeah: WHO!!?!"
Link said, "Himself, he say."
Pink said, "Master intend poison himself. Over."
Mr. Tendou and the panda started celebrating, blowing
party horns and tossing confetti, while banners fell from
the ceiling.
His clothes badly ripped, the scratched Ranma threw the
two fathers outside to experience what HE just had, "Don't
you know by now Happosai wouldn't make our lives THAT
easy!" He turned to the deadly twins, "What's his REAL
game!?!"
Link said, "Is ancient legend..."
Pink said, "...One may become immune to all poisons..."
Link said, "...by TAKING all poisons!"
Pink said, "At same time! Over."
Ranma started to twitch, "He's gonna make himself even
HARDER to get rid of? Isn't he enough of a cockroach."
Nabiki thought about the clues, "But there's a specific
formula to make the old wives tale actually work. And
Happosai's found it."
Akane said, "STOLE it is more like it."
That's when Happosai returned, "Given to me is more like
it. As a reward." He started spinning one of his very ego-
centric histories, "That's right: It happened when I was
but a youth, a mere...well, when I was sixteen. It was
given to me as a token of affection from a beautiful, young
maiden I had to leave behind to continue my training....
*Sigh!*"
Akane didn't buy it, "Isn't that the same story you used
to explain how you came to have the Naban Mirror?"
Ranma said, "And Cologne showed us you STOLE that from
her and her village!"
Happosai threw a tantrum, "No! No! It was a gift! A sign
of our eternal friendship! And a promise to renew that
relationship one day!"
Happosai had the ability to visualize his fantasies so
well that others, too, could see them. Akane had enough of
the training to see, "He may have stolen it, but it doesn't
look like it was from Cologne. This girl has long, wavy,
red hair."
Red hair?? Ranma studied the face carefully. No, it
definitely wasn't his girl form. But it was sickening to
have to see Happosai's vision of his young self, "You're
STILL thinkin' you were once a tall BLONDE!?"
Nabiki could just barely make it out, "With a ponytail?"
Kasumi smiled, "Why not project what you feel you're
like on the inside."
Akane muttered, "Too bad WE have to look at his
outside."
Suddenly, strangers coming down the hall called out,
"Icemen!" A line of men in uniforms came walking by the
garden hall toting blocks of ice, and bags of ice cubes,
regular and dry.
Happosai instantaneously recovered his dignity. He
directed the men, "That's right: There! Take them into the
bath room down and around this hall! Second door at the
end! Just dump it all on the floor!"
Soun Tendou emerged from the jungle, "Who's going to PAY
for all of this, Master!?!"
The panda signed, [I'm indigent.]
Ranma wanted to threaten the Freak, "HOW are you going
to keep it from melting!?!! How long does it TAKE to make
your strange brew!?!"
Happosai's answer was some small wildflowers, "Glacier
Flowers, found only on the highest slopes of the
Himalayas." His attention left the others, "Speaking of
rare plants, you'd better get started, my servants! It's
time to reap my reward!"
The Chinese twins bowed, and said, "Yes, Master!" They
hurried away. The sooner the evil, little monster had his
way, the sooner they hoped they could be free of him.
Ranma ran after them, "Oh, no you don't! There's a
principle at stake, here! *I* may not be able to poison
him, but that don't mean..."
Akane confronted Happosai, "You chose this time because
you knew Cologne and Shampoo were back in China, didn't
you?"
Making it sound like he'd done a good deed, he said, "I
HELPED to make their visit to their home a pleasant one.
Those two girls were on their way to waylay them when I met
them."
Nabiki said, "So it looks like there's going to be no
help from them this time. We're on our own."
///
Making her way to the kitchen, the girl-Ranma heard Link
tell Happosai, "...Yes, Master. That is what this flower
is. Ov--Erk! Eee, ya!!" She was in such a hurry to get away
from the creep's hands, she nearly bumped into the
pigtailed girl. Ranma glared at her.
Ranma was a sight when she limbed into the kitchen.
Covered with different plant liquids, seeds and spores, her
clothes were ripped and torn, and his bruised face had
cuts, scratches and thorn stabs. "Who heard of plants that
put OUT fires--And then attacks the guy who started it!?
They BROKE into a water main!!"
And there were more plants in the kitchen. They were on
every available counter space.
Kasumi was tending a huge pot on the stove. "Grandfather
Happosai, do I put the potato or the tomato greens in
next?"
"You p, put the tobacco p, plant in next, Kasumi, my, my
dear." Happosai couldn't get too close to the heat, because
he had bags of ice tied around him and on his head.
Ranma cried, "How can THOSE plants be in an ancient
formula: They CAME from the Americas!!"
Shivering, Happosai said, "Hummph! Wh, who SAID it was
an ANCIENT for, formula? If, if you want immunity against
ALL poisons, you have, have to include the MODERN ones, as-
s well." Uh, oh, he really WAS up to something serious; he
barely noticed the parts of her body that could be seen
through the gaping rip-holes in her clothes.
Her frustration erupted, "Then what about the man-MADE
ones!!?!" Despite her aching muscles, and sticking body
Ranma got into the fighting pose, "If I can't stop the
growers, I'll stop the user!"
"Oh, my. Would you, Ranma?"
Happosai pulled out three flowers, "You r, remember the
Flower of Enfeeblement, an, and the Fl, Flower of
Adoration?"
Ranma reflexively took a step backward in revulsion,
"The twins threatened us with them last time. Stick the
flowers in the hair, and you become like Kasumi!! No
offense, Kasumi."
"None taken, Ranma."
The little freak smiled evilly as he used the toxic
bouquet to move Ranma away from the door, "But d, do you
have any idea what ha, happens wh, when they're combined
with-th THIS flower!!" It was as blue as the old freak was
becoming.
"Of course NOT! What'd I look like, a botanist!?"
Laughing his evilest, Happosai ran out of the kitchen.
It took a second for Ranma to be able to get her legs to
work, so worried had she been of becoming the ultimate in
femaleness. By the time he caught up with him, the fricking
freak was in the bath room.
Ranma was struck by the frigid air from all of the ice
that now covered the room with the furo tub. It was almost
like being in the Arctic. And Happosai had buried himself
in it.
Ranma braved the ice, "Tryin' to hide!?!"
The little man was already shaking and purple-blue, "N,
nah, not, at,t,t all. Th, this is part,t of the treat,t,
treatment."
Ranma tried to figure him out, "What? You use cryo-
something to low, lower your metabolism so the poison takes
LONGER to, to work? Is THAT how y, your body h, has time to
adjust to them?"
Happosai smiled as if he'd already won, "N, not quiet."
And he tossed the evil, mind-altering bouquet at Ranma.
They broke at Ranma's feet. The cold had made them that
brittle. Ranma noticed, "Wh, where's the THIRD flow,
flower!?! The one with the secret power."
Happosai cried triumphantly, "I, I ate it!! You, you
want t,to see wh,what its power is?!! *Ha, ha, ha!*"
Ranma knew she HAD to attack now! She leaped. Her heels
only hit the ice where Happosai HAD been. The Old Freak had
jumped into the heated water in the tub: Splash!
There was a great cry as Happosai flexed growing muscles
to rip out of his now too tight purple ninja costume. He
was changing shape, growing larger!
Ranma said in horror, "What kind of monster is the Freak
becoming!?!!"
The tall, slim, nude, blond girl reveled, "YES!! The
Flower of Youth has given me back my REAL form!!!"
///
Ranma stood knee-deep in ice, stunned. "You look just
like, like Happosai's fantasy of himself wh, when he w, was
young."
Smiling very pleased, the woman traced the curves of her
nude body, "The only fantasy was that I had been a guy. I
didn't want to deal with what I'd been forced to become."
" "Forced of be, come"?"
She hugged her bare butt, "I had fallen into the "Spring
of Dirty, Old Man" and then later became stuck."
Ranma said, "S, Stuck!??" A horror of her own.
The girl had returned her hands to her C cup breasts,
"How I've missed you, my lovelies!"
Ranma frowned, "Y, you may not be an o, old man, b, but
it looks like you're still dirty."
Reluctantly the blonde stopped caressing herself, "It's
the habits of three hundred years of being a degenerate
lecher." Then she told her boobs, "I'll get back to you."
Ranma thought she was going to kiss them.
"Is THIS wh, what you were really after?! --What a,
about your ul, ultimate POISON immunization!?!"
"I already made THAT, over a century ago," she stepped
out of the tub onto the ice.
Exasperated, Ranma cried, "Then WHAT w, was the idea of,
of disrupting everybody's life the w, way you did!?!!"
"Brrr! The idea WAS to disrupt y, your lives!" she said,
quickly but carefully making her way over the ice. "This w,
was TOO important to let y, you know what I was REALLY
after! You, Ranma, w, would've tried to DISTROY the Flower
of Youth!"
Ranma said, "Y'know, , sh, she's right."
In the laundry room and off of the ice, Happosai took
off, bounding and skipping into the hall, "Yahoo!! Hurray!
I at long LAST get to actually put ON my silky darlings!
Bras! PANTIES!! Here your sweet Happosai comes for you!!
*He, he, hee!!*"
Ranma took off after her, "Wait! You can't run through
the house without any clothes on!!"
"*Hee, he, he* Why not? You do it all the time!"
"*I* have my underpants on!"
"And I'LL soon have my PANTIES on! Lovely, lacy, cool
and satiny, silky PANTIES!!"
Everybody in the family room gave extreme reactions when
they saw a laughing, naked blonde jete by like a ballerina.
Pink asked, "Is that custom of house?"
Pink said, "Let us hope not. Over."
Ranma was close on Happosai's bare behind, "OK,
Freakette, you STILL have a lot more explainin' to do!"
She found her in Happosai's room. In less time than it
took to describe it, the blonde had taken out all of her
collection of stolen and laundered lingerie and thrown them
in a huge pile in the center of the living room. It reached
halfway to the ceiling! And she was swimming in it: She
would porpoise with just her shins and feet passing through
them; she would then leap up into the air, do a twisting
backflip, and dive deep into the lingerie; she would
reemerge rubbing them against her body. And all this time
she had a look of ecstatic contentment on her face.
Ranma was tempted to reach in and pull her out, "You
HAVEN'T told us how you became the Old Freak, and how your
"Flower of Youth" changed you back!!"
The woman's was instantly angry, "Ran-ma! Let me enjoy
this precious moment alone with my darlings!! Happo Silk
Storm of Doom!" Like a thunder goddess directing her
tempest at an offender with both hands, lingerie, panties
and bras and some hose and garter belts sprang at Ranma.
She used her battle aura to send the underwear straight at
the redhead, where they wrapped themselves around the teen,
constricting her like a nest of pythons! She tore at them,
straining to get them off. The elastics yielded but did not
give. But what little room she did give herself to breathe
was quickly taken away as more lingerie tightened
themselves around every part of her body.
She passed out.
///
Happosai was still closed up in her room when it came
time to eat supper.
The skin that was not covered by bandages and guy-
Ranma's change of clothes showed the red marks where the
elastics had dug into his skin. The pigtailed guy was not
in a good mood. "Hrh! What's she DOIN' in there?"
Nabiki said, "You ARE naïve."
From the family doorway, Akane glared at her sister,
"Ranma, Happosai is just trying on the different underwear
she has. She can't make up her mind WHICH ones to wear."
Ranma still snorted, "Hmh! She shoulda stayed a guy.
It's easier to figure out. And there's less of it." When
Akane started taking placing the meals on the family table,
Ranma suddenly had something ELSE to think about, "Why
isn't Kasumi doin' that?! You, you didn't MAKE supper, did
you!?!"
Everybody else around the table was ALSO afraid. Pink
and Link noticed. "Is it poisoned?"
Akane told them, "NO! It's not poisoned!! Honestly, try
to help out around here! If you MUST know, Kasumi ASKED me
to prepare supper for her."
Ranma wasn't convinced, "And why would she--"
Kasumi entered with what looked like a black bowling
ball on a serving tray, "It's done!"
The Chinese twins marveled, "The legendary Universal
Poison Immunization!"
Kasumi apologized, "Yes. But I am afraid all of the
ingredients boiled down to just his one pill."
Ranma's eyes bulged a little, "That's a pill?" But then
he remembered the size of the antidote pill Link had used
on him.
Ranma's pop said, "And since the Master said she already
had taken hers, there's only ONE person the pill should go
to."
Mr. Tendou nodded his head, "Mm, hm! I quiet agree,
Saotome."
Nabiki said, "I couldn't agree more."
Ranma looked around, suspicious. Were each of them
jockeying for dibs on it? Or were they.... "Oh, no!! I'M
not takin' it! If I'm immune from Akane's toxic disasters,
she'll expect me to EAT her disgusting slop!!"
Akane screamed, "TOXIC!? DISGUSTING!!? SLOP!!!" Looking
around for some way to hurt him, she grabbed the huge pill
and force fed it to the jerk, "HERE! Fill your mouth with
THIS!! I hope you CHOKE on it!!"
Meanwhile, Pink and Link had slipped away to steal the
scroll with the formula on it.
///
When morning came, Mr. Tendou was out sitting on his
garden porch, bawling, "My garden! My garden!..." Nearly
all of the invading plants were gone, or withered. But the
leaves were gone from most of the original bushes and
trees, and the yards were full of holes where the
vegetation HAD put down roots.
Pink and Link, too, were gone.
The only one happy was the panda, who had found bamboo
shoots that were growing even faster than they normally
did. No sooner had it eaten some, but they started
sprouting again.
Kasumi was serving breakfast when she saw guy-Ranma
coming up the garden hall; she smiled, "God morning, Ranma!
And how are you feeling today?"
Ranma turned green, and ran back down the hall towards
the toilet.
Only partially awake, Nabiki commented, "He STILL has
something left to heave? He was at it all night. You have
to wonder if he's lost his immunity to poisons."
Kasumi suggested, "We can always poison Ranma to find
out. But we should wait until his stomach has had a chance
to settle down."
Akane was silent, full of mixed emotions, including
guilt. She hadn't slept well.
The still unfamiliar voice of girl-Happosai said,
"Ranma's problem is that ice IS an important component of
the formula. It DOES slow down the metabolism, giving one's
body the chance to adjust."
Kasumi blushed, "Oh, my!"/ Akane grimaced./ And Nabiki
said, "Yowza!" Happo-chan was dressed in matching purple
bra, panties, hose and garter belt with pink garters.
Happo-chan modeled her lingerie, "I decided to wear this
in honor of Ranma! This is the SAME type of darlings she
wore HER first time. Don't you just LOVE these sexy
lovelies?!"
Kasumi said, "Er, yes. Lovely."
Akane told her, "Now, can you put some CLOTHES on!!?!"
Happo-chan sat down male-style at the family table,
knees out. "I don't WANT to. I've spent two centuries
looking at ladies' underthings, and I'm not ready to hide
them from view."
Nabiki said, "Calm down, sis. At least SHE covers her
boobs. Unlike SOME girls we know." Ranma, of course, walked
around in her boxers with only a towel around her shoulders
as her concession to propriety. Sometimes.
Though still upset, Akane conceded, "Yes, it could be
worse."
Ranma had heard Happo-chan's voice. She now came running
back at full speed. She was wet from when she had slipped
on the melting ice in the bath room. She had with her the
plastic bath pail. It was filled with icy water.
She tossed it: Happo-chan screamed!!
Akane hid her eyes./ "Oh, MY!" /And Nabiki said, "It
just got worse." (But she noted, "Not bad for a man his
size.")
"RAN-MA!!!" yelled the bald gnome. The lingerie was too
big and loose to hide his shriveled nakedness.
Ranma gloated, "HA! You're NOT cured!"
"I didn't say I WAS!" The Evil Master snatched Ranma's
pant legs: "Happo Quick Change Martial Artists"!"
Seemingly with one tug, he stripped Ranma of ALL of her
clothes, boxers included.
"Oh, my! Oh, my!"
Akane asked, "What happened?!!"
Nabiki advised, "Akane, don't look." Snap! Snap! She
took a series of photos. (Avoiding getting the old man in
the shots, of course.)
Happosai ducked between Ranma and, jumping, ran one
finger down her back. Ranma's temperature jumped as every
nerve ending above her pelvis felt stimulated. She fought
to give in to the strong impulses electrifying her nerve
endings. But quaking with excitement, her knees could no
longer support her. She plopped to her bare bottom.
Kasumi was prepared; she held up the teakettle she'd
brought, "Hot water?"
Happosai took it from her, "Thank you, Kasumi!" He
poured it over himself, becoming the tall, slim blonde
again.
The nude girl THEN threw the kettle outside out of
sight. "Ranma, don't you EVER do anything like that again!!
I'm still your master, but more than that: You WILL treat
me with the same respect you show ANY woman!" (Nabiki
pointed her camera at the naked Happo-chan as well now.
Snap! Snap!)
"Respect!! RESPECT!! What about the LACK of respect
you're always shown ME!!?!"
"If I DIDN'T respect you, you'd be a quivering mass of
horny flesh right now! I COULD have gone BELOW the waist!
Think about what would be turned on THEN!"
Ranma did. Though it had been calling her the past
months, it WAS the most female of her female parts. If she
gave into temptation, it WOULD be harder to maintain he was
a guy. It was a wet and slippery slope towards becoming a
girl.
And on top of that, if Happosai DID do it, she would be
in front of the Tendous! And if Akane thought she was a
pervert before...!
Suddenly Ranma realized, "You knew this technique all
along! You could have done it to me ANY time!"
Girl-Happosai snorted, "I could have done "it" to you
any times, any way. But if you REMEMBER, you're a virgin."
She picked up the purple lingerie and started putting it
back on. "I'm not a rapist. Nor the sadist you think I am."
Kasumi smiled, "I always knew that about Grandfather
Happosai." Ranma and Akane, though, were seeing it for the
first time. "A real pervert wouldn't have laundered and
ironed used panties."
The truth sinking in, Ranma muttered, "When you were
sick with that cold, you wanted to sleep with me BECAUSE I
was a girl virgin. I AM a virgin. ...You let me be one."
Happo-chan told them, "I fell into the Spring of Drowned
Dirty, Old Man. But that didn't mean I didn't have SOME
control over the lusts. I fought with all the will I had
left: My female soul wouldn't LET me do most of the
terrible things I'm capable of doing." Taking time from
adjusting her bra, she caressed the material, "I was able
to sublimate most of my perversions into relatively
harmless fetishes like lingerie. Oh, the irony: The very
SYMBOL of what I was no longer!" She forced herself to stop
playing with the material (and herself), "Ahem! It became
worse over the years, after I lost my ability to change
back to my true form with hot water."
Tears started to fill her eyes, "How I yearned to be
able to be a girl again! To wear lovely, satin bras and
darling, silky panties!... How I wished I could grasp
supple breasts in my hands again!...How I desired to--"
Akane cried, "We GET the picture!!!"
Ranma hung her head, "I guess I, uh, sorta misjudged
you. A little." (How could she WANT boobs like the ones
Ranma was looking down on?)
Happo-chan started spinning her history. This time his
audience was more prepared to believe her: In this vision,
Happosai was the same tall blonde as before, but, of course
female. And with her was the same red haired girl as
before. "When we were young, I and my best friend were
engaged by our fathers to two of the biggest idiots in the
province. Brothers. But their family was rich, and that was
ALL that mattered to our families. On the night before our
weddings, I and her escaped. We swore NEVER to return. And
NEVER to marry.
"We wanted a life of adventure! We wanted to become
respected, as people in our OWN right! MASTERS of our fate!
The ONLY way a female could do that in those days was by
becoming a martial artist. If you can beat the snort out of
people, they generally let you have your way.
"But there we were sixteen-year-old maidens with NO
training at all. And it was unlikely we could find a
sensei. Not one who wouldn't expect favors in return. And
even if we DID do as our master told us to, it was unlikely
he WOULD teach us what we needed to know to beat the crap
out of him."
Akane said, "But you heard stories about Juusenkyo."
"From the pet cloud I had. He told me."
Ranma's willingness to believe wavered, " "Spring of
Drowned Cloud"?"
Nabiki told him, "Fog, dummy."
"Ah, how he was devoted to me, and would do anything I
asked him to. He flew us to the place where he got HIS
curse. In our excitement, I and my friend BOTH jumped into
what we thought was the Spring of Drowned Sensei." She
bowed her head. "That's my very tragic story."
Ranma asked, "Are you sure this isn't "The Monkey King"?
Or maybe "Dragon Ball"?"
Happo-chan whacked her hard on the head, "Every word I
told you is true!"
Nabiki said, "So you WANTED to be a man. You thought men
had an easier time in this life than a woman."
The blonde nodded. "But I ALSO knew I could become a
girl again just by adding hot water." She became very sad
at the next thought. "But I didn't know there is a limit on
how many times you can change when you're cursed."
Girl-Ranma cried, "WHAT!?!!" She knew fear.
"It takes energy to change. Gradually, hotter and hotter
water is needed ...Until only scalding water will do."
Akane was inspired, "Ice!! You lowered your body
temperature so that you COULD change with ordinary hot
water."
Happo-chan looked at Ranma, "But, again, that trick can
only be used so many times. Over time, you have to become
colder and colder."
Ranma looked in the face of doom. There would become a
time when she could NOT become a guy again. But, no, damn
it!! There HAD to be an answer--And that answer was, "The
Flower of YOUTH!!"
Happo-chan smiled, "Now you see, my pupil: The Flower of
Youth RETURNED me to the way I was just after I became that
accursed abomination."
Nabiki understood, "It reset your body, and the curse.
For awhile, you'll be able to change back and forth with
the same temperature of water as Ranma."
Happo-chan grinned, "LESS! I did a little tinkering
along the way while I still could. I dare say I can become
the female me again using hot TAP water."
THAT made Ranma glummer. She had to use STEAMING water.
But she saw that there WAS a hope, "You'll show me how *I*
can turn down the heat?!"
Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Happo-chan's attitude
and posture changed. This was not one of Happosai's
mercurial mood swings. Her angles softened as her curves
became more relaxed; she seemed to shrink a few centimeters
as she slumped forward and lowered her head. It was as if
she'd become--Ranma looked at Happo-chan's hair: "The
Flowers of Enfeeblement and Adoration! Combined they are
the Flower of Womanhood!!"
Akane remembered, "...Anyone who has the flowers in
their hair turns into the PERFECT housewife!"
Nabiki had heard the horror story, "...And no matter
what you do to them, they WON'T defend themselves!"
"No offense taken," Kasumi said without any of them
having to ask her to excuse them for the similarity of her
life and a poisoned one.
The totally nude Ranma stood up to take the flowers out
of the girl's hair, "Who could have DONE such a terrible
thing!?!"
"WHO indeed!" laughed a little boy as he dove between
deep into Ranma's bosom.
While the redhead screamed, Akane recognized the brat
who'd glomped onto Ranma: "Lukkyosai!"
Nabiki said, "Of course: HE'S Happosai's old girl
friend!" When the last time they'd seen "HIM" in one of
Happosai's visions, he had long, wavy red hair, too!
Akane said, "THAT dirty.... Oh, right. "Spring of
Drowned...." Who had recently jumped into "Spring of
Drowned Child". He could be a little boy OR an old man.
While Ranma was beating on the kid who was really 300-
something-years-old, a girl's hand reached out and grabbed
the brat where he hurts. "Ow!"
It was Happo-chan, "I THOUGHT you might try that trick,
Lucky. So I slipped a florist's flower holder under my
hair." It sounded stupid, but that was EXACTLY how Shampoo
had defeated Pink and Link when they used the Flower of
Womanhood on her. Happosai was always looking for new
techniques.
Lucky looked over his small shoulders at the beautiful
girl that was holding him by the crotch of his pants, "And
*I* thought you'd try something like THAT. Say aw!" And he
flicked a small mushroom at Happo-chan's open mouth.
Happo-chan spit it back out into the brat's mouth. She
then flung kid over the Tendou wall, and out of sight. She
said, "An Age Mushroom. He wants me to be as young as he
is: He's jealous *I* got hips, and HE can't become a girl
again!" She bounded out of the house and across the garden.
Still in the purple lingerie set, she jumped over the
carefully ignorant fathers and onto the Tendou privacy
wall. (When did she put on the high heels?) Prepared to
deal with Lukkyosai away from the others, she paused to
stretch her arm up, to say good-bye, "I shall return, my
love!!" And with that, she was gone.
Nabiki didn't like that, "She sounded serious."
Akane became pale, "Happosai lo, loves one of us!?! As a
GIRL!!"
Ranma groaned, "No! No! Don't I have ENOUGH people
sayin' that to me!" She shuddered in disgust,
"Happosai!?!!"
Kasumi said, "Oh, my." She thought she knew who the
blonde woman meant. "No wonder Happosai left me out."
`
The End...
`
[I respelled "Rakkyosai", because I have come to realize to
that when Takahashi was naming him, she used the English
phrase "Happy go lucky".]
[This story is not open-ended. There will only be a few
chapters, and dependent on how much demand there is for
it.]